“And how did you guys end up with this place?
“Arcanthus hacked the Eternal Guard systems and found it in their records. It hasn’t been used in thirty-five years, so he updated the records to reflect that it had been sold off fifteen years ago and transferred ownership to a shell company.”
Shay grinned. “So, you guys are running a criminal operation out of a stolen former police station?”
Though Drakkal had never heard the term police, the way she’d used it made it easy enough to decipher what it meant. He couldn’t help but grin in response. “I thought that was funny, too.”
She took another drink from her bottle and raked her eyes over Drakkal. “So, where have you been, stranger?”
“Working. Turns out I might’ve let things stack up for a few weeks while hunting for a certain terran.”
She lowered the bottle, tucking it between her arm and her ribs, and raised the towel to wipe her face and chest. “Ah, well. And here I was wondering if my big, ferocious protector was abandoning me.”
Drakkal released a low, rumbling purr. “Call me your big, ferocious protector again, kiraia. I like the sound of it.”
She chuckled and locked her eyes with his. “I thought you might.”
Pushing off the door frame, Drakkal closed the distance between himself and Shay. He took in a slow breath, relishing her scent. “Kraasz ka’val, you were so close this whole time, but I’ve missed you.”
To his surprise and satisfaction, she didn’t move away when he trailed the pad of a finger along her forearm.
“I will never abandon you, Shay.”
Something in her eyes shuttered, and one corner of her mouth lifted in a humorless smirk. “See, that’s a promise you can’t keep. No one can.”
Once again, she stepped around him, this time to move through the open door. There’d been a somber note in her voice, as though her playfulness had been chased away by bitterness.
Drakkal turned and followed her into the corridor. “You don’t believe me?”
“Everyone leaves”—she glanced at him over her shoulder—“whether they want to or not. It’s not always up to you.”
His brow furrowed, and he fought to ignore the nagging, dreadful pang in his chest that cropped up at the thought of losing her—or of being forced away from her. “That’s not abandonment, Shay. Abandoning someone…betraying someone…that’s always a choice.”
She looked away from him, but not before he caught the regret and hurt in her eyes. “I know.”
He reached forward with his right hand, took hold of her upper arm, and halted her. “Look at me, Shay.”
She tugged on her arm, and for a moment, she seemed about to pull away and keep walking. But didn’t wrench herself out of his grasp—she turned toward him, eyes ablaze with challenge, and asked, “What?”
“I want you to look me in the eyes and hear me,” he growled, leaning down to put his face on level with hers. “I will never abandon you. So long as there is life in my body, I will fight to be at your side. I swear it on my blood.”
“And I believe you, Drakkal.” She let out a terse laugh and shook her head. “You barely know me, but I have no doubt you’d die for me. Now hear me when I say that I don’t want you doing that.”
Frustration and helplessness welled up in him, and he railed against them. “It’s not your choice.”
Her shoulders sagged, and she bowed her head with a sigh. “I know that.”
Drakkal exhaled slowly, sobered by her sudden change in demeanor; he’d never seen Shay look so…defeated. He loosened his hold on her to gently smooth his palm up and down her arm. “Who did you lose?”
“My parents.”
Curling a finger beneath her chin, he lifted it, bringing her eyes back to his. “Tell me about them.”
She pressed her lips together, looking as though she would refuse for a few moments before sighing.
“When I was little, my dad was my world,” she said softly. “He was special forces, and I think his unit was attached to some branch of the Volturian military a lot of the time. He’d be gone for months and months at a time, but I always knew that when he came home, he’d spend all his time with me. He’d take me out camping and teach me to hunt and shoot and survive, teach me how to defend myself. To fight.”
A soft smile touched her lips. “He used to say that by twelve I was already better trained than most of the UTF’s standing army. Sometimes he’d have friends over, other soldiers like him, and they’d teach me, too. Some of them were women, and I thought that was so cool…I wanted to be just like all of them.
“And when he wasn’t around, it was me and Mom. She was a badass in her own way, even though I didn’t fully understand it while I was a kid. She’d been active duty, too, a combat medic. She met Dad in a combat zone. Saved his life from a blaster wound. They married a couple years after that, and once she got pregnant with me…she chose me over her career and was honorably discharged from service.”
Her smile fell, and a sheen of tears filled her eyes. “Dad was going to retire when I was seventeen. He’d already put in twenty-five years of service, and even though he was as tough as ever, I could tell he was tired, too. He was ready for peace. But they begged him to run one more mission, said they didn’t have anyone as qualified for it as him. And my dad was the kind of guy who couldn’t turn away when they asked him like that. He couldn’t turn his back on his duty. So…he went. And I was so angry. He wasn’t supposed to leave again, and Mom let him. She didn’t fight him, didn’t demand that he stay. She let him go. And…he never came back.”
Shay’s tears spilled, and Drakkal caught a whiff of their saltiness. Frowning deeply, he brushed away some of the moisture with the side of his thumb.
Sniffling, Shay rubbed angrily at her other cheek, as though the forcefulness of the action could stop her tears. “I despised the UTF for taking him from me after that, but I hated Mom for letting him go. So, I did everything I could to show her my anger. I made trouble in school, being as disruptive as possible, started a lot of fights with other kids—and it really wasn’t fair for any of them, even the boys bigger than me. My dad was a damned good teacher. After I broke the quarterback’s arm in three places, the school had finally had enough, and I was expelled.
“I ended up running away not long after that and got mixed up with some bad people. I guess it was pretty typical stuff, but it was all exciting at that point, and everything I did was basically a big fuck you to the government for taking my dad. Drugs and extortion at first, just street-level gang shit. But they liked me because of my skills, and I started moving past the petty stuff quick.” She snickered, again without humor, and shook her head. “They wanted me as muscle. Seems pretty ridiculous when you look at me in this city, doesn’t it?”
Despite everything, a corner of Drakkal’s mouth lifted. “No, kiraia. It doesn’t.”
“You’re a bad liar, kitty.” She frowned and wet her lips with her pink tongue. “Cops brought me in a few times, mostly on little stuff. And even after everything, after all the stupid, hateful stuff I said, my mom kept bailing me out. She never said much when she did, and…and I know that she had every reason to have chewed me out or just abandoned me all together, but she didn’t, and it just hurt when she was quiet because it felt like she was judging me, you know? And it almost made me hate her more that she kept helping me. Like part of me wanted her to blow up, wanted her to get pissed, wanted her to speak up like she should’ve done before Dad left.”
Fresh tears fell from Shay’s eyes, faster than before, and her voice was thick when she spoke again. “And through it all, I was blind to the pain I was causing my mother. Blind to the pain she was going through at having lost her husband…and in the process of losing her daughter, too.
“But I…I was the one who lost her. She was driving home after bailing my dumb ass out of jail again, and there was an accident. An automated freight hauler glitched out, and her car was the first thing it plowed int
o. She was gone instantly.”
Shay tipped her head down, pressing her cheek into Drakkal’s palm, and her tears flowed hot over his fingers. She lifted a hand and swept back loose strands of her hair toward her bun, which she which she grasped in her fist and squeezed until her knuckles were white.
“I didn’t even get to say I was sorry,” she said in a small, broken voice. “Didn’t get to say goodbye. That I loved her. She died thinking I hated her, died knowing that her daughter was a criminal, a fuck-up, a walking, talking piece of garbage.”
Drakkal put his left arm around her shoulders and drew her against his chest. Shay offered no resistance; she buried herself against him, her shoulders shaking as her quiet tears became full-bodied sobs that wrapped around Drakkal’s heart and squeezed it. He rested his cheek atop her head and moved his right hand to the back of her neck. Her tears soaked his shirt, but he didn’t care. He just held her.
He held her as though it were the only way to keep his heart in one piece.
When her crying finally began to ease, he said, “My people have long believed that our ancestors watch over us from some place beyond death. That is what I meant when I swore not to abandon you by my blood—by the blood of the generations who walked before me. Their legacies shine on in our lives, and they watch to see what legacy we will make. Your mother and your father watch you, Shay. They’ve seen your shame, and your guilt, but they’ve seen your strength, too. And they know, even more surely than I do, that you have it in you to make them proud.
“I know that you’ve already made them proud. You’re here, and you’re alive, and you’re fighting for your cub. No matter what happened, they loved you, kiraia, and they love you still in their place beyond the stars.”
She sniffled loudly. “You think?”
“I do.”
She pressed her forehead to his chest and drew in a deep, shaky inhalation. “Some humans believe the same. I was never the religious sort. But it…it would be nice if they were.”
“I haven’t been to my home planet in decades, but I haven’t forgotten all our ways,” he said, running his right hand down her spine and back up again. “Thank you for honoring me by sharing the memories of your ancestors, Shay. I will hold them along with my own.”
She drew away from him then, and though he was reluctant to release her, he did. His arms fell to his sides, suddenly useless. She looked up at him, her pale blue irises vibrant against the irritated red around them, and her expression became uncharacteristically self-conscious. “Sorry for blubbering all over you. It, uh, must be the pregnancy hormones making me all emotional.” She took another step back and wiped her cheeks with the towel. “But thanks. For listening.”
Drakkal’s palms—both of them, impossible as it was—itched with a want to move, with the desire to wrap her in a tight embrace and draw her against his chest again. He could take some satisfaction in having comforted his mate in her time of need, but he needed more. He needed to give her more. To give her everything.
But all he managed to do was say, “Any time, kiraia.”
She removed the water bottle from under her arm and stared down at it, fiddling with its cap. “I just really don’t want to fuck up with this baby. I’m all it has. Everyone else is gone.”
Drakkal stepped forward and settled a hand on her shoulder, drawing her gaze back up to his. “Even if that were true, Shay, nothing on this world or any other would get through you to harm your cub. But you’re not alone. I’m here for both of you.”
She stared into his eyes for several seconds, unspeaking, and Drakkal’s heartbeat increased in volume to fill the silence. Her skin was warm and soft beneath his palm, her scent as sweet and alluring as ever, and the color on her face only made her seem more radiant. But none of that mattered now; all that was important was making sure she knew, without a doubt, that she could always rely on him.
The little crease that formed between her eyebrows and the downturn of her lips told him that she was torn, that she hadn’t quite accepted what he was offering, that part of her didn’t believe him. And it felt like…rejection. It sparked frustration and hurt deep inside Drakkal, though he knew in his heart and soul that she had every reason to doubt after the life she’d lived.
She had every reason to doubt him because of her guilt regarding her own perceived betrayals.
Finally, Shay dropped her gaze, shrugged off his hand, and said, “I’m pretty tired and sweaty. I’m sure I stink too, which I rubbed all over you. So…I’m gonna take a shower and get some rest.”
Drakkal frowned. All his instincts demanded he pursue her, stop her, and show her physically just what she was to him. Every cell in his body demanded he show just how much he wanted to protect her. Every molecule urged him to worship her body and ease her worries. He needed to make Shay his in every way…and to convince Shay that he should be hers.
But he only offered Shay a tight nod before she stepped back, turned, and walked away. He clenched his jaw as he watched her go and clenched his fists once she’d entered the stairwell and was out of sight.
Arc never had this much difficulty with Samantha.
That thought, rising unbidden from the recesses of his mind, only made Drakkal’s irritation flare. Partly because it was right—despite her initial timidity, Samantha had taken to Arcanthus quickly—and partly because it was a shitty thing to think. Arcanthus wasn’t at fault here, and neither was Sam or Shay.
Drakkal was the one who needed to act, he was the one who needed to figure this out. There must’ve been something more he could’ve said or done just now to prevent her from pulling away. She’d opened up, had shared old, painful memories, and he’d almost forged that connection. He’d almost infiltrated the inner walls she kept up so much of the time.
Should’ve pushed harder. Could’ve broken those walls down without breaking her. My Shay is tougher than that.
And on top of all that, his balls ached like they’d been kicked by a tralix. It wasn’t just his instincts drawn to Shay, it was his entire body, and that desire was quickly becoming a frenzied need. He had no idea how much longer he could contain it.
His body thrummed with a desperate, restless energy that had suffused him down to the bones, a feeling reminiscent of the effects of enhancing drugs that were sometimes given to slave gladiators before a fight. Drakkal hadn’t felt like this in years, and he knew his hand wouldn’t be enough to assuage his desires. It hadn’t been enough for weeks.
Digging his claws into his palm, he forced himself to count to one hundred before finally heading upstairs. He needed to find a way to vent this energy before seeing Shay again, and that likely meant pushing his body to exhaustion in the gym.
But deep down, he suspected there was only one way to be rid of it for sure—there was only one person who could help.
Fourteen
Drakkal growled and shoved up the chest-press machine’s bar, which locked in place when he released the grips. He sat up, wishing the burn in his abdomen—the same burn radiating from all the muscles of his upper body—meant something. Wishing that it had made a difference. He hadn’t worked out with this intensity in a long time. Normally, it would’ve felt good. There would’ve been an underlying satisfaction to it, a euphoria sparked by whatever chemicals his brain normally released during hard physical activity.
That wasn’t the case now. His muscles ached, but still pulsed with restless energy, as though it could only be released in a very specific way.
But Shay didn’t want that. Not yet.
He leaned forward, meaning to rest his elbows on his knees and take a steadying breath, but the shifting of his weight only reminded him of the tenderness in his groin. Groaning, he dropped a hand to his hard cock and pressed down on it. His balls felt swollen, ready to explode. Yet he knew that nothing he could do—at least on his own—would provide any relief.
He growled again and stood up. This time the growl was prolonged, lengthening into a snarl through his bared fangs. He
stalked toward the running platforms positioned along the far wall. As tired as he was after nearly an hour of lifting heavy weights, his body refused to quit, and his instincts…
They were even stronger than before.
How did that work?
He was throwing himself into this physical activity, pouring all of himself into it, and yet his mind constantly shifted back to Shay. Every thought led back to her no matter how tenuous the bridge seemed; she was unavoidable.
Because our mating is inevitable.
“Vrek’osh,” he grumbled as he stepped onto one of the running platforms—a two-by-two-meter square topped by an omnidirectional tread.
A holographic control screen appeared in the air in front of him. He slashed the on command with the tip of a claw, wishing there’d been something physical there just so he could feel his claw tear through it.
He started walking, and quickly increased his pace to a jog and then a run. The platform’s surface moved in accordance with his speed, keeping him centered. His ears flattened, his heart thundered, and his blood flowed hot as lava through his veins. Shay’s face, her lips tilted in a smirk and her eyes flooded with heat, flashed in his mind’s eye. Drakkal’s cock strained against his pants. For an instant, it seemed as though it’d be strong enough to break free.
Releasing a sharp, annoyed breath through his nostrils, he pushed himself faster, tilting his upper body forward as he pumped his legs. The platform trembled under his weight, and the ache in his groin deepened, spreading to his lower abdomen. He welcomed the discomfort. Soon, his breath was ragged. Heat radiated from his core and skittered across the surface of his skin.
The lingering smell of Shay’s sweat wafted from his fur and shirt. Drakkal spat a curse, torn between his appreciation of that scent and his wish that he could sweat, too, if only to overpower her aroma and shift his mind away from her for a few seconds.
Untamed Hunger Page 20
