Participant: Abstinence-only sex education is the best way to prevent teen pregnancies.
Facilitator: Yes, it totally makes sense that teaching kids to avoid having sex would lead to them not having unwanted pregnancies, and I had that same belief when I first started doing sex education. Are there any reasons you all can think of that might lead abstinence-only sex education students to having more unwanted pregnancies, instead of fewer?
The “And” we used here was one of past-tense agreement, which, in at least Sam’s case, is totally honest. As a sex educator, he’s able to draw on his first reactions to sex ed, one of which had him in agreement with that participant (“Of course encouraging kids not to have sex will lead to fewer unwanted pregnancies,” said Younger Sam).
The second dimension of the “And” we have above is one that asks others, and even the first participant, to provide their own evidence to the alternative in a safe way. After hearing these perspectives (and, usually, waiting for a few keywords), the facilitator can then summarize with the same sentiment they led with in the “No” version of this example earlier. And the facilitator can do this in a way that doesn’t shut down the first participant, but uses what the participant said as part of the learning--and best of all, the facilitator is doing it in a way that models growth, changes of perspectives, and being willing to learn tough things (“Of course only encouraging kids to not have sex will lead to more unwanted pregnancies,” says Right Now Sam).
It’s not always a “Yes” and an “And”
The sentiment of the rule is more important than the specific language. You can YAR without ever uttering a “Yes,” or an “And,” and still have the same effect on the group.
To be as flexible as possible, let’s replace the exact language with the two sentiments that we’re hoping you’ll evoke in your language: (1) I hear your perspective; and (2) I’d like to invite you to witness another perspective.
Instead of saying “Yes, and…” you might find yourself saying “I hear what you’re saying, and…”, or “I appreciate you sharing that perspective. Would anyone like to add to it?”, or any other combination of sentiments 1 and 2 above. There are countless ways you can utilize the YAR; we want you to know that “Yes, And…” is just one of them.
You can likely already see how nifty a tool we have at our disposal with YAR. You might also be thinking, “Wait. Above, you said there were so many more things we could have learned by not saying ‘No,’ but the facilitator didn’t really learn them in that example.” Good catch, astute reader. (Five points to Gryffindor!) Now let’s look at how digging for more information might have played out.
YAR for more information
YARing can be an effective way to curiously dig for more information. Finding out where your participants are coming from, who else shares a belief, and what concepts or theories are at play supporting their beliefs are all important. The more information you have, the more you can connect ideas together to facilitate learning.
Revisiting our initial scenario, let’s YAR to find out a little more about what our participants are thinking:
Participant: Abstinence-only sex education is the best way to prevent teen pregnancies.
Facilitator: I appreciate you sharing your perspective, and I bet there are other people who feel the same way. Would anyone else who believes that abstinence-only sex education is the best way to prevent teen pregnancies care to share more about why they believe that?
In this deployment of the YAR, rather than putting it back on the participant who first shared the comment, we’ve used it to invite others into the discussion and to provide additional perspective on that comment. This lets others who agree also feel heard, and lets the first participant off the hook from feeling compelled to defend themselves (a feeling we’re trying to avoid).
But sometimes you do want to know more about what that particular person is thinking. Maybe you suspect they are the only one that holds that perspective, or, more likely, the only one who may be willing to speak more to that perspective. Here’s how that might look:
Participant: Abstinence-only sex education is the best way to prevent teen pregnancies.
Facilitator: I appreciate you sharing your perspective, and there are a lot of possible reasons for that perspective to make sense. Can you tell me more about why you believe that abstinence-only sex education is the best way to prevent teen pregnancies?
It is important when digging for more information that the person feels that you’re genuinely curious about why the hold that belief of perspective. Without that genuine curiosity they may feel attacked or like you’re about to use whatever they say against them. If you can’t muster a genuine curiosity, we advise against this deployment of the YAR.
Pick the chocolate out of their trail mix
The different examples we’ve covered so far have been when our participant has made a short statement we disagree with. If you’ve ever had who we in the biz sophistically label a “talker” in your training, you know that isn’t always how it goes down. Often, participants will make less of a “statement” and more of a word-vomity, tangled-spaghetti rant of opinions, “facts,” and/or fortune telling--sometimes all three merged together presented as “I’m just saying how things are.”
When a participant makes a statement that is more expansive, we can have more to work with right off the bat, and that’s where picking the chocolate out of their trail mix comes in.
When you are eating trail mix out of someone else’s bowl, it’s rude to pick out the good stuff (the chocolate, gummies, chunks of sugar, etc.) and leave all the peanuts and giant brown crunchy discs behind, sad and lonely. This is decidedly not rude in facilitation. If someone says a bunch of things, and most of them are anything but sweet, pick out and repeat the sweet part and leave everything else in the bowl.
To see this trick in action, imagine you’re facilitating a training with staff of a residential school, many of whom have been there for a long time, and the school is thinking of changing their residential facilities from all being single-gendered to at least one all-gender hall. You’re job is to help the staff understand the change, and you get this comment:
Participant: “You know, I have been here a long time, before many of you were even born, and I’ve seen a lot of changes, but this is one I just don’t get. Our kids need to be safe, feel comfortable, be taken care of in their halls, in their homes, and I just don’t think we can do that if we allow both sexes in the same residence halls, I just don’t know if all this transgender business is a good idea.”
You got a lot to work with here, lots of chocolate in that bowl. Let’s get to picking.
Facilitator: “Yes, I couldn’t agree more on how important it is for you to for our kids to be safe, feel comfortable, and be taken care of; this place is their home. And this change will help the school be safer for transgender and gender non-conforming students, who, right now, are some of the most vulnerable and at risk.”
You could also start with another piece of chocolate, and move the conversation in a different direction:
Facilitator: “Yes, you’ve worked here a long time, and that’s exactly why it’s so important for you to be part of this change! This is something that will require everyone’s expertise to do well. Based on your experience, what are the biggest concerns you have for the school in opening the all-gender hall?”
Or, another pickable piece would be the two times this participant [bravely] expressed a lack of understanding:
Facilitator: “I appreciate you sharing your concerns. I heard you say a couple times that you just don’t understand this change, and I want to applaud you for essentially saying “I don’t know.” That’s hard, and it’s exactly why we’re here having this conversation, so we can all figure this out together. What are some specific points you’re struggling with?”
And the list goes on. YARing actually gets easier, not more difficult, when you have a really talkative participant. In a long ran
t, you don’t have to affirm every point they make, and can instead pick out only the ones that will help the group accomplish the learning you’re charged with.
Practice makes (more) perfect
What is truly wonderful about this concept, and many concepts in this book, is that it is not just an in-facilitator-mode skill. Practice this at home! We have found it useful in all areas of life. Whenever you disagree with someone who is saying something, you can release your facilitator skills into the wild and practice your “yes, and....” When we practice in our daily lives, it makes those pressure situations all the easier to navigate when you’ve got a couple of good, yes-and-I-totally -disagree-with-you-and-I’m-going-to-leave-your-reality-intact-while-I-disagree moments.
It’s easier to shut someone down if they misspeak. It’s easier to say no. It’s easy to tell someone why they were wrong for thinking something, and to curb “bad” thinking with quick corrections. But we’re not here for easy. We’re not here for “no.” It’s not easy to create a space where everyone truly feels like they can explore freely, able to be themselves and share their experiences, and know that they won’t be shamed for what they’re bringing to the table. But that is what facilitation is all about, about creating and holding that space for everyone to bring their voice to the table: and “yes, and…” will help you do just that.
Asking Good Questions?
“Draw a monster. Why is it a monster?”
– Janice Lee
It is through good questions that facilitation shines. And the shiniest facilitators around have the ability to identify a good question, ask it in a non-judgmental, non-shaming way, and then use the response given to further catalyze learning.
We define a good question as one that intentionally leads to learning, whether that’s an expected direction or not. Good questions are productive questions. Good questions facilitate further exploration and curiosity.
Good questions don’t necessarily have to be answered aloud; sometimes a question itself, without an answer, will prompt introspective learning. Good questions also don’t have to follow a particular format; every type of question can lead to learning, and every type of question can stint learning. Let’s start by exploring that.
Understanding Different Types of Questions
Most people, in learning to become facilitators (or, you know, during life), are taught two types of questions: open-ended questions (that don’t have a “yes” or “no” answer, which we’re told are good) and closed-ended questions (yes” or “no” answer, which we’re told are bad). That’s a start, but a great facilitator has far more than two types of questions in their back pocket, and knows all types of questions can lead to learning, depending on how you use them. Here are a bunch of different types of questions we rely on in every facilitation:
Challenging questions: a way to suggest an alternative idea, or a different way of thinking about something, that grants agency to the person who had the idea you are challenging. Example: “Is it possible that the alternative [to what you just said] might be true for some people? How so?”
Clarifying questions: often a rephrasing of another’s point or question, these are used to ensure that what was communicated (from the other person to you) was heard. Example: “What did you mean when you said [...]?”
Gauging questions: to get a sense of where someone, or a group, is at, mentally, emotionally, or physically. The responses can be used to determine what activities or discussion is needed next. Example: we often use “how would you define gender identity” as a gauging question, and based on the complexity of their explanation (e.g., “gender exists as a spectrum” vs. “GENDER IS PENISES OR VAGINAS!”), we know how to move forward.
Leading questions: often used when you have an answer to in your mind (e.g., a particular learning outcome) and you use to help participants get there (mostly) on their own. Example: “How might [...] be a factor in creating [...]?”
Probing questions: follow-ups to a broader question, probing is pinpointing a specific part of someone’s answer (or a sentiment expressed in a group) and asking questions to highlight, expose, or better understand where it’s coming from. Example: “Can you speak more to that idea? Why is it important?”
Reflective questions: prompts for the participants to think about themselves, what they’ve learned, who they are, or what they are engaged in currently, with the hope of bringing that understanding to the greater group as an opportunity for learning. Example: “Have you ever experienced [...]? What did it feel like?” (We dig more into this second question in the chapter on Learning from Emotions.)
Three Main Categories of Questions, into which All the Above Types May Fall
So you may have noticed that we didn’t include open-ended vs. closed-ended questions in the list above. And you might be thinking, “Um. Dudes. What trickery is this?” No trickery! We don’t think of these as types of questions, but as overarching categories, into which all of the types of questions we have above (and others) can fit.
With that said, following are three categories of questions. Read closely: there is more to closed-ended and open-ended questions than you may think!
Closed-Ended Questions
A closed-ended question is any question to which the response is known by the responder, and is finite. Oftentimes, these come in the form of “yes/no” questions (e.g., “Are you enjoying this activity?”), but they can also come in other forms. Introductions are another common time when a facilitator may use a closed-ended question, like when asking participants to disclose demographic information about themselves (e.g., “What are your jobs?” “Where do you live?”).
The two key elements to closed-ended questions are that the responder knows the response before you ask them (it’s already floating around in their mind--no digging is required), and that the response is finite (it has an anticipatable end). With these things in mind, closed-ended questions are great for a variety of circumstances:
● When you are trying to get a lot of input from the group without using much time. Example: “Are people good to continue for the next 15 minutes or do we need to break now?”
● When you have a really large group, and you’re trying to make what would otherwise be a teaching or lecturing session more interactive. Having participants raise their hands if they identify with a statement is a form of a closed-ended question. Example: “Can I see a show of hands of anyone who has ever been asked to speak as a representative of their group?”
● If you don’t know the group well, and don’t yet have a strong sense of what direction the facilitation should go. Example: Would folks like to spend more time on the concept of universal design or are we ready to move on?
Open-Ended Questions
An open-ended question is any question to which the response may or may not be known by the responder, and is infinite. A common open-ended question facilitators use is “How did that activity make you feel?” A common open-ended question you may use every day is “What’s new with you?”
The key thing about open-ended questions is that the response is potentially infinite[7] (it does not have an anticipatable end). With this in mind, open-ended questions are perfect complements to closed-ended questions, and they are also helpful in many other situations. Consider the following cases:
● When you are trying to better understand an individual participant, and have the time to give them the agency to choose exactly what and how much to disclose. Example: After asking “Did y’all enjoy that activity?” if someone answers “Yes!” you might ask “What about it did you like?”
● When you have a small group, and there is the ability to really get to know one another. Example: “What are you all hoping to gain out of this experience together?”
● If you know the group well, or have a feeling they’ll know where they want the facilitation to go. Example: “Today, we’re hoping to gain a better understanding of [...]. Where do you think we should start?”
Co-
creative Questions
A co-creative question is any question to which the response is likely unknown by the responders (and may not even be known by the asker), and is infinite. Co-creative questions allow the responders to learn about a concept they may not have realized they knew about, through their own responses (and the responses of others).
A common format for a co-creative question is taking two responses someone has given and combining them into a new open-ended question (e.g., “So, earlier you said [...], and you feel [...], how/what/why/who [...]?). One of the simplest co-creative questions is “Why?” Asking a participant “Why [...]?” repeatedly, diving ever deeper into a concept--a tenet of the Socratic Method--can lead to tremendous learning. However, if they spend a lot of time with toddlers, it might also lead to traumatic sobbing. Beware.
There are two wonderful things about co-creative questions: [1] they can simultaneously highlight for a person the knowledge they’ve acquired, and turn it into learning for everyone else; and [2] they often present opportunities for you, as the facilitator, to learn from the group. You might be leading the participant in a direction when you ask one, but because they’re open-ended, the response might be (and often is) something you’ve never thought of.
Unlocking the Magic of Facilitation Page 6
