“But Dad, they ASKED her about you,” Linus emphasized. “She was so, so sad you weren’t there.”
“I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” Asher clipped. But looking at the screen, he noted that Bea did seem upset, even as she chatted with a handsome man Asher vaguely recognized as a popular film actor.
“Linus isn’t exaggerating,” Gwen responded. “No one in history has been that disappointed to see Chris Evans.”
“I don’t know,” Asher mumbled, but Linus broke in.
“Dad, it’s not even debatable. She loves you!” He leapt off the couch, wearing a bright-red T-shirt he’d fastidiously bedazzled with fringe and sparkles.
“Guys, give me a break,” Asher pleaded. “It’s complicated.”
Gwen turned off the television and gave her father a knowing stare. “You’re the one who told us to be open-minded about how much Bea could change our lives for the better, even if it felt scary. Did that advice only apply when it felt scary to us? Are you too afraid to take a risk in order to be happy?”
“Why are you so invested in this?” Asher asked, sinking onto the couch. “Aren’t we happy already, just the three of us?”
Linus climbed onto the couch and curled up beside his father.
“But Dad, you’re not happy. You haven’t been happy since you came home.”
“That’s not true,” Asher protested, his voice breaking ever so slightly. “Being with you two makes me happy every day.”
Gwen sat down on Asher’s other side. “Dad, come on. It’s obvious how much you miss her.”
Asher appraised his daughter. “You’re a little terrifying, you know that?”
“Just promise us you’ll think about it, okay?” Gwen pressed.
“I promise,” Asher said. “But for now, I’m tired of thinking—and packing. You guys want to watch a movie?”
“It’s my turn to pick!” Linus jumped up. “Can we watch Bringing Up Baby?”
“Dad said we can’t watch that anymore,” Gwen chided.
Asher paused for a moment. “I think it might be okay tonight.”
Gwen opened her mouth to say more—but then thought better of it and grabbed the remote instead.
“Can we make microwave popcorn?” she asked.
“I’m on it.” Asher got up to grab a bag. Once he was out of earshot, Gwen grabbed Linus to whisper in his ear.
“It’s gonna happen,” she said.
Linus’s eyes got wide. “What is?”
Just like her father, Gwen’s lips twitched into a barely perceptible grin.
“Everything we wanted.”
Once the reunion show was done, Bea was really and truly finished with her responsibilities for Main Squeeze—sure, there were a couple of interviews left to give, and she’d have to appear on a red carpet from time to time, but for all intents and purposes, it was time to go back to her real life, and she was absolutely thrilled. A few days after the reunion show, Bea realized she had an entire day with nothing on her calendar, so she decided to treat herself to an L.A. day of fun. She put on a breezy Mary Katrantzou sundress in a Technicolor mess of floral patterns and drove around aimlessly in Kermit the Car—top down, breeze in her hair, Taylor Swift turned all the way up.
Before she really realized where she was driving, she found herself heading west on Wilshire, and after a few minutes, the rows of LACMA lanterns came into view.
Her membership entitled her to visit the museum anytime she liked, but she hadn’t been back since the show finished filming, for obvious reasons. Today, though, it seemed like the right thing to do. She pulled into the parking garage and snapped a selfie among the lanterns on her way in—she figured this was as good an opportunity as any to fulfill Olivia’s mandate of one Insta story per week.
Time for a one-on-one—just me and Monet!
She posted the photo and went inside.
The moment she walked through the doors, the memory of him was everywhere. The Rothkos and Picassos, the wide staircase they’d walked down side by side. The exhibit with the car and the music was already gone; if Bea wanted to relive that moment, she’d have to watch it on television. It had been real, hadn’t it? He had felt the same things she did, had cared for her as much as she cared for him?
Her memories of him were too vivid, too present here: the feel of his hands at her waist, the way he jerked away rather than kiss her. The release of giving in to her feelings for him in Ohio, his painstaking doubts in Morocco. The highs of visiting his home, meeting his children, sharing each other’s jagged secrets—then the devastating nothingness as he pulled back and back and back, leaving her alone with her nightmares in that big, romantic suite in Moustiers, and then, two days later, leaving her for good.
A liar, he called her. A cheat. He didn’t even have the courage or the decency to come back and face her, to tell her the truth about why he’d left, how he’d retreated into his own insecurities rather than reach for her hand. He just dumped it all on her shoulders and walked away.
She prowled the museum for hours, sweeping through one room after another, all of it bearing down, all of it too much, until finally her feet steered her of their own volition back to the impressionist gallery—the room where everything had started, where they’d truly seen each other for the very first time.
The gallery was empty as usual; late-afternoon sunlight flowed in, dusty and golden, and the only other person there was a man in navy chinos and a soft gray T-shirt gazing at one of the Monets. His back was facing Bea, but she was immediately drawn to his salt-and-pepper hair—no. Her eyes were playing tricks on her. There was no way …
But when her sandals clacked on the hardwood floor, he spun around—and God, he looked the same, his glasses and the crinkles around his eyes, his broad shoulders and sloping frame.
“Bea?” He wasn’t asking whether it was her. He was asking something else.
“How did you know where to find me?” she finally choked out.
“I was at the rental counter at LAX when I saw your story,” he explained. “Gwen put notifications for all of your posts on my phone.”
“Really?” Bea was taken aback. “Gwen did?”
Asher smiled. “She’s become one of your greatest proponents.”
He stepped toward her but she bristled, her whole body suddenly tense.
“I don’t understand why you came,” she said curtly.
“I—” He stopped short. “Isn’t it obvious? I flew across the country to see you.”
“And what?” Bea wanted to feel overjoyed, to run to him, but she couldn’t—her anger was churning. “That’s supposed to make up for what you did?”
“Wow.” Asher sniffed. “This is not how I thought you’d react.”
“What did you think, Asher? That I’ve just been mooning over you? Dreaming that you’d show up on my doorstep so I could beg you to take me back, even though you’re the one who ran out on me?”
“What are you doing here, then?” he demanded. “If you don’t miss me, why are you in this museum?”
“Because I love art!” Bea fumed. “Art isn’t about you, not everything is about you.”
His lips twitched with one of his infuriating smiles, but no—not this time—it wasn’t going to work.
“Oh stop it,” she spat, “stop smiling like you know everything. This was my place before you ever came along, okay? I’m not some powerless woman, my life didn’t begin the night I met you.”
“Bea, no.” He shook his head and started walking toward her again. “If anyone is powerless, it’s me, okay? You think I don’t know how colossally I screwed up in Amboise? You think I haven’t gone back to that morning every single day, wondering how I could have ruined something so good? These last six weeks have been a waking nightmare.”
“Then why?” Bea’s voice broke. “Why did you leave?”
He was close enough now to reach for her, but looking like he didn’t know whether he should.
“You know that being on the sh
ow was difficult for me,” he said, “but the truth is it was even worse than I let on. Imagining you with other men was such torture—my mind couldn’t parse the difference between you with Sam or Luc and seeing Vanessa cheat on me in broad daylight. It felt the same to me, like you were waving it in my face and I was just supposed to take it. That morning, knowing you had slept with Luc, yet you were still struggling to trust me? I felt insane, like I was reliving my past. Then Ray showed up, and that sealed it. In my mind, it was all the proof I needed that you were just another Vanessa, and that I was supposed to be the same old Asher, still reliable, letting you walk all over me, breaking my heart all over again. I couldn’t take it—I just snapped. My only choice was to leave.”
“Do you still feel that way?” Bea asked.
Asher sighed. “Bea, I didn’t even feel that way the next morning. When I got back to Vermont, I expected this rush of relief—but all I felt was regret. All these years, I’ve thought of myself as the person who gets left behind. Being the person who ran felt so much worse.”
“You could have called me,” Bea said softly. “You could have shown up for the reunion.”
Asher hung his head. “I was desperate to convince myself I’d done the right thing. If I could just believe I was better off without you, then that would mean I didn’t make the worst mistake of my life in France. When I saw your face on TV Monday night after they told you I wasn’t coming … I’ve never been so ashamed, Bea. Never.”
Bea closed her eyes. She wanted to believe him so badly. So why couldn’t she?
“Bea …” He took her hand, and he was shaking—they both were. “Do you remember what you told us in Vermont? What your stepdad said, about choosing your family?”
Bea nodded and met his eyes for the first time. Of course she remembered.
“I keep thinking,” he went on. “What if it’s supposed to be us?”
“All those years,” Bea said, her voice quivering, “telling myself I would end up with Ray, when he wouldn’t date me, when he didn’t live here, even when he proposed to someone else. I was running, Asher, just like you did in Amboise. It felt so much safer to hide from anyone who might actually want to see me.”
“And now?” Asher asked, his voice hoarse.
“Now, I think, you and I have seen the worst of each other.” Bea’s voice cracked, and she felt the first tears start to fall. “But I just want to keep looking at you every single day.”
“I should have done this the first time we were here,” he said gently, and then he leaned in and kissed her.
It was silent in the gallery—no orchestra, no fireworks, no whir of generators and cameras. The only sounds were her breath and his, just Bea and the man she loved. He wasn’t a fantasy, he wasn’t a dream, and he wasn’t a happy ending. He was warmth and wit and kindness, a certainty and a surprise. He was the person who could hurt her most in the world, and he was worth the risk.
“Hey,” Bea said quietly. “I choose you.”
EPILOGUE
(One man left)
TRANSCRIPT OF BOOB TUBE PODCAST EPISODE #065
Cat:
Well. Well, well, well, well, well.
Ruby:
Wow, this is going to be insufferable, isn’t it?
Cat:
Why would you say that, Ruby?
Ruby:
Because you’re the sorest winner in the history of mankind?
Cat:
BUT I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR ASHER AND BEA!
Ruby:
And for yourself for having correctly called the winner of yet another season of Main Squeeze?
Cat:
That too, but like ninety percent happy for Asher and Bea, ten percent proud of my streak remaining unbroken?
Ruby:
Seventy-thirty?
Cat:
Let’s call it eighty-twenty.
Ruby:
For those of you who haven’t heard, Bea Schumacher and Asher Chang-Reitman from this season of Main Squeeze were photographed together watching fireworks with his kids on the Fourth of July, and the whole Internet basically erupted with joy.
Cat:
It’s so nice to feel proud of this country again!
Ruby:
And even nicer to see those two crazy kids found a way to work things out. Do you think we’ll be getting a wedding special?
Cat:
If only! Sadly, Bea’s agent released a statement confirming the two are together, but apparently they’re refusing any press requests whatsoever, and have asked that we respect their privacy. Which is pretty understandable, given the run those two had during the show.
Ruby:
Definitely, but it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it!
Cat:
No, but you know what you can be happy about?
Ruby:
What’s that, Cat?
Cat:
Next week is the premiere of Main Squeeze Mansion!
Ruby:
Oh my God, I have to watch another one of these things?
Cat:
This is your life now, Ruby. You watch one season, you get attached to all the people, and then you can never stop tuning in to see what happens next. Besides, aren’t you excited to see which women—and men, frankly—Luc is going to sleep with this time around?
Ruby:
Come on, Cat, did you even watch last season? The answer is everyone. Luc is going to sleep with everyone.
Cat:
Too right, he is. And if you’re going to sleep with everyone, first of all, well done you, but second of all, you might want a monthly shipment of condoms delivered directly to your door. SafetyGirl condoms are made without any harmful chemicals that can be absorbed into your vagina, and you can customize your shipment so you’re always prepared to have as much sex as you want, whether that’s with a million different partners like Luc or with one person you’re going to love forever and ever, just like Bea and Asher because I am always right.
Ruby:
Had to get that last one in there, didn’t you?
Cat:
You know it! We’ll be back right after this.
TRANSCRIPT OF CHAT FROM #SQUEEZE-MAINIACS SLACK CHANNEL
Direct Message: Colin7784 and Beth.Malone
Colin7784: Hey, I have a question.
Beth.Malone: What’s going on?
Colin7784: Is there going to be a retroactive winner of the league this season now that Asher and Bea are together?
Beth.Malone: OMFG SERIOUSLY COLIN? I HAVE BEEN *VERY CLEAR* ABOUT THE RULES OF THE LEAGUE, WE WENT THROUGH THIS WITH THE WYATT THING, POINTS ARE AWARDED AT THE TIME OF THE BROADCAST
Colin7784: Beth, I’m messing with you
Beth.Malone: What.
Colin7784: So are we going to do another league for Main Squeeze Mansion? Or not until Sam’s season?
Beth.Malone: Wow, you really got into it, huh?
Colin7784: Yeah yeah, you were right, it was fun
Colin7784: Do you have plans, by the way? For the Main Squeeze Mansion premiere? Because if you don’t, I mean, I don’t know. I thought it would be cool if we could watch together or something. If you want.
Beth.Malone: Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I think that could be cool.
Colin7784: Yeah? Cool.
Beth.Malone: Cool.
LAUREN MATHERS RE-UPPED AS MAIN SQUEEZE EP IN 4-YEAR DEAL
by Tia Sussman, deadline.com
Following the highest-rated season in years, controversial Main Squeeze showrunner Lauren Mathers has inked a four-year deal with ABS to helm the reality behemoth. Mathers made headlines for her illicit affair with one of the show’s contestants, but according to our source at ABS, that wasn’t a problem for the brass.
“Numbers don’t lie, and this season of Main Squeeze was huge,” says the source. “Besides, all the men who run these shows have done way worse than Lauren for years, so why would her affair with Luc be a problem? That episode KILLED in the ratings.”
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br /> Mathers’s seven-figure deal encompasses all banners under the Main Squeeze umbrella franchise, including this fall’s upcoming season starring fan-favorite Sam Cox. We’re also told Mathers is developing a new series starring her former paramour, Luc Dupond. More details on that as we receive them.
MAIN SQUEEZE SPECIAL: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
by Kellie McGinty, usweekly.com
It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since Bea Schumacher’s season of Main Squeeze premiered—between the exes, the cheating, and the surprise departures, her season finally lived up to the hype of being the most dramatic one ever! But where are the Main Squeeze main players now? We caught up with the ones you love—and the ones you love to hate!
•Farm-fresh favorite Wyatt Ames isn’t just raising barns these days—he’s also raising awareness! Wyatt is working to promote outreach and acceptance for the asexual and aromatic communities, and he says he’s never been happier. (CLICK THROUGH to see photos of Wyatt and Bea on the red carpet at the GLAAD Media Awards!)
•After bad-boy Luc Dupond slept his way through popular spin-off series Main Squeeze Mansion, he landed the biggest catch of all: his own show! Luc’s new series about life in the kitchen, Can’t Stand the Heat?, will premiere this summer on Bravo. As for his love life, Luc says he is happily single. (Big surprise!)
•Being rejected in the finale turned out to be great news for Sam Cox, whose season of Main Squeeze finished airing in December—that’s where he met his now-fiancée, Meghan Vazkin! The couple is getting ready to head off for a year of travel around the world; Sam says he’s ready for marriage, but not a 9-to-5.
•As for Bea’s ex, Ray Moretti, he’s still single, and working as an entertainment lawyer in Los Angeles. (We hope he didn’t move there to be with Bea, because she doesn’t live there anymore!)
One To Watch: this summer's must-read romcom to fill the Love Island-shaped hole in your life Page 36
