by Andie Newton
‘Nice outfit,’ I said, lifting my eyebrows.
Alex smoothed the brown shirt over his chest, examining how the fabric fit his body, when the barmaid gave him a stein of weissbier. ‘For the NSDAP member,’ she said.
He shrugged his shoulders at me. ‘I didn’t even have to order!’
I paused for a moment, looking up at the barmaid, wondering if she’d give me a stein for free too, but all I got was an impatient, hard stare. I sighed, pulled a few reichsmarks from my front pocket and tossed them on the table. ‘Dunkel.’
‘Be nice to that one,’ Alex said, once she was gone. ‘She turned her sister in. Give her the wrong look and she’ll turn you in too.’
‘Her sister?’ The barmaid washed a glass stein behind the counter, working her arm into it. I didn’t realize I’d been staring until Alex tapped my hand.
‘Stop staring at her,’ he said. ‘Now listen. You’re going to a dance tomorrow to meet some people from the NSDAP. Good men in the Reich.’
‘I don’t know how to dance.’ Leaflets preaching Aryan relations between men and women had been stuffed under my door. The dances were an extension of the leaflets, meant to create marriages, and children. ‘And I don’t want a husband—’
‘Bread!’ Alex yelled into the air, ‘and napkins!’ He licked trails of froth from the side of his stein. ‘I love that they topped it off,’ he said, ‘but it’s overflowing.’
I used to hate it when Alex cut me off. Now, it felt like a nice break. I turned my gaze out the window. A little girl standing on the corner, probably no more than six years old or so, sold yellowed drinks out of paper cups. The sign on her cart read: For Deutschland. Her hair waved and bobbed in a breeze, and her smile buttoned with dimpled cheeks.
‘What were you saying?’ He took a drink, but I was still looking at the little girl. ‘Ella…’ He hit the table and I jumped. ‘What’d you say? You don’t want a husband?’ He scoffed. ‘Then why are you here?’
‘Alex,’ I said, pointing at the little girl with my eyes, ‘remember that summer when you, Joseph and me took all of Auntie’s lemon soda and mixed it with Uncle’s weissbier in a big bucket and poured it into paper cones?’ I smiled, and I hadn’t smiled in days—I’d almost forgotten how it felt. ‘Biermischgetränk, that’s what we called it. Best shandy in the world.’ I turned away from the window and his face had flattened like a pancake. ‘We spent all day in the hot sun, and Auntie was our only customer—’
‘That was years ago.’ He took another drink of his beer. ‘Ella, you won’t fit in here if you talk about such childish things.’
‘I miss Nuremberg,’ I admitted, remembering my room, Auntie, and Claudia—my life as a Falcon. I wondered if Auntie had taken down the clippings I had stuck to my wall, and if she did, I hoped she saved them for me for when I came home. ‘It’s a dreamy memory now.’
‘Well, if you miss it so much why don’t you go back?’ he said, patting my hand. ‘Nah! I’m glad you’re here, but I’m not sure why you avoid me. I know some great people. Up-and-comers. There’s this one, Erwin—he’s got connections, uncle’s a big shot in the Reich, heads up the document department where they keep tabs on resisters, enemies of the state—’
‘Resisters?’ I took a swig from the stein the barmaid had brought.
‘What I’m saying is, know the right kind of people and you could become very popular.’ He looked at me strangely now. ‘What are you doing here, if it’s not to get matched?’
I scratched my head, thinking up something to say. ‘Change of scenery.’ Nobody but Alex would believe a girl like me would travel all the way to Munich for a change of scenery. ‘Have you talked to Joseph?’
‘Nein. And I don’t suspect I will. I’m too busy to chase him down,’ he said, flicking his hand in the air. ‘The medical students are bohemians and they’re spoiled lazy.’
I scoffed. ‘Joseph might not wear a uniform like you, but he’s studying hard and he’s still your brother, the only one you have.’
‘I know he’s my brother!’ he said. ‘But right now, we’re not friends.’ He pinched the front pockets of his brown shirt and then pulled, making his chest puff out like a bird by the river. ‘The medical students are against the NSDAP. They make stink bombs, and it’s unpatriotic.’
I giggled, which Alex didn’t like. I remembered the stink bombs the medical students lit in streets, and in the Marienplatz. I thought it was creative, but smelly. ‘Alex. I live in student housing, I know all about it. The Party asked that they put down their books for the summer and work in the smelting pits or harvest grain.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Sounds tempting if you ask me. I mean, no wonder they lit all those stink bombs.’
He held a flat palm centimetres from my face. ‘You don’t know what you are talking about.’ He snatched a roll out of the basket, ripped into it with his teeth, and talked while he chewed. ‘And I don’t want to talk about Joseph anymore.’
A girl with wispy brown hair walked in wearing a Youth League uniform. She sat at a table overlooking the Marienplatz, took out a pad of paper from her bag, and a yellow scarf, which she tied loosely around her wrist.
I sat up, smiling, watching her from over my stein. A Falcon in Munich?
‘You know that one?’ Alex snickered, looking over his shoulder.
‘I assume you don’t. Not your type?’
He coughed into his fist. ‘Nein. Not my type at all.’
I laughed. ‘I bet.’ I took my eyes off the girl to look at Alex. ‘I know your type, you and the rest of your cronies down at the Künstlerhaus.’
His eyes sprung backward.
‘And what type is that?’
‘Crimson lip stain, rouge-smeared faces, netted stockings and bauble earrings; the type that swarm around handsome young Party officials like decorated bees.’
His gaze hardened. ‘Wait a minute, now.’
‘Joseph told me about the girls you’ve been cavorting with at the nightclubs, down on Lenbachplatz, a stone’s throw from St. Peter’s Church. Auntie would be disgusted.’
His spine straightened and he peered down at me. ‘We’re here to talk about you. Your future as a woman, your duty to our race.’ Foam bubbled at the corners of his mouth as he chewed the last bite of his bread.
‘Oh, right. I forgot.’
‘You owe it to our country, Ella. At least think about coming tomorrow night, for Christ’s sake! We’re at war!’ He slid his stein across the table, and it smacked against the window, cracking the rose-coloured glass.
‘Relax, Alex.’
‘I’m trying to help you out,’ he said. ‘The future of Germany is embedded in the Nazi Party. You could go places. Get to know the right people and we all could.’ His eyes rolled over my face, my chest and down my arms. For a moment he looked just like Auntie used to after she’d acquired a piece of art that needed some restoration, wondering what its value would be after she had cleaned it up a bit.
I buried my face into my stein, taking a long frothy drink from the top. He waited for me to catch a breath, say something, but I kept drinking.
He stood up in a huff. ‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow night at seven o’clock.’ He pinched a clump of my unwashed hair, tugging slightly. ‘You’ll have to get your hair done,’ he said, tone bitter as a salt lick. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.’ He threw some reichsmarks on the table and then stormed off.
I sank down in my seat after he’d left, focusing on the girl again, watching her as she adjusted her yellow scarf. She held a book close to her nose but looked over the pages and out into the street.
Perhaps, I thought, I could test the waters and talk to her.
I got up and walked over, slowly, watching her carefully, before sliding onto the bench opposite her. There was a moment where nothing happened, as if she didn’t know I was there, then her eyes shifted slowly away from the street, and she snapped her book closed. An awkward silence followed before I sat up, and spoke French, the language she’d expect if she
was a Falcon.
‘Bonne après-midi.’
Her brow furrowed with my words.
I leaned forward over the table. ‘I said—’
‘I know what you said.’ She put the book back up to her nose.
My stomach sank, suddenly thinking maybe the scarf was a trap, looking around the room, beyond the steins and into the eyes of patrons to see if anyone was looking at me.
‘That seat is taken. You’ll need to leave—’ her eyes flicked to mine over the pages ‘—now.’
I bolted from the booth and out the front doors, but was thrown to the ground outside by an arm to my throat, and found myself looking up from the cobblestones.
12
A woman stood over me, murmuring something I couldn’t understand. She put a hand to her chest and pointed with the other to the mammoth-sized Nazi flag hanging vertically over my building’s entrance. She gawked at the swastika with entranced, almost glazy eyes.
‘What?’ I said from the ground.
Her head bobbled in my direction and she spoke through a smile that stretched the width of her face. ‘Takes your breath away, doesn’t it?’ A strange laugh followed her words.
I scooted back, only a hand reached out to help me off the ground. ‘Joseph!’ I smiled. ‘God, help me up!’
‘I was looking for you earlier.’ He laughed. ‘But I didn’t expect to find you on the ground.’
I dusted off my bottom. ‘Well, you found me,’ I said, looking back toward the Ratskeller—nobody had come out to chase me, if anything people were rushing in. I took a deep breath, and then looked back at Joseph.
‘Can you come by later? I want you to meet my new roommate, a student named Max.’
My face dropped. ‘I hope you’re not trying to match me. I just met with Alex, and I don’t want to hear anything more about my civic duty and a husband.’ I shuddered to think what Joseph would sound like saying the things Alex had, especially since he was my favourite.
‘You won’t hear that from me,’ he said, and I smiled. ‘Max is new to Munich and I’m helping him get acquainted, inviting a few of my friends over. That’s all.’
Joseph had always been sweet, which made me more willing to do what he asked than Alex. ‘Do I have to get my hair done?’ I smoothed back a lock of un-brushed hair. ‘I mean, I know I should, but do I have to?’
‘Come as you are.’
I looked at him for a long moment, thinking about his request, before finally agreeing. ‘I’ll stop by.’
‘Excellent!’ he said, walking into the Ratskeller. ‘See you tonight.’
*
Laughter and the clink of steins seeped through the crack of Joseph’s door and floated down the corridor of our floor. I ran a hand through my hair, and then decided it was as good as I could make it. I leaned against the wall and rapped three times. There was giggling coming from the other side—a girl’s voice I didn’t recognize—and then the door opened.
It was that girl from the Ratskeller.
I pushed myself away from the wall. ‘What are you doing here?’
She stared at me, looking confused.
Joseph rushed up behind her, beer in hand, smile plastered on his face. ‘Ella! I’m glad you could make it.’ His tone led me to believe he didn’t think I would. ‘Come in, come in.’ The girl flattened herself against the wall as Joseph held the door open.
I pointed my finger at her, but talked to Joseph. ‘Who is this?’
My gaze drifted down the corridor and into the parlour. A man drinking from a grey stein leaned against the windowsill. The sleeves of his clean white shirt had been rolled up to his biceps, and the tattoo of a falcon fanned across his forearm. A flip of his head and our eyes met.
‘Geb?’
He stood up. ‘Sascha!’
All of a sudden it was as if someone had opened a window after closing all the doors. I flew down the corridor and flung my arms around his neck. Everything in my body tingled.
Joseph studied us as we hugged. ‘Max, you know my cousin?’
We let go. ‘Yes,’ Max said, smiling. ‘I know her, through a friend of a friend… from Nuremberg.’
I hadn’t heard his real name before. Max. It suited him, perfectly. I stood back and took a good look at him. Trimmed hair styled with pomade, shaved close behind the ears, and freshly pressed trousers with a brown leather belt looped around his waist. He was even cuter than the day I met him at the Steichele.
‘No soiled Youth League uniform?’
‘Nope!’ he said. ‘I got out of the paper business. I’m a student now.’
‘The grease… it was ink?’
He laughed. ‘You thought it was grease?’
I shook my head. ‘I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t going to ask.’ The girl from the Ratskeller nudged him with her hip as if she wanted him to introduce her. It didn’t occur to me until that moment they might have been together. I swallowed.
‘Is this your girlfriend?’
She giggled, covering her mouth with one hand.
‘This is my sister, Sophie. She moved here today from Nuremberg. Joseph picked her up for me since I was stuck in class.’
‘Nice to see you, again,’ she said.
Max’s eyes narrowed. ‘You know each other?’
I smiled. ‘I was at the Ratskeller today. She had a yellow scarf tied around her wrist.’ I paused. ‘I thought she was someone else, and said hello.’
‘Oh.’ Max made an odd face. ‘I asked her to wear it since Joe didn’t know what she looked like.’
I couldn’t wait to get him alone and ask about Claudia. Surely he had some kind of news he could share. He put his stein to his lips and talked from the corner of his mouth. ‘Can you talk later?’
‘Down the corridor, room nine,’ I whispered.
A knock at the door brought in more of Joseph’s friends—another medical student and his girlfriend. I scurried into the kitchen, pulled my hair into a tight bun and smoothed my bangs to one side. I asked Joseph for something to pin my hair with. He handed me a pencil; it did just fine. I twisted my skirt around and was tucking in my shirt when I realized Joseph was staring at me.
‘What’s going on?’ Joseph said. ‘I haven’t seen you move this much since Nuremberg.’ He took a few plates out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. ‘Is it Max?’
I smiled, shoulders shrugging into my ears. ‘Maybe.’
‘Now I wish Mum would have sent him here days earlier.’
‘What?’ I couldn’t believe what he said. ‘Auntie sent him here?’
‘She knew I needed a roommate and arranged the whole thing.’ His brow furrowed. ‘Is Max an old boyfriend?’
My eyes must have bulged from my head because Joseph started laughing. ‘No,’ I said.
‘Sure,’ he said as if he didn’t believe me.
I stared off at the ceiling thinking about Auntie helping Max. Maybe she’d come through on her promise about Claudia too. Maybe Claudia’s on a train headed here right now.
‘Ella?’
‘Yes?’ I smiled, suddenly very present with two feet firmly on the ground.
‘Never mind,’ he said. ‘Just cut the bread.’
I reached for a loaf of sourdough and tipped its paper sack upside down; the bread slid out and onto a plate. ‘Ta-da!’ I stood in one place but bounced as if I was walking.
He grabbed a hunk of white cheese from the icebox and looked at me curiously. ‘Are you drunk?’
‘What?’ I chuckled, then caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window and winced at the sight of my dry, drab face. My thick eyelashes were still there, but my eyes had dulled and looked as grey as my skin. I slid my hand down my throat, arched my neck and wished I hadn’t let myself go.
Joseph watched me for a second, then loaded the refreshments onto a tray and rejoined his guests. I followed.
*
Later that evening, I found myself frantically straightening up my flat before Max arrived, flipping back bed covers,
and shoving empty beer bottles under my bed. I’d never had a boy in my room before, other than my cousins.
I heard a knock.
I raced to the door, sliding across the wood floor to let Max in. ‘Does Joseph know you’re here?’ I waved him in.
‘Nein,’ he said. ‘I took Sophie home.’ A waft of chocolate and tobacco trailed behind him when he walked past me. ‘He thinks I’m there.’
An empty bottle rolled out from under my bed when he sat down. I cringed, thinking he felt it hit his heel, but he didn’t mention it.
‘I can’t believe you’re here.’ A tuft of hair fell near his eyes, which he smoothed back, smiling with his boyish grin. ‘That you’re Joe’s cousin, Ella.’
‘Me?’ I sat down next to him, our knees touching. ‘I can’t believe you’re here!’ My cheeks ached from smiling. ‘Tell me about Claudia—’ I shook my head, remembering that he didn’t know her by that name ‘—I mean Marta… the Falcons.’
His brow furrowed. ‘You don’t know?’
My smile vanished, and my stomach sank like a hot stone. ‘Know what?’
‘She’s been arrested. There are no more Falcons.’
I yelped—hand to my mouth. ‘It was Hans,’ I said, ‘he betrayed us all and left us scattered in the wind. He turned Wilhelm in.’ When I closed my eyes, I could still hear the shots echoing from The Pit the morning I left Nuremberg. ‘Did they take her to Verräters Gasse?’
‘No,’ he said, and I was surprised. ‘It’s as if she’s been wiped from existence. They’ve been very secretive about her location, about her.’
‘How did you get here? Joseph said my aunt sent you.’
‘Your aunt covered for me when the Gestapo showed up, questioning the noises from the basement that night. Her friends in the Reich vouched for her integrity, and they believed what she said. Afterward, she thought it was best I leave the city, and with Falcons disappearing left and right, I thought it was best too.’
