“Okay, gang. Thanks so much for coming with me. That was a blast. Much better than if I’d gone alone.” I smile at them, waiting as they groggily unbuckle their seatbelts and climb out of the car.
“Thanks, Knox. That was fun.” Dexter’s smile is more than enough gratitude. He wipes at his eyes as he blinks at me from the driveway.
Abby waits until her brother walks partially up the drive and then cocks her head my direction. “You’re not coming in?”
I press my lips into a line and shrug one shoulder. “I wasn’t here to see your mom, Abby. I really just came to borrow you guys. I’ll see you at the trailer lot.”
Her brow furrows but she nods, shuts the door to my rig, and walks up the sidewalk.
Roaring away, I can’t help but smile. The kids had fun, and so did I. More than one goal accomplished with that day.
Getting home in short time, I grab my things from the excursion and tromp up to the front door, letting myself in and dropping everything on the floor by the doorway.
I’m tired and just want to sit and veg in front of the television. Pulling my phone out, I slouch onto the couch and lean my head on a pillow resting against the armrest. Leaving the remote alone, I swipe up on the cell phone screen, surprised at the sheer number of messages I’ve missed in the group.
Mandie: I can come Friday night. Anyone else? We can get dinner, check out the man meat and meet our first time. Anyone else game?
A slew of excited yes texts follow and my phone buzzes in my hand as I try to get through the rest of the unread texts.
It’s a text from Savvy to KT, not me, but me at the same time.
I swallow. She doesn’t have my number as Knox and I know this, but it still sends shivers along my spine that she’s reaching out to me.
Savvy: Hey, KT. You okay? I haven’t heard from you all day.
Me: I’m good, thanks. Just still kind of out of my element in the group. Sounds like you got a break today. That’s good.
Is it good? I want to make sure I’m helping her as much as I can. Taking the kids seemed like the best way I could help at the time. She’s hard to pin down and always seems put together. The slight breakdown I witnessed gave me a glimpse of the woman losing her sanity and I’d just wanted to help.
Me: What did you do today with the kids gone?
Savvy: I don’t want to tell you.
Me: What? Why not? That bad?
Savvy: Okay, but this is between us. No one else.
Me: Always.
The three bouncing dots show up for a while. Whatever she’s typing, it must be a novel.
Savvy: Okay, so, I have control issues. Like bad. And if I let my control slip, even a little bit, I completely lose it.
Me: Lose it, how?
Savvy: I’ve been tracking what I eat for years, every day, down to every bite. If I let myself have one bite of anything I don’t track, the entire day turns into a tornado.
Savvy: I have a secret binge and… the guilt compounds and I can’t get out of it until I force myself to go to bed or someone catches me.
She includes a sad face emoji.
Me: That’s okay. You’re eating good eighty percent of the time, right? Then don’t stress out about it.
I’m not sure what else to say. I’ve never binged myself. I wouldn’t know what it feels like. But I do know what it’s like to need something to fix that hole inside me.
Maybe she’s experiencing the same thing.
Me: And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a flaw or two. I have a thing I do when I feel empty and alone. I like to go down to the hospital, the neonatal unit and just stare at the little babies through the windows. I volunteered one year to go down and help, but they said they didn’t need any more.
Actually, they’d looked at me with all of my tattoos and my size and they’d said my help would be better appreciated in the geriatrics area. Little did they know, I wasn’t offering to help because I wanted to actually help. I was offering to help to make me feel less alone.
Guys feel lonely, too.
Savvy: Oh, that’s awesome. It’s not detrimental to your health like my psychotic binges are.
Me: I think that’s comparing two different things. Tell you what, I won’t think less of your issue and you don’t think less of mine.
Savvy: Deal. I’m doing everything I can to NOT binge. Sigh. Okay, are you going to come on Friday?
Me: I think I have to work, but take a picture for me.
I almost typed of me. It’s like I want to get caught.
Savvy: Do you have any pets?
Me: No. I want a dog, but I need to be home more.
Savvy: I love animals. We have a cat named Spike. She’s pregnant.
Me: Pregnant? Wow. That’s terrific.
Suddenly a picture of an orange and cream striped cat fills my screen and she is definitely pregnant. Her stomach bulges out at the sides and there’s a look of complete intolerance in the crinkle between her eyes and the way her ears are pulled straight back.
I laugh. I can’t help it.
Me: Wow. She is definitely pregnant, unless she ate Dexter.
Savvy: Lol. Yeah, she’s due any day. I’m so frustrated.
Me: That seems exciting. Why are you frustrated with it?
Savvy: She’s not supposed to be pregnant. The people we got her from said she was a lot younger than she actually is. I have her spay appointment set up and then I found out she’s pregnant and I’m… So, upset.
Me: Wow.
Savvy: She’s outdoor/indoor and I wasn’t watching her as well as I should have been. Who suspected this would happen? I’m always so worried about my teenager going out and getting pregnant, not that she would, but I didn’t realize I would have to worry about my cat going out and coming back pregnant.
Savvy: I would offer you a kitten after they’re weaned, but I’m not sure you’ll want one of these. The mother has questionable morals and will sleep with just about anyone, I guess. You don’t need that. I don’t need it, that’s for sure.
I laugh out loud, the sound coming back to me as it bounces off the ceiling and walls of my otherwise empty home. I shake my head, extremely intrigued by the sassy woman Savvy is proving herself to be.
Watching her from afar has shown me how she’s a hard worker and dedicated to her family, both strong traits you can’t deny are appealing, but add her spunky comments and I’m definitely having a hard time keeping my distance.
Me: Are you going to keep any of them?
Savvy: No. I don’t need any of that kind of influence to rub off on my kids. If it’s okay with the cat, then my kids might think it’s okay for them to do.
Me: Sounds like you have a serious problem. I’ll ask around. In the meantime, you might find out who the baby daddy is, so you can keep Spike away from them.
Savvy: Oh, I know which house the cat-pimp lives in. I just haven’t been able to get the owner at home. I think he works nights.
Me: Well, be careful out there. You never know what kind of trouble those feline gangs are going to be until it’s too late.
Savvy: Oh, you’ve had experience. I see. Thanks for the chat. I needed that.
Me: Me, too.
Me, too, Savvy. Me, too.
Chapter 13
Savvy
After my children go to bed, I make my way to the couch and stare at the television. Maybe I need to text out to someone who will understand.
I notice KT didn’t message the group earlier and I haven’t heard from her since our little messaging thread before the binge. Rolling to the side, I pull the cell from my pocket and swipe the screen open.
Me: How’s it going, KT? I never got your story.
KT: My story? Um, I’m… Yeah, I wasn’t lying when I said I never found THE ONE.
The One. Yeah, I think we all feel that way. I know I do.
KT: I’m hoping the group can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong. I don’t have a lot to contribute, but I’m learnin
g. If that’s okay.
Me: Of course. I feel bad for you. While Keith wasn’t the love of my life, I can say I’ve been in love. It was short-lived, though. Haha.
I hit send before overthinking my comments. We’re just two girls talking about regrets.
Me: Do you have any direct questions I can maybe answer? I’m not an expert but I did let my kids rescue me from the binge of all binges.
KT: Oh no, you had one? Are you okay? What happened?
Savvy: I just… I didn’t plan my day and I lost it. Had a run in with the neighbor who owns the cat-baby-daddy. It’s been a hard day. Ignore me.
KT: Okay. I get it. Back to your question, I just feel like I can’t figure out my problem.
Me: What problem are you talking about me? What’s going on?
KT: People have told me in the past that I’m not the type of person they want to take home to meet the family/parents. I don’t fit a certain expectation.
Me: That’s terrible. I don’t believe in caring about what a person’s parents think. The parents should support them. Plus, happy-ever-after never involved the mom and dad. You know? You’re marrying the person, not the family. What’s your longest relationship?
KT: 9 months. She didn’t want to get married.
I blink at the “she” and realize it must be a typo.
Me: Oh, well, he doesn’t deserve you then. Marriage is hard work. Many fail at it. But that doesn’t mean everyone does. And that doesn’t mean there’s a type to do it either.
KT: I’d love to have the chance to try. I’m not like most people think. I’m not afraid of commitment and I’m not a partier. I look like it, but I’m not.
Me: Too bad everyone doesn’t feel the same way. I love family and marriage even more than the drama and romance of first falling for someone. I love the stability of having a partner and being able to rely on a partner. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to feel that way again, but I want to.
I can’t help comparing Keith and Knox. Keith looks like the type to want a family and commitment and all the things wrapped up in that. Knox, with his tattoos, broad shoulders, shaved hair on the sides but thick waves that he hides under his cap, and pants that make his butt look like they belong in a magazine definitely does not look like the settling down type.
He looks like a love-em-and-leave-em type of bad boy.
Maybe that’s why my pulse goes crazy when I see him or when we’re nearby. I’m busy running away from anything that makes me aware of my own needs and wants. Especially a man who could probably cure me of my binging problem.
Actually, I have no idea what Knox’s opinion on commitment is.
Me: How do you know what kind of a guy is up for commitment and who isn’t?
KT: I think you have to ask the guy.
Me: Are they honest enough to tell you?
KT: I would think if you asked a guy his thoughts on commitment and he stuck around afterward, that probably means he’s not allergic to it.
Me: Allergic. I like that. You think I should just go up and ask the BBQ Buns guy?
KT: Sure, why not? Wait. You’re interested in this guy? There are two sides to every story. You should at least find out.
I avoid the interested question. She’d understand when she saw him. Even if it’s just a picture.
Me: What’s the point in asking him? I’m not going to pursue anything with him. He dropped the kids off today and didn’t come in or anything. Not that it’s bad. I’m glad he didn’t see me in the state I was in. Holy cow, KT. I do mean COW.
KT: Why? What happened?
Me: I’m… Embarrassed.
KT: Oh, yeah, the binging. Nah. Guys don’t care about stuff like that. He probably would have sat down and eaten with you.
I laugh out loud and actually send her a grinning GIF.
Time to recap. I reach out and grab Paul from the coffee table where I’d set him and pull him into my lap. Pencil in hand I lean over the pages titled “Time to recap.”
I usually have days where I fall apart and then I have to take notes on what I’ve learned and what not to do again. Not that they do much for me, but they still have some kind of value. I think.
Okay, it’s mostly that I hope they have value.
My cheeks burn as I write out what I learned and my conclusions for the day.
To recap for today, here are the three things I’m NOT going to do.
Go for the guy.
Binge again (Savvy, please, go back to tracking).
Let the cat-baby-daddy’s owner get away with this.
Because I haven’t forgotten. There’s so much on my plate. I need to ignore what pushed me over the edge. I need to go get ready for bed before I start to hyper focus and go back to the pantry to get more frosting and a graham cracker box.
What would KT say to that?
Worse, what would Knox say if he knew I’m a binge-food-addict?
Chapter 14
Knox
All morning I’m fidgety. I almost ruined my undercover with Savvy. I put she instead of he. At least Savvy acted like it was a typo.
I need to see Savvy. I wanted to see her last night, but I didn’t feel right with Abby thinking I didn’t like them without the incentive of their mother. I jerk my chin up to David as I step out of the door to the trailer. “I’ll be back.” He doesn’t acknowledge me and I don’t care.
I’m still a little mad at him for the phone incident.
At Killer Miller Keto I stand at the back of the short line and wait for everyone to get served. Savvy smiles at me, but it’s more professional than friendly.
“Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow the kids yesterday. We all had a good time. I did anyway.” I rest my elbow on the side of the trailer, grateful for my height.
She bites her lower lip in a highly distracting fashion that makes me lose my train of thought for a minute. What would it be like to kiss her? Would she be all controlled about it or would she lose her cool and turn into a hellcat?
I’d love to find out, but I keep my thoughts to myself and wait for her reply.
“They had a great time, thank you for taking them.” She wipes at the counter and glances down, obviously wanting to say something more but holding back.
“What is it?” I cock my head to the side and wait, patiently. Okay, not patiently, but I’m trying.
“Why didn’t you come up? The kids said you just dropped them off. I… Were they not good?” She stops wiping and studies me like she’s asked me a life-altering question and she has to understand every facet of the answer.
I shake my head. “Your kids are very well-behaved. Seriously, we had a great time. They’re not here, are they?” I glance behind her, trying to see if we’re alone before I tell her what happened.
Wrong Text, Right Reply: A Sweet Accidental Romance (An Accidental But Perfect Romance Book 1) Page 10
