The cat scrambles to back out of the swinging entrance, his dark silhouette disappearing into the backyard. I open the door, spraying more water into the darkness and call out, “You’re not getting her pregnant again. Ingrate.”
“Mom. I think you scared him off for good.” Abby stands behind me with her arms folded over her chest. I don’t even remember her following me downstairs.
Shaking from the adrenaline of the moment, I gently shut the door behind me and turn into the kitchen.
“How long have you been up?” I glance around the kitchen. I had just been down here and she wasn’t, but the lights are on and the makings of a sandwich sit on the counter.
“I waited until you went to your room.” Abby shrugs and moves into place by the sandwich fixings. She swipes a butter knife over the bread, smearing yellow mustard to the edges.
“You’re hungry? Didn’t you eat at your dad’s?” Taking a seat on a stool across from her, I lean forward on my elbow and appreciate the graceful movements of my teenage daughter.
“No. He only has vegan stuff. Tofu and some other things. I didn’t know he was vegan. Did you know that?” Abby lifts her gaze angrily to my face, like the way her father eats is somehow associated with me.
“Um. Yes, but I think it’s his girlfriend’s idea. Good for him. It’s supposed to be a healthy way to live.” As far as I’m concerned, Keith’s health is only a concern because he matters to my children. I don’t care how he eats, unless it impacts Dexter and Abby. “So, what did you guys do, if he didn’t feed you?”
Abby sets the knife on the counter and lets her hands rest along the edge of the counter by her hips. She sighs and then lifts her gaze to me again, this time devoid of accusations. “Mom, he’s… different. I don’t know.”
My heart breaks for my daughter. Divorce is hard on parents but even worse for kids.
“I’m sorry, Abby.” I twist my lips to the side and consider her.
“It’s not your fault, Mom.” Abby’s glower underlines her anger.
“Fault doesn’t matter here. I’m sorry your dad and I couldn’t make it work. I’m sorry you and Dexter have to deal with all of this. It isn’t fair and I wish I could make it easier.” My apology is simple but heart felt. I wish there was some way to fix the pain that my children feel.
“Did you have fun with Knox? You guys weren’t here when we got home.” Abby brushes aside my apology, probably because she isn’t sure how to respond.
I understand. I never know how to reply when someone says they’re sorry. “Yes, we did. We went over to Apple’s house and helped with a situation.”
Abby grabs up her plate of food and sits beside me at the counter, eating like she hasn’t eaten in years.
We sit in silence as Abby eats her meal and I try to process that the things that happen to me aren’t the most important things. It’s the things that happen to my children and affect my children that are the most important.
As we part for the evening, I give Abby a kiss on the cheek and tell her I love her. She smiles and heads to bed.
I follow suit, climbing into bed and grabbing my phone. I’m a little too wound up to just fall asleep after dealing with the cat, my kids’ disappointment in their father, and the leftover betrayal from earlier in the evening.
There’s a few missed messages and I swipe the screen to read them.
First is from Knox.
Knox: Hey, what happened? We were having a good evening and then…
I ignore his message. At least for right now. How do I answer him honestly? I can’t. Not yet.
The group thread has been bombarded and I click on the thread and scroll up to the start of the missed messages.
Apple: Thanks, Savvy, for coming. You and your friend helped get things under control.
Mandie: I’m here! Thanks!
Alex: Glad you’re doing better, Apple.
Veve: I’m participating! Yay, Apple! Boo you needed help, though.
Dion: I’m here. Apple, yay! Guys, I’m having a crisis moment, myself. But it’s something you can help me with without coming to my house.
Dion: I’m thinking about getting a piercing in a… pretty risky area. I’m not sure if I should do it or not.
I lean up in bed, bending over the phone. What if she’s talking about a piercing in a… bikini spot? I don’t know. What if she is?
Alex: I’d need to see a picture of the spot. Send that. I’ll tell you.
My heart pounds. What if it is of a private spot and Dion thinks we’re all women? Knox could see something highly inappropriate. Something Dion thinks she’s only sharing with trusted friends?
My mouth is dry as I scroll down more.
An image of a woman’s nose from the side takes up the screen and I breathe out on an exhale. I didn’t even know I held my breath.
Alex: Your nose is perfect for piercing. But not a bull style. Do a small stud in the side.
Apple: I like your nose. Why do you need to pierce it?
I scroll to the bottom, lightly skimming the rest of the texts and then set the phone to the side.
Telling the group about Knox doesn’t seem right and yet at the same time, I know it’s the only ethical thing to do. I just don’t know for sure that he’s KT.
KT hasn’t been on the thread since I asked for a verifier. It wouldn’t be helpful at this point, though. I don’t have Knox’s phone anymore. Either of them could message and I’d have no idea which one he is.
I wish I had someone to talk to. I thought KT was my friend for that, but what if I can’t trust her? What if she’s not the person I thought she was?
As I stare into the darkness, I realize I need a planning moment.
Climbing out of bed, I tiptoe down into the kitchen and grab Paul and my favorite pencil and duck into the pantry.
But… I stare at the pages for the week. I don’t want to plan. I hurt too much at the lying. This is why I don’t want to find love or fall again. This pain at the betrayal. Keith did it to his family. Now Knox is doing it to me. And indirectly to my children.
I wipe at the tears rolling down my cheeks and sniff. Then set Paul up on the shelf.
“I can’t plan anything with you. Even… I mean, you can’t even be trusted. I didn’t plan on falling for Knox. I didn’t write that in here and you let it happen anyway.” I glare at the planner and straighten my shoulders. Turning to the side, I take a deep breath. My gaze lands on the package of raspberry filled powdered donuts I bought the week before as a surprise for Dexter.
Picking up the box, I snarl at Paul. “Look, I’m not going to write this down. You don’t need to judge me for the things I eat. It’s none of your business. None. Just leave me alone. You can’t even keep my schedule in check.”
Paul glares back at me. Or at least, I imagine he does. “You know what? Forget it. I’m not going to plan with you for this week. You’re being a jerk and you don’t even help. Just stay in here. Alone.” I drop the donuts back on the shelf and slam the pantry door behind me, stomping toward my room.
It isn’t until I get almost to the top of the stairs that I remember the kids are sleeping. One more thing Paul failed to remind me of.
Fine. He can just think about what he’s done or not done in the dark of the pantry.
I have other things to deal with.
Chapter 32
Knox
I haven’t seen Savvy in a couple days. The college chick who covers for her once in a while has taken every day this week since our date on Sunday.
For the thousandth time, I check my phone in between clients. She still hasn’t replied to me – as Knox.
Maybe I should reach out as KT.
Before I can second guess myself, I thumb out a fast message and hit send, setting the phone on the counter like it’s part cobra and might bite me.
Me: Hey, you okay?
I don’t expect her to reply. Honestly, I’m not sure what I expect from her. Something went sideways on Sunday and I can’t
figure out what it could be.
The more time I spend with her, the less I want to read the messages in the divorced women’s group. I haven’t even opened them since dinner at Savvy’s on Sunday night when I saw the message about Apple. I think I’m too invested in these women and that makes me nervous
At some point, I need to be honest with them. At some point, they need to understand that I lied, why I lied, and what I can do to make amends.
My phone buzzes as I sink onto the bench and wait for the next customer.
I stare at the piece like the text is rude and awful. She hasn’t replied back to me as Knox. Something is off there, but I’m not sure what.
If only she would tell me, I could fix it.
A small part of me can’t help wondering if she found out about me as KT, but how? It’s not like I gave anything away.
I slowly reach for the phone and pull it closer, swiping the screen and bringing up the conversation.
Suddenly, the outdoor sounds seem muted, like I’m stuck in my own bubble and no one can hear anything but me.
Savvy: Sorry, I’m… having a hard time right now.
Me: With what? How can I help? What happened on the date? Is he causing problems for you?
Savvy: I want more with him, but he’s not the type. Not to mention…
Not the type? Not to mention? Savvy was fast becoming the Queen of Vague. I narrow my eyes. What could possibly be giving her a hard time? Why hasn’t she reached out to me by this point?
Me: What do you mean more? And what’s not to mention?
Savvy: Yeah, I… asked him to stay the night.
Me: You’re not the type to sleep with someone without more of a commitment or even this early. Are you sure that’s what you wanted?
I grind my teeth. She was upset about that? I thought I was doing the right thing. Plus, I had some truths to tell her before I allowed our relationship to go to any major levels like that.
Savvy: It doesn’t matter. He wasn’t interested. I wanted to try something different. Like maybe this time I could jump start things.
Savvy: I’m worried he’s a liar.
Me: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…
But I’ve sent my next text before I see her last one.
Savvy: Is the definition of insanity. Exactly. See why I think he’s a liar?
My stomach clenches and I stare down at the screen. She caught me. Somehow, she knew.
And I played right into her hands. Rather than coming clean to her, I had to get caught by her in my web of lies.
Chapter 33
Savvy
I had to block Knox’s number and KT’s. Or, I guess I should say Knox’s second number.
A deluge of texts came through after my mic drop but I delete the whole conversation and block his number. I don’t want anything to do with him.
He’s a liar. Unfortunately, I can’t block his number from the group which I desperately want to do.
Thankfully, Lila is on summer break from classes and she volunteers to work the keto trailer for the rest of the week.
I’ve got to get out there and find a new spot to park the trailer. I can’t be around Knox when I know what he’s like. When I know how he affects me and makes my chest tighten. Every part of me is aware of him and I can’t deal with it. How do I explain to my body and my heart that he lied to me? They don’t care. They like the way he makes me feel.
I like the way he makes me feel.
But I can’t forgive the lying. I need to get out of Coeur d’Alene and get my food truck closer to home. All I need to do is find a new place.
But not today.
Today, I’m going to have another discussion with Paul and most likely feed my emotions.
“You don’t get to judge me, Paul.” I stomp into the pantry where Paul has been banished since Sunday night.
Sitting on the nearest five-gallon bucket full of flour, I draw my feet up and stare around me as I avoid looking directly at the planner. The kids won’t be home for a while and I have nothing to do because I didn’t plan anything. I couldn’t plan anything because I’m fighting with my planner boyfriend.
“I’m not letting him win. Quit it.” I puff air up toward my forehead and fold my arms. But I can’t stay in that position long. In moments, I’m grabbing at a box of Fruit Loops and eating them by the handful.
The truth is, I like Knox. A lot. I care about him and think about him in very embarrassing ways.
Paul hides a very shameful secret in fact where I wrote my first name and Knox’s last name all over a notes page inside.
Wait. Knox Taylor. K. T. Why am I such an idiot? How did I miss that?
Shaking my head, I reach for Oreos. When did I buy these? It doesn’t matter. I’m shoving them into my mouth two by two.
I should say something to the group about him and his lying, but I can’t. I can’t even look at my phone. I can’t even face him or anything about him.
Or anything.
Half a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips joins the half bag of Oreos before I decide to make a switch to something healthier. Salt and vinegar potato chips.
“Shut up, Paul. They’re made out of potatoes. They have to be healthier.” I mumble as I shove another handful in my mouth.
I eat so many chips, my tongue feels cut up and raw.
Sighing, I tuck the remnants of my garbage into the now-empty chip bag and huff as I lean against the wall of the pantry.
My energy is gone, evaporated and I feel similar to the way I felt when Keith announced he was leaving.
The motion detecting light turns off and I don’t move to correct it. I don’t want any light around me. I just want to sit there, hidden away in the dark, while my heart tries to heal itself with Oreos, chocolate, and salt and vinegar chips. If I don’t feel better in an hour, I’ll go after the marshmallows in the back of the pantry.
I’m not sure how much time passes before there’s some kind of noise outside the pantry door.
Blinking from my stupor, I glance up as the door opens and I shriek. “Don’t kill me. I look hideous.”
“Mom, what are you doing in here?” Dexter studies me, his mouth fallen open like he’s in mild shock.
Abby’s eyebrows rise up toward her hairline as she takes in my appearance and then sees Paul. “Oh, my word, you’re getting sugar drunk with your planner-boyfriend.”
I moan and turn away, holding up a hand to ward them off. “Don’t look at me.”
But they ignore me as they both squeeze in around me and stand me up, one arm around each of their shoulders. How many times would I make them see me like this?
Maneuvering me out of the pantry, Abby and Dexter get me to the sink where they proceed to dust the crumbs off from my embarrassing binge.
“Mom, are you okay? Here, tilt your head this way.” Abby uses my chin to move my head to the side and she shakes something out of my ponytail.
Wrong Text, Right Reply: A Sweet Accidental Romance (An Accidental But Perfect Romance Book 1) Page 21
