After a moment, I face her and wrinkle my nose. “Honey, I messed things up with him.” There, look at me taking responsibility. “I… yeah.” I don’t have any thing else to add to it. I can’t explain it to myself let alone my daughter.
“Have you tried fixing things?” Abby moves closer to me, studying my face in the back porchlight. I can only imagine how I look.
“It’s not that easy, plus it’s been too long. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” I lamely lift my hands and then let them fall to my sides again. “I… blocked his number and I’m ignoring the group thread we were in together. It’s making my refusal to have him in my life easier to achieve.”
Abby gives me a look that I’ll never tell her reminds me of her father in one of his better moments and she whirls around to leave me outside while she ducks inside.
She’s back out in seconds and holding my phone toward me.
I shake my head. “No, it’s too late. He won’t want to come over here. He probably forgot who I am.” Maybe that’s part of my fear in contacting him. Maybe that’s part of why I can’t consider reaching out to him.
What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me now?
“He’ll come. He cares about you. Probably more than you know.” Abby winks at me – my fifteen-year-old winks at me – and swipes the screen on my phone, punching a few buttons and then handing the cell across to me. “Okay, he’s unblocked. Now, you can call him.”
“It’s too early.” The screen of my phone says four-thirty-one am.
The sun is barely dusting the mountains in the east with light and making the black of the sky look more like a gradient of blues.
“Nah, you need him now. At least text him.” Abby folds her arms. “I can, if you want.” She sees my hesitation and continues. “Mom, I know you care about him, too. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen how you stare at him at the food lot and the weird way you giggle when he’s around. It’s kind of freaky, but okay, whatever. Plus,” Her tone softens. “You always tell us to give people the benefit of the doubt. Second chances and all that. You should practice what you tell us to do.”
There, I can see she’s used all her adult advice and she’s expecting me to act on it.
I swallow, slowly reaching for the cell. All I have to do is text him.
That isn’t that hard.
Is it?
Chapter 38
Knox
I’m embarrassed by how long the letter is when I’ve finally finished it.
So embarrassed that I went to bed early to avoid looking at it and then tossed and turned in my covers as if the letter mocked me from the desk on the other side of the room in my house.
This could be one of those times when the Tell-Tale Heart is more like a Lovesick-Love Letter. Instead of beating in accusation under the floorboards, it whispers sweet nothings from the desk.
There is so much in that letter I’ve wanted to say for a while. Writing the words down made me feel like I’m doing something for Savvy that she wouldn’t have to run from, wouldn’t have to face like an in-person attack, but maybe she’ll take her time with the things I wrote…
On four pages.
Four pages!
I don’t even want to think about it.
Almost four-forty in the morning and I still can’t sleep.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I shift my gaze from the desk to the glowing phone screen.
Blinking, I pull it toward me, unplugging it from the charger as I do so. Who is texting me this early?
I swear, if it’s David, I’m going to wrap him up in a headlock.
But I stop my mental threats toward my brother as I see Savvy’s name on my screen.
Nervously, I open the thread that is just to me. Knox. At least I know who she’s messaging now.
Savvy: Sorry to bother you so early. I caught a cat in a catcher cage and I need to do something with him, but I’m not sure what. Can you help me, please?
She asked me for help? After all the silent treatment, she was actually reaching out to me for help?
My fingers fly over the keyboard as I reply.
Me: I’ll be there in fifteen.
Fifteen minutes to get my head around what exactly it is I need to do.
As I dart out of the room, I grab the Lovesick-Love Letter and shove it unceremoniously into the front pocket of my hoodie.
One way or the other, I have to get Savvy to hear me. Even if I have to leave her a letter to read about it.
I must have set some records as I pull into her driveway twelve minutes later. Climbing from my cab, I glance up at her house and wish things had gone differently. What if I hadn’t lied or hadn’t left out who I am exactly? Where would we be right now?
I knock softly on the door but it isn’t necessary. Before I finish knocking, Savvy has the door open and she steps back, welcoming me inside.
She doesn’t meet my gaze though as she smiles tightly and stares at the college initials on my sweatshirt. “Thank you for coming. I’m not sure what to do with him.”
“Do you know which house he lives at?” I follow her through the ground floor of her home, careful to keep my voice low. I’m sure Dexter and Abby are sleeping, it’s still too early for anyone to be up yet.
“The guy lives behind me. I’ve told him a few times, but he doesn’t seem to believe me or something. I’m not sure.” Savvy shrugs in front of me and I try to keep my eyes off the leggings she’s wearing that early. They definitely showcase the curvier shape of her body and I’m not there to think about her in my arms. I’m supposed to be there to support her in her cat catching endeavors.
We step onto the back porch and Savvy stops, pointing toward a metal catcher cage with a disgruntled black cat inside.
I stop and fold my arms over my chest. “Okay, I’ll take the cat, but we’re going to talk about what happened.”
Savvy’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head. “No. I can’t… It’s… I just don’t think it’s an appropriate time.”
Appropriate time? I shrug, mimicking the movement she offered earlier. “Okay, then I’m not dealing with the cat.”
Savvy gasps and shakes her head as she finally meets my gaze with hers. “You’re seriously going to blackmail me?”
“Yep, you can add it to my tab of sins I’ve got racking up.” I challenge her with my gaze, unwilling to look away.
She finally does and nods. “Okay, fine. Get rid of the cat and I’ll… I’ll talk to you about whatever we need to talk about.” Her voice is small but I take it at face value. She’s promised. I’m going to come right back and collect.
Before bending down and picking up the cage, I reach into my front pocket and pull out the folded-up pages. “Here, you can read this while I’m gone. When I get back, we’re going to talk.”
She slowly takes the letter and stares at me, but I ignore the questions in her eyes.
Bending down, I pick up the cage and whisper to the cat as I stride through the house.
Rather than put him in the back of my truck, I slide the cage across the front seat to sit beside me as I continue murmuring nonsensical things his direction.
The drive to the house behind Savvy’s place takes a handful of seconds. I don’t really care how early it is. The guy’s cat needs to be dealt with. It’s either I bring him to his home or I take him to the humane society.
Carrying the cage at my side, I reach the front door and knock before pushing the doorbell.
I wait a moment, maybe two, and then do the routine again – knock, ring.
Before I can start a third time, the front door is swung open and I’m staring into the eyes of Blaze Morgan, a great friend I haven’t seen in far too long.
He blinks at me, the new eyebrow piercing catching the early dawn light. “Knox, man? Is that you? Why are you…” He rubs his hand down his face. “I guess I don’t understand. Do you need something? Am I dreaming?”
“If you’re dreaming of me, you have some pretty disturbing
dreams.” I chuckle as I hold up the cat. “Listen, your cat got caught over at Savvy’s house. You’re also the proud cat-grandfather of some babies. They’re pretty cute. Yes, your cat is the father. He’s hanging out over there far too much for them not to be.” I let Blaze take the cage slowly, disbelief starting to wear out his fatigue.
He nods. “Okay, yeah, I didn’t realize Savvy was wound so tight. Or I would have done something sooner.”
“Yeah, she’s in a hard position. Maybe help her out instead of making things harder?” I side-smile. “Man, it’s been a long time. I can’t wait to catch up. Where can I find you?”
“Besides here? I’m working down at the Iron Horse on Sherman. Tending bar and managing.” He jerks his chin my direction.
“Nice. Still tending, huh? That’s great.” Blaze and I had finished school around the same time, but opted out of the nine-to-five grind since neither of us seemed to fit in a box.
“Man, you want to come in? I can put some coffee on.” His yawn argues against his willingness to have me in for a visit.
I wave my hand. “Thanks, I need to have a chat with Savvy.”
Understanding fills his eyes. “Ah, so you’re the one who has her attention. Nice. She’s gorgeous and fiery. But kind of crazy.” He laughs and takes his cat inside with the cage. “I’ll get you the cage back. Sorry again for the inconvenience.”
“I’ll see you at the bar.” I wave as I walk back to my truck and he closes the door.
If only talking things out with Savvy would be that easy.
But I’m going to give her a little bit more time to read the letter. No one can read four pages of cursive in the short handful of minutes I’ve been gone.
My hands shake as I put the truck into reverse.
One way or the other, we need to get this resolved.
I just don’t want to lose her. What if she doesn’t feel the same way?
Chapter 39
Savvy
Watching Knox walk off the back porch and into my home, I crinkle the paper he gave me and then drop my gaze to the letter after he’s no longer in my field of view.
I sink onto the nearest patio chair, tucking my feet beneath me. It’s cool but not cold. In probably forty minutes or so, the sun will be fully up and warming the valley we live in.
I fold open the paper, hoping Abby went to bed like she said she was going to.
And finally, I let myself read the words Knox put on paper for me.
Savvy,
If I could have it to do all over, this is how I would have responded to being in the group thread.
Me: Hi guys, I would love to be a part of this group, but I need to be honest. I’m a single guy who has never been married and thus never divorced. Is that going to be a problem? Let me know. Thanks!
And then, Savvy, I would have responded to our private thread with the same information and then this.
Hi Savvy, thanks for letting me know about the group. I would love the chance to stay in there, but you need to know that I’ve had a crush on you since you came to the lot last year.
I’ve watched you with your kids, with your customers, and with other trailer business owners and I’ve always been amazed and slightly in awe at the way you treat others with such kindness.
Even me when you’re supposed to hate me. Right?
What if I told you that we’re supposed to be together? What if I told you this text is fate? This mix up is meant to be?
Corny, right?
Yeah, I know. There’s so much corniness I want to share with you. How much I love the way you laugh and what it was like eating across the table from you after you made that mess of water.
It was a blast. You were graceful and funny and humble.
Not easy traits to find in a woman so beautiful and successful as you.
I’ve had the hardest time getting anyone to look past my exterior, look past the rough edges and see me for the man I really am. I really want you to be the one who can do that. Who can love me for me.
But you won’t even talk to me. You won’t check the messages. You’re not talking to the group and you’re not talking to me. You’ve left the Coeur d’Alene food lot. You have literally done everything you can to cut me out of your life and I just want to know why?
I want to know if my omission is really so bad, you can’t forgive me? I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I didn’t fix things or straighten things out when I had the chance. I’m sorry, I dropped the ball with that.
But everything else I’ve been honest about.
Especially about how I feel for you and your children.
I want to be there for you. I want commitment.
Can you meet me halfway?
Knox
I blink the tears out of my eyes. His large cursive scrawls beautifully over the pages and I try to picture him writing the words.
I fiddle with the corner of the top page and lower the stack to my lap as I stare off into space. How am I supposed to process this?
He said he’d be back.
What did we say when he returned?
As if my thoughts had conjured him, there stood Knox in front of me, his hands splay out by his sides and he studies me before he takes a seat across from me on the matching patio chair. “Well? What’s it going to be, Savvy?”
I shift my gaze to his face but have no words to say.
“Savvy, I’m sorry. I really am. Can we get past this?” He searches my face like the answers will be there. How can my expression tell him what I have no real answer for?
I take a deep breath and decide not to over-think it. I’m just going to tell him what I’m thinking. I never did that with Keith. I have to be able to do that with Knox. Even if we don’t end up together, at least I can say that I got my thoughts out and didn’t hide how I felt.
“I’m not sure what I’m thinking. I do know you’re always there to help me. I treasure that trait in a friend.” Do I really want to keep him in the friend-zone? “It’s not even that. It’s just… I don’t know if I can trust you.”
There. I said it. Now, what can he do?
Knox stands and moves to the other side of the chair, his shoulders are broad, even in the hoody he’s wearing from a local college. He runs his fingers through his hair that is unusually hat-free. The thick dark waves fall into his face unless he pushes them back of his forehead. A lot of men would kill for hair like that. The shaved-up sides and back just give him more of a dangerous vibe that makes my pulse stutter.
“You and I both know that’s a lie. You trusted me enough to come get the cat at five in the morning. You knew I’d be here, Savvy. You trust me enough to throw yourself at me.” He grits his teeth.
“What?” I stand, immediately filled with outrage that he would insinuate I had done anything of the kind.
I move toward the back door, unsure what I’m even going to do, or where I’m going. I’m trying to run and I don’t know where I can go. He’s at my house. He’s here. In the backyard. It’s not like I can physically move him myself. The man is ten-tons of muscle. Rippling muscles that I would love to… Nope. Just nope.
Wrong Text, Right Reply: A Sweet Accidental Romance (An Accidental But Perfect Romance Book 1) Page 24
