by M. S. Parker
“You always did work too hard.”
“You’re one to talk.” Sylvia sounded amused. “I was always surprised when I managed to peel you away from the embassy for some alone time.”
I frowned. The embassy? When had Brianne worked for the embassy in Costa Rica? Had there been some sort of security detail her unit had been assigned to? I tried to remember if she or my mom had ever said anything about an assignment like that, but nothing came to mind.
“I was surprised to learn you’d left Colombia,” Brianne said. “I’d always thought you were happy there.”
The Colombian Embassy then? What the hell?
“I was, but when my dad passed last year, I realized that I didn’t have much reason to stay without him. I wasn’t about to go back to Canada though.”
“I heard about your dad. I’m sorry. He was a good man.” After a pause, Brianne added, “I’m guessing that not wanting to go back to Canada means you and your mother still aren’t on the best of terms.”
“I called her to let her know about Dad’s passing, and she told me that if I was coming back to Canada, she would insist on a public apology to her husband, one where I would say I made up all the things I said he did.”
“Bitch,” Brianne said with feeling. “She deserves to be with the abusive bastard then.”
“I’d rather talk about something more pleasant,” Sylvia said. “Like who you’re dating.”
Brianne laughed. “Who says I’m dating anyone?”
“And now I know you are, so spill it. Who is she?”
She.
Shit.
Brianne was a lesbian.
How did I not know that?
Except, as I stood there, frozen, something clicked. Memories ran through my mind too fast for me to separate, but the knowledge was there. I’d been right. I’d known that she was gay, but not for long.
And Clay had been the one to tell me.
Why had he told me? There’d been a conversation with him. I could remember that much, but I didn’t know what the conversation had been about, or why he’d been there in the first place.
What had brought us together after sixteen years? And did it have something to do with why he kept acting weird around me? With why he’d kissed me?
Fuck.
Ever since I’d woken up in Luis’s apartment, I’d been trying to figure out what had happened since Christmas, but now that I had some of those memories back, I found myself terrified of what the other memories would bring.
I needed to get out of there.
Now.
Sixteen
Clay
I heard the front door close, but I didn’t see who left. I hoped it was Luis, for both our sakes. My patience with him was wearing thin, and I didn’t think Tess would take too kindly to me knocking out her new friend. Which made me want to hit him even more.
“Tess!” Brianne nearly knocked me over as she ran from the kitchen into the hall.
I caught Brianne’s shoulders, steadying us both before she pulled away and kept going toward the door.
“Bri!” Sylvia called, hurrying around me to follow Brianne outside.
What the hell?
I turned and went after the women. I really hoped all this didn’t mean that Tess had left. We’d just found her, and it was dangerous out there.
“Shit!” Brianne smacked the doorframe. “How the hell did she get away so fast?”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Brianne and I were talking in the kitchen,” Sylvia said as we watched Brianne jog out to the road. “I’m not sure what made Tess freak out, but Bri and I heard a noise, and when we looked up, we saw Tess leaving.”
“What were you talking about?” I asked. Color flooded Sylvia’s cheeks, and I knew what had happened. “Oh.”
“I don’t understand why that would’ve made Tess leave,” Sylvia said before going after Brianne, leaving me to debate whether or not I should tell them what I suspected.
“Dammit!” Brianne stomped past me and back into the house.
I followed her, and Sylvia came in right behind me. While Sylvia went to calm Brianne down, I went back to the guest room Sylvia had given Luis and me. As much as I hated to admit it, if anyone knew where Tess would go, it’d be him.
Except he wasn’t there.
It didn’t take long to check the rest of the house and confirm that he wasn’t anywhere. As I went back into the living room, I asked, “Do either of you know where Luis went?”
Both women looked at me.
“He’s not here?” Brianne asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know if he left first or what, but I think if we find him, we find Tess.”
“What the hell is going on with her?” Brianne shook her head.
I shoved a hand through my hair. “I think she has amnesia.” When Brianne gave me a disbelieving look, I added, “She’s acting like she and I hadn’t been here together trying to find you. The things she says…it’s like the last few weeks haven’t happened.”
“And you think that’s why she’s sticking with this Luis guy instead of trusting me and you?” Brianne said, tapping her fingertip to her lips.
“I think she still thinks that you and I slept together sixteen years ago, and she’s never gotten over it.”
Sylvia’s eyes went wide. “You two what?”
“We didn’t,” Brianne said after a long sigh. “It’s a long story.”
I gave Sylvia the short version. “Tess and I figured out that Bri was trying to protect her, like she always does. Basically, Bri lied to Tess so she would accept moving away from DC. And then Brianne lied about being gay because if Tess had learned the truth, she would’ve questioned what Bri had told her about us.”
“She overheard Sylvia and I talking about who I was dating.”
“I think it might’ve triggered her lost memories,” I said. “If everything she’d forgotten came back to her, it’d be overwhelming. She’d want to take time to collect her thoughts.”
Brianne nodded. “And she’d figure Luis would be the only person she could trust since he wouldn’t have been involved in any of what’d happened in the past.”
I turned to Sylvia. “Where around here could Luis have suggested they go to regroup? I’m not sure I trust him, but I don’t think he’s stupid. He’ll want to have a plan that can convince Tess to stay with him.”
Sylvia thought for a minute as I worked to curb my impatience. After what seemed like an eternity, she had answers.
“The only places I can think of nearby are a small park a few blocks to the east, and a private library half a mile north. My car’s transmission went out, which means either going on foot or calling a cab. Sadly, the cab would most likely take longer than walking.”
“I’m faster,” I said to Brianne. “I’ll go to the library. Sylvia, can you stay here in case she comes back?”
With each of us having our ‘assignments,’ we went our separate ways. The morning was cool, but not even close to what it was like back in Denver, and for that I was grateful. I wouldn’t have wanted to have to do a search on foot at the beginning of February in that cold.
I set out at a light jog, knowing I needed to pace myself rather than run full blast like I wanted. I had to pace myself since I didn’t know what I might need to do later. A little voice in the back of my head whispered that I might get to knock out Luis, but I tried not to focus on that.
Lost in my thoughts, I nearly passed the sign, and if that’d happened, I wouldn’t have found the library at all. It was in a house that looked no different from half a dozen other houses on the street, with the exception of the small wooden sign planted in the front yard, declaring that it was a library and that the entrance was around back.
I followed the worn path, briefly wondering how many people it’d taken to get through the grass and keep it down to dirt. Then I rounded the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.
I’d found Tess, but she didn’t look up
set. In fact, she appeared quite content in Luis’s arms. Their faces were turned away from me – well, Tess’s was pressed against Luis’s chest – meaning neither one saw me.
My choices were clear. Intentionally draw their attention and go ahead with the mini-speech I’d prepared, asking her for the chance to fill in her missing weeks so she could make any future decisions with all of the information. Or I could turn around and walk away before they saw me and trust that Tess would return to Sylvia’s house when she was ready.
The jealousy clawing at my chest wanted a third course of action. March over there and pull the two of them apart. Tell Luis to stay away from Tess because she was mine. Then kiss Tess until she remembered everything.
The thing was, I had no right to be jealous. Even if Tess did remember that we’d been together, we’d made no promises to each other. In fact, as my obnoxious brain was quick to remind me, the last time she and I had been together, I’d intended to give her the ‘this was fun but’ speech. After what’d happened with Rona, the last thing I wanted was to be in a relationship.
Maybe it was the coward’s way out, but I couldn’t bring myself to confront her. Not like this.
Slowly, I turned around and walked away, a part of me wishing she’d see me and call me back. I couldn’t, however, in all good conscience, just leave her there, especially not with Brianne so worried.
Which meant I needed to stick around to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn’t try to take off with Luis. At that point, I’d need to get involved for Tess’s own safety. Since Luis had rescued her, I didn’t think he would intentionally hurt her, but I didn’t know enough about him to feel comfortable leaving him in charge of her.
The jealousy continuing to try to rear its ugly head had nothing to do with it.
I needed to find something to do while I stood around though, or I was going to go nuts. As I selected the best spot to keep my eyes on Tess, I pulled out my phone. I sent off a quick message to Brianne, explaining what was going on, and then called the other person who needed an update.
“Clay, I was beginning to wonder if you were the one missing now.”
Ray sounded as dry and bored as he usually did, but I knew him well enough now to know that his statement meant he’d been worried. When I’d called him to tell him that the three of us wouldn’t be coming home as planned because now Tess was missing, he’d cussed me out in that same even tone and told me to do whatever needed to be done to find her.
“We found Tess, but what’s going on down here…clusterfuck would be putting it mildly.” I scratched at a piece of bark on the tree I was leaning against. “Let’s put it this way…”
I gave him a rundown of everything that had happened since the last time I talked to him. It’d only been three days, but it felt like three lifetimes.
“So, I’m standing here waiting to see what the two of them do next and hoping that Brianne isn’t going to chop off my balls for not grabbing her sister and dragging her back to the house,” I finished.
“Damn.”
Leave it to Ray to sum everything up in a single word.
“What’s our best play here?” I asked. “Do we go to the US Embassy and let them go through the usual channels to get us home?”
I really wanted him to say yes, that all we had to do was get to the embassy, and they’d take care of us from there. I’d never been the sort of man who shirked from his duty, who wanted other people to do things for him, but I hadn’t realized until this very moment just how tired I was.
“We can’t acknowledge that you’re in Costa Rica,” Ray said, frustration in every word. “There’s something going on here, behind-the-scenes politics, that sort of shit. The secretary of state can’t have any attention coming his way.”
I fucking hated politicians.
Seventeen
Tess
I didn’t run from the house, but it was close. My mind raced, memories and thoughts crashing together until I couldn’t think straight. All I could do was walk. One foot in front of the other. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I needed to keep moving.
Brianne had been lying to me my whole life. Why hadn’t she told me she was gay? Had she thought I’d care? I didn’t care. Not in a negative way anyway. I would’ve cared about supporting her when she came out. Had she come out to other people? How many people knew this about my sister and knew that I was in the dark?
Clay had known. How had he known? How long had he known? Had he found out after they’d slept together? Was that why Brianne had slept with him, to try to convince herself she wasn’t a lesbian or because she was trying to figure out if she was attracted to men at all?
Did that make a difference?
Maybe on Brianne’s side, but not on Clay’s. Unless the two of them had come to some sort of agreement…
I shook my head.
The details weren’t the issue. They’d lied to me. That was the problem.
I didn’t understand why they were here. I hadn’t regained that particular memory – if I’d ever had it to begin with – but I couldn’t think of a single good reason that explained why the three of us were in Costa Rica.
And I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know.
I’d spent years building a life for myself, and I’d done it without any help. They’d all been looking out for themselves, so I’d done the same. I didn’t need them then, and I sure as hell didn’t need them now.
I wondered how many times I’d need to tell myself that before the deceit stopped hurting.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d walked before I finally realized I needed to know where I was. This wasn’t New York where I could wander around, then hail a cab and give my address. I didn’t see any cabs, didn’t know if it was even safe to take a cab here, and most of all, I wouldn’t have known what address to give, regardless of whether or not I wanted to go back to Sylvia’s.
I looked around, hoping I could find some place safe to figure out what I wanted to do next. I breathed a sigh of relief when I recognized the word on the sign. Biblioteca. Library.
I’d only gone a couple yards when someone yelled behind me.
“Tess!”
For one heart-stopping moment, I thought Clay had followed me, but when I looked toward the voice, I saw another familiar face. “Luis.”
“What is wrong?”
He reached for me, and this time, I didn’t pull away. I needed someone solid to ground me, and right now, as far as I knew, Luis was the only person I knew here who hadn’t lied to me. I pressed my face against his chest and closed my eyes, begging my brain to simply turn off and give me a minute of peace.
“Don’t worry, Tess. I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’ll take care of you.”
Luis spoke in Spanish, saying the sorts of things that I assumed didn’t require responses. Soothing nothings that people said when someone was upset, and they didn’t know what to say. I let my mind make the translations anyway, giving myself a sort of white noise that chased away everything else.
I didn’t know how long we stood there, but at some point, his embrace shifted, and he went from his arms wrapped around me to his hands on my waist, moving dangerously close to areas I didn’t want him touching.
Before things went too far, I took a step back. A flash of anger showed in his eyes, then disappeared. I ignored it, not wanting to draw attention to the elephant in the room. We hadn’t talked about how he felt about me, and I really wasn’t in the mood to do it now. I had enough to worry about. Especially if he was going to be difficult about me preferring friendship to romance.
“Thank you,” I said, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. “I needed a hug.”
“What happened?” His face darkened. “Did someone hurt you? Did Clay?”
I shook my head. “No, no, nothing like that.”
As I tried to figure out the best way to explain what I was feeling, Luis took a step toward me, not touching me, but still in my personal space. I looked down at my
hands as I answered, “I heard something that revealed some lies that I’d been told, and then I remembered a couple things from the past few weeks.”
Simple and honest. The best way to do things.
“I will call us a car,” he said. “We will leave the city and live in the country until you are safe. You will not need to worry about–”
“I’m not leaving,” I said. “Not before I figure out what I was doing here in the first place. I need to go back to Sylvia’s.” The thought knotted my stomach.
“Perhaps we do not need to go back right now,” he said as he put his hand on my arm. “We can take some time to explore the library. Maybe walk to the park.”
I nodded slowly. “That sounds like a good idea.”
Eighteen
Clay
I waited outside the library while Tess and Luis went inside for an hour, and then I followed them to the park where they lingered for another hour. I wasn’t bored though. I spent the time continually fielding calls and texts from Brianne, talking her out of coming after Tess and causing a scene. I reminded her that it seemed that Tess had left because she needed space. Treating Tess like a child was what had put us in this position to begin with. Bri hadn’t liked it, but she’d at least agreed. Unless Tess was in danger, we wouldn’t intervene.
I just hoped she didn’t see me following her.
When she and Luis finally headed back to Sylvia’s house, I breathed a sigh of relief…until I realized that meant I’d be in close quarters with them both again, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that. I’d been trying to convince myself that my jealousy was unwarranted, but every time I saw the two of them laugh or touch, I had the overwhelming urge to beat Luis into a bloody pulp.
I’d need to steer clear of them or things would get even more complicated.
Now, nearly twelve hours later, I sat in the dark on the porch and listened to the sounds of the Costa Rican night. I could’ve been in the guest room, sleeping in the bed Sylvia had so generously offered for a second night, but that would’ve meant being only a few feet away from Luis, and I didn’t think I had the sort of self-control I would’ve needed in that situation.
