Slow To Grow
By: Lonny Cyrelle
Chapter 1
Kulligan steps up to the plate, seemingly cool as a cucumber, which I consider near impossible considering he was a virtual unknown just mere days ago...This is an unprecedented situation, and I think the fans are as equally perplexed as we are...Cubs Manager Jim Frey is either a genius or a lunatic..Possibly both, Harry.
I don=t get it Harry, you have Jay Johnstone, Richie Hebner, and Gary Matthews on the bench, and Frey calls upon Kulligan, who just two days ago was a fan sitting in the bleachers, when the Cubs found themselves short one hitter, and he offered his services.
Well, anyhow, that is the situation we find ourselves in, 2 outs, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, and the Cubs trailing 4-2 in this Game 7 of the playoffs. Kulligan has looked just absolutely foolish on the first two pitches from future Hall of Famer Steve Carlton. Well, Steve, anyhow it is obvious this absolutely ridiculous managerial move by Frey is going to cost the Cubs their first chance for a World Series in 75 years.
Absolutely inexplicable, flabbergasting. Here is the pitch from the crafty lefty and Kulligan flails at the curveball, 0-1 count. I sit in here in pure astonishment, the fans will remember this forever, I wonder if Frey has some kind of death wish, or just wants to be fired. Carlton rears back and fires the pitch right pass Kulligan, I think he just finished his swing now.
O-2 count. The crowd is going absolutely mad, the cheering is deafening as Kulligan glares back at Carlton. I think I see Kulligan=s knees quivering. Here comes the pitch from Carlton. He rears back and we brace for the inevitable, Kulligan HIT IT, IT IS WAY BACK IT IS GOING TO CLEAR THE FENCE...IT IS ON WAVELAND. LLOYD Kulligan HAS JUST SENT THE CUBS TO THEIR FIRST WORLD SERIES SINCE 1908...I DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE JUST SAW. HE CAN BARELY MAKE IT AROUND THE BASES AS FANS ARE MOBBING HIM AND HERE HE COMES CROSSING THE PLATE TO HIS WELCOMING AND CHEERING TEAMMATES!! CUBS WIN 5-4 ON A GRAND SLAM BY CUBS FAN LLOYD Kulligan, A VERITABLE DREAM COME TRUE.
Lets see if we can find him in the sea mass of people gathered in front of home plate. There are literally thousands of people who have stormed the field and are carrying Kulligan on their shoulders! We have an interviewer down there, Lloyd, Lloyd can you hear me?
I hear you loud and clear, Steve!
What an indelible moment, how does it feel?
Well, I don=t know what indelible means, but I can tell you, I am on cloud 9. I had faith in myself and knew that there were a lot of naysayers who doubted a 15 year old could step up to the plate and deliver, but I knew I could do it and I am so happy for the fans to finally have a chance to route for the Cubs in the World Series!
Let me ask you, two days ago you were sitting in the bleachers heckling Garry Maddox, and here you sit now maybe the most famous Chicagoan and cub player of all time. How does that make you feel?
I feel great, Steve, I have always known I had this sort of thing in me, and that you hear people say it is a dream come true, but I have to tell you, IT IS REALLY A DREAM COME TRUE!!!
That is awesome Lloyd, I have one more question for you, can you tell me what the total of the hypotenuse is, if x equals 7?
What=s that?The voice was harsh and feminine, pretty much a redundancy to Lloyd, and he felt a shock run through him like he had just hit his funny bone, but it wasn=t very funny. He rubbed the spittle off his lip and stared ahead groggily. He wasn=t sure where he was for a second but then recognized his dank classroom and his swollen egg of a teacher, Miss Malone. AMiss is right,@ he thought, Awho would marry that grotesquery@ and a slight grin crept over his face.
AThe hypotenuse, THE HYPOTENUSE. Lloyd H. Kulligan, the hypotenuse.@
Ugh, the stark realization and even starker tones of his eighth grade teacher hammered home the point that Lloyd was back in enemy territory. School. The walls may have kept his body but his spirit and mind were long gone, wandering the vast recesses of his fantasy universe.
AThe hypotenuse is the longest side of a right triangle, the side opposite the right angle@, replied Lloyd, dodging yet another bullet. He was just beginning to learn the best ways to get away with as much as possible. He was still a novice at cutting corners, but no doubt he possessed the tools and skills needed to become an accomplished half ass. These were the training grounds.
Many times Miss Malone wouldn=t check to see if he did his homework, so he wouldn=t do it for a few days. Procrastination was not just a word in Honors spelling anymore
It was also at this critical juncture in time that he noticed certain hypotenuses forming in the shirts of the blossoming young women in his class. Girls were and always would be a foreign species to him and would continue to vex him for years to come. In 8th grade, the current subject of his desire was one Laurie Johns, current being used loosely, as it was going on three years. She first caught his fancy in 5th grade. He said that once, she catches my fancy. That sounds pretty gay he thought.
But he wasn=t going to do anything about it. He never did. He observed in the same way that a cat stares at a squirrel through the window. All bundled curiosity and wound up anxiety, but with absolutely no chance of catching it, and certainly no clue what to do with it if caught. Actually that was giving Lloyd too much credit, it was more like traveling to the moon. Way out of reach, and no clue on how to get there.
She was exquisitely pretty, that was all he knew. Well he didn=t use the term exquisite, more like smokin= because that was what the cool kids said. He got vibrations up and down his spine when he saw her. He did not know what those vibrations were, but they were new and distracting and odd and pleasant. He also had an annoying propensity to fixate on things. His current fixation was her. Always in his thoughts.
In class.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Ok, if she touches her hair that means she likes me. TOUCH YOUR HAIR, GODDAMMIT. Nothing. If she makes eye contact, smile. She just looked back here, shit I hope she didn=t see me looking.
At home shooting baskets.
Ok, if you make this she likes you.
Clank.
Ok, two out of three.
With friends.
She was watching one time when he was playing baseball. If you hit the ball over the tennis court fence it was a home run.
She is watching. Ok, choker, bear down. if I can just park this one over the fence. Oh man, would she be impressed.
He had never come close. Ever.
Just settle down, you can do it. Don=t choke, Choker.
A massive swing and a miss. It was slow pitch, mind you.
No biggie, no biggie. Oh god, she saw me miss a pitch. She must think I am the biggest loser ever. She must think I suck. Cause I do suck. This is the most humiliating day of my life.
He glanced over, she was not paying any attention to the game.
Thank god. Now show her what you got, tough guy. Bear down. Bear down.
The pitch arched gracefully and Lloyd=s eyes got wide as saucers, it was perfect. He gracefully leaned back on his right leg and geared up for the power swing. He swung and made contact right on the sweet spot. A picture perfect confluence of bat and ball. A slight grin of complete satisfaction crept upon his face. The powerful swing sent the ball dribbling past the mound, and Lloyd chugged down the line as fast as he could. The fact was, a piano could outrace him. He was out by 15 feet.
Fuck. I hope she didn=t see that.
She didn=t. She was making out with Paul Sandler.
He was always thinking about her in class.
Hey Laurie, how is it going? You look really pretty today.
Oh, thank you Lloyd, that is really sweet of you, you are looking as handsome as ever. I really like how your hair is untussled and looks like a bird=s nest. I find myself daydreaming about you all
the time. I love all the sports uniforms you wear. That Cardinals one is really awesome. And I really like your Cubs uniform you wear twice a week. The home one. Not the road one. And during the winter months I enjoy seeing you in your Vikings jersey. The purple looks good on you.
Aw, thanks, Laurie. That is cool that you know the difference between the home and road colors. White for home, Blue for the road. I figured you knew the difference. That is so cool that you like sports. Anyhow I was wondering if you wanted to go and get some ice cream? I would pay for it!
Oh, Lloyd I have been waiting for you to ask me for so long. I told Tina to tell Lisa to tell Mary to tell Karen to tell you I have been crushing on you, and this makes my life complete. Of course I will go with you.
Sounds cool, I will see you after school.
He ran into Laurie in the hall after class.
AUh, hey.@
AUh, hi, Leo.@
AIt=s Lloyd.@
She seemed genuinely perplexed. AListen Leo, could you please stop staring at me so much, it creeps me out.@ And she turned and left.
AUh, bye.@ she didn=t hear him.
Miss Malone called him back into her classroom. He figured she would lecture him about not paying attention to her or not getting his homework assignments done on time.
ALloyd, I have something I need to discuss with you@, she whispered in her hushed whiskey laced tone, Abut do you ever comb your hair?=
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