by Sarah Piper
“Gray.” A firm grip on my shoulder, the too-warm touch that quickly led to smoke, and Ronan was easing me backward, out of Darius’s reach once again.
Ronan released me.
I stood between them, Ronan at my back, Darius before me, and felt myself waver. Memories seized me, flashing images of our night together at the safe house, Ronan taking me from behind, Darius lying beneath me, touching me, bringing me endless pleasures…
I’d felt so loved, so cared for. So safe. In that moment, I’d known without a doubt that as long as we had each other, nothing bad could ever touch us.
If only I’d known that it was just that—a moment. Here, then gone.
That night, their touch felt like home.
This night, a touch from either of them could kill me.
Darius unleashed a faint moan, his eyes darkening with a look of pure, unadulterated lust.
“Whatever you’re thinking about,” Ronan told me, “whatever you’re feeling, he’s picking up on it.”
I felt my cheeks flame and forced myself to look away.
“Deirdre said she’ll brew something to ease his suffering,” Ronan said. “It should help neutralize the effects of the overdose and diminish the bloodlust—Emilio’s sister did the same thing before. But I’m afraid neither of them can do anything about his memories.”
“Have they even tried?”
“What’s to try? Those beasts that attacked us in the Shadowrealm weren’t called memory borrowers or memory misplacers or temporary memory blockers. They’re memory eaters, Gray. They destroyed his mind. I want to believe there’s a way, but I just…” Ronan sighed. “Maybe there’s no coming back from something like that.”
Darius had no response to this. When I turned to look at him again, I saw his head hanging limply, his hair falling in front of his eyes. He’d gone still.
“He’ll be okay, though, won’t he?” I asked.
After all the secrets, the deceit, the misdirections, the cover-ups, all I wanted now was one more lie. I wanted Ronan to look me in the eye and tell me that Darius would pull through this. That we’d all pull through this.
But Ronan shook his head. “I don’t know, Gray.”
It was just as well. Lies never really fixed anything, anyway. They just prolonged the breaking.
“Did you know I was the Silversbane heir?” I asked Ronan. Emotionless. Cold. A throwaway question I didn’t really expect him to answer.
“No,” he said. “But I always suspected it.”
I looked up into his eyes, searching them for some sign of hope. Something flickered there—a spark, maybe, and then it was gone.
“You were always destined for greatness,” he said, leaning in close. “I never doubted that.”
His smile reappeared, and for one brief instant I thought he might actually try to kiss me again. But then he pulled back, shoving a hand through his hair.
“We… We need to find Asher,” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure why—it’s not like finding Asher could do anything to bring back Darius’s memories or break the chains Sebastian had put on my relationship with Ronan. But I had to stay focused on something—a mission with a definite end goal. Something we actually stood a chance at achieving.
“We will,” Ronan said firmly. Definitively. Then, in a softer voice, “That’s a promise, Gray.”
I shook my head, biting back a snarky retort. There was a time when I believed Ronan’s promises without question. When that firm, no-nonsense, no-bullshit tone had the power to pull me from the darkest depths of worry and fear. When one touch of his palm against my cheek could soothe the deepest ache in the darkest parts of my soul.
But he wasn’t allowed to touch me now, and the ache bloomed unchecked, blackening me from the inside out.
I turned my back on both of them—my demon and my vampire, the men whose claims on my heart were burned into me like brands—and walked to collect my hounds.
Right now, our priority was Asher. He needed me to stay strong.
And I needed him to be… No, that was it. No more words necessary. I needed him to be. To just be.
Nineteen
Gray
“How soon can we get back to Raven’s Cape?” I paced the hotel room, wishing I had a suitcase to pack or papers to shuffle or anything to distract me from the black hole eating away at my heart.
I was the fucking heir to the Silversbane legacy. The prophesied witch born with the power to unite the covens and bring order to the chaos and blah, blah, blah.
So why couldn’t I save the men I loved?
Why did I grow up alone, isolated from my three sisters?
How did my parents actually die?
How did Deirdre end up in Sebastian’s company?
Where were my sisters now? Did they know about me?
Who signed my original contract with Sebastian?
How much, if anything, did Calla know?
What did Sebastian want with my ancestors if he already knew I was the prophesied witch? Was it just my sisters he was after, so he could have the complete set?
I looked around at the hotel room, at Ronan, at the hounds pacing their own circles at the end of the bed. How had all of this come to be?
So many questions. So many impossible answers. And they just kept on coming, one leading to another to the next, each one more thorny than the last.
Destiny was cruel. That was the only answer. The only one I kept running up against, time and again.
Liam had once told me that destiny and choice were not mutually exclusive. “But there are things about your path you must learn, must accept, no matter how difficult.” I wondered now if this was what he’d meant. The Silversbane legacy. Or my enslavement to Sebastian. Or something else entirely—something we’d yet to encounter.
How much of my current predicament had he already seen as one of his infinite possibilities? And if possibilities were in fact infinite, didn’t it stand to reason that there were other paths in this? Other choices we just yet hadn’t considered?
I pressed my fingertips to my temples, massaging my head. When this was all over, I’d eat and cry myself into a week-long coma with a few gallons of ice cream and a pan of Emilio’s brownies, all of it topped off with a bottle of Darius’s fancy wine. But for now, we had to keep moving.
“So Sebastian’s letting you go?” Ronan asked. “Just like that?”
“For now.”
“But how did that even happen? He doesn’t—”
I held up my hand. “Ronan, it’s a really long story, and I’ll tell you all about it once we’re on the plane. Okay? Right now, I just want to focus on getting the hell out of this city.”
“We can’t leave yet,” Ronan said. “We need to find a safer situation for Darius. I’m not familiar with the vampire families in town, and we can’t just leave him at Inferno. I don’t trust Sebastian to—”
“Wait, what?” I spun on my heel to face him, my eyes wide. “Leave him at Inferno? Are you kidding me? We’re not leaving him anywhere. We’re all going back to the Cape. Together.”
“Gray, he’s not…” Ronan shoved a hand through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. “He doesn’t even know he’s part of us. All he knows now is the taste of blood, and the fact that he’s not getting it. It’s driving him mad. Taking him back to the Cape in this state—likely against his will—is beyond dangerous. It’s flat-out stupid.”
“Then we’ll take precautions. We’re not splitting up again, Ronan. The three of us need to get back to the Cape, back to Emilio. Then we need to help Asher.”
Ronan crossed the room, reaching for my shoulders but stopping just short. I flinched away from him anyway.
He didn’t even bother hiding the pain in his eyes.
“You think I want to leave him?” he snapped, making Sunshine yelp. “You think I wanted any of this to happen?”
I didn’t need to answer that. Of course he didn’t want this to happen. But it did happen.
I fell ba
ck onto the bed. My heart broke as much for Ronan as it did for me. Deep down I knew the truth, no matter what Sebastian wanted me to believe.
Ronan loved me. And it was killing him that he couldn’t do anything about it. Ronan cared a great deal for Darius, too, and now he’d lost a friend. A brother.
“I’m sorry, Gray,” Ronan said now, sitting next to me on the bed. “I’m so, so fucking sorry.”
“Don’t.” I sat up next to him, careful not to get too close. “Look. I know that you’re not allowed to love me, and Darius can’t remember that he ever did. I know that Asher is still trapped inside that hellhole. And Emilio is probably going out of his mind trying to solve this case, and I have no idea how to help him once we get back.” I turned to look into his eyes, and when I saw the love there, blazing as it always had, I took a risk, brushing my hand through the hair falling across his forehead. There was a second where it didn’t hurt, didn’t burn, but then the smoke came, and I pulled back.
In a much softer voice, I said, “But I do know that we all belong together. No matter what the circumstances. We’re stronger together, Ronan. You know it. We need to get back there.”
He watched me a moment longer, then finally nodded. “I know. You’re right. I know.”
“I don’t want to split up again. Not if we can help it. The five of us are… we’re a family, Ronan. No one can take that away from us. Not even Sebastian.”
“And Liam?” he asked. “Where does he fit into all this?”
I forced a casual shrug, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “I don’t know yet. Liam and I… We have a few things to figure out.”
“It seemed like you were figuring things out pretty well in the Shadowrealm. I saw the way you were looking at each other.” He shrugged, all of this said without jealousy. Without disapproval.
Ronan had always made it clear that he wanted me to be happy—that he understood there was room in the human heart for the love of more than just one other being, and he’d never been jealous. Not of Darius, with whom he’d happily shared me. Not of Asher. Not with Emilio, who was just beginning to find his way into my heart. Ronan considered them all brothers. They all felt that way about each other.
But Liam was different. He’d always been just a little… outside of things. From the moment he’d arrived in Sophie’s bedroom the night of her murder, he and Ronan had butted heads. They’d worked through some of their differences since then, but I wasn’t sure Ronan was ready to hear the full story of me and Liam. And if he knew that Liam had made a bargain with Sebastian for my soul long before any of this had ever started…
My heart squeezed, tears springing to my eyes. I blinked them away, hoping Ronan hadn’t noticed.
“Do you remember when I told you there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you?” he asked. “I meant it, Gray. I want you to feel like you can be open with me about anything. Your feelings for Liam included. If you—”
“Why?” I whispered, fresh tears spilling, and in that one word he knew I wasn’t talking about Liam or anyone else for that matter.
I was talking about Ronan. About what he’d done to get me out of the Shadowrealm.
It was a long time before he found the words to respond.
“This… this was one of those things, too,” he said. “I said there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. That includes giving you up to keep you safe.”
“There might’ve been another—”
“There wasn’t. You were trapped in the Shadowrealm. Even Liam couldn’t get you out. The thought of you there alone, facing those demons… I couldn’t let it happen. Darius and I had to get to you, and the only way we could was through the hell portal. Sebastian never does anything without a price, and he knew I’d pay any price for you. So yeah, I gave you up. I did it because I wanted you to live. To love. To be that crazy, stubborn, beautiful witch you’ve always been.” He offered me a sad smile. “As long as I know you’re out there living your life, I… I have to be okay with that.”
“But I’m not out there. I’m here. Trying to find a permanent way out of this bullshit deal with Sebastian. If I don’t, there is no living my life, with you or without you.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispered, his lips so close to mine I could already taste his kiss. “You’re young, smart, passionate, powerful, beautiful… there’s so much more you—”
I shook my head, cutting him off. All I could think about was his kiss. How long until I forgot the feel of his lips? The warmth of his breath? The soft velvet of his tongue? The intensity in his gaze as we…
I closed my eyes—the only thing I could do to break the connection.
“You have taken a piece of my heart, Ronan,” I said. “Carved it right out and set it on fire. I’m so in love with you I can’t even breathe to think of a life without you. Now you’re asking me to accept this? To stand by and watch everything we are to each other burn to ashes?”
“Look at me, Gray. Please.”
I opened my eyes. His own were red and glassy, heartbreak written on his face. The sight of his pain made my heart stop.
“There’s nothing else we can do,” he said. “It’s over. It’s just over.”
My heart started up again with a painful sputter. And this time when it beat, it fell out of step, missing its twin. Missing my best friend.
“I will never stop loving you,” I whispered, taking his face into my hands. It hurt to touch him, my skin burning with an ache I would never be able to ease. Not with words and promises. Not with dreams of a better future. Not with kisses.
“This isn’t—”
“I love you, Ronan Vacarro. So, so much.” I looked deep into his eyes and waited for him to say it. That he loved me, too. That nothing Sebastian said or did would ever change that, even if he couldn’t act on it.
“Gray, I…”
Say it, Ronan. Just say it…
“You should… get some rest,” he finally said, standing up unceremoniously from the bed. All traces of regret, of love, of friendship were gone in a flash. “I need to make arrangements to transport Darius. I’ll come get you when it’s time to go.”
“That’s it?” I stood from the bed and followed him to the door, shouting at his back. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Gray?”
I grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, ignoring the smoke. “I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me this is really over between us.”
I placed my hand on his chest, seeking the familiar drum-beat of his heart. It pounded behind his ribcage, harder and harder with every breath, even as my touch burned through his T-shirt.
He leaned in close, so close I could count his eyelashes. His breath came in short staccato bursts, each one kissing my lips.
“Say it again,” I whispered. “Tell me again that it’s over.”
He clenched his teeth, grounding out every word. “This. Is. Over. We’re done.”
He pulled back and cleared his throat, shifting his gaze to a spot just above my eye. His face was neutral once again. Cold. “From now on, we are guardian and demon sworn. Nothing more.”
“I’m never giving up on you,” I said. “No matter what you say. No matter what Sebastian does. And I know you won’t give up on me, either.” I said it with all the confidence I could muster, needing to believe it for myself.
“It’s too late, Gray.” He turned away from me and wrenched open the door. “I already have.”
Twenty
Gray
After another long and brutal argument, Ronan finally agreed to ask Deirdre for help in transporting Darius. In a moment of sheer brilliance, she’d concocted an IV solution using essence of hawthorn, and with that we were able to fully sedate him and get him on the plane without incident.
The plane wasn't Darius’s private jet—one of the few things Ronan and I agreed on was that Darius’s memory loss needed to be kept secret from the larger vampire community for
as long as possible, including his pilots and other associates. So instead, we’d taken an aircraft on loan from Sebastian, no doubt a grand gesture designed to lull us into thinking he could be a friend. After all, Sebastian always had a price.
Ronan and I hadn't exchanged a single word since boarding the plane. By some miracle, I managed to hold it together for the entire flight, as well as the drive from the airport to Emilio's sister’s house in Raven's Cape.
But the moment Emilio opened the front door and bounded down the front steps to greet us, I lost it.
“Gray?” He looked at me like he hadn’t seen me in a hundred years and wasn’t sure he could trust his own eyes.
I nodded, tears spilling freely, and collapsed into his arms, burying my face against his chest. His familiar scent enveloped me like a hug, all forest and sunshine and vanilla, and I slid my arms up inside the back of his jacket, soaking up his warmth. His strength.
Sparkle and Sunshine, my ever-present companions, ran circles around us both.
"I missed you so much," I breathed.
“You, too, mi querida. More than you can imagine.” He wrapped his big arms around me tighter, holding me close, his hand cupping the back of my head. His thumb stroked behind my ear, the touch immediately soothing my jagged nerves.
“I see you brought… these guys,” he said, not quite hiding his grimace as the hounds nipped at the hem of his jacket. He reached down to pat Sparkle on the head, and Sunshine nosed her way in for some loving, too.
“Sparkle and Sunshine.” I pointed each one out. “Courtesy of Sebastian.”
Ronan had given Emilio some of the details over the phone before we took off from Vegas, so news of my new arrangement didn’t come as a complete surprise. But Emilio still winced when I told him about it—the meeting, the temporary stay Sebastian had finally agreed to. And of course, the hounds.
“You… named them?” he asked.
“I figured it was the only humane thing to do. Apparently we’re going to be spending a lot of time in each other’s company. And by a lot, I mean eternity.” I smiled, trying to keep the mood light, but failed miserably. My face crumpled once again.
