She threw the manuscript on the bed and got up. After her shower, she’d put on her favorite oversized college T-shirt that ended well below her knees. She didn’t bother with a robe and slipped her feet into slippers. This wouldn’t take long. If Nicki was smart, she’d just run. She should know better than to come here when Emily was freshly pissed off.
She walked down the hall into the living room and stomped down the stairs. Not bothering to look in the peephole, she undid the security chain, turned the deadbolt, and flung the door open with such force it hit the wall.
It wasn’t Nicki.
“Jack?” Emily choked out. “What are you doing here?” She tried to kill the smile that crossed her lips. There was no use in encouraging him. After he was gone, she’d examine why she was so happy to see him.
“I forgot to give you this.” Jack handed her a twenty-dollar bill.
Emily looked at the money. “What’s this?”
He smiled that lopsided grin of his. “The money you left for dinner Thursday night. I told you I was paying.”
“So, you came all this way to give me twenty bucks?”
“Yup.”
Not what she’d expected him to say. Why did he have to be so damn good-looking? The man had no business looking so good at one in the morning, especially when she looked a mess. Old T-shirt, hair falling out of her ponytail holder, eyes still puffy, and she had no makeup on. Whenever she cried, her skin got blotchy, and it took hours to go away. She tucked the twenty into the pocket of her shirt. “What happened?” Her fingers gently touched the bump on Jack’s forehead. He flinched so Emily withdrew her hand.
Jack looked down. “Fell.”
He looked embarrassed and contrite. Emily’s heart flipped. She closed her eyes because she had to get the wild torrent of her emotions under control. She resisted the urge to ask him in so she could take care of him. That would only end one way, in bed. Now it was something deep in her belly that flipped, sending a warmth throughout her body. The oversized T-shirt would do nothing to hide her hardening nipples. Shit. She crossed her arms and tried for humor. “On what? Concrete? That’s a huge bump.”
“No. Slipped and fell in the shower and hit my head on the wall trying to get up.” Jack shuffled his feet as he raised his eyes to meet hers.
Fuck. His eyes sparkled, and she resisted the urge to fan herself. It was another brisk spring night—Emily should be cold—but sweat formed between her shoulders. Hadn’t she gotten enough of a Jack McBride fix? This was ridiculous. He was just a guy. A really hot, sexy, kind, caring, thoughtful—STOP. “Were you dizzy?” She stepped closer and her nose was assaulted by the stench of alcohol. “You smell like a distillery.”
“Yeah.” Jack took a step back. “I’m pretty sure the falling was due to the drinking.” Jack looked down again.
Emily couldn’t help but feel like this was her fault. “Jack—”
“I’m a grown man, Em, this is on me.”
“When?”
Jack looked away.
“So this is my fault because I lied to you.”
“I didn’t leave you much choice, did I?” Wind whipped a few strands of hair in front of her eyes, and Jack tucked them behind her ear, his fingers lingering for a few seconds.
Emily suppressed the urge to lean her cheek into his palm and was sorry as soon as his hand dropped back to his side. What was wrong with her? The full implication of Jack’s actions hit her. “Before your gig?”
Jack nodded.
Heat flooded her body and not the good kind. She’d known he was attached, knew he’d be hurt, but never considered he’d drown his pain in alcohol. She stepped out and closed the door behind her. The landing outside, that she shared with the first-floor apartment, had built-in benches on either side. Tucking the T-shirt under her, she sat. The bench was cold but did nothing to cool off the guilt she felt.
Jack shrugged off his black leather jacket and placed it around her shoulders before sitting next to her. “Em, I forced you to lie. You told me all day that you were leaving, and I was an arrogant fuck thinking I’d convince you to stay.” He took her hand. “I was irresponsible for getting drunk before a gig, totally my own fault.”
Emily stared at their joined hands. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d expected to live with the consequences of her lie, but since Jack had no idea where she lived, she’d never thought she’d see him again. The guilt threatened to overwhelm her. How had he found her? “Nicki.” Emily’s jaw tightened.
“It’s not her fault. I made her tell me.”
Emily’s anger rose, and she grabbed on to it. She stood and paced. Nicki had betrayed her. Emily shrugged off Jack’s jacket because her skin felt like it was on fire. How could she? Her best friend. She seethed with anger, and it seeped from her pores. She opened her mouth so she could breathe because she couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen in her lungs.
She stood at the railing for several seconds before she realized that Jack stood next to her. “How exactly does one make a grown woman tell?” She didn’t try to keep the anger and sarcasm out of her voice, but she’d hoped it covered the hurt. When Jack didn’t answer, she turned toward him. “Cat got your tongue? You can’t save her.”
“She didn’t want to tell me. She told me you’d be pissed and never forgive her.” Jack brushed a tear off her cheek with his thumb.
“And yet, here you are.”
“Because I told her I was in love with you.”
Emily groaned. Yeah, that’d do it. No matter how many times her heart had been broken, Nicki was a hopeless romantic; no way she could’ve resisted spilling. Emily’s anger drained away, and she slumped against the railing. Anger had been a blessing, taking over for the confusion she’d been feeling since she’d gotten home. The confusion returned, and having Jack here only made it worse. As far as she was concerned, there wasn’t anything left to say. She knew how he felt, and he knew how she didn’t feel.
Stalemate.
chapter
THIRTY-ONE
Jack tried and failed to not think of her naked. The T-shirt covered her completely, but she wasn’t wearing a bra. He’d seen her, and his mind went there. Emily naked in the shower, on his bed, in his bed. Under him, over him, up against the wall. Damn. His heart thudded in his chest, and he started to sweat. God, she was beautiful. All his good intentions vanished. He didn’t want to wait. He wanted to be with her now. Not just sexually but in every way. He wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms every night and wake up with her every morning. And spend every minute together in between.
She’d been crying; he knew that was his fault. Jack wanted to ease her guilt, but he didn’t think she’d let him. She was stubborn that way. Other ways too. As the silence drew out between them, Jack knew he’d have to stick with the plan he’d formed on the ride over here. He’d give her time. It might kill him, but he’d do it. Just seeing her filled the hole in his chest, and his heart resumed beating. He also knew he’d need to confess what happened with Tabitha. Hopefully, Em would forgive him, but he couldn’t have that hanging over his head.
Emily sighed. “So, Nicki’s still with Curt?”
“Yeah.” Jack scrunched his eyes at the memory. “If it’s any consolation, I saw more of Curt and Nicki than I’d ever want to.”
“You busted in on them?”
“Sort of. Wouldn’t have been necessary if Curt would’ve answered the phone, but Elliot insisted we had to get your address tonight.”
“Elliot was there, too?”
“And Buzz.”
“Wow, you guys are really close.”
Jack laughed. “Being on the road together for the last eight years, you see way more than you want to. Let’s just say we were all happy when we could afford privacy.”
Emily scrunched her face.
Her tension had eased, so Jack continued. “Our first tour consisted of us in a Chevy van pulling our gear in a trailer, driving fro
m bar to bar down the East Coast. We didn’t have the money to stay in even the most questionable establishments.”
Emily turned from the railing and sat. “What about showering?”
“Lots of sink washing in gas station bathrooms, and a few times a week, well, those rent by the hour motels come in handy.” Jack laughed. Those places would charge for another hour even if you were a minute over, and they hadn’t had any money to spare. The one time they’d gone over, they hadn’t eaten the rest of the day.
“Where did you sleep?”
“In the van, in sleeping bags.”
“But you were getting paid.”
“Yeah, but most of the money we earned went to gas, insurance, instrument repair that we couldn’t do ourselves, a fund if the van broke down, then whatever money was leftover we spent on food. We’d all worked while we lived in the city and saved as much as we could. Luckily, Curt had a cell phone and a GPS that his folks had insisted we take. Our folks chipped in and bought the van and we rented the trailer. It took us months to plan our first tour.”
Emily leaned back on the bench.
Jack was sweating and his palms were damp. “Em, I came here to…” He had to give her time. “I know you’re not ready, so let’s keep in touch until you are.” Wow, that was eloquent.
“You know that’s not the only problem.” Emily stood, and her hands gripped the railing.
That again. “You don’t have to be in the spotlight.” Jack stood next to her, and when she turned to look at him, he was a goner. Again. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she gave in.
Emily sighed. “You can’t go anywhere without being recognized. And you’re on tour for twenty months. It would never work.”
Jack wasn’t giving up. “It worked for your parents.”
She nodded. “Yeah, but they had a solid relationship and a plan when my dad joined the Marines.” Emily faced him. “Other than sexually, we don’t know if we’re even compatible.”
Jack shrugged. “You’d have to give us a chance to find out.” Before he went any further, he needed to come clean. “I…fooled around with another woman tonight.” He closed his eyes; he couldn’t bear to see the hatred in hers. After a few grueling seconds, he opened his eyes.
Emily turned to him. “Jeez, Jack, way more information than I needed.” A small smile played across her lips.
Was she laughing at him? This wasn’t funny. He’d almost cheated. He was an almost cheater, and he hated himself. Maybe she had no feelings for him at all. “You’re not mad?”
“Jack, we aren’t together. You’re free to fool around with whoever you want.”
“But I want us to be together. I don’t want any other woman. You’re it for me.”
Emily huffed. She was exasperated with him again, but Jack refused to let what he did for a living prevent them from being together. He didn’t understand why that was such a problem for her, but he’d find out, then he’d fix it, and she’d have no more reasons why they couldn’t be together.
She turned to look at him, ready for battle.
He faced her, smiling.
J
Emily’s face heated and rage returned. Why is he being so stubborn? As much as she hurt after what Sully had done, she understood now, in a way she hadn’t two days ago, that she would recover. It would take time, but she’d get over it. Get over him. Get over what she’d thought they’d have together, and the life they’d planned. But that day wasn’t today.
She couldn’t make him promises. And the thought of a relationship with anyone made her stomach turn. Emily took a deep breath to keep from retching. She would get over Sully, but would she ever be able to trust so completely again?
Jack’s smile blinded her. Oh, fuck. Her anger melted away for the second time tonight, abandoning her. She clutched at it, reminding herself that he’d come here, when she asked him not to, begged him to leave her alone. But it was gone and with it the righteous indignation she needed to pull off sending him away. The iron fist that had gripped her heart, squeezing every last ounce of good will from her for the past three weeks, melted. Despite herself, she laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Jack’s smile widened and his eyes sparkled.
Emily shook her head, trying to catch her breath. “All the women of Oakdale will wake up tomorrow, pantyless, since that smile just melted them all off.”
Jack stepped closer. “I’m only concerned with one woman’s panties.” He brushed another stray hair off her face. “Yours.” He looked down at her feet, then slowly returned his gaze to her face. “Did yours melt?”
Emily cleared her throat. “I’m sure they would’ve…if I’d been wearing any.”
Jack swallowed hard. His fingers went to her thigh and bunched the T-shirt up until he reached the hem and then his hand trekked until he reached bare hip. He licked his lips. He seemed to have trouble breathing.
“Em, why aren’t you wearing panties?”
Emily closed her eyes at his touch. His hand caressed her hip in small circles. She had a smartass remark, but it vanished as soon as he touched her. “Um…”
“Yes?”
“Well, I’d tried to…”
“Tried to?” Jack’s hand continued circling, and lust shone in his eyes.
Damn him, he knew. “Get off.”
“Only tried?” He smirked.
Bastard. “Tried and failed.” Two could play this game. He was hard. She licked her lips slowly.
He groaned.
Ha.
Jack stepped closer, hand still circling, but making no attempt to move. He smelled good, clean, no cologne. He looked even better. She was out of her league here, in more ways than one. She wanted to step back, run inside her apartment, lock the door, and hide under the covers. But her legs refused to move. Refused. How dare they? She was in control here not them. Except the part of her that was in control had no intention of moving. Her lips were swollen, and her juices moistened the inside of her thighs. Her nipples were painfully hard. Emily wanted his mouth on her.
Jack dropped to his knees. She put her hands on his head, stopping him. She shook her head. This was crazy, they were outside, in front of her apartment, and there was more than enough light from the fixture for anyone to see what he was doing. Then she noticed the SUV. Oh shit. Jeff must be here. She stepped back.
“Don’t worry, he won’t watch. Jeff’s very discreet.” Jack leaned in and inhaled.
“Jack, anyone looking out their windows would see…”
“Nuh-uh, it’s like one thirty in the morning. All the good people of Oakdale are fast asleep. I need to taste you. Please?” He looked up at her, and the heat in his eyes threatened to ignite her.
A moan escaped Emily’s lips. Jack’s hands caressed both hips before moving back to cup her bare butt. Shit. “Stop.” Emily blinked and tried to clear her lust-clouded brain. She couldn’t believe she’d been about to let him go down on her outside, in front of her building. What was she thinking? Truth was, she wasn’t thinking, she was feeling. Pure lustful bliss. And that was the problem. Feeling, that was how she got in this mess with him. Being with him felt so fucking good. Normal. Her mind was at peace. She didn’t think of Sully, or weddings, or honeymoons, just Jack. And right now, he was on his knees, wanting to taste her, to pleasure her. She’d definitely lost her fucking mind. How could she make any decision in the state she was in?
Jack stood and smiled at her. Emily took a deep breath. Being with him was wrong. Walking away yesterday had been the right thing to do. Her knees felt weak, and she barely made it to the bench before she collapsed.
When he crouched down beside her, she tried to look away, but he held her chin, his thumb lightly brushing her lips. She tried to speak, but he stopped her with a gentle kiss that ended too soon.
For the first time in three weeks, Emily said in her head what she’d been trying to avoid. She was supposed to get married yesterday. They sh
ould be getting up in a few hours to board the True Love for their three-week European honeymoon cruise.
“Your wedding would’ve been yesterday. I think you should cut yourself a break.”
Jack’s voice cut through the awful thoughts in her head. It took a second to process what he said. “How did you know?” Her head throbbed. She preferred the other part of her body throbbing, but that was gone now, and she felt broken again.
Jack raised a brow at her.
“Nicki.” Every part of her body ached with exhaustion, and she couldn’t even muster the strength to get mad at her.
“She remembered after we’d busted in on them. She was inconsolable. Said she was the worst friend ever.” Jack tilted her chin up, so she had no choice but to look into his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve understood.”
Fresh tears filled her eyes, streaming down her cheeks, leaving wet streaks on her T-shirt. Jack hugged her as the first sobs wracked her body. She didn’t deserve to be comforted by him, but since she felt like she’d explode if he let go, she let him. She cried on his shoulder as he stroked her back, whispering in her ear that everything would be okay.
Nothing was okay. Taking comfort from him wasn’t okay, so she pulled back, and he let her go. “I couldn’t say it out loud. I couldn’t even think about it without my brain feeling like it would burst. Nothing has hurt this bad since—” She couldn’t say it, couldn’t deal with those memories on top of this; it was too much. “I can’t trust what I think anymore. I thought Sully loved me, thought we were happy. I thought we were getting married and we’d grow old together. Everything I’ve thought for the past four years has been a lie.”
chapter
THIRTY-TWO
Jack hated seeing her so torn up. His body filled with rage. He wasn’t a violent guy, but he wanted to tear that fucker apart. Jack pushed to his feet and paced; he’d deal with his feelings later. Right now, he had to help her. He took a few deep breaths, and the cold air burned his lungs. She needed him to support her right now.
With You: A Rock Star Romance (Rocked in Love Book 1) Page 26
