‘In that case, let me extend my good wishes,’ said the landlord, smiling. ‘How many years have you been wed?’
Charlie could feel himself turning green. He knew Kev was only teasing, but Charlie wasn’t comfortable with larking about. Especially as tonight was about blowing Kev out. It wasn’t appropriate to play-act hubby-and-wifey soppiness.
‘Oh it’s been weeks, not years,’ Kev grinned mischievously. ‘We’re so in lurve we celebrate every Wednesday. That’s the day we first got together.’
Charlie was changing from green to grey. Had Kev really just said the words “so in love”? Just like the M word, the L word rarely cropped up in Charlie’s vocabulary.
‘A weekiversary,’ said the landlord, looking amused. ‘That’s so cute. Let me get that champagne and’ – he checked his wristwatch – ‘I’ll take it through to your table in the restaurant. It’s getting on for eight o’clock and Chef likes orders in before half past.’
‘Wonderful,’ said Kev getting to her feet.
Charlie noticed she was wearing another pair of skyscraper heels, this time in black. She teetered off towards the restaurant leaving him to trail after her.
‘Don’t forget your bag,’ said the landlord, grabbing the canvas handles and passing the holdall to Charlie.
‘Ta,’ he said meekly.
He should have taken the bag upstairs earlier. Ah well.
‘What shall we have?’ said Kev, sitting down and taking a menu from a hovering waitress.
Charlie’s swiftly picked out the cheapest dish on the menu. Thanks to Kev ordering two bottles of Bolly, he was worried about not having enough cash to settle up tomorrow morning. Damage limitation was necessary.
‘The pasta looks nice.’
He looked up at the waitress.
‘I’ll have the tortellini, please.’
‘Would you like a starter, sir?’
‘No, thank you.’
Kev lowered her menu and raised one eyebrow at Charlie.
‘No starter?’
‘I’m good, thanks.’
He patted his stomach, as if to indicate he was weight-watching.
Kev turned to the waitress.
‘I’ll have the quail’s eggs to begin with, followed by a medium rare fillet steak, triple-cooked chips, peppercorn sauce and’ – her eyes perused the side dishes – ‘the green beans.’
Charlie could feel his lips pursing. Kev had chosen the most expensive things on the menu. Flipping heck, this woman was no cheap date. His mind wandered back to Willow’s recent birthday where she’d ecstatically hoovered up a dish that had been a third of the price.
‘Excellent choice,’ said the waitress, retrieving the menus. ‘Would you like me to hang up your coat?’ she said to Kev.
‘No, I’m feeling a bit chilly,’ said Kev dismissively.
She waited for the waitress to leave before giving Charlie her full attention.
‘So,’ she said, looking at him speculatively. ‘I’m still flabbergasted that my lover got all worked up believing I was seeing another guy.’
‘Sorry?’ said Charlie, momentarily thrown.
Kev’s voice hardened.
‘I’m talking about your dump text.’
‘Oh… that. Yes… yes. I overheard a guy talking to another fella in the local Spar about his hot date with–’
‘A woman who had the same name as me,’ said Kev, finishing his sentence. ‘Yes, you did say.’
‘Yes, I did,’ Charlie nodded.
He picked up his glass and drained it. He’d need a cellar-full of this stuff to get him through what really needed saying.
‘Silly Charlie-Bear,’ Kev teased. ‘But we’re good now, aren’t we?’
‘Well’ – Charlie took a deep breath – ‘as I said on the phone earlier, we need to talk.’
‘Of course we need to talk, darling,’ Kev cooed. ‘But first I want to reassure you that there is no need to ever be jealous about anyone else.’
She leant in and took his hand across the table.
‘You’re my man, and I’m your woman. Right?’
Charlie squirmed in his seat. It was now or never.
‘Darling, you’re lovely.’
‘Thank you.’
‘But, baby angel-pie…’
No, that wasn’t quite right. He coughed and tried again.
‘You deserve someone so much better,’ he said, mentally reaching for his pre-rehearsed script.
‘Nonsense,’ said Kev, her smile slipping. ‘Are you trying to give me the brush off?’
Charlie wished he could be as direct as Kev. His next line was meant to be a confession. To say he’d cheated. Seeing her set expression, he instead found himself in the grip of cowardice and the words weren’t forthcoming. He’d have to leapfrog over option two and go straight to number three, declaring he was a closet homosexual.
‘Sweetie honey lollipops…’
‘What did you just call me?’ said Kev, her eyes widening.
‘I’m g-g-g–’
‘Are you having some sort of l-l-laugh?’ Kev parodied, although Charlie could tell she wasn’t remotely amused.
Instead he found himself saying something entirely different.
‘Willow is suspicious about me seeing someone, so I think we should cool it.’
There. He’d said it. Kev’s expression had changed from one of faint annoyance to murderous outrage.
‘What?’ she snapped.
‘Just for a bit,’ he quaked.
Oh well, two steps forward and one back.
‘Cool it for a bit?’ Kev repeated. ‘How long is “a bit”? I don’t want to stop seeing you.’
Charlie was now wriggling in his seat like a naughty schoolboy caught in the glare of an uncompromising headmistress.
‘A bit as in… a little while.’
‘You’re not answering my question.’
‘Right… you see… the thing is…’
Charlie licked his lips nervously.
‘Willow has suggested getting hitched,’ he blurted.
A picture of his girlfriend’s face, happy and slightly flushed from birthday alcohol, popped into his mind’s eye. Her words reverberated in his head: “How do you feel about getting married?”
‘Married?’ said Kev in surprise. ‘Hang on a minute. You just said that Willow was suspicious about you seeing someone. Now you’re telling me she wants to get married. That doesn’t stack up. What exactly is the story here, Charlie?’
‘Er… both,’ he lied. ‘She asked me outright if I was seeing someone. I said no. But she said’ – he cast about for an excuse – ‘that I needed to prove I was being faithful to her, and that the only way to prove it was by marrying her.’
‘To which you said, “Willow, it’s about time we had a frank talk. You don’t put out, whereas your friend does, so I’d rather be with her.”’
‘Ah… well… the thing is’ – Charlie picked up his napkin and began twisting it over and over in his hands – ‘I wondered if I should give the idea some serious thought. After all’ – he was gabbling now – ‘if I marry Willow, then she won’t suspect I’m playing around and then… then…er… then…’
‘Then we can carry on as previously,’ said Kev, finishing Charlie’s sentence for him. ‘Is that what you’re trying to say?’
‘Erm… something like that,’ Charlie twittered. ‘I mean, ha ha’ – he tried to make a hasty joke – ‘it’s not like you want to marry me, is it?’
‘Don’t I?’ said Kev, arching one eyebrow.
Oh crap. How the heck had he just walked into that?
Charlie stared at Kev, aghast, while his mind detached, zoomed off to the local church, crashed through the heavy arch doors, and then skidded to a standstill at the altar.
Dear God in Heaven. I know I don’t pray very often… okay, I never pray at all… but there’s a first time for everything, eh? And I’m in deep poo here. We’re talking shit loads, if you’ll excuse the pun. God, please g
et me out of this. I’m begging you. If you get me out of this, then I promise I’ll–
‘No, I don’t want to marry you.’
Charlie’s mind screeched out of the church and thudded back into his body. For a few seconds he was speechless – which was long enough for his ego to rear its head. Before he could stop himself, his mouth was speaking without his brain’s permission.
‘You wouldn’t marry me?’ he spluttered. ‘Why ever not?’
‘Hm, let me see,’ said Kev pretending to take a moment to consider. ‘Because, as a husband, I’m not sure I could trust you, Charlie Bear. I believe that when a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy.’
She regarded Charlie sadly. Despite him repeatedly saying he only ever slept with her, she wasn’t convinced. Deep down, Kev knew Charlie wasn’t the right person for her. However, when she’d started this crazy relationship, she hadn’t meant for him to crawl under her skin and burrow deep within her heart.
When the waitress delivered Kev’s starter and, later, their mains, the two of them concentrated on eating rather than chatting. Both were preoccupied with their own thoughts.
Kev couldn’t stop thinking about Willow wanting to marry Charlie. Privately she was aghast. Nor could she permit it. Okay, she’d committed the sin of breaking the rules of friendship and trust, but it didn’t stop her from having a love for Willow. Somehow Kev needed to warn Willow that getting hitched to Charlie would be a very bad idea. But how to do it without giving herself away? Right now, she didn’t know. But, then again, Willow had only suggested marriage. It hadn’t been an out-and-out proposal. Perhaps it wouldn’t happen? After all, there was no engagement ring in the equation. Kev decided she’d cross that particular bit of the matrimonial bridge if and when she came to it.
Charlie’s armpits were pouring with sweat. All his lies and scrabbling about for excuses to cool it with Kev had made him very hot under the collar. Kev was under the impression that taking a break would only be for a little while. Currently he was off the hook. But for how long? Charlie wondered if he could persuade Willow to emigrate to Australia with him. That way he’d never have to see Kev again. He was sure there were libraries in Oz. Willow would find a job eventually. Meanwhile he could transfer from the London office to the Sydney branch. He put his knife and fork together and glanced up at Kev.
‘Fancy a pudding?’ he asked, forcing joviality.
‘No. I fancy you.’
‘Good,’ he said, relieved at the change of subject.
He stood up, stooping briefly to grab his holdall before turning back to Kev.
‘Didn’t you bring an overnight bag?’
‘I have everything in here,’ she smiled, patting her handbag. ‘Shower cap, toothbrush and a clean pair of knickers.’
‘I love a lady who travels light,’ Charlie quipped.
If ever he and Willow went away, her suitcase always ended up being sat on in order to do up the zip.
Charlie led the way out of the restaurant. Upon reaching the staircase in the foyer, he took Kev by the hand.
She allowed him to fold her palm in his and started to quiver with excitement at what was going to happen next. Charlie might be a bastard, but he was extremely satisfying between the sheets.
Once on the landing, they began kissing, and continued all the way to the door of their room. Charlie’s lips worked their way down Kev’s neck while his hands fumbled at getting the key in the lock. Falling into the room, he immediately set about undoing her coat’s belt and buttons. As the garment slid to the floor in a rustling heap, he realised in a flash why Kev had refused to take the coat off in the restaurant. Underneath she was wearing nothing other than an eye-popping bra with matching thong and suspenders. This was what he wanted. No strings sex. It was a shame they were going to cool it down, especially when, right now, things were hotting up. But it was for the best.
Two hours later he was both spent and knackered. Kev lay beside him looking sated, although she was much quieter than usual. That suited Charlie fine. He didn’t want any pillow talk. The last thing he needed was Kev rehashing their “take-a-break” conversation. She’d accepted things better than expected, but for some reason he felt twitchy.
‘I think I’ll have a shower,’ he said.
For a lark, and to keep the mood light, he picked up Kev’s shower cap and plonked it on his head. It was pale blue and covered in bright pink unicorns. It made him look both comical and ridiculous. Kev took one look at him and convulsed.
‘Back in a bit,’ he grinned.
Kev watched Charlie pad off, then reached for her mobile. Within seconds, steam had filled the bathroom and Charlie was singing away. She swung her legs out of bed, briefly pausing to click on the phone’s camera icon. Tiptoeing forward and keeping her body out of sight, she slid the phone around the doorframe. Charlie instantly appeared in the viewfinder, his back to her. A large mole over his left butt cheek was clearly visible. There was no mistaking his identity to any woman who knew him intimately.
Kev pressed the camera button and watched Charlie’s moving image convert to a still shot. Seconds later, it was saved to her phone’s memory. Unlike before, this picture wasn’t something to later mull over with a smile. Oh no. She didn’t like the words “emotional blackmail”. Rather, Kev thought of the saved photograph as a kind of insurance. It was the least she could do after sleeping with her friend’s partner. Kev didn’t want to use the picture to hurt Willow. Instead, she saw it more as a way of protecting her.
Kev just hoped she would never have to use it.
Twenty-Four
Willow was awoken a little after six in the morning by the landline ringing. Thinking it might be Charlie calling to say good morning before he beetled off to Cambridge, or Brighton – or whatever location his demanding client wanted him to be at next – she made a long arm and grabbed the receiver before its shrillness disturbed Ben on the other side of the wall. Her eyes were too sleep-bleary to make out the number displayed in the handset’s window.
‘Hello?’ she said groggily.
‘Hi,’ said a female voice.
‘Who’s this?’ said Willow, stifling a yawn.
There was a pause before the voice responded.
‘Is Charlie there?’
Willow blinked.
‘Who shall I say is calling?’
‘It’s Anna.’
‘Anna? Ben’s Anna?’
‘Yes, except I’m no longer Ben’s Anna,’ she said dryly.
‘Sorry, I’m not properly awake. Did you say you wanted to speak to Charlie, or did you mean you’d like to speak to Ben?’
‘Actually, neither,’ said Anna. ‘Sorry to be calling you so early, Willow. I had a burning desire to offload before I head into work.’
‘Um… you want to offload to me?’ said Willow in surprise.
She’d never considered herself to be close to Anna, so why was Ben’s ex ringing her?
‘Ben told me he’s temporarily moved in with you. No doubt he’s making me out to be a right bitch, but I wanted to tell Charlie not to believe a word of it. But as he’s not around, I’ll tell you instead.’
‘Er… right,’ said Willow uncertainly. ‘But really, Anna, it’s none of our business what’s gone wrong between you and Ben. You don’t need to tell–’
‘On the contrary,’ Anna snapped. ‘You of all people need to be aware what’s gone wrong between us.’
‘Why?’
‘Because men are shits. That’s why. And I might as well tell you. I’ve met someone else. It’s not relevant who he is. But I want you to know I’m not the sort of woman to fall into another man’s arms. Not unless the guy is more interested in looking at his phone over dinner than making conversation with his gorgeous partner.’
Willow marvelled at Anna’s self-confidence, not only over her looks, but her candour in declaring it.
‘Maybe I was a bitch at times’ – Anna continued – ‘but, hey, so what? Women like me don’t thrive with
a complacent partner. I need a man with edge. Someone who can be a bit tricky. Keep me on my toes. And I think I’ve found that person. Do you see?’
‘Er… I’m not sure.’
Willow was privately thinking that in the sixty seconds of conversation they’d had so far, this was the longest Anna had ever spoken to her.
‘It’s really important you understand what I’m saying’ – Anna’s tone took an earnest turn – ‘because I want to give you the heads-up.’
‘About what?’
Willow flopped back against her pillow. She wished Anna had chosen to offload about her love life to someone else. She’d been denied an hour’s sleep. After all, her alarm wasn’t due to go off until seven.
‘About what?’ Anna repeated. ‘About men, of course!’
‘Sorry, you’ve lost me.’
‘Okay, let me explain. Firstly, I suspect Ben has met someone else, so you can hardly blame me for doing the same thing.’
‘Anna, it’s none of my business.’
‘Secondly,’ – Anna ignored Willow and swept on – ‘have you ever stopped to question your relationship with Charlie?’
Willow was bemused. What on earth was Anna burbling about? She must try and concentrate on what was being said, because so far this conversation had made no sense whatsoever. Willow propped herself up on one elbow, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and then flicked on the bedside lamp.
‘What has my relationship with Charlie got to do with you?’
‘More than you realise. I know things about Charlie,’ she said meaningfully. ‘Things you wouldn’t be happy about.’
Willow was starting to get annoyed. Okay, so Charlie and Ben were sometimes as thick as thieves. Willow knew that. She wasn’t daft. But she had a similar relationship with her own bestie. Emma knew things about Willow that Charlie didn’t. Like the time they’d both got plastered and Willow had lied and said she’d only had one vodka and tonic. Everyone did that. Went on an occasional bender but made out they hadn’t. Charlie included. It didn’t make either of them dodgy people.
‘I want to protect you,’ said Anna changing tack.
‘From what?’ Willow huffed.
She knew Anna had a propensity to be wacky at times, but this conversation was getting cosmic.
Willow's Wedding Vows: a laugh out loud romantic comedy with a twist! Page 11
