The debut young adult novel by E. M. Jacobs is, on one level, a standard coming-of-age story of a young teenager’s fight against peer bullying. But Jacobs’s eloquent version deals with other societal issues, like individuality battling conformist norms and the courage to speak up in an era when silence is rewarded. Jacobs handles teen angst deftly and empathetically, and that should be no surprise, given that the author—Ella Mae Jacobs, a former summer resident of the Cove—possibly sees herself as a victim of bullying and society’s condemnation.
And this is where fact and fiction merge. Ms. Jacobs spoke recently at Novel Thinking bookstore here in Lighthouse Cove. The presentation was attended mainly by awestruck teenagers far too young to know about the real-life connection of Always Be Mine to a tragedy some seventeen years ago. A tragedy—the drowning of a teenage boy—that Ms. Jacobs was allegedly at the center of.
When asked by this reporter, Ms. Jacobs denied any such link. “My characters are fictional and so is the story.” Perhaps. But the facts speak for themselves and those of us who remember the events of that sad summer will decide for ourselves.
Ben stopped reading. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He got to his feet and strode out of the room. This is not going to ruin the next twenty-four hours with Ella, he vowed, his hand clenched tightly around the paper. But doubt was already creeping up on him.
CHAPTER TEN
ELLA STOOD IN line at the counter, along with a handful of others who’d had the same idea to take a hot beverage to the tree lighting. Ben was late but not by much. She was debating whether to get him a coffee, too, if he didn’t show up by the time it was her turn, when she saw him entering with Grace, who was holding hands with a tall, attractive man. She remembered Grace saying something that morning about meeting up at the tree lighting and felt a stab of disappointment that she and Ben wouldn’t be alone.
“Hello,” she said, managing a smile, as the three joined her in line.
Grace made the introductions as Ben stood close to Ella, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. The gesture made her feel a part of the foursome, even though Ella knew she really wasn’t, and she flashed Ben a quick smile while shaking hands with Drew Spencer.
The Coast Guard officer’s grip was warm and friendly. “A pleasure to finally meet the friend Grace has told me so much about.”
Ella’s instant thought was, Has she told you everything? but his voice held no hint of sarcasm or innuendo. If he knew the whole story—and Ella assumed he did—he’d clearly accepted it and her without any judgment. She liked him at once.
She turned around to the people waiting behind her. “Mind if I get their orders, too?” she asked.
Someone farther back in line quipped, “If you get ours, as well,” and everyone laughed. The joking continued as Ella handed coffee to Ben and Drew and hot chocolate to Grace. As they made for the door, there were a couple goodbyes plus a shouted “See you at the square, but hopefully not in a line,” which set off another round of laughter.
The four were grinning as they paused on the sidewalk for the first sips of their hot drinks, their breath puffing vapor into the frosty night. A sense of belonging struck Ella, and the warmth that flowed through her had nothing to do with her hot chocolate. But she caught herself with a reminder—all of this is temporary, so enjoy it while you can.
Ben fell in step beside Ella as they headed for the square. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought Grace would appreciate the chance to see a bit more of you before you have to leave tomorrow.”
From the way Grace and Drew leaned into each other as they walked, Ella figured Grace’s happiness lay solely with the man at her side and not at the chance of seeing Ella again. Envy was as pointless as self-pity, but for a long minute she gave in to it, feeling its sharp edge. She eyed Ben’s profile, his gaze fixed on the street rather than on her. Despite the brief pressure on her shoulder in Mabel’s, he’d made no effort to touch her or hold her hand. Last night’s kiss and that second of closeness in the line had sparked a hope that she and Ben might be no different than any of the other couples making their way to the tree lighting—for the next few hours anyway.
Then he suddenly glanced at her. His smile was guarded, and his eyes, lit by the street’s decorations, seemed troubled. Something was on his mind. Was it her leaving tomorrow? Or perhaps his thoughts were similar to hers at that moment, dwelling on all the what-ifs. He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, and Ella reciprocated.
The sounds of Town Square reached them, quickening their footsteps. Turning around to grin, Grace began to run. Drew shouted some exclamation Ella couldn’t catch and dashed after her. With his long legs, he caught up to Grace in seconds.
Ella looked at Ben and smiled.
“Her first Christmas back in the Cove in a couple of years,” he said, shrugging.
She thought Grace’s glee had more to do with sharing her first Christmas with Drew Spencer and felt that envy again. Try harder to put the past behind you. For this one night.
“It’s my first Christmas here ever, but I’m not running.”
“Me neither.” He released her hand.
Grace and Drew were nowhere in sight when they reached the square. Knots of people mingled around the edges, but the greatest number were clustered in front of the massive tree. Some dignitaries were standing on the steps of the town hall, and a silver-haired man holding a microphone was addressing the crowd. There was so much chatter around her that Ella could barely make out what he was saying.
“George Andrews, our mayor.” A shiver at Ben’s warm breath in her ear shot through her from head to toe. Ella moved closer to him. The brush of his down ski jacket against her cheek took her instantly back to other days when physical contact with Ben came as naturally as their frank and honest talks. For a single, blinding moment she craved that feeling again, but when she glanced at his profile, fixed on the mayor, as if the person leaning into him was merely any woman, Ella felt such a stab of pain—or was it regret?—that she inched away from him, pretending to take an interest in the people around them.
They were all ages, and no doubt many had witnessed numerous tree-lighting ceremonies, yet the excitement in their eyes and voices seemed fresh and new, like the tree itself. She wondered if growing up in a big city had inured her to civic celebrations like this—not that she could recall the last one she’d attended.
The mayor’s mic squealed feedback as a school band behind him struck its first note and the entire crowd began to sing “Deck the Halls.” When the music ended, someone holding the mic began a countdown that was instantly taken up by the crowd. At the roar of “One!” hundreds of lights on the tree flickered momentarily before beaming steadily, filling the square as well as the dark sky above it with rainbows of color. A millisecond of silence fell over the crowd, followed by a rumble of exultation. Ella turned to look up at Ben, locking eyes with him as they broke into laughter. The crowds began to break up into small groups. Ben reached for her hand.
“Shall we go look for Grace and Drew? If we don’t find them, I’ll text her to say we’re heading to the restaurant.”
His warm hand enveloping hers lifted her out of the past. She smiled back, squeezing his hand. “Where are we eating tonight?”
“There are one or two places here in the Cove that we haven’t hit yet, though if you stayed longer, we could check out places in Portland.”
“Perhaps I should stay just for that opportunity.” She was teasing, but his face clouded over.
“I’d like that,” he said, his voice low. He stared at her as if waiting for her to declare “Okay, I’ll stay longer, then!” and at that very moment, Ella would have, but a nearby shout broke the spell. Grace was marching their way, with Drew in tow.
* * *
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” BEN shook his head once more because Grace wasn’t taking no for an answer. She looked at Ella as if to plea
d for her intervention.
Fortunately, Ella shrugged and said, “We went skating last night.”
“I’ve had too much to eat and drink to skate around a rink with dozens of other people,” Drew put in.
Ben was happy that Grace didn’t have the man completely wrapped around her baby finger. He scanned the remains of their barbecue dinner at Joe’s Smokehouse, the new place he’d read about a while ago in The Beacon. His sense of well-being was suddenly marred by this first thought all night of the book review in the paper. He ought to tell Ella about it but figured why spoil her last night here? She might leave in the morning without seeing it. No point in creating unnecessary problems. He ran a finger along the rim of his beer glass, thinking he didn’t need another complication in this brief reunion with Ella Jacobs, until suddenly he was aware of the silence that had fallen after someone—Grace?—had spoken.
He blinked, rising out of his thoughts, as Ella replied, “Um, well, that’s very nice of your mother but I’d planned to leave early. Besides, I only have the room for tonight and I think the hotel is filling up.”
Ben watched the slightly embarrassed lift of her shoulders. He wished he’d been paying more attention. Had his mother invited Ella for Sunday dinner? After her complaints to him that very morning about old hurts?
“Persuade her, Ben. Drew could stay with us if he decides not to go back to Portland, and Ella can use my place.”
Ella was the only one not looking at him. Instead she was playing with the fork angled on her plate and Ben couldn’t see enough of her face to determine if she wanted persuading or not. It was one of those socially awkward moments that he hated, and he was annoyed at Grace—and especially his mother—for not mentioning the idea to him before. Then there was the review. Had Grace read it, too? He ought to have known something would come up to throw the night off-kilter. Whatever he might say would either focus more unwanted attention on Ella or dampen Grace’s earnest appeal.
It was Drew who saved him. “No pressure, Ella. But let me point out that changing plans after a big meal and a few glasses of wine may not be a good idea. Best wait for the morning to decide.”
Grace gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “You’re always so sensible.”
Ben let out his breath.
The awkward moment passed until Ella suddenly said, “I went for a walk earlier today, up to the lighthouse.”
Silence fell over the table, and Ben noticed Drew’s quick frown as he draped an arm across Grace’s shoulders. “Not a hospitable place this time of year,” Drew commented.
“No kidding. But the view of the town was great. I did notice something odd, though.”
“What?” Ben asked, wondering how the conversation got turned in this direction.
“There was a bunch of flowers up there. Red roses. Frozen stiff. Guess they’d been there for a couple of days.”
Grace cleared her throat. “That’s weird. Last summer I found flowers a couple of times. Strange that someone is still leaving them.”
Ben noticed his sister’s attention drift, going back to what had been an emotional summer for her. Then the server came to remove dishes and present the bill, which prompted a spontaneous verbal tussle over who was going to pay. The interruption had been timely, Ben thought as they put on their coats. He didn’t understand the significance of the flowers at the lighthouse, but he did know the place and its memories were still a sensitive topic for Grace.
Seconds later the flowers were forgotten as they stood on the sidewalk, stomping their feet against the cold. Grace suggested a post-dinner espresso somewhere. Ben couldn’t tell from Ella’s impassive face what she wanted to do. He was about to decline when Drew once again came to the rescue.
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve had a long day and coffee at this hour wouldn’t be a wise idea for me.” He must have noted Ben’s frown, because he added, “After I left work, I picked up Henry at the rehab place in Portland and got him settled back into his place here.”
“How’s he doing?” Ella asked.
“Fine. He can manage on his own, with the help of a walker and a cane. But we plan to check up on him. He doesn’t have anyone else in town,” Grace answered.
“He’s one of the people here I’d have liked to have seen, but—”
“Another reason to stay longer!”
Ben decided to intervene. “Tonight was great. I’m glad you two could join us.” He didn’t look at his sister but felt her eyes on him as she and Drew said goodbye.
After they left, Ben asked, “Want to go for a bit of a walk? That was a lot of food.”
Her face brightened. “I’d like that.”
“The harbor? It’s always pretty at night.”
“Yes!”
Her enthusiasm was encouraging. Was she thinking of last night’s harbor visit like he was? He placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her down to Main Street. The area was still busy. Ben wondered if there were more people at the tree lighting than in other years. If so, was that due to the new subdivision? The Cove was growing and he was happy to be part of its expansion. When they reached the marina, they stopped to look out across the inner bay and Casco beyond.
“It’s pretty but kind of scary at the same time,” Ella murmured.
“Because it’s so big. The great unknown.”
“Like the future.” She stared silently across the water.
Ben shifted from one foot to the other. He didn’t want the evening to end on a melancholy note. “Hey, would you like to see my new house?”
“You have a house? I thought you were living with your folks.”
“I am through the Christmas season, but come the new year, I’ll be independent again.” He laughed. “Thanks goodness. Not that I can complain but—”
“You can’t go home again.”
“Not as an adult, that’s for sure. At least, not permanently.”
“Is it close by?”
“Remember where your old cottage was, at the foot of the hill leading up to our house?”
“I looked for it on my walk this morning but couldn’t find it.”
“Yeah, because my dad sold off most of his rental units and the people who bought your place tore it down to build a winter home. But then they sold it in the fall to me.” He smiled as her eyes widened in surprise.
“That place is yours? I’d love to see inside, even if it’s not the same cottage.”
He folded her hand in his, and they weaved in and out of the knots of people until they were standing in front of the house he had yet to move into.
“I wondered if this was where our place had been, but I thought my memory was playing tricks on me.”
“Nope.” He led her up the steps onto the porch. “I’m thinking of enclosing part of this with screens for the summer. Like yours had. Remember?”
“I do. I loved to sleep out there on hot summer nights.”
Ben had a sudden image of the two of them sitting on the two-person swing that had been at one end, holding hands and pondering the future. “There’s no furniture or anything yet, but other than some minor details, it’s good to go.” He dug into his jeans pocket for the key and stood aside for her in the compact entryway. When he flicked the light switch, her soft gasp more than made up for the hours of work he’d personally put into the place. “The couple who built it did a great job, so I didn’t have to change a lot. I decided to keep the hardwood floors because they’re solid oak and durable. I also kept the gas fireplace for now.”
“I’m assuming it’s winterized.”
“Better be, because I’m moving in in a few weeks. Come and see the kitchen. It’s my favorite room.”
She hesitated, looking down at her boots.
“Don’t worry about them. The floors have been treated, and I have a cleaning team booked for the we
ek before my move.”
He led the way along a short hall, past a closed door—“downstairs powder room”—and another room—“office or den”—to the rear of the house and the kitchen. “This is where I made most of the changes. New appliances, and I had the island lighting replaced. But I liked the granite counters so I kept them. There’s a deck beyond those sliding doors.” He turned to see her making a slow pivot, getting the full 360-degree perspective.
“I like the island counter.”
That amused him. “What about the rest?”
She turned back to him, her face glowing. “It’s beautiful, Ben. I can’t believe this is our old cottage.”
“Well, it really isn’t, Ella. That was torn down, remember? But I like to think it is, in spirit anyway.”
“That’s a lovely thought.” She moved closer and placed her hand on his forearm.
His heart swelled. “Ella, I—”
“Shh.” She tapped her finger on his lips, her upturned face shining with pleasure.
He lowered his mouth onto hers, but after a minute, she pulled back and he could barely hear what she was murmuring over the pounding in his chest.
“This isn’t a good idea, Ben.”
He closed his eyes, pressing her against him, reluctant to let go. Then he dropped his arms. “Yeah. You’re right. Guess we better head back.” He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. She was leaving the next day, and he had a sinking feeling that kiss might have been his last chance to prove they could go back in time.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ELLA STOWED HER things in her car and decided to leave it in the lot on the side street next to the hotel while she had a last breakfast at Mabel’s. She’d have to look for a similar café in her Boston neighborhood, though she suspected nothing else would compare—in her mind, at least.
She hadn’t slept well. Ben’s kiss had almost led her to believe they really could put the past behind them. The passion that had soared through her had felt, for a frightening moment, uncontrollable. Until her brain kicked into action, saving her from interpreting a couple of kisses as a sign that everything could be so easily fixed.
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