‘No, how could you? It’s fine,’ she replied through gritted teeth.
A camera flashed.
Notebooks were scribbled in.
People watched. The room was quiet.
Then, gradually, a murmur of conversation broke out again. People returned to discussing the art. Normality resumed.
‘Oh, there you are!’ came a voice.
Jessica started. Crossing the room were her parents, with Stuart trailing in their wake.
PROXIMITY ONLINE
I WEAR NAPPIES TO THE GYM, FITNESS BLOGGER ADMITS
A fitness blogger whose popular site ‘Fit at 30’ draws over 75,000 hits per month, has admitted to wearing nappy-like protection during her gym workouts.
Jessica Bradley, 36, from Hertfordshire, who also runs a small PR firm, was left suffering from the embarrassing problem of urinary incontinence after giving birth to son, Arthur, now 11.
‘I don’t think women should feel ashamed about this problem,’ the glamorous blonde argued. ‘And the Little Accidents range ensures no embarrassing leakage when on the treadmill.’
Ms Bradley, who drew criticism from some followers recently after a candid shot of her splitting her leggings during a workout revealed what one Twitter user termed ‘blancmange buttocks’, believes that the range of disposable pants produced by the Little Accidents brand can ‘fit in on any occasion’.
But former band ambassador Tamzin Peters, of hit reality series Dagenham and Diamante, who was sacked from her role as a result of negative comments about the paper underwear, has claimed that the range of protective products are ‘no better than nappies’ and ‘made her bum look big’.
‘I may have worn the product shortly after giving birth to Rocky,’ the part-time model and actress claimed, ‘but I believe that a solution to incontinence is far more effective than just soaking up the problem.’
It has emerged that Peters is currently in talks with Snapped Shut!, a range of apps claiming to help women strengthen their pelvic floor after childbirth.
A spokesperson for Little Accidents admitted that Peters was no longer working with their brand due to ‘creative differences,’ but confirmed that mum-of-one Bradley was an ‘avid fan’ of the product.
Ms Bradley was unavailable for further comment.
HATFIELD CHRONICLE
THE TALK OF THE TOWN!
An award-winning work by local artist Hugo Henderson has divided opinion.
The Hertfordshire Art Association has hit back at comments that one of the finalists for the ‘Art is Art’ Bursary was chosen simply to attract media attention.
The work, entitled ‘Naked Ambition’ by Henderson, 43, has divided opinion due to its depiction of a voluptuous woman reclining naked on a chaise longue, together with a self-portrait of the artist, also naked, at an easel.
‘The work is hard-hitting, definitely,’ agreed Cuthbert Crinkbottom, patron of the H.A.A., ‘but no more so than, say, some of the nudity depicted in works by Picasso or Renoir.’
‘It’s disgusting,’ said local resident Jean Bradley, 65. ‘The artist should be ashamed of himself.’
However, others disagreed, commenting on the fine level of detail in the painting. ‘Of course, it’s a controversial work,’ explained Sally Smith, one of the four judges, ‘but the painting itself is exquisite. The artist has captured every detail of the woman’s body – from the delicate hairs on her upper thighs, to the roundness of her stomach.’
The woman who posed for Henderson, is thought to be local fitness blogger Jessica Bradley, who was there to support the artist on the evening itself in her role as his agent. ‘He’s such a fabulous artist,’ Ms Bradley gushed. ‘I think he has a great future ahead of him.’
TAMZIN PETERS WOWS AT GALA EVENT
Popular model Tamzin Peters from hit reality series Dagenham and Diamante stunned fans in a revealing diamante gown, with matching clutch.
The model and actress, 23, from Essex refused to comment on the recent controversy sparked by her rejection of feminine hygiene range Little Accidents, but did confirm that she would be leaving her role in her reality show in an upcoming episode.
‘I feel like I’ve given so much of my life to the series,’ Peters explained. ‘It’s time to try something new.’
Chapter Forty
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Award!
Dear Jessica,
Just a quick note to say that I saw you in the paper this morning. You must be thrilled about Hugo Henderson’s award! Well done.
Got a few ideas for the new book – will be in touch soon
Best wishes,
Robert
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Dear Stu,
What shall I do about last night! What an absolute nightmare!!!
Help!
Jess
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Sorry, sis, but looks like you’ve made your chaise longue and you’re going to have to recline on it! I’ll remember the expression on Dad’s face until the day I die! What on earth possessed you to invite them to the awards thing? Nice painting, though. If a bit graphic!
If it’s any consolation, it won’t be long until you’re back being Mum’s golden child again.
Have a glass of wine and forget about it. I know I’m trying to …
Stu x
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Golden child? You’re kidding, right?
Mum constantly criticises me – whereas you can do no wrong!!
Good idea about the wine. And have you seen this article in the Daily News?
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Did you seriously have to send me that picture of your bare arse at the gym? Haven’t I suffered enough?!
Honestly, don’t worry – tomorrow’s chip wrappings … no such thing as bad publicity – all the usual platitudes.
Careful what you wish for eh! Fame and fortune come at a price! Xxx
By the way, do think about what I said last night. xx
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Careful what I wish for? Seriously, I didn’t wish for any of this! The blog was never meant to go viral.
And yes, I am honestly.
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:Help
Then seriously, sis, why do you do it? It doesn’t seem to be making you very happy.
Here if you need to talk.
S x
Last night, when Stuart had sidled up to her and given her a squeeze, she’d almost burst into tears.
‘Hey, hey,’ he’d said, ‘it’s OK, Jess.’
‘I know, I know.’
‘And you know, Mum and Dad will forget about it pretty soon.’
‘I know.’
‘And I’ll be able to get some therapy or hypnosis or something …’
‘Hey!’ she’d said, feeling the hint of a smile. ‘It’s not that bad.’
‘No,’ he’d said, taking an exaggerated sip of his wine. ‘The painting itself is pretty much a masterpiece, actually.’
‘Thank you.’
‘It just might have done irreparable damage to my subconscious. Scarred me for life, and all that.’
‘Hey!’
‘Seriously, Jess. Would you like to see me reclining on a sofa, all my bits and pieces on display?’
‘No, I think I could probably do without that.’
‘Exactly.’ Ano
ther sip of wine. ‘Anyway, where’s Dave?’
‘Gone.’
‘Gone? Without you?’ Stuart’s brow had furrowed with concern. ‘I just assumed he hadn’t wanted to come.’
‘No. Before you got here, he kind of kicked off.’
‘About the painting?’
‘About the painting. Apparently I look fat in it.’
Stuart had bitten his lip for a moment. ‘Look, I can’t do it,’ he’d said. ‘I want to be supportive and everything, but I can’t do it. That man …’
‘What?’
‘Well, you know. We went for that drink, yesterday.’
‘Yeah. You said you couldn’t get much out of him in the text?’
‘That wasn’t strictly true.’
‘What?’
‘Well, I mean, I didn’t get much out of him about the engagement. Whether it was real or whatever. He was going on about it, but it was hard to know whether it was part of the “ruse”.’
‘Yeah?’
‘But Jess, the way he spoke about you!’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t really put my finger on it – it’s not like I can pick out a phrase and say he said this! Or he told me that!’
‘Right?’
‘But … he talked about you as if you were a prize he’d won. How you look – how you’re going to look. That sort of thing.’
‘Oh.’
‘And I mean, that’s OK – I mean it’s OK that he likes the way you look. But there should be more to it than that, shouldn’t there?’
‘Yes … of course … I mean, there is, isn’t there?’
‘Maybe. I tried to talk about Anna, though, and he didn’t have much to say.’
‘OK?’
‘And … it’s more the impression he gave me. I’ll be honest, sis. I’m not his biggest fan.’
‘Oh, but Dave is lovely,’ she’d said, uncertainly. ‘He’s—’
‘Is he though? Making a scene at an important work do? Calling you fat?’
‘He was just upset … he—’
‘OK. Just – well. I’ll support you all the way, but just be careful.’
Before she’d had time to answer, Hugo had skipped up. ‘Sorry about all that,’ he’d said. ‘Hope I haven’t messed things up for you at home?’
‘Don’t be silly,’ she’d smiled. ‘He’s … Dave was just … Well, you know.’
‘Of course,’ Hugo had replied, only half listening. ‘Look, I probably shouldn’t say anything, but I overheard someone talking about my painting in glowing terms. Turns out it was Bernard!’
‘Bernard!’
‘Only Bernard Cribbins! The art critic from the Herald!’ he’d said, excitedly.
‘That’s fantastic.’
‘Yes! Ooh, just a second, must dash.’ And with that, Hugo had left her side and disappeared into the crowd after a woman who seemed to be trying her best to dive into the loos before she was apprehended.
‘I don’t know how you do it,’ Stu had said, then. ‘He’s quite the character!’
‘Oh, I get by,’ she’d smiled, drinking a sip of wine. ‘Somehow, I cope.’
‘We’re Ok, right? You didn’t mind me saying?’
‘Not at all. It’s, well, I know it mustn’t have been easy. I don’t necessarily agree …’
‘That’s your call.’
And they’d chatted then about Mum’s birthday and Dad’s forgetfulness – normal things – until it had been time to go home.
All the same, when she’d stepped in a taxi and sunk into the seat to head home, she’d felt on the verge of tears.
Fit at 30
Losing motivation
When things are going well, it’s no trouble going to the gym. But things aren’t always so smooth – and when I’m stressed or under pressure it’s harder to maintain a routine. So I hope you don’t mind if I admit to you that I’m not always as brilliant at sticking to the plan as I’d like to be.
And a little treat now and then doesn’t hurt! Even a bit of chocolate once a week if you really fancy it.
Many scientists agree that it’s what we do most of the time that makes the difference, so maybe relaxing once in a while is a good thing?
COMMENTS
MB
Traitor – I read this blog for inspiration, not so that I feel better about FAILING!
SW
Thanks for your honesty.
RF
Is it honest though? She’s never mentioned her bladder problems on this – and have you seen this? www.dailynews.co/I-wear-nappies-to-the-gym
MD
Oh great, that’s really helpful. Unfollowing.
Chapter Forty-One
Feeling a familiar adrenalin rush after reading her latest comments page, and realising she’d lost over a hundred followers, Jessica left her desk and dialled Bea’s number from the car park. She needed an injection of normality, and Bea would be the best person to deliver it. Her friend was back at work part-time, but on lates, so she should be at home.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Bea.’
‘Hi, you.’
‘You OK?’
‘Yeah. You know, I’m feeling much better. Helps being back at work. They’re phasing me in, as if I’m a new government strategy, or a reduced speed limit.’
‘Oh, I’m glad it’s going OK!’ Jessica tried to keep the doubt out of her tone.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not completely deluded. I’m still pretty depressed, all said and told.’
‘Glad to hear it.’
‘But you know. Slowly and surely. Like a tortoise.’
‘Good. That’s really good, Bea. And, you know, everyone likes tortoises.’
‘Ha! So … why were you calling?’
Suddenly the idea of telling Bea that she was losing followers or getting negative comments on her fitness blog seemed utterly ridiculous. ‘Oh, nothing. Just seeing how you are.’
‘Really, because I’ve seen the article. Ouch. Are you OK?’
‘Yeah. It’s not just that though,’ Jessica sighed. ‘I tried, well, the blog, the Instagram, it’s getting a bit … pressured.’
‘So, don’t do it!’
‘Yeah. I thought that.’
‘And …? Don’t tell me, you’re addicted to the attention.’
‘No, well, yeah, kind of, but it’s not that. It’s, well, I lost some followers today just because I admitted to eating some chips.’
‘Oh no!’ Bea’s tone was mocking. ‘What on earth should we do?’
Jess grinned slightly. It was nice to speak with Bea, even if she did perpetually take the piss. ‘I know, it seems stupid. But most of my clients discovered me because I’m an influencer, or whatever. They rely on my social-media presence.’
‘Right. So I guess you keep blogging. Surely it can’t be that difficult writing about your fabulous life!’ There was an edge of frustration to Bea’s voice. ‘I’m sorry, Jess. It’s just – you know …’
‘I’m sorry, Bea.’
There was a pause.
‘I know. And it doesn’t mean your problems aren’t important. It’s just, well, perspective, I suppose.’
‘Definitely. Look, Bea, can we meet up for that lunch still? I need to talk about something else, something private.’
‘Sounds serious. You’re not having an affair with that artist bloke, are you?’
‘As if!’
‘Had to ask. He looked quite fit in the photo. As did you, I must say.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Look, I do sympathise, Jess. And I want to help. It’s just …’
‘Yeah, I know. I’m crap.’
‘You said it,’ but there was a laugh in Bea’s voice.
They hung up after
making a lunch date for the next day. Jessica put it into her online diary and set herself several reminders. Because she was absolutely, definitely not going to let her friend down.
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:
Dear Robert
Thanks – it’s all very exciting! And I’m sorry about what I said – things have been a bit up and down recently; it’s hard to know how to react.
Let’s meet up soon for a debrief.
Jess
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Re:
Sure.
I wanted to say – I’m sorry if I came on a bit strong. I realise you’re my PR, I’m your client, primarily. And that you’re happy with Dave. I think I got my wires crossed.
From now on, it’s strictly business (and maybe a bit of coffee).
Speak soon,
Robert
It was eminently sensible.
But somehow, also disappointing.
Chapter Forty-Two
When the doorbell rang at 7.30 a.m., she assumed it was a delivery. She’d been promised a sample of the new Christmas range of Little Accidents. ‘They’re just lovely!’ Linda had gushed on the phone. ‘There’s a fur-trimmed pair, one with a button that plays “Winter Wonderland”, one with ribbons – you know, like a present – and the best one can be pulled apart: when you take it off it bangs like a cracker!’
‘They sound wonderful,’ Jessica had replied, doubtfully, wondering whether the paper pants also contained a couple of lame jokes and a party hat. ‘Can’t wait to see them.’
Instead of a box of festive drawers, she found her father, his hair still dishevelled from sleep, standing on her doorstep with his coat on over what appeared to be a pair of pyjamas. Scenarios flashed through her mind – had Mum kicked him out? Had there been a fire? Was he losing his mind?
‘Dad!’ she exclaimed.
‘Hi, Jessica,’ he said. ‘Not too early?’
‘Of course not,’ she said, backing away so that he could come in. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Anna around?’
‘Still asleep.’
Everything is Fine: The funny, feel-good and uplifting page-turner you won't be able to put down! Page 25
