‘No problem.’ She went and queued for a second time at the counter, returning with a cup of water and a teabag on a string.
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘Not having anything yourself?’
She’d already had two coffees while waiting for him – any more and she might burst. But it would be mean to highlight his lateness. ‘No,’ she lied. ‘I’m fine at the moment.’
‘So, Anna?’ he said, after a messy couple of minutes dunking the bag until the colour flooded out, then adding milk from a tiny plastic pot on his saucer. The teabag was now on the table, set on a serviette, which was gradually turning from white to orange.
‘Yeah,’ she felt awkward suddenly. ‘Look, thanks for meeting me on a Sunday. It’s just … I’m worried about her. She seems – she’s not herself.’
‘Eating OK?’ he asked.
‘Seems to be.’
‘Good. Any problems with friends that you know about?’
‘I don’t think so. She’s got a best friend – Jenny – and they seem to be spending as much time together as usual. And school seems to be going OK.’
He sat for a moment, thoughtfully looking into his tea. ‘What about at home?’ he asked. ‘Is there anything that might be upsetting her there?’
Jessica thought about the ups and downs with Dave. The fact that her business had been even busier than usual and that perhaps she hadn’t been around as much as she’d like.
‘Maybe,’ she said, feeling herself blush. ‘I mean, things haven’t been that … settled recently, I suppose.’
‘And what does Dave think of it all?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Does Dave have any theories about Anna? Does she talk to him?’
‘I haven’t … I mean. We don’t really talk much about Anna.’ Hearing the words said aloud made Jessica feel slightly alarmed. Her future husband, Anna’s future stepfather; and they barely spoke about Anna at all. Barely did any real parenting.
‘Oh.’ He looked surprised and began to stir his tea un-necessarily. ‘Well, OK. Um …’
‘Yeah,’ she said, wishing she’d bought another drink after all – something to focus on.
‘Well, maybe …’ He said at last. ‘Maybe it’s something to do with that. I feel … it’s difficult to give advice because, well, you know how I feel about you.’
She felt herself go red. ‘But …’
‘You know. I like you Jessica. I’m not going to act on it, of course. I wouldn’t – I know you’re in love with Dave and the last thing I want to do is upset a happy home.’
She almost snorted with laughter at his description of her home life then realised how unfunny it was.
‘But maybe,’ he continued, ‘maybe it’s time to get Anna and Dave to bond a bit. Maybe that would help her to feel more grounded.’
He was right. Dave and Anna had never spent much time together, except when they were dragging Anna out with them, or they were eating at the table together. And the odd times when Dave had used to do the school run. But neither Dave nor Anna had ever expressed an interest in hanging out, she thought. And it just hadn’t crossed her mind.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I mean, it’s a bit embarrassing to have someone point that out. I’m her mother after all.’
‘Sometimes,’ he said, looking at her so directly that she felt herself shiver. ‘Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to see things a little more clearly.’
‘You’re right.’
Once they’d said goodbye – this time with a more appropriate cheek kiss – the day had gone quickly. She’d taken Anna shopping and treated her to some new tops, then spent the rest of the time planning for next week.
All the time, though, her mind had kept flitting throughout to the conversation she’d had with Anna the night before. Where she’d told her daughter that nobody cared about the number of followers she had. That it didn’t matter. ‘It’s real people who matter – me, Dad, Uncle Stu, Granny, Granddad,’ she’d said. ‘Not some random strangers online.’
‘Then why do you do it Mum?’ her daughter had asked, genuinely confused. ‘You’re always going on about followers or whatever.’
‘It’s different for grown-ups,’ Jessica had said uncertainly. ‘It’s a work thing.’ But was it?
This afternoon, she’d rung Dave and told him she was bringing Anna with her that evening – Jessica couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her alone. Dave had replied ‘the more the merrier’, which had made her feel quite positive about things, about their making a success of becoming a blended family, or whatever the current buzzword was.
And maybe tonight there would be time for a heart-to-heart. She wasn’t about to admit that she’d thought their engagement might be fake at first, an overblown PR stunt. But perhaps she could start to suggest that she might not spend quite so much time at the gym as before, even if she did get ‘back on track’. Just to test the water. A bit like the story of the princess and the pea; she needed to slip a little test into proceedings to discover whether Dave was the real deal (albeit, hopefully not a real princess).
All in all, she was feeling quite positive as she drove towards the house owned by Dave’s gym-buddy Kevin, despite Anna’s sombre presence in the passenger seat. They spent most of the short journey in silence, listening to radio discussion on whether fried chicken shops should be situated so close to schools.
The house was silent when they arrived, and no lights were visible as she pulled up outside. Jessica wondered whether she’d got it wrong. Was Dave waiting at hers? His car was parked outside, but he might have decided to jog over. She glanced quickly at the screen on her phone – no message.
‘Hope he’s in!’ she said to a silent Anna as they walked up to the door and she rang the bell. When she heard the tap of footsteps in response she was relieved. The last thing she’d needed was yet another case of crossed wires with her possible fiancé.
‘Hi, baby!’ Dave flung the door wide, treating them both to a whiff of heady aftershave. ‘You look gorgeous!’
‘Thanks,’ Jessica said, ignoring Anna’s contemptuous snort. She allowed herself to be swept up into a bear hug.
‘And you too, Anna banana!’ Anna banana was not a nickname he’d used before and evidently didn’t go down well.
‘Yeah.’ Anna said. Then, ‘Can I use your computer?’
‘Sure, in a minute,’ he said, slightly subdued by the rebuff. ‘Just … I just want to show you guys something first.’
He stepped back, and they entered the hall, hanging their coats on the bannister. Then he paused by the living-room door. ‘It’s been a weird few weeks,’ he said. ‘And I know we’ve had a few ups and downs.’
‘Uh huh.’
‘But I want this night to be the start of things – of a special new time for us. Getting our lives back, you know? Working out together, living together, being happy as a family.’ He gave a nod in Anna’s direction. ‘Just like old times. Only better.’
And with that, he flung the door wide and snapped on the light.
The room was full of people, glasses in hands, grinning at their own subterfuge. ‘Surprise!’ came the cry, and Jessica nearly jumped out of her skin. So much for the quiet evening she’d had in mind.
‘Wow!’ she said, baring her teeth in what she hoped was a happy fashion. ‘This is amazing!’
‘Yeah. I mean, our engagement was kind of, uh, unexpected,’ he said. ‘But now things are, sort of, on track, so to speak, I thought it was about time we celebrated, you know, properly.’
She looked at her ring, involuntarily. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Brilliant.’
Feeling slightly sick, and wondering why Dave hadn’t warned her to wear something other than her jeans and trainers, Jessica took a proffered ‘virgin cocktail’ and walked into the room, Dave’s arm resting gently on her back. Anna trailed behind.
Across the room was a table laden with vegetable sticks, hummus, crackers and a few (naughty!) cheeses. Another table in the corner bore a large cake, three tiered, complete with bride and groom. ‘You bought a wedding cake?’ Jessica whispered to Dave. ‘For our engagement?’
‘I just wanted to make a statement,’ he said quietly. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t let you eat any just when you’re starting to make progress!’
Because obviously that’s what she’d been worried about.
Thirty minutes later, she wondered how much longer she could last. Jessica was far from an alcoholic, but without a little wine to blur the edges, the party seemed formal and the conversation stilted. After failing to commandeer Dave’s laptop, Anna had disappeared to the kitchen and was sitting silently with her mobile phone, sullenly scowling.
It didn’t help that as far as Jessica could see, Dave had invited all of his friends and not one of hers. ‘Did you ask Bea to come?’ she whispered at one point. ‘Or Stu?’
He went red. ‘Um. Well, I was going to …’
‘Don’t worry.’
She wandered rather lost through the groups of minglers, occasionally proffering her ring for inspection and smiling her acceptance at comments on how beautiful and ‘sparkly’ her diamond/cubic zirconia chunk was. She began to nod in benign deference when they lifted her hand for inspection – and for a little while felt more like the Pope than she’d ever have thought possible.
Dave soon disappeared but she could hear his laughter from time to time as he threw himself into what seemed to be ostensibly a party celebrating him.
Then, after what seemed like hours (but was actually fifty-one minutes and twenty-three seconds according to her watch), the kitchen door opened, and Anna slunk in – reluctantly – followed by Dave, who’d obviously gone to get her. Then he tapped the side of his glass.
Obediently, the room fell silent.
Dave, puffed with self-importance, stood beside the cake. A camera flashed. ‘I just wanted to start by thanking everyone for coming,’ he began.
Jessica felt her cheeks begin to redden.
‘As you know, this lovely lady and I have had our ups and downs …’
They knew? Who knew?
‘In life,’ he gestured to Jessica. ‘And on the scales.’ He paused for laughter and a couple of people tittered obediently.
‘Anyway, over the past few months I’ve come to realise more than ever that my life wouldn’t be complete without this little, or perhaps medium-sized, lady.’
Murmurs of ‘ahh’.
Jessica smiled and raised her glass awkwardly. Yes, that’s me. The little fat wife.
‘And I’m proud too at how hard she’s working to get back in shape for the wedding day!’ he went on. ‘She’s had a slip but we’re all here to support you, Jess, in your journey back to being your True Self.’
‘Hear hear.’
‘Which is why we’re not going to offer her any of this delicious cake!’
Laughter.
‘And I’d like to raise a toast,’ he finished. ‘To my perfect, fit future wife and her soon-to-be-toned bottom!’
‘To her bottom!’ everyone chorused, as if it was a completely normal toast. Jessica felt her shoulders stiffen.
‘Actually, I’d like to say a few words,’ she said before the silence disappeared again under a hum of conversation. ‘If you don’t mind.’
‘Sure!’ said Dave, all permissive smiles. He clinked the spoon against his glass unnecessarily – the room was already quiet.
‘All my life,’ began Jessica, ‘I’ve wanted someone who loves me for who I am.’
Choruses of ‘ahhh’.
‘And this man,’ she said, indicating a smiling Dave, ‘has stuck with me through thick and thin. Although he’s made it pretty clear he prefers the thin.’
Laughter – this time just from Dave, still blissfully misreading her tone.
‘But seeing as we’re all family now,’ she continued, ‘there’s something you ought to know about me. That I might talk a good talk. But maybe I’m not quite as perfect as everyone thinks!’
She walked over to the cake, carefully removed the bride and groom then plunged her hand into the soft sponge, pulling up a fistful and stuffing it into her mouth, feeling chunks of icing gathering at the corners of her lips and dribbling down her chin. Then another, and another.
‘That’s right,’ she said spraying crumbs. ‘I love cake. I eat cake! And I guess I don’t care as much as some of you if that shows on my thighs.’
She paused, seeing the horrified look on Anna’s face, but couldn’t seem to stop. ‘I’m a fraud. The whole health and fitness thing. It’s not me at all. My whole life is a lie. And I’m not even sure what’s real any more,’ she said, her voice faltering in the stunned silence.
A large blob of butter icing dropped softly onto the carpet from her chin. She wiped the back of her hand across her face self-consciously and brought it away, covered with crumbs, chocolate and other cake debris.
She looked around the room, registering the silence, the shocked faces, Anna’s appalled expression. ‘Come on, Anna,’ she said shaking chunks of cake and icing from her T-shirt and grabbing her daughter’s hand. ‘Let’s go.’
Anna followed her silently to the car. As the door closed behind them, Jessica could hear the rumble of talking in the room, soon drowned out by the sound of her revving engine.
Chapter Forty-Five
The great thing about being your own boss? #WorkingFromHome in your PJs when you fancy it! @StarPR #WinningatLife
‘Hi, Candice, I’m going to work at home today if that’s OK?’ Jessica instantly cursed herself for asking rather than telling Candice what she was going to do. After all, she was the boss.
‘OK. Everything all right?’
‘Yes. Just want to spend a bit of time catching up,’ she lied. In actual fact, she felt exhausted. Flashbacks from yesterday evening – without the excuse or memory-suppressing power of alcohol – had tormented her all night. She’d veered between anger, embarrassment and calorie-counting into the small hours of the morning. Anna had hardly spoken to her in the car on the way to school. She didn’t blame her.
‘Sure. Oh, and Hugo called.’
‘OK, I’ll get back to him later.’
Just as she was about to hit her emails and study her blog analytics, the phone rang. She almost ignored it, but glancing at the screen she saw the call was from Anna’s school.
‘Hello? Jessica Bradley speaking.’
‘Hello, Mrs Bradley. It’s Stephanie, the secretary at St Augustus Academy.’
There was a silence in which Jessica suddenly started to become afraid. ‘Um … is everything OK? Is Anna OK?’
‘I’m afraid we’re having a bit of an issue this end,’ continued Stephanie carefully. ‘Anna didn’t turn up for her science lesson first period.’
‘What?’
‘Yes, now please don’t panic. She was there for registration. And it may be, well, occasionally children do absent themselves. You know, hide in the loos or something, when perhaps there’s a subject they’re not so keen on.’
‘Right …’ Jessica’s heart was hammering hard enough to break through her ribcage.
‘But an initial search has proved unsuccessful.’
‘Oh my God! So what are you doing? Have the police been called?’
‘That’s the next step. We just wanted to inform you and to double-check that she hadn’t contacted you, or turned up at home.’
‘No! No, she’s not here; she hasn’t called. I can call her, she’s got her mobile.’
&nb
sp; ‘OK, and can you call us back please?’
‘Of course.’
Jessica ended the call abruptly, her fingers almost shaking too much to scroll through her contacts list. Luckily, Anna’s name was at the top, and she pressed the green button, feeling sick.
An answerphone cut in almost straight away.
She tried again.
Answerphone. ‘Anna!’ she said this time. ‘Please call me. I need to know you’re OK. You’re not in trouble.’ She imagined suddenly herself on the TV, like those families of missing children, begging her daughter to get in contact. What had happened? She’d left Anna safely at school this morning; her daughter had seemed OK, if a little sulky after Jessica’s embarrassing display the night before.
Grahame. She quickly found his number and called. ‘Hello?’ he said.
‘Grahame, is Anna with you?’
‘No, I mean, it’s … why? What’s happened?’
‘She’s disappeared. From school. She might be hiding. I don’t know. I don’t know,’ Jessica said, barely able to breathe.
‘OK, OK, calm down. I’m coming right now,’ said Grahame. ‘Where are you?’
‘Just at home. Oh Grahame, where is she?’
‘Sit tight,’ he said before the line went dead.
Jessica picked up the phone again to call the school and inform the police; anyone who might be able to help. Before she could dial, though, it began to ring. Anna’s name flashed on the screen.
‘Anna!’ she said, answering it immediately. ‘Anna, are you OK?’
‘Yes.’
‘Where are you?’ She began to feel anger bubbling up where fear had been.
Silence.
‘Anna, are you OK? Are you with anyone?’
‘No, I’m just … I just needed to get away.’
‘I’ll come and get you. I’ll come right now.’
‘No, Mum, I just need to be by myself.’
‘Anna, we can give you space here. Where you’re safe. Whatever’s going on, I’m here to help.’
Silence.
‘Anna, please …’
‘OK, OK,’ Anna replied, sounding more like herself. ‘I’m at the train station, OK?’
Everything is Fine: The funny, feel-good and uplifting page-turner you won't be able to put down! Page 27
