“See you when I see you. Keep safe.”
“We’ve got her, Tig, go do what Axe wants,” Jaxson interjects. Ah, the asshole still lives I see! I wish I felt like giving him hell, but right now, all I want is to sleep. “C’mon, girls, let’s get the fuck outta here.”
I take one last glance at the house I’ve been imprisoned in for the past three months and breathe a sigh of relief. Regardless of what comes, my family will have my back.
Four
Jaxson
There’s no way I’m going to explain the Nelson brothers or our association with them. Tig had to go and open his big mouth and now she’s never going to let it go. Once she’s got her mind on playing Nancy Drew, she may temporarily let the subject drop, but she’ll never forget and start digging. They’ve been a guarded ally for many years and I won’t be the one to do anything to disturb that. Rae means something to me. But the club, they are my security, they’ve given me their trust and I won’t betray that, not even for her. I may want to at times, but I can’t.
When I had nothing and nobody, they stepped in and accepted me with open arms. Each one of the brothers has taught me something instrumental in my life. She may hold my heart, but they are and will always be respected by me.
“Lily, I’ll be ahead of you and Maxum will catch up once he takes care of Rae’s car. How are you on gas?”
“I’ve got like three quarters of a tank, plenty to get home.”
“Don’t stop for anyone or anything, y’hear?” If he does have someone watching over her and her movements, my fear is that Lily and Rae will stop if I have to. Because I will take care of any danger that follows us, I won’t let it touch those girls.
“Not even stop lights?” Fucking smartass. I give her a look and she nods. Now’s not the time or the place. Once I’m assured that they’re good to go, I shoot Axe a quick text letting him know we’re on our way home. I close my eyes and for the first time since I was a young boy, I say a prayer in hopes that we make it home without any incidents.
Shit is shifting inside of me but I refuse to look at it right now. She’s always been important, but I’ve spent so many years pushing her away, it’s gonna be hell to get her to realize that things have changed. Looks like I may be on my knees begging for a piece of her heart and I may have to do a bit of damage control, but I’ll never give up. Not after today, I can never look back and there’s no way I can hold her at arm's length any longer. I may be damaged and broken, but I will try to be what she needs and work hard to be a good man like those surrounding us. Good thing I’ve watched my brothers do it with their old ladies because I’ve got plenty of examples to look up to, ask questions of and use as a template. I can and will be a man worthy of the brotherhood and her heart. Damn, having feelings is hard work. That’s okay though, I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge and if I’ve ever met one, it’s my Ralynn.
I’m leading the girl’s home and am ready for Maxum to catch up so I know they’re protected from the rear. It’s driving me crazy not being able to have them protected from both ends. I’m a protector by nature, and this is hard for me to wrap my head around that the girls are left open. Not being able to deal with it, I scoot over in the lane next to them and wave them on. Getting behind them, something inside of me eases and I watch and notice Ralynn attempting to get comfortable. Flashing my lights at them, I have them pull off the highway and signal her to turn into the gas station. Lily gives me a puzzled look so I hold a finger up indicating for her to give me a minute.
Walking inside of the gas station I find the packets of pain reliever and grab one. I then walk over to the coolers and grab three waters. I pay for my purchases and walk them out to the car. I open up the package and see the window roll down. “Here, got you these,” I hold my hand out and lay them in her open palm. “Take these, I can see how uncomfortable you are.” Not wanting to sound like a pussy, I control my emotions.
“Thank you, Jaxson.” She pops the pills in her mouth and I uncap the water. I pass it to her and watch as she swallows. My pants tighten a little so I place my attention somewhere else and hand Lily hers. Then I drink my bottle down in one gulp.
“Okay, let's get out of here.” Right about then I hear another motorcycle and see Maxum pull up. I intently watch Lily as her eyes light up at seeing him join us. ‘Walk to your bike, don’t say a word’ I say to myself. I hope that those two pull their heads out of their asses and do something about their feelings. If anyone deserves love, it’s those two.
Ralynn
“Lily, I... uh...I can’t say thank you enough.”
“Rae, we’ve been friends for a helluva long time. I just wish you had reached out to one of us before now. It’s killing me that he treated you like that. No one deserves to be treated like shit. No one.”
My tears start to flow at her words because she’s right. I don’t even know how to explain it all to her because we were raised to be independent women and here I am, a broken shell of who I used to be. I don’t even know the woman in the mirror any more.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Lily...I don’t even know what to say, to be honest. It just happened.”
“But how, Rae? I mean, you’re smart as hell, how in the fuck did you allow someone to take control of your life like that? Use you as a punching bag? I just don’t fucking get it.”
I can’t explain it to her because I don’t understand it myself. But, I wanna try because she’s been my best friend since we were kids. Her, Luca and Tig. Fuck, I hope they don’t contact him. He’s been protecting us since we were little girls, and this will kill him. “I don’t know how it all started.” Lies, Rae, you’re telling her lies right now which seems to be the theme lately with everyone. “Okay, um, after Maysen’s wedding, we started dating. It was innocent at first and then one night, we went out drinking and dancing and the next morning, I woke up naked with him in bed, not remembering anything about it or how we ended up there.” Shit, this is hard laying all of my demons out for her.
“Holy fucking hell, he roofied you?” she yells banging her hand on the steering wheel. Her arms suddenly start waving around and I have a moment of panic because the car swerves a bit until she gets it and her temper back under control. I know the guys are probably freaking out seeing the erratic driving, but she asked so I’m trying to give her something.
“Yeah, I guess so.” And it fucking sucked too. I had always dreamed of Jaxson being my one and only and fucking Marcus destroyed that dream with all of his promises and deceit. I don’t think I have it in me to be trusting with another man after him. Secrets and lies have a way of destroying relationships, feelings of kinship, and even now I’m having a hard time laying my heart on the line with Lily. “Anyhow, the rest started with small stuff. I didn’t dress right for something we were doing, or the house wasn’t as clean as he felt it should be, dinner wasn’t cooked right, the list goes on and on. It got to the point that nothing I did was right in his book.”
“How long has he been hitting you, Rae?” Well, there’s the million-dollar question. Do I dare trust her with the real answer or should I sugar coat it for her? A part of me wants to keep Lily as sweet and innocent as she is, another part of me wants her to know the anguish I’ve been suffering.
“A few months now,” I admit, shame rolling off me in waves. No amount of cleansing my body and soul have worked. I will always have a black cloud hanging over my head. No one will ever want me now. That thought causes fresh tears to track down my face. I’m a hot fucking mess and knowing that I’ll be facing my parents shortly has sobs breaking out. When did I turn into this pathetic version of myself? I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore! I’ve turned into one of those women who buries her head in the sand and just accepts what’s thrown at her and deals with it the best way she knows how. I want to be strong again, I want to find that girl that was stolen from me.
“It’s gonna be okay, Rae,” Lily placates me placing her han
d on my thigh, her voice soothing and welcoming. “We’re almost home and our parents will figure it all out.” I suspect that shit is gonna hit the proverbial fan and hate that I’m the cause. My parents have to be out of their minds and after what happened to Maysen, this might break my dad. He’s had a hard time dealing with the fallout of her attack, and now his other daughter has willingly placed herself in a dangerous situation without seeking help from him. This may test his restraint, and it’ll be all my fault.
“Lily? Can I tell you something?” Can I trust her with this? Will she judge me and never look at me the same way again? I have to trust my gut and it’s telling me to get it out in the open.
“You can tell me anything, you know that by now, right?” I can feel her words and hear the truth behind them.
My breath stutters out and I say, “There were times I thought it would be better if I weren’t here anymore.” Those thoughts unfortunately have plagued my mind more and more with each passing day and event.
“Fucking hell, Rae! There will never be a time that you shouldn’t be here, at least not until you’re so old the soles of your feet have wrinkles!” Her words make me chuckle and soon, we’re both in near hysterics. I’m not sure if it’s the seriousness of the situation or what, but the laughter eases something that felt broken and has been missing from inside. I may be temporarily damaged, but I was raised to overcome anything, and I’ll do whatever it takes not to be considered a victim. I am a survivor, I just need to learn to open up and reach out for the helping hands that are and have been extended my way.
Sooner than I’m ready, we arrive at the clubhouse and I see my parents, along with Uncle Braxton and Uncle Chief, standing there with their arms crossed over their chests. Once we pull in, Dad is immediately at my door, opening it and softly helps me out of the car and easily pulling me into his arms. He lifts my entire body and a feeling of safety and belonging eases the pain of my heart. He places his arm under my legs and carries me into the clubhouse like he used to when I was young and we end up in my family’s room, murmuring so softly I can barely hear him. “I’m gonna fix this, Rae, I promise.” This proclamation from him causes the sobs to wrack my body. This is what I’ve been missing and longing for since the first time Marcus placed his unwelcomed attack on my body and person.
As he lays me on the bed, Mom comes flying into the room and her gasp of pain at seeing me has me crying again. “I’m sorry, y’all.” I want to get down on my knees and beg for their forgiveness. I want to beg them to keep the boogeyman away just like they used to when I’d wake up covered in sweat from a nightmare. My protectors, my safety, the only people in the world who’ve always, no matter what, had my best interest at heart. “I love you so much,” I blubber out.
“Ralynn, you are my baby. I love you so much but I hate seeing you in this position. Why didn’t you reach out, I would’ve made that slimeball eat his teeth and feed him his testicals for a snack!” Mom bellows out her anguish, it kills me when the tears begin to stream down her face. She caresses my hair and pulls me into the warmth of her motherly embrace. I’m surrounded by my parents and look over their shoulders and see my aunts and uncles with tears and anger appearing on their features.
“Mom, I couldn’t.” How do I explain what Marcus’ father threatened?
“Why? Why couldn’t you come to us, sweet pea? Please help me understand.” I’ve never seen my dad beg for anything in my life and right now he’s coming across as a father with a broken heart which causes me to break down into another wave of tears. Digging my head into my mother’s shoulder, I feel the snot leaking and know that my mother’s designer top will be ruined with my breakdown.
“Sorry.” I use the back of my hand to wipe away the mess. “I think I ruined your shirt.”
“Who cares? I’ll buy her another one. Talk to me,” Dad pleads with me.
“He threatened the club,” I whisper, not wanting to admit that I may be the one person who’s gotten them tied into my problems and brought down some possible threats to the club. “Well, his father did.”
“What do you mean, he threatened the club?” Uncle Braxton questions. “There’s nothing to threaten us with.”
“He...he showed me a folder and said if I didn’t stay with Marcus, he had enough to ruin all of you.”
“What did this folder have in it?” Dad asks.
“I never saw what was in it,” I hastily admit. “But his dad said they were watching y’all and if I didn’t comply, y’all would suffer the consequences.” My body quakes at the reveal, I can’t help but mentally slide back into that memory and getting lost in it. I come back to the here and now when I feel a slight shake of my shoulders. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“We didn’t say anything, Rae, but the doctor’s here now so let’s get you checked out,” Uncle Braxton tells me then continues on with, “but we’ll continue this discussion in church once you’ve had some rest.” Great, I get to face all of them? And admit to my deepest shame, that I was too weak to leave?
“Stop, Ralynn. I can see the confliction in your eyes. We’ve got you and we’ll take care of this. All you need to do is heal and find yourself again. And you will, it may not feel like it now, but I promise you that you’re not lost. I’ll help you,” Aunt Trinity proclaims. “You’re not alone and you never will be again. We’ll fight beside you and help you remember that fun-loving, free-spirited young lady you once were.”
I sure hope she’s right, because I don’t think that person exists any more. The room clears out except for Mom and the doctor and when he gives her a look, she says, “I gave birth to her and there’s no fucking way I’m leaving her when she needs me so deal with it.”
“Mom, I don’t know if I want you to see me like this,” I murmur. The shame and embarrassment is a lot to deal with. No one wants their mother to see how far they’ve fallen.
“Tough shit, Ralynn. I’m here regardless. I’ve kissed every scraped knee, bandaged every one of your boo-boos, I can handle this, so you’re going to have to as well.”
“Can you try to keep your cool?” I question. I know my bruises are pretty much every color of the rainbow and don’t think I can handle her emotions right now. Not on top of what I’m feeling and how I’m processing everything as it slams down on me.
“No promises. Now, what do you need to do?” she asks the doctor. Of course she couldn’t make that promise...what was I thinking? The infamous Donna Jo will do as she pleases regardless of how others feel. She will always be the momma bear nobody messes with.
“I need to see her entire body fully and get pictures of all the injuries,” he replies. Kinda surprised Dad’s letting a guy be in here, but he’s been the club’s doctor forever, so maybe that’s why? The ones Dad knows, and trusts are the ones he’s always allowed around his children. Now, if I was in a local ER, he’d have a meltdown if a man even looked in my direction.
“Mom, I may need some help undressing,” I hesitantly admit. My arms don’t seem to work right since one of our fights. I think I pulled my shoulder out of its socket when I defended myself. It’s getting better, but isn’t all the way healed. I can’t fully raise them over my head without having some shooting pain go down my arm. I’m scared that he’s done some sort of permanent damage, but my imagination and google searches are known for throwing my imagination in overdrive. My mom takes over, gently removing my shirt and the cut-off sweatpants I’m still wearing, leaving me in my bra and panties. The doctor doesn’t say anything, just takes pictures and occasionally uses a small ruler thing that has an L shape to it so he can show the size of the area impacted. When he asks for me to raise my arms, I complain, “I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Mom inquires, her brows raised. Oh yay, now I get to explain this to her. She’s going to be furious at my admission.
“I...I haven’t been able to for about a month or so.” I’m tempted to look away from her face when it drops in anguish, but I need to own up to my mistak
es and one of those is the consequences of my parents’ emotions.
She doesn’t say anything out loud but the tears well up and flow down her face saying everything to me that her words aren’t. She pulls me into her arms and the comfort is almost my undoing. Fuck, I’ve missed her. I’ve missed all of them. “I’m so sorry, Rae,” she whispers. “Let’s let him finish and then get some food in you. You’re skin and bones,” she says, sliding her hands over my ribcage and down my back. I nearly shy away, not wanting anyone’s hands on my body, my reaction isn’t from fear of my mother, it’s just a general anxiety of anyone putting their hands on me.
I chuckle, but it sounds bitter. I feel angry and pissed off at the world. If I could burn everything down he holds near and dear, it would be a good payback as far as I’m concerned. “I fucked up, Mom. He ate out a lot and didn’t always get stuff for the house, so I ate when I could. Why was I so stupid as to let him crawl into my life and take control of everything! I was scared to talk to my own family due to the repercussions it might have.”
“I’m killing him myself,” she proclaims. “I know your dad wants that honor, but I’m calling dibs.” Not if I get my hands on him first. My plans also include his father, I want to be the one to take them both out. Not because I like physical altercations, but with those two I would do it with a smile on my face and a pep in my step.
She’s trying to keep my mind off what the doctor is doing and I’m so tired, I’ll give her that play. “Maybe y’all should just flip a coin,” I suggest. I want to close my eyes and sleep the rest of my life away and never have to feel anything ever again for the rest of my life. If my eyes are closed nothing can hurt me again.
Jaxson & Ralynn: Rebel Guardians Next Generation Page 4
