by SJ McCoy
He framed her face between his hands and angled her head for better access. Her hands came up and grasped the front of his T-shirt, and she let out a little moan as she opened up for him. He took his time, exploring her, learning what she liked, what she responded to. He curled one arm around her waist and kissed his way over her cheek to her ear. She melted against him when he nipped her earlobe and quivered under his hands when he licked his way down her neck.
“Spider.” Her voice was low and breathy, full of need that only fueled his own.
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t just fuck me before you leave. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Jesus, Frankie!” He stood up from the stool and looked down into her eyes. “Do you think I could kiss you like this if I had any intention of walking away from you? I’m trying to tell you here that you don’t need to worry. You don’t need to apologize. You’re not coming on too strong or too fast. Or maybe you are, but I’m right here with you. Every step of the way. This morning you told me that you aren’t going anywhere. This is my way of trying to tell you that I don’t want to go anywhere either.” He ran his hand over his head. “I mean, I’ll have to go back. My life’s there. The coffee shop. The center. But I also want a part of my life to be here. With you.” He stroked his fingers down her cheek, and her big blue eyes stared back up at him.
He held his breath, wondering if he’d gone too far, said too much. This morning Reid had encouraged him to at least look into buying the bakery. He thought it was a good idea. And if Reid thought so then Spider had to believe that it was a viable, and on some level logical, proposition – even if it felt a little crazy. “What do you think?” he asked when he couldn’t wait any longer. She’d been all enthusiastic about him – about them – when she was the one doing the talking, but she hadn’t opened her mouth yet in response to his confession.
His heart started to pound, and not in a good way. This was why he didn’t get close to people – especially women. When he started to have feelings, he reverted to being the lost little kid, hoping that this time would finally be the one where he found someone who cared about him. He’d fallen for it with every placement. Every so-called family who’d taken him in had given him hope in the beginning. He’d wondered each time if he might have found the people who were going to be there for him – who would love him. And every time, they’d let him down. He wasn’t stupid. He’d learned not to expect anything. But it had taken a few years to snuff out that little glimmer of hope that burned.
He’d aged out of the system and ended up on the streets for a while. That hadn’t been so bad. In some ways it was easier to know that no one gave a shit about him rather than hoping that someone might. He’d found a couple of jobs, washing dishes, and cleaning kitchens and then working as a barista in a coffee shop. He’d loved that job, and it had given him the dream of owning his own coffee shop. He’d had girlfriends, and with a couple of them he’d allowed that glimmer of hope to flicker back to life – the hope that maybe they’d be the one to care about him, to love him. But they hadn’t. Over the years, he’d found that he was better off accepting that it just wasn’t his path in life to belong with anyone, to have a family or to be loved. At least, not in the conventional sense. He felt a sense of belonging at the community center. There were people there he considered his family – people he loved and who he knew loved him.
Frankie was still staring up into his eyes. She swallowed before she spoke, and Spider braced himself for rejection. She might have talked about him staying up here, buying the bakery, making this place his home. But that wasn’t the same as wanting him to be a part of her life like he’d said. That was different. More. It was no doubt way more than she wanted and she was about to tell him so.
She rolled her lips together, pressing them into a straight line and then spoke quickly, her words coming out in a rush. “However much of your life you want to spend here, I’d like to be a part of it.”
He felt himself relax. “That’s what I want. I don’t know how it will work. How it can work. But I’m going to see about buying the bakery. And I need you to know that you’re a big part of the reason why.”
“I feel like I should tell you that you shouldn’t make any decisions based on me. I don’t want to let you down.”
“I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I’m not making you responsible. I just need you to understand that you … you mean a lot to me already. I want to see where we can go. But I don’t think we’d go very far with you living here and me living in LA. I talked to Reid about it this morning. He thinks the bakery would be a good investment financially. He also thought that me buying it just because of you wouldn’t be a wise move.”
She opened her mouth, but he didn’t want to hear her agree that it was a bad idea, so he put his fingers over her lips again.
“But since it’s not just about you, that it’s worth a shot. I’ve been thinking about buying a second place. I’ve been saving so that I’m ready. I mean, sure, I was thinking about a place in LA, not here. But I like it here. I have friends here. Reid and Tara and Owen are here full-time.” He smiled. “And I love the idea of being around my little buddy more. Plus, TJ and Dani, and Grace and Oscar spend a lot of time here, too. And Jean and Dr. Johnny.” He looked down into her eyes. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not as crazy as it seems, and I don’t want it to feel like pressure on you.”
She shook her head and pulled his fingers away from her lips. “Mind if I speak now?” She wasn’t mad, she was smiling.
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
“If you say that it’s not only because of me, because of us, then I believe you. But maybe I should take you upstairs now?”
He raised his eyebrows, and she laughed. “Sorry, it’s not as far out of left field as it sounds. I’m trying to be practical here. If you think I’m terrible in bed, you might want to rethink your plans.”
Spider just stared at her, until she burst out laughing. He had to laugh with her.
“You never know,” she said. “We might not fit together. You might think I’m a lousy lay.”
He crushed her to his chest, and let his body speak for him. “You don’t feel the chemistry?”
She nodded. “I feel it.” She dropped her hands to his ass and pressed her hips against his, making him even harder. “I feel that, too. And I don’t want to wait any longer.”
She took hold of his hand and led him to the stairs.
Chapter Twelve
Frankie’s mind was reeling as she led him up the stairs. He wanted to see where things could go between them? She did, too. It was crazy. It was way too soon. It was too farfetched that a city boy like him and a cowgirl like her could ever … what? Get together? Have a real relationship? She hadn’t had a real relationship with anyone before. Even the guy she’d lived with; she’d known it was just a short-term thing. Mav always got after her that she needed to move back here and start building a real life for herself. But as soon as she’d been able to leave home, she’d been off like a tumbleweed blown on the wind. Even when she came back, she didn’t stick around for long. She shouldn’t even consider letting Spider buy the bakery in order to be close to her. She needed to warn him. She didn’t have the settle-down gene.
She stopped when she entered her bedroom and turned around when she heard him close the door behind them. Damn. He was gorgeous. He took her breath away, but she had to tell him before they went there.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to.”
Her heart melted a little bit. He might look hard with his hair and his muscles and his tattoos, but he was so considerate. He’d been hard as steel when she’d pressed herself against him in the kitchen, but he was still prepared to give her an out. He wasn’t one of those guys who was determined to get what he wanted once he was locked on target.
She went to him and put her hands on his arms. His biceps flexed under her touch, and he gave her a pained smile. “Want to go back downstair
s? I’m not going to rush you, but if we stay up here ...”
She pressed a kiss to his lips. “I haven’t changed my mind. But I want to give you the chance to change yours.”
He shook his head. “The only thing that could change my mind right now is you telling me that it’s not what you want.”
She closed her eyes. “I want you, Spider. More than I think I’ve ever wanted a man. But I’m scared.”
His arms came around her and he held her close. She could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “You don’t ever have to be scared of me. I promise you that.”
“I’m not. When I first saw you, I thought I should be.” She smiled. “But even then, I was too busy admiring your ass to be scared.”
He let out a laugh, but his smile didn’t last. “What are you scared of then?”
She traced her finger down his cheek. “Of maybe hurting you. Of you doing all that it’ll take to move up here and then me finding out that I can’t stick around. I told you that I move around a lot. I don’t stay in one place. I need to keep moving.”
He searched her face. “What are you saying?”
“That I want you. That I want to see where we can go. But that I don’t want to mess this up. The way I feel right now, I’d stick around forever as long as you’re here. I don’t want to make you move here and then go off and leave you. But I know myself, and I don’t want to wake up one day and need to take off. I care about you too much to do that to you.”
His expression softened. “There are no guarantees in life, Frankie. I know that better than most. You’ll take off when you need to. That will hurt less than if you stuck around out of some sense of obligation. I like you because of who you are. And who you are is a crazy cowgirl with a gypsy soul. I get it. I wouldn’t want to change you. If life has taught me anything, it’s to accept people for who they are – good or bad. With you, I don’t just accept who you are, I like it – a lot. I want to spend time with you for however long you want to be around me. I’d never ask you to give up your path in life, I’m just hoping that it might run alongside mine for a while. I’m not asking you for forever. I don’t even believe in forever. I just want us to enjoy whatever this is for as long as it lasts. Okay?
“Okay.” She rested her head on his shoulder and spoke into his neck. “But I do believe in forever, Spider. You deserve forever. I just don’t want to promise it and then let you down. I already care about you too much to do that to you.”
She felt him stiffen in her embrace and looked up. Her throat tightened when she saw the emotions flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Don’t be sorry. By caring enough to not want to hurt me, you just gave me one of the best gifts I ever received.”
She frowned. Not understanding.
“No one ever cared that much before.”
She slid her hands over his head, sinking her fingers into his hair. Damn! She already cared a whole lot more than that, and now she desperately needed to show him.
~ ~ ~
Spider held her close as she pressed herself against him. He let her kiss him, let her lead. It wasn’t something he was used to, but it felt right. She was showing him with her lips and tongue that she really did care about him. Her fingers on his head sent shivers racing down his spine, making him ache to be inside her.
His hands started to wander of their own accord. One found its way up to tangle in her hair while the other stroked her back. For the first time, he wished she was in her usual T-shirt and jeans so that he could access her bare skin. He needed to touch her, but there was no way he would break away from the kiss. It felt as though she was pouring her soul into him, giving him the reassurance that she didn’t want to hurt him, that she cared about him. Her words had touched him. He loved that she was afraid that she might let him down. But he was under no illusions. It was just what people did. At least when she left, he’d know that even from the beginning, she never meant to hurt him.
Her hands came down to caress the back of his neck and it was too much to bear. He started walking her backwards to the bed, pushing her dress up around her hips as they went. She didn’t even hesitate to fall back onto the mattress when her legs hit it. She clung to him, taking him with her. He managed to land beside her and not on top of her, not wanting to crush her. But she had other plans; she pulled him onto her as she wriggled to get under him, spreading her legs wide so that his already aching cock pressed into her. He’d swear he could feel her heat even through his jeans.
She didn’t stop kissing him even as she reached for his zipper. He felt his breath escaping in a ragged sigh when she got it open and slid her hand inside.
She pulled back and looked at him in surprise as she curled her fingers around him. “You’re going commando?”
He chuckled at her shocked expression. “I don’t like underwear.”
Her shock was quickly replaced with a delighted smile. “I can’t say I’ve ever given it much thought before. But now I don’t like it either.” She gripped him tighter and stroked the length of him. “I’m glad you’re not wearing any, and I think we should get rid of mine, too.”
Spider rolled off her and landed on the mattress as she sat up abruptly. She pulled her dress up and off over her head. All he could do was stare. She was lean and tanned, fit and strong, and yet still incredibly feminine. Way more feminine than the women he was used to, who went out of their way to showcase their narrow waists and full, if not always natural, breasts. He sucked in his breath as he let his gaze travel over her. She was perfect. It dawned on him that he usually went for what might be considered conventional beauty, but compared to Frankie, those women now faded in his mind as imitations. She was the real deal.
He reached out, running his hand down her arm reverently, almost afraid to touch her more intimately. She met his gaze, her eyes filled with something he didn’t recognize, something so soft and tender it loosened the tightness in his chest a little more.
Then she recovered and gave him a cheeky smile. “We’re not getting rid of my underwear while you’re still fully dressed, mister.”
He sat up and reached behind his neck, pulling his T-shirt up and off in one move. He then rolled to the edge of the bed and pushed down his jeans, taking his socks and boots off with them.
Once he was naked, he reclaimed his place next to her and smiled. “You were saying?”
She laughed. “I think I was saying something about underwear, but I don’t really remember.” Her eyes widened as she let her gaze travel over him.
Spider didn’t even flinch. He wanted her to see him. To know him. She wasn’t like anyone he’d been with before. He hadn’t even hesitated to remove his shirt. He let her take her time taking him in. He wasn’t a pretty sight, and he knew it, but he didn’t want to hide from her. He needed her to know who he’d been – who he really was.
She ran her hand over his chest, her fingers tracing the ink at first, but then moving away from the swirling lines to lightly skim the scars. He closed his eyes. She was the first person to touch them since the artist who’d done his tattoos.
When she looked back up at him, her eyes shone with tears, but he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. She wasn’t pitying him. She was sad for what had happened to him. In his mind there was a huge difference.
Her hand rested flat on his chest, and he covered it with his own. “It was a long time ago.”
She shook her head and sniffed. “I knew you didn’t get to go home with one of the nurses.”
He let out a short humorless laugh. “No, sweetheart. I didn’t. But those scars? They’re just a mark of the past.”
He loved the way she forced herself to smile. “I guess I should be grateful to them. They’re the reason you started getting tattoos, right?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
She shrugged. “It just figures. And the ink on your chest looks like it was done by someone different than whoever did your neck and your arms.”
�
�Yeah. The first guy was good. But by the time I was ready to do my sleeves and my neck, it was about making a visible statement. Not about hiding who I’d been and what had happened to me, but about showing who I am, and who I want to be.” He held out his right arm and showed her the inside of his forearm. A long scar had been filled with red ink and the words next to it read, This Does Not Define Me ;
She traced her fingers over the words then looked up into his eyes. “You’re awesome.”
He caught her hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing her fingers before he said, “I’m a damned fool is what I am; wasting time showing you my ink when you just invited me to get rid of your underwear.”
~ ~ ~
Frankie wasn’t even sure how she ended up on her back, naked. He moved that fast. Her bra and panties were gone, and Spider was kneeling between her legs looking down at her. She rested her hands on his hips. “I hope you like what you see. I’m nothing amazing, but I’m okay.”
“Frankie, you’re fucking perfect!”
He said it with such conviction, she could tell he meant it. She was far from perfect, and she knew it. But if he wanted to see her that way, there was no way in hell she wanted to shatter his delusion.
She brushed her thumbs over his hip bones, loving that they were taking their time like this. Talking, getting to know each other’s minds more even as they met each other’s bodies for the first time. She loved that he hadn’t just dived straight between her legs and gone for it. Even if she was aching for him to get there.
“Want to see my tattoo?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? You have one? Where?”
She waggled her eyebrows. “You’ll have to find it.”
“Challenge accepted.” He leaned down over her, his hands on either side of her head and dropped a kiss on her lips. “You going to give me any clues or guidance?”
She smiled through pursed lips. “I think it’ll be more fun if you figure it out for yourself.”
“Okay, then.” He lowered his weight onto her, keeping most of it on one forearm. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, following it with a trail of kisses on her neck and earlobe. “Not back here,” he breathed.
