"Plus, I need you to stay with Brandi."
“Yes, yes. It's just that I’m scared.”
"Me too. But he's tough."
“What did they say? The doctors. How bad is it?”
“They didn’t say much. Only that I should get there as fast as I could.”
“Oh my God, Trapper. This cannot be happening again.”
He came to sit next to me on the bed and took one of my hands. I looked into his warm brown eyes desperate for reassurance.
“I can understand why you’re afraid. I am too. But you have to pray, okay? Have faith that God’s going to be there by his side.”
"Why does it feel like if I'm here and he's there that—” I stopped myself. What was I trying to say anyway? That my ability to be here or there made any difference in the outcome? It didn't matter that I’d been waiting in a hotel room in Alaska. Patrick didn’t return to me.
“I totally understand.” Trapper’s kind eyes glassed over with unshed tears. “You feel like you need to be there because if you're not something bad will happen. But I'll take good care of him, I promise. I'm going to bring him back to you. This is not how the story ends."
I couldn't stop the tears from coming. "This is my fault. I sent him away. He should've been home for dinner instead of out there in the snow and dark and icy roads."
“No, this was not your fault,” Trapper said. “This was an accident. That’s all.”
“An accident, right. A stupid accident.”
“This is going to be all right, do you hear me?”
I trembled. “Please, just tell him—tell him that I’m thinking about him. I mean, if he wakes up.”
“He’ll wake up. And he’ll be glad to know you’re thinking of him.” Trapper gave me one last pat and got up from the bed. “I have to go. I want to be there when he opens his eyes. Do you mind checking on Brandi?”
“I will. And please, text me when you know more.”
“You’ll be the first.”
I watched him walk to the bedroom door. He turned back to give me a reassuring smile. Trapper Barnes was the type of man who always expected the best of everything to happen. I hoped he was right this time.
6
Garth
I woke in the hospital to see Trapper’s worried face peering at me from where he sat in the bedside chair. They must've had me on some heavy drugs, because I was feeling no pain. What had happened exactly? I could remember rolling and nothing after that. Except the dream. The dream of Christopher.
"Hey, buddy." Trapper rose to his feet and came over to stand next to the bed.
“Hey. What in the heck happened?”
“You banged yourself up pretty good,” Trapper said. “Broke your leg and cracked a few ribs.”
"I hit a patch of ice." I tried to sit up, but pain in my ribs stopped me. “But I don’t remember anything after that.”
“You were knocked unconscious. Took some doing to get you out of the car. Do you remember being in the ambulance? They said you woke up at some point in a lot of pain.”
“No. I don’t remember any of that.”
“Your leg was broken in a few places. Required surgery.”
Stunned, I stared up at him. What did this mean? “How bad is it?” Would I be able to ski again?
“You’ll be good as new before you know it,” Trapper said.
“What about skiing?" I asked.
"Doc says you'll be fine as long as you do the physical therapy once you’re healed,” Trapper said. “You’ll have to sit this season out. But who knows? Maybe we’ll have a snowy spring.”
I sighed, relieved. "How did you know I was here?”
"It took some doing ." Trapper drew closer. “I couldn’t get here until this morning because of the roads.”
“Does Crystal know?”
“Yes. She was as scared as I was.”
“I’m sorry, man. I’ve never seen it come down like that. Like it was fine one moment and the next I couldn’t see a foot in front of me.”
“Crystal had a feeling you were in trouble. I thought maybe you’d just let your phone die and didn’t have a charger. But she was right.”
I winced, thinking about Crystal's reaction. If she’d worried about skiing, what would a bad car accident do to her? “I’m sorry I worried you guys. How’s Brandi? The baby?”
“They’re fine. Bed rest isn’t her favorite, but she’ll do anything to keep the baby cooking in there for as long as possible.” Trapper glanced at the doorway, almost as if he expected his wife to be there. "She's tough, you know?”
“I do, yeah.”
“As far as Crystal goes, she was sick with worry. I don’t know what that says, other than she cares for you a lot more than she thinks she does.”
“What good does that do me, though?”
“Be patient. I see a happy ending in your future,” Trapper said. “Women are like wine. You can’t open them until they’re ready.”
“You’re way too optimistic about everything. Still, I’m hanging on to everything you just said.”
“Given her reaction when she heard you've been hurt, she's not ready to say goodbye forever. She's just really afraid. This is going trigger a lot of stuff for her. Don't give up on her. She's been through a lot.” The corners of his eyes crinkled. “All of which means you need to bounce back quickly. You need to prove to her that a little car accident can't keep a good man down for long."
A happy buzz replaced some of the pain in my body. Was it true? Did she care about me enough to override her fears? To Trapper’s point, only time would tell. Since the fire, my instinct had been to take care of her. I’d kept her safe that day, and ever since I’d wanted to continue to do so. Now we would be on different footing. I was in a cast with two broken ribs and a busted-up leg. There had never been a time when I was that vulnerable in my life. I didn't like it.
A doctor wearing scrubs hustled into the room. He was a small man with stooped shoulders and a round belly. His manner was just efficient and brusque enough to give me confidence that I was in good hands.
“Garth, I’m Dr. Baker. I’m the surgeon who worked on your leg. I’m the best there is, so you’re going to heal up just fine. How are you feeling?” He came over to the bed as he pulled a small flashlight from his white jacket pocket.
“I'm a little fuzzy on the details of how I got here," I said. “But my friend filled me in on most of it.”
He shone the light into my eyes. “Yes, you would be. You managed to give yourself a concussion. Given your former profession, I’m surprised this is your first one.”
"I was lucky that way,” I said. “And now, not much happens in my law office.”
Dr. Baker didn’t smile at my joke as he moved to the end of the bed to read from my chart.
“Will I live?” I asked, joking again.
“You’re going to be fine, but it’s no laughing matter when the Jaws of Life have to pull you out of a car,” Dr. Baker said.
I exchanged a glance with Trapper. “My friend didn’t tell me that part.”
Dr. Baker placed the clipboard back on its hook and fixed his gaze on me. “Once your leg heals, you’ll need some physical therapy. Ribs will heal over time, but you’re going to have to baby them. I'd like to keep you another day for observation and to let you start to heal in a safe environment. A concussion is serious business. Not to mention the fact that you won't be getting around too easily for a while.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m retired from skiing. But you think I’ll be able to ski again?”
His white eyebrows rose and then knit together as if my question displeased him. “You won’t be able to participate this season.”
I sighed. “Bummer.”
“If you behave and give yourself a chance to heal properly plus do your physical therapy once the cast is off, you should be good for next season."
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I said.
“It'll take some getting used to, b
ut after a few days you should be able to get around using your crutches.” Dr. Baker stuck the clipboard back on the end of the bed. “However, err on the side of caution. We don't want you to reinjure yourself before everything heals."
"I'll make sure," Trapper said.
The doctor went over a few more details before he left. I wasn’t sad to see him go. “Well, shoot, this is not how I wanted to spend my winter, but I’m glad to be alive.”
“You scared the hell out of me.”
“If I’d been conscious, I’d have scared myself.”
“You’ll need to come back to live with us until you’re better,” Trapper said.
“I’m going to call my dad and ask him to come stay with me. Given Brandi’s situation and this thing with Crystal, I’d prefer to go to my house. Anyway, my furniture arrives next week. Dad can help me with all of that.”
"Until your dad is able to get here, you can stay with us. The couch in the office pulls out. You can sleep in there so you don’t have to deal with the stairs.” Trapper went to the window and looked out into the bright day. “I should probably head for home. The roads are slick. After the snow, the temperatures dropped and everything’s frozen. I want to get home before dark.”
"You're a good friend," I said. “I owe you big-time for everything.”
"That's not how it works. We don't keep score.”
“If we did, you’d be way ahead.”
We both chuckled. I winced from the pain in my ribs.
His expression darkened. “Are you in pain?”
“A little,” I said.
“The nurse will be in soon. Ask her for more pain meds when she gets here.” Trapper yawned.
“Dude, I’m sorry. This is such a hassle.”
“Don’t be. I’d expect the same treatment if I needed you.”
"Please, go home,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere until tomorrow, and there’s nothing you can do for me. Go take care of your wife.”
“I should get back to Brandi. When they spring you, I’ll come get you. Until your dad can get here, you should stay with us.”
A horrible thought struck me. “How am I going to bathe?”
“Sponge bath. Which I can tell you right now is not going to be done by me.”
“I best leave that duty out when I call my dad.”
“Your phone is here on the table. After I leave, you should get in touch with Crystal. I gave both the girls an update when I got here, but she’d like to hear from you.”
"I'll text her,” I said. "If you really think I should."
"I do." Trapper handed my phone over to me. “I charged it for you. Call me if you need anything. Other than that, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
"You got it," I said.
He placed a hand on my shoulder. “Glad you’re all right. I was doing some pretty heavy praying on the way here.”
“I guess it wasn’t my time,” I said, thinking of my dream.
“I guess not. See you later.”
He grabbed his jacket from the chair and headed toward the door. I waited until his footsteps had faded before picking up my phone.
After Trapper left, I lay there staring at my phone. Trying to get the courage to call her. Our conversation from yesterday morning seemed so long ago. A strange urgency filled me. A sudden need to talk to her, to tell her about my dream. Had I been in some sort of half a life state? Have I been about to cross over to the other side? Or was it simply a dream because of a head injury?
I punched in Crystal's number. It rang three times before she picked up.
“Garth?”
"Hey, yeah, it's me."
"Are you all right?"
"I won't be skiing for a while. But other than that, I'm fine." Skiing? Way to go, I thought. Bring it up immediately.
"I've worn a path between the bed and dresser here in my room,” she said. “Worrying.”
"I'm sorry to have scared you."
“I know,” she said.
“I’m going to ask my dad to come stay with me.”
“Stay here at Brandi’s. I’ll look after you.”
"I'm going to need a lot of help. I'm not sure it's a good idea that it comes from you."
Silence greeted me from the other end of the phone for a few seconds before she spoke. “That's fair. Regardless, I want you to come home. I want you here. I want to be the one who takes care of you.”
“I can’t be around you.”
“Why?” she asked, softly.
A tear leaked from one eye and traveled down my scruffy cheek. The meds must be making me soft. “I can't be casual with you any longer. I know we signed up for some fun and nothing more. This is much more than that to me. I want all of you. Not just the part that happens at night. As wonderful as that is. I can’t be around you and not want what you can’t give me. It’s better for us to be apart.”
“I understand.”
“This thing between us has started to hurt too much,” I said, as if I needed to further explain myself. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
It’s too late, I thought.
She was quiet for a moment. My heartbeat thumped between my ears.
“Take care of yourself, okay?” Crystal said.
“I’ll do my best.”
I hung up the phone and lay there, tears leaking from my eyes and dripping into my ears. What had I done to myself? I’d fallen in love with a woman incapable of returning my feelings. Now, along with my broken leg and ribs, I had a heart to heal too.
I called my dad next. “Dad, it’s me.”
“Garth. How are you, kid?”
“Not so great.” I explained to him about the accident. “I’m going to need some help at the house.”
“You want me to come?”
“Could you?” He might not be able to, I realized as I waited for his answer. He had a life of his own.
“You betcha. I’ll get a flight as soon as possible. Good Lord, what a fright you must have had.”
“I didn’t really know what had happened until I woke in the hospital.” I paused for a second. “It was weird, Dad. I had a dream about Christopher when I was knocked out.”
“Yeah?” I sensed the hesitancy in his voice. My dad didn’t like to talk about him.
“It seemed superreal.”
“What did he say?” Dad asked. “Did he give you some instructions?”
“Not really. He said he was sorry for all the fuss and that Mom didn’t pay attention to me while he was sick. Or something like that.”
“He was always sweet that way.” My father’s voice had grown softer. “I can remember him apologizing about getting cancer.”
“Yeah, he was like that in my dream.”
“Listen, son, I should go. I’ll need to book the flight and car and everything.”
“Sure.”
“I’ll let you know when to expect me. I’m sure glad you’re all right.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“You call your mother?” Dad asked. “To tell her about your accident?”
“Not yet. Should I?” She and I rarely talked.
“She’d like to know about a thing like this.”
“All right, then. I will.”
“Love you, kid.”
“Same. I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and put the phone next to my good leg. Tears leaked from my eyes once again. It had to be the meds making me loopy and sad. Not that the woman I loved didn’t want me or that my dad couldn’t talk about my brother. Or that I had no earthly idea what to say to my own mother.
Call her. You promised Dad, I told myself. I punched in her number and waited for her voice mail. Usually it went straight there. In truth, I would rather leave a message.
She surprised me by answering. “Hi, Garth.”
“Hey, Mom. Nothing alarming or anything but I’ve had a little accident. I’m in the hospital.”
“Goodness, Garth. How bad is it?”
>
“I broke my leg and a few ribs. I’ll be fine. Dad thought I should call and let you know. He’s coming out to help me. I don’t need you to do anything. I’m not calling to ask for anything.” Why had I even brought that up? She hadn’t exactly offered.
“I know you’re not. It was very thoughtful of your father to think of me.” Her voice was soft and low in my ear. The soothing tones of my mother that I’d so often craved after she’d left us.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Same. Nothing new.” I could see her in her tidy apartment, smoothing a blanket over her slim legs. It was a Saturday. She would be home from work today and reading on the couch or watching television. She liked old movies.
“Good. That’s good.”
“Would you like me to come out?”
“Um, no, that’s not necessary. You don’t have much time off. I wouldn’t want you to eat up your vacation time by coming to see me.”
“All right. Well, you take care. Please call and let me know how you’re doing. Give your father my best.”
“Sounds good,” I said, more jolly than I felt. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Bye now.”
We hung up. I wanted to fling my phone against the wall. Instead, as I’d done since we lost Christopher, I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else. Anything but the rejection from my mother. Tulips, I thought. I’ll plant tulips in my yard. In the spring, they bloom and bring cheery color to the world. Yes, tulips.
7
Crystal
I stood near the windows of my kitchen shop waiting for my mom to arrive. The driver had called to say they were safely on their way and should arrive around six. As promised, I saw his large, black SUV pull up to the curb a few minutes after the hour. I ran out to greet them as Mom exited the car. She looked gorgeous and glamorous in a camel-colored coat and tall black boots over leggings. Her light blond hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders in a style much too young for a woman my mother’s age, yet she pulled it off beautifully. When I was growing up, I’d thought my bohemian-style mom was the most beguiling woman in the world. I still thought so. She was also the most fun.
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