She clutched Vivi to her chest, rocking back and forth as the tears she suppressed erupted in a torrent she couldn’t control. Vivi joined her, though not for the same reasons. She cried for food, and because her ears hurt, and her rash itched. She cried because she wanted milk and her mother was holding her too tight. She cried because her mother was a complete, total failure.
She couldn’t keep her. To save her daughter, she had to give her away, and that tore at Sabrina’s heart. She’d failed her daughter in every possible way.
She wiped at her tears, but they kept coming. How do I do this? How does one give up their child? Do you walk into a police station and hand her over? No. That wasn’t right. Maybe the doctor’s office. She could take Vivi to her appointment and leave her with them. No, maybe family services where she applied for assistance? Would they take Vivi and put her in foster care? How does one abandon their child? She could Google it, Google knew everything. She would if she could find a way to release Vivi long enough to find her phone.
The agony in her soul doubled her over. Everything inside her screamed at the unfairness, the injustice of it all. Not a sound slid from her lips. The pain slowly eating her alive was hers alone. Together, they cried; Vivi screeching, Sabrina gasping through broken sobs. Each beat of her heart, she died a little more. She held Vivi closer, so that each breath was filled with her scent.
Eventually, she stopped crying long enough to feed Vivi the last of the baby food. Then she rocked her to sleep and lay her in the playpen. She sat on the floor watching everything in the world she cared about slip away between her fingers.
She picked Vivi up again and lay with her on the couch. Once again, she marveled at her soft skin, her silky dark hair and long lashes on her sandy-colored skin, her round Buddha tummy, and chubby legs. Vivi had a birthmark on her right shoulder, a brown discoloration that reminded Sabrina of a wing—and a mole at the corner of her upper lip. She was perfect, in every way. Simply perfect.
“I’m going to get you back. I swear to you,” she whispered to her sleeping daughter. She didn’t know how, but she would, even if it killed her.
A noise woke her from the utter exhaustion she’d succumbed to. She sat up slowly, holding Vivi to her chest. Her poor baby was just as exhausted as her mother. Carefully she placed her in the playpen and smoothed the damp hair away from her sweaty brow. Her little mouth pursed and made a sucking motion. Everything about her was precious.
This is what I’ll remember, the quiet moments when all I want is to stare at perfection.
Her eyes burned but she was done crying. If this was her last day with Vivi, she wouldn’t spend it crying, well, not if she could help it. An unexpected tear rolled down her cheek, and she dashed it away, but it was too late, more joined the party. Despair was a fire-breathing dragon roasting her heart.
There came that noise again, a rustling sound from outside. Someone’s trying to get in. She snatched up her phone and rushed to the kitchen for the largest knife in the block. Only with the hilt in the palm of her hand did she pinpoint the sound to the front door. Someone knocked. Her knees shook as she forced herself to peek out the living room window and caught Liam Callahan crossing the street back to his house.
What now?
“Mr. Callahan?” She called when she opened the door—and nearly tripped over the multiple grocery bags blocking the doorway and half the walkway. For a moment, total confusion reigned. Her brain couldn’t process what her eyes beheld. Until her gaze landed on the cases of baby food: jars of chicken, meat, peaches, applesauce, beans, carrots; and an entire box of Pampers.
“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. You seemed like you needed the help and…” His voice petered off as she met him in the middle of the road, stopping with scarcely four feet separating them.
Shell-shocked, she stared openmouthed at him. “You did this?” she croaked. He nodded once. She wanted to ask why. Why did he do this, but realized the reason didn’t matter. The fact that he did it mattered, because he’d just saved her life. He opened his mouth to say something, but she already had her arms wrapped around him and her face buried in his chest.
“I didn’t do it alone. Anna helped, a lot. Actually, she did it all. I just gave her my credit card.”
She appreciated his honesty, though that didn’t matter either. What he did…words failed, and she started crying all over again, turning his shirt into a handkerchief. Awkwardly, he patted her shoulders, then rubbed comforting circles between her shoulder blades.
A car approached, slowed, and drove around them to park two houses down.
What am I doing?
She extricated herself from his arms and retreated, self-conscious. His hands slid from her shoulders, down the center of her back before dropping away. And it wasn’t horrible. Unnerved by the comfort she found in his touch, she studied the asphalt attempting to gather her wits and dry her face. In her peripheral, she spotted a woman exiting the Jeep that had passed them. She was pretty with long blond hair, tight jeans and tee. She waved and Liam waved back. Sabrina could see the speculation on her face at the two of them standing in the middle of the street.
“I shouldn’t accept it.” She glanced over her shoulder at the groceries waiting for her to take inside.
“Yeah, you should.”
Was that her conscience talking, or him? “I can’t…can’t pay you back. I don’t have any money.” She wrung her hands together.
“I didn’t ask you to pay me back.” His voice now gruff.
She swallowed down the lump in her throat and started sweating more than she already was. “Well, what do you want then?” Because men always wanted something.
Before he could answer, Vivi let it be known she was awake and hungry. Sabrina ran back to the house. Red-faced, Vivi had pulled herself up and was hanging onto the rim of the playpen.
“It’s okay. I got you.” Sabrina scooped her daughter up. “Let’s get some food in you.” She had to get all the food inside first.
Footsteps echoed behind her. She turned to find her Good Samaritan bringing the cases of baby food inside. He’d already crossed her threshold and was on the way to the kitchen. Stopping him wasn’t a consideration. She was too grateful.
He placed the cases on a counter top. He paused and wiped a trickle of sweat from his temple. “It’s hotter in here than outside.” He went to the thermostat on the hallway wall. “You should’ve told me it was broken. I would’ve sent someone if I couldn’t come myself.”
“It’s not broken. I keep it off because I can’t afford to turn it on.” The electric bill was high enough.
He looked at her, an inscrutable expression on his face. “The electric is included in the rent that Lazarus House pays.” He turned the thermostat on and went back for the rest of the groceries. Cool air poured out of the overhead vent and fanned her skin. Vivi tilted her face up into the breeze.
He lied. The electric bill wasn’t included with the rent. She wouldn’t call him out on it, and she wouldn’t take him up on the offer. He’d done more than enough. Once he left, she’d turn it off.
With Vivi in one arm, she tried to pry the plastic off the case to get to the baby jars inside. “Let me get that for you.” He dropped the second trip bags on the other counter and easily ripped off the plastic on the cases. “Which ones?” he asked.
“Chicken and carrots, please.” Vivi’s crying had paused, and she stared openmouthed at the guest in their home as if she’d never seen a man before.
Liam opened the jars and set them on the dining table. “Spoons? Plates?” he asked, standing in the middle of the kitchen. Sabrina opened a drawer and pulled out a colorful rubber baby spoon. She sat at the table with Vivi in her lap. Vivi saw the jars and reached for them, her legs kicking as if to propel her forward.
Sabrina couldn’t spoon the food into her fast enough. While she fed Vivi, her savior moved around her kitchen with calm efficiency of one familiar with the layout. He filled the space so much she e
xpected to feel crowded, yet didn’t.
For the first time, she looked at him, really looked at him, not as a threat, but as a man. And saw all of him. She’d already noted his height. Tonight, she took in the defined muscles his tee-shirt highlighted, his square jaw and sharp cheekbones the day’s growth of hair couldn’t hide. He had a prominent brow and his nose had been broken at least once by the slight hump on it. There was a scar on the side of his forehead. If he grew his hair out, he could probably hide it. Instead, his medium length jet-black hair hid nothing, not the scar or his ears that stuck out a tad from his head. His eyes, they were dark brown, nearly midnight under the kitchen lighting, and completely on her.
“Why did you do this?” she asked when the last item was put away.
Arms folded, he leaned against the refrigerator. “I saw you at the food bank and realized you needed help. So, I helped.” He shrugged as if he’d done nothing special.
But he had done something special. “Mr. Callahan—”
“Liam. Call me Liam. Mr. Callahan is my father, and he’s not here.”
The low tone of his voice had dipped and led her to believe he didn’t care for his father, but that was none of her business. Delving into club business was the last thing she wanted to do. And if he didn’t remember or recognize her, she wouldn’t be the one to make the connection between her and the Black Dragons.
Besides, that connection died when the state took Vincent away and she found herself free. “Um.” she cleared her throat. “Liam.” She had to admit she liked the name. “I don’t know how—I mean, I can’t thank you enough.”
His head ducked, and he mumbled, “It was nothing.”
No. It wasn’t nothing. “I ran out of food tonight. I had nothing to feed Vivi tomorrow. I have less than ten dollars to my name and I don’t get my last check until next week.”
“Last check?”
“I got fired today because Vivi was sick and I couldn’t work, and I can’t go tomorrow.” She couldn’t think about that right now. “I…I was about to give her up.” She kissed Vivi’s forehead and fed her another spoonful of chicken and carrots.
“What do you mean ‘Give her up’?” Liam questioned.
A tear she didn’t expect slipped down her cheek. “I was gonna get up, get my baby dressed, and hand her over to family services.” Vivi finished the two jars of food. Sabrina wiped her face with a napkin and popped her onto her feet. Only then did she meet Liam’s gaze.
“Keeping her meant starving her, and that’s not what a good mother would do. I know I’m a failure, but I am a good mother. I love my daughter, and yeah it would kill me, but I would’ve handed her over so she could be fed, and cared for, and loved.” Her voice broke at the end and she clutched Vivi to her chest, realizing how close she’d come to losing the only thing that mattered.
Liam cleared his throat and said, “She would’ve been fed, and she may have been cared for, but she wouldn’t have been loved more than you love her. You are a good mother and don’t ever doubt that, and don’t let anyone tell you anything different.”
Silent tears ran free. A napkin appeared next to her face, and she took it to mop up the mess. Vivi hadn’t joined the crying. She was too busy staring at Liam who had dropped down to her level and made a funny face at her.
“When was the last time you ate, Miss Wilkins?”
“Sabrina, please. Um, I don’t know. I’m not even hungry.”
“That’s because you’re used to not eating.” He pulled the leftover pizza out of the refrigerator and put two slices into the toaster oven. “It’ll be ready in a few.”
Not once had Vincent so much as poured her a glass of water, never mind fixed her a meal, leftovers or otherwise. Vivi whined and pulled at Sabrina’s shirt.
“I’m sorry, baby. No more milk.” She patted Vivi’s back and saw the question in Liam’s eyes. She didn’t have to tell him, but he seemed interested and it had been so long since anyone had been. Plus, he was easy to talk to. “My milk dried up.” Another failure on her part.
“I, ah, bought milk. Don’t know if it’s the same.” He shook his head and muttered, “I mean, I know it’s not the same, obviously, but will it do?”
Sabrina almost laughed at his bumbling faux pas. She wanted to breast feed Vivi for the first year. Truth be told, with all the weight loss, she doubted her milk was nutritious. Vivi was better off with whole milk.
“Let’s give it a try.” She retrieved a clean bottle and nipple from the cabinet and propped Vivi on her hip. Liam got out of her way as she did everything one-handed.
“Do you need help?”
It would be easier to fix a bottle without Vivi on her hip. She glanced at her daughter, who continued to be fascinated by their guest. “She doesn’t like many people. It takes her forever to stop crying when I drop her off at daycare.”
“I’m harmless enough.” Liam grinned and held out his hands. Chewing on her fingers, Vivi leaned his way until he scooped her out of Sabrina’s arms. Surprised, she watched as the two charmed each other. Vivi couldn’t stop touching the stubble on his chin and he seemed to enjoy her tiny hands tugging on his jaw.
“Do you have any children?” She asked because he appeared mighty comfortable holding her daughter.
Smiling, he shook his head and nipped Vivi’s fingers, earning a happy squeal and babble. “Aren’t you a pretty girl,” he singsonged and swayed around the small kitchen.
Yes. Her baby was pretty, she thought full of pride. She hadn’t achieved much in life, but she had achieved that, even if it were just a random assortment of genes—half of them from that asshole—she had no control over. Sabrina couldn’t help looking at Vivi and thinking, I created her, and knowing she’d been blessed.
The doorbell rang. For the first time in forever, she went to the door without fear and opened it without hesitation.
“Hello, Miss Wilkins.” Mrs. Ramirez stood in the doorway. “I stopped by to ask—” She saw Liam and Vivi in the kitchen and broke into a surprised smile. “Oh! There you are. I stopped by your house, but didn’t know you’d be here,” she said to Liam and entered the house, her gaze settled on him and the baby. “Now that is a picture I never thought to see.”
He scowled over Vivi’s head. “Don’t get any ideas. I’m just holding her while Sabrina fixes her bottle.” Balanced in the crook of his arm, her little hands fisted in his shirt, Vivi studied the newest arrival and wasn’t impressed. She returned her attention to Liam.
Mrs. Ramirez waved her hands in surrender. “No ideas. No ideas at all.” She chuckled and turned to Sabrina. “I stopped by to see if you received the groceries.”
“Yes. Liam said you helped him, and I can’t thank you enough, Mrs. Ramirez.”
“Anna. My name is Anna, and you are quite welcome.” She embraced Sabrina in a tight hug. “I would’ve been here sooner, but my dog got out and I found him at the neighbors’.” She glanced at Liam again, her grin widening in approval. “Well, I’m off. Much left to do tonight. You two have a lovely evening. You too, Vivi. Night all.”
“Well that was obvious,” he said as she finished preparing the bottle. “Don’t take offense. She doesn’t mean anything by it.”
“How can I take offense when she picked out all this stuff?” She tightened the nipple on the bottle and retrieved her daughter. “I will find a way to repay you.”
He shrugged in a whatever kind of manner. “I’m gonna get out of your way.” He headed for the exit.
Don’t go was on the tip of her tongue. She chalked it up to a mix of gratitude and loneliness, and insanity. No matter how nice he was, he was still the son of the president of Mayhem MC, which technically meant he was the enemy. Not her enemy, but the enemy of the Black Dragons.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. She was certain that didn’t apply in her current circumstances. The enemy of her enemy would probably use her to get revenge. So, her first intentions still applied. Work as hard as she could to save up enough money to
leave the state and never come back.
Liam stopped at the door, half inside, half outside, his gaze so intent she felt exposed, as if every thought had scrolled across her forehead. “You’re gonna be okay?”
“Of course.” She had no other choice. “And thanks again.”
He ignored her gratitude. “I want you to know you’re safe here. Anything you need, I’m right across the street.”
She nodded, and it wasn’t a ploy to get him out of her house. Sabrina believed him. She did feel safe. Amazing what four walls, a locked door, and a stocked refrigerator did for one’s perspective.
His mouth opened, about to say more, and then closed. “Goodnight, Sabrina.”
From her living room window, she watched Liam cross to his house. For the first time in forever, she had a fraction of breathing room. Just a fraction, which she desperately needed. She wasn’t hungry and neither was her baby. They had a place to sleep, to lay down her burdens for a few hours. A sanctuary from the daily grind, which allowed a smidgen of breathing room now that she didn’t have to give up her daughter. Living paycheck to paycheck with nothing to fall back on… No choice. People did this every single day. She wasn’t special, just one of billions.
Look on the bright side. All she needed was a new job before the fraction of breathing room she’d acquired shrunk, and she was back at square one—hungry and about to lose her child.
Chapter Nine
“Wait! Hold the bus!” Sabrina had rounded the corner and there was the ten o’clock bus, ten minutes early. She’d just reached the bumper when the bus pulled away, leaving her and Vivi in a cloud of exhaust and a steady downpour. “Damn it!” She had no choice but to retreat to the bus shelter and wait for the next one.
At least the metal bench was dry. She sat and lifted the plastic shield off the stroller and there was Vivi, dry and smiling. This was all an adventure to her, while this was a new low for her mother. She didn’t have enough gas to drive to her ex-job to collect her last check. She did have enough to take three buses to get there, and four hours to waste since the next bus was a half an hour away, which completely threw off her schedule for the other two buses. Also, the steady drizzle would be a monsoon by the afternoon.
Plain Jane and the Bad Boy (Plain Jane Series) Page 7
