by Elle Thorpe
She nodded.
Loud speaker, I mimed, and she hit the button on her phone.
Nate’s voice filled the little room. “—stuck at the hospital with Molly and I have no way of getting back to Shep and Jasmine’s house. I know it’s a big ask, but is there any way you could come get us?”
“I’ll come,” I blurted out before Summer could answer.
She raised an eyebrow at me, and I clapped a hand over my mouth, just as surprised as she was.
“Hallie?”
I pried my fingers away from my face, a blush heating my cheeks. “Hey, yeah. It’s me. Summer has…things to do. But I can come. Be there in ten.”
“Uh, okay. Thank you. That would be great.”
I stabbed the red ‘cancel call’ button before he could even say goodbye, then turned to Summer with huge eyes. “What the hell was that?”
She laughed and put away her phone. “I’ve no idea. But get on your bike, sister. You’ve got a man and baby to collect.”
7
Hallie
Nerves thrummed through me as I drove myself downtown, headed for the hospital. It was one thing to be around Nate, full of adrenaline and preoccupied by whether or not his family was going to make it through the night. But now there was no adrenaline urging me on. Just nerves telling me I should turn around and go back home, because being in an enclosed space with Nate Mathews was not a good idea. It was only the thought of him trying to walk the thirty miles home with a baby on his hip that stopped me. Molly didn’t need that, even if Nate deserved the blisters.
He was bouncing a cranky baby on his knee when I pulled up, and seemed distinctly relieved to see me, judging by the way the tension fell from his rigid shoulders. But he buried that quickly and grabbed his things, hauling them around to the passenger side and sliding in.
Molly gave me a gummy grin from his lap, and I smiled at her, patting her chubby cheek. But I couldn’t stare at the baby all day. I had to force myself to look up into Nate’s face at some point, and I may as well get it over and done with. I raised my gaze.
Nate smirked.
On one hand, I was sort of relieved. There’d been no smirking at the hospital earlier. All he’d had room for was worry and fear. This was more the Nate I knew. The one who’d spent our entire childhood and teenage years teasing me.
“What?” I asked him.
“You’re still driving this piece-of-shit car?”
I slapped him across the biceps, then snapped my hand back like I’d been electrocuted. Whoa. That had been a very solid arm I’d just slapped. My gaze wandered to his shirt, noticing for the first time that his chest and shoulders filled it out so much better than they had the last time I’d seen him. But that was beside the point. He was dissing my car, and that couldn’t go unchecked. “Rylee is a reliable old girl, and she says ‘fuck you.’” I smiled sweetly at him.
To my surprise, there was no witty retort. Instead, he clapped his hands over Molly’s ears. “You can’t say fuck around her!”
I laughed. “What? She’s like, six months old, Nate. She doesn’t know fuck from buck.”
He sighed. “She’s eight months. Jasmine and Shep don’t swear around her, so I’m just trying to do the right thing by them.”
I softened a little at that, even though I still thought it was ridiculous. “Fine. Rylee says, ‘buck you’ then.”
He nodded, seemingly satisfied with that. I snorted on a laugh but covered it by revving the engine and pulling away from the hospital. I got us on the road out to the house Nate had grown up in. I knew it well, having ridden my bike from my parents’ place out to his house many a time. We bumped over the roads in silence, Nate gripping Molly so hard she squirmed.
“Ease up a bit,” I suggested. “She’s not coated in Vaseline. You aren’t going to drop her.”
“Maybe not, but she should be in a car seat. I’m going to need to get one. This isn’t safe.”
He was right, but it was the best we could do on short notice. I sure as hell didn’t have a baby seat just lying around my house. I didn’t even know anyone with a baby, other than Shep and Jasmine.
I decided to distract him instead before he squeezed poor Molly into mush. “What’s in the bag?”
Nate nudged the plastic bag at his feet. “Jasmine was still breastfeeding, so the hospital gave me some bottles and a bunch of different formula samples to try her with.”
“She liked the one I gave her.”
“Do you know what type that was?”
I shrugged. “No idea. The nurses made it up.”
He sighed. “I haven’t fed her yet. The nurses were eager to help, so I let them. I don’t even know how hot to make her bottles.”
He seemed so worried, I patted his shoulder, trying to be reassuring. But I think I only succeeded in reminding myself how good his arms looked now.
By the time I made it to Nate’s street, Molly’s squirming had become thrashing, accompanied by a wail of annoyance. Or hunger. Who knew? I didn’t know much about babies either, though they didn’t terrify me like they seemed to do with Nate.
Nate turned Molly around so she could see him, but that only made her cry harder. “Hey, shh, kiddo. It’s okay. We’re nearly there.”
The moment I parked by the door, he got out, fumbling with his belongings. “Uh, thanks Hallie. Really, thank you. You saved my skin.” He jogged for the front door, dropping his bag of supplies for Molly as he tried to get the door open at the same time. The bottles rolled all through the dirt, and he watched them go, helpless to stop them with a now screaming baby in his arms.
I grimaced. The guy was trying. That much was clear. But he was way out of his league.
Uninvited, I got out of the car and rescued the bottles from beneath a bush. Noting his pure relief as I strode past him, I went to the door and opened it, not needing a key, because nobody out here ever locked their doors. I stepped aside so he could enter, and tried not to notice the rush of memories I got from being back again.
We’d had good times here, back when his parents had owned this house. Riding horses. Lying in the hammock in the yard, talking about what our lives would be after high school. I’d missed those quiet moments most of all.
“Thank you,” he said for about the five hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours.
“You gotta stop saying that.”
“I know, but I mean it. I don’t know what I would have done without you last night. Or today.” He paused, and his gaze met mine. “I don’t know what I’ve done without you the last four years.”
My breath whooshed out of me like a freight train. What the hell? “Nate, I—”
Then Molly’s screams started up again, killing the moment. I jerked my head away without responding to his admission.
Nate took Molly in the direction of the bedrooms, presumably in search of fresh clothes, and I headed for the kitchen, dumping the dirty bottles to the side of the sink and twisting on the hot water to wash them out. I didn’t think Molly would wait for me to run the dishwasher. I made the water as hot as I could stand and plunged my hands in, scrubbing out the bottle thoroughly.
What had he meant when he’d said he didn’t know what he’d done without me the last four years? Did that mean he’d missed me? Or just he’d missed having someone around to help him when he was in a jam? I was sure he had friends on the tour. Girlfriends, probably. I knew there had to be a ton of women throwing themselves at him. He was a young, good-looking cowboy, in the spotlight of a worldwide tour. He had the bad-boy, adrenaline-junkie appearance that most women fell for in a heartbeat. I’d seen the posters and I’d watched the interviews. He played his part well, full of swagger and confidence, with the occasional yes ma’am thrown in to prove he was a sweetheart with small-town manners. I could still see glimpses of the boy I’d known, but they’d been buried beneath his public persona. I didn’t know him anymore. I didn’t know what was real and what was made up for the fans.
So I concentrated
on making Molly her bottle. I read the instructions on the formula packet, heating the water in the microwave before adding the powder then shaking it vigorously to combine them. When Nate appeared with the cleaned up, but still angry baby, I passed him the bottle.
He poked it into Molly’s open mouth, but she just kept on wailing.
“Sit. She probably needs to lie down.”
He did as I suggested, but after a minute of him attempting to get her to take the bottle with no luck, he looked up at me in dismay. “What am I doing wrong?”
I honestly had no idea. “Here, let me try.”
I took the very distressed Molly and tucked her tight to my body like I had in the hospital, her head resting in the crook of my elbow. “Hey, sweet girl. You gotta drink this, okay? It’s good.”
I did exactly what Nate had done and poked the bottle in Molly’s mouth. She immediately clamped down on it and suckled.
Silence fell over the room, and it was blissful. I relaxed back into the worn couch, grateful she was drinking. Her little eyes were already fluttering. “She’ll be out like a light before she finishes this,” I predicted.
Nate inched closer, leaning across me to study her face.
I froze. His body pressed against my arm, and if he swiveled his head a fraction, his face would be within kissing distance.
“Yeah, you’re right. Poor kid. All that screaming had to be tiring.”
I could barely make sense of what he was saying. My brain had gone on full code blue alert with sirens and flashing lights, all of them alerting me to the fact Nate could kiss me right now, if only he wanted to.
He turned in my direction.
And for half a second, I lost my head. My gaze flickered to his lips, then back up before I realized what I’d done.
Nate didn’t want me. Not like that. He’d made that clear.
I jerked back, though I couldn’t go far with the couch at my back. Four years should have dulled all those unwanted feelings. But they hadn’t. They’d just been lying dormant, waiting for him to return.
I couldn’t stand being this close to him.
So I changed tactics and stood, practically taking Nate out with the end of Molly’s bottle in the process. It caught him in the fleshy part below his eye, and he flinched, clapping his hand over the injury.
“Fu—”
“Ah!” I stopped him in a whisper-shout. “Don’t swear!”
“Buck! What are you doing? That hurt.”
What was I doing? I had no idea. I looked down at Molly, asleep in my arms, the bottle having fallen from her lips. “Sorry. I just wanted to put her to bed.” Yeah, good excuse. I wanted to put her to bed so much I’d moved as if a rattlesnake had bitten me on the ass. Smooth, Hallie. Smooth.
Didn’t that just define me now? Curse my stupid feelings. Before they’d made themselves known, I’d never had any of this awkwardness with Nate. But then one day in our senior year of high school, something had changed. It wasn’t even something big, like accidentally seeing him naked or watching him date another girl. Mr. Goven had called on Nate during our shared math class, and Nate had thrown me a wink as he’d walked past my desk.
That was it. The one single, solitary moment I could pinpoint, where my feelings for Nate had gone from brotherly to ‘do me now.’
Embarrassment curled its way up from the depths of my stomach, and I took off for the hallway to the bedrooms, searching for Molly’s nursery. Anything to put a bit of space between me and Nate.
Taking an educated guess that it would be the old spare bedroom, I turned in and shut the door behind me, giving myself a minute. “Your uncle is going to think I’ve completely lost it,” I whispered to the sleeping baby. I put the bottle down on the dresser and then dropped a soft kiss on to Molly’s head. I couldn’t help it. I felt somehow bonded to her, after everything we’d been through last night, and without her mom here to give her a kiss goodnight, someone had to.
I placed her down in her crib and took a deep breath, pulling back my shoulders. Okay, so I’d just maimed, then run away from the guy I’d been harboring feelings for. So what? I could still go out there with my head held high.
Then straight out the door, because obviously I couldn’t be trusted in close spaces with him.
Nate had other ideas. His gaze slammed into mine the minute I appeared from the bedroom.
“What was that?”
“What?” I asked, though I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“It was like I electrocuted you.”
That wasn’t far from the truth. There had been a distinct sparking feeling as he’d touched me. I needed to change the subject. Or leave. But he was blocking the doorway, and I definitely didn’t trust myself to get any closer to him.
“How long are your sister and Shep going to be in hospital for?”
He cocked his head to one side, as if I’d said something curious, but eventually he went with it and answered me. “Not sure. Weeks. Maybe longer.”
“What about the ranch?”
His teeth sank into his bottom lip as he gazed out the window. It was getting dark outside, the sun partially dipping below the horizon and casting the Mathews’ vast property in sunset colors. I wandered to the window and gazed out, amazed by the beauty.
I fought back a flinch as Nate came to stand beside me, and instead focused on the stunning display in front of me, rather than the stunning display next to me.
Goddamn him. Why did he have to be so attractive? Why did he have to come back at all? It was so much easier for me when he wasn’t around. Sure, I had to deal with missing him, which still took up almost every second of every day, even after four years apart, but that was still somehow easier than having him back home.
“I guess I’ll work it. At least until they can hire someone.”
I shot him a glance. “You remember how?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Yes, smart-ass. I might have been away, but that doesn’t mean the cowboy in me is lost forever.”
I couldn’t help but tease him over that. “You sure? Riding a horse for hours a day is a little different to riding one of your bulls for a measly eight seconds.”
He nudged me playfully, but this time, I was more prepared for it, and it didn’t freak me out quite so much when that distinct ripple of attraction spread up my arm.
“I think I can handle it.”
“What about Molly, though?”
He drifted back to the couch and flopped down into it, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I’ll just take her with me.”
I gaped at him. “While you’re feeding cows and sheep and fixing fences? What are you going to do, just attach her stroller to the back of your horse?”
“I was thinking I’d put her in one of those strappy things that go on your back.”
I blinked. “Are you serious right now? How on earth did anyone give you temporary custody of this child?”
He seemed genuinely confused. “What? No good?”
I spotted the ‘strappy thing’ in question and tossed it at him. “If you can get it on, you can do it.”
His mouth lifted at the corner in an adorable grin, and he pushed to his feet. Had he always been so much taller than me? Or was it that he’d filled out so he just felt bigger?
“Ye of little faith. I got this.”
He didn’t. And I knew it. But I was here for the amusement factor of watching him try and fail.
He held up the contraption, and I saw the minute his confidence faltered. He turned it upside down, studying it. He lifted one strap and put it over his shoulder, but the thing was a mess of buckles and levers, not to mention the fact it was obviously way too small for his big body. Still, he amused me while he tugged at it.
It took his arm getting stuck behind his back for him to admit defeat. “Fine. This thing was a dumb idea. Want to help me out here?”
I almost didn’t want to, just because it was so amusing. But I stood and grabbed the
strap caught around his arm, moving it and undoing buckles and loops that crisscrossed over his body. I had to move to his front to get the last one, and as it dropped to the floor, I became aware of how close we were.
I stared at the logo on his T-shirt, willing myself to move away, but it was like a magnet pulled me in his direction, too strong for me to fight off. His fingers brushed my arm, then slid lower over my palm, until his fingers wound between mine.
“Thank you,” he said softly, voice barely more than a whisper.
“I told you to stop saying that.”
He inched closer. “I know. But I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to say all the things I really mean. Not when you can’t even look at me.”
My breath hitched. If I lifted my head, his lips would be right there. His so very kissable lips that I’d imagined myself tasting over and over.
I wouldn’t be able to resist them.
So no, I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t let him see I was still that seventeen-year-old girl on prom night, ready to give her virginity to a boy who only saw her as a friend. I couldn’t be that vulnerable with him again. He’d broken my heart once already, and he’d do it again. This wasn’t his life anymore, here in this little town with me. He’d outgrown it. He’d outgrown me. And I knew it.
When I walked away without meeting his gaze, he didn’t stop me.
8
Nate
My phone woke me, it’s shrill ring blasting through the early morning sunshine of my bedroom window. For a brief moment, I just blinked in the glare, wondering why I was groggy, before I remembered I’d been awake half the night trying to settle Molly. She’d only just dozed off again around four, and I’d crashed hard, completely exhausted.
I dove on my phone, praying it hadn’t already woken the beast. A cute beast, to her credit, but a beast nonetheless.
“Hello?”
Sobbing came down the line, and my stomach sank like a lead ball in the ocean. Fear gripped my throat. “Jas? Talk to me. What’s happened?”
