by Heather Boyd
What he wasn’t pleased to realize was that Rebecca was barely spending any time enjoying herself or the party. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember if in the past she’d been any other way. But the rest of the family had been having fun without her—strolling about the lawns and laughing together endlessly.
Rebecca glanced Adam’s way once but continued on without stopping to talk. When she disappeared into the shrubbery beyond the gathering, Adam was intrigued. Did she not intend to spend one moment being idle?
Adam excused himself from Lady Morgan and followed after Rebecca.
He almost missed her at first. Rebecca had squeezed herself into a gap in a hedge.
He doubled back and stared. “What the devil are you doing?”
“Shh,” she hissed. “You’ll spoil everything.”
Taken aback by her statement, he looked away briefly and spotted Lord Samuel’s twins racing in his direction. They did not seem as if they would stop, so he sucked in his breath and raised his arms. They swept around him like the tide, excusing themselves, but raced on without stopping. He lowered his arms slowly, afraid they’d return at any minute.
A soft laugh reached his ears, and he turned. Rebecca eased from the shrubbery, flicking twigs and such from her shoulders and hair, but grinning. “I think your presence distracted them, Rafferty. Well done!”
“Are you playing hide and seek?”
She nodded. “Second time today. Do you never play games with Ava?”
“Tea parties,” he confessed slowly. “It’s a little embarrassing.”
“Not to her. A little silliness now and then is good for the soul.”
She brushed off her hands and turned to face the manor.
“Where are you going now?”
“I’m going back inside.”
“That’s cheating. Going inside is cheating,” Adam protested.
“Well, no. Not exactly. We play by different rules than others might. The twins are given one chance to notice me, but if they don’t spot me the first time they pass, I’m allowed to move to a more comfortable place. They know I’ll return to my parlor eventually.”
Strange game but with two active boys, he concluded it might be hard to play by ordinary rules. “If you know they’ll find you, why not stay outside and enjoy the summer’s day with everyone else?”
She shook her head. “I have a thousand things left to do yet, my lord.”
He frowned at her now. “You’re not enjoying the party you’ve organized, almost single-handedly it seems.”
“Her grace needs to rest as much as possible, but please, do not tell my father I said that.”
“He worries.” Adam shook his head. “I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“You know why.” He gave her a hard look and moved closer. The woman managed everyone very well but hardly gave a thought to her own needs. Not one member of her family seemed concerned that she was missing the party, either, but he certainly was. He studied her complexion. Fair and lovely. Perhaps she didn’t like the outdoors. “Come back with me. I’ll fetch you a glass of whatever you like and find a chair for you in the shade if you prefer.”
“I’d rather not.”
“A walk then.”
She went to refuse, but he cut in quickly. “Isn’t there something else outside that you must check on?”
She thought a moment. “I did want to know how repairs on the carriage were coming along.”
“Well, there you go. We can walk to the stables together and you can check another item off those unending lists of yours. We can talk on the way there and back.”
“Talk about what?”
He scrambled for a harmless topic and gestured her forward toward the stables. “Ava.”
Her brow rose in surprise, but she fell into step.
“It was suggested I should employ a companion for the girl.”
“You can, of course. Although…” Rebecca thought a moment. “She’s a little young yet for a companion. An experienced governess would be a better choice.”
“What should the governess be experienced in, exactly?”
She looked at him in surprise. “You’re really asking my advice on how to raise your daughter?”
“Well, you’ve been on the marriage mart before. You’ve undoubtedly advised dozens of young women. You know what is expected during the season.”
She blinked and then scowled. “Are you saying I’m old, my lord?”
He cocked his head. “You understood my meaning perfectly well, madam. Don’t pretend to be offended that I noticed you’re a little older and infinitely wiser than a shy debutant.”
A soft laugh left her lips. Rebecca’s whole face lit up as she fully absorbed his description of her. She should laugh more often, he decided. Adam had rarely heard Rebecca laugh, or ever given her reason to now he thought about it. She seemed a completely different woman when she was happy.
He absolutely had to delay her return to the house now. “Well?”
“Next spring is the earliest I would recommend hiring a new governess. Let her enjoy one more year without thinking about the future. Then a governess and a dancing instructor are essential before you should even consider which year to launch her into society.”
“Good. Good. I have plenty of time then.”
“However, it is not wise to be complacent with her education.”
“I’m not!” he protested.
“She knows no French whatsoever.” Rebecca gave him a stern look. “She also has no friends her own age.”
“She has friends at home,” he protested. “And you arranged another for her yesterday.”
“Friends whose parents are titled and also not tenants at your estate?”
“Ah, well, no. You are correct about that then. I only had the estate children when I was growing up.”
“I had my sisters and brothers and made friends through those connections. But an only child, a girl, without siblings or a mother, needs a broader connection to members of the aristocracy.”
“She seems to be getting along well with you.”
Rebecca’s expression grew amused. “If you’re not going to take my suggestions seriously, my lord, I’ll be on my way alone.”
“Oh, no you don’t. I’ll escort you to the stables.” They reached the stables soon after. The vast, sprawling building was teeming with activity at this time of day. “Wait here while I find someone for you.”
He strode ahead, noting Rebecca had not disagreed with him for a change. He found the stable master and brought him back to Rebecca to question. It seemed the carriage would not be ready anytime soon. “I’m sorry, madam. There’s a lot of work to be done yet.”
“It’s not your fault, sir. Thank you.”
They turned back for the manor, but Rebecca seemed lost in thought.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I have to get back to my work.”
He caught her arm. “You are making yourself a slave to your family.”
She gaped at him in stunned silence. She swallowed. “I am not.”
“I think you are. You’re acting for the duchess in everything. This is your father’s house, and he has a wife who should be arranging this wedding party.”
“She’s been very ill.”
“Well, she’s not today.” He pointed in the direction of the guests he’d left behind. “Her grace is out there, sunning herself and laughing along with the rest of your family. So are your sisters.”
Rebecca looked away.
“They are all enjoying an event you’ve slaved over for nearly a week now.” He crowded her a little but lowered his voice. “Don’t you think you deserve more than to become a servant to your own family?”
Her jaw firmed, but she did not argue with him. Rebecca seemed intent on making herself indispensable to the duke and duchess for some reason he couldn’t fathom. The woman had her own life. She could also have a hus
band and children if she put her mind to it, too. She was meant for more than this.
“I see how you are with your family. You love them, that is obvious, but do they love you as much, eh? Where is the line drawn between doing what you think is your duty and enjoying a little independence from them? When are you going to put yourself first?”
She wrenched her arm from his grip. “You know nothing of my life.”
“Well, I’m trying to, damn it.” He drew closer. “You are the most irritating wench I’ve ever had the misfortune to find attractive. I’d seduce you right here in the garden if I didn’t think you’d blame yourself for enjoying a moment of comfort in my arms.”
Her brow furrowed as her jaw worked. Adam expected to be put in his place at any moment. He’d certainly hit the nail on the head. Rebecca Warner belonged in the spotlight, not in the shadows.
She nodded but then shook her head. “I beg you will excuse me, my lord. I have a game to return to, and that is not a duty, I assure you.”
“Everything but pleasure is a duty. Oh, what the hell. I may never catch you alone again,” he whispered.
He caught her face in his fingers, tilted her chin up, and planted a lingering kiss on her lips right there in the garden. He drew back slowly, saw the surprise in her eyes, and then kissed again for good measure.
She stared at him, lips parted and damp, for a full minute in silence afterward. He brushed his thumb across her mouth as he released her. “Now you know what might be yours if you just say the word.”
When she did not give it still, Adam executed an elaborate bow, turned on his heel, and returned to the party.
Rebecca Warner hadn’t responded the way he’d wanted her too. Perhaps she never would, but one thing he did know—Rebecca Warner was destined to be unhappy, and there wasn’t a damn thing more he could do about it.
Chapter 8
Rebecca gulped as Lord Rafferty strode away in a huff.
Dear God, what a kiss!
She raised shaking fingers to her lips, painfully aware of the unfamiliar sensation of desire that still coursed through her veins. It had certainly been quite a while since she’d been kissed, and she was still in shock. She hadn’t been prepared. She hadn’t known how to respond to Rafferty at all.
Rebecca had never engaged in intimacies until after she’d married. Warner had never kissed her anywhere but in her own bed. After his death, she hadn’t been courted again or even been seriously flirted with—not until Rafferty had singled her out so suddenly.
Feeling confused, Rebecca rushed back to the safety of her tiny corner of Stapleton Manor and shut the door behind her. Then, she found a chair and put her head in her hand.
What was she to do about Rafferty now? She had not asked to be kissed, she’d never encouraged him, and had done her best to ignore his bold flirtations.
But after that kiss, she couldn’t understand why she had.
Admittedly, Rafferty was not a man she approved of in general. He was too loud, too drunk too often. Although, she had noticed he had consumed fewer spirits than usual.
But why on earth would he try to seduce her now?
As she sat there, in the grip of indecision, she heard an odd sound. The scrape of something being dragged along the floor behind her chair was all too clear.
She lifted her head slowly and turned.
Lady Ava, in the process of crawling across the parquetry floor, froze halfway to the door. The girl visibly shrank from her. “Hello,” she whispered.
Rebecca sat up straighter. “Hello.”
The girl licked her lips. “Please don’t tell my papa that you saw me here.”
Rebecca stood when the girl started toward the door again. “Stop. Stand up.”
Lady Ava gained her feet, eyes wide and her lips trembling.
Rebecca approached her slowly. “Never let me catch you doing that again.”
“I wasn’t. I just…hid when you came in.”
Well, obviously. “And you were trying to sneak away from me unnoticed on your hands and knees?”
The girl nodded. “Yes.”
She sighed. “You will always be noticed. You are an earl’s daughter. Come here and let me look at your gown.”
The girl regarded Rebecca with resignation and moved to stand before her.
Rebecca quickly dusted off the girl’s skirts. “There, that is better.”
“Are you going to tell my papa?”
“I haven’t decided.” She put her hands on the girl’s shoulders and made her sit down on the settee. “Why are you not upstairs at your studies?”
“Everyone is outside but me,” the girl said in a small voice.
“Ah,” Rebecca said slowly. She remembered what it was like to be left out of the games her brothers had played. But she’d always had her sisters to keep her company. “What do you normally do at home during the day?”
“I never have to stay in my room all day if I don’t want to. I have a pony to ride, and I practice with my sword.” The last was uttered very quietly.
“I did the much same as a girl,” she confessed.
The girl looked at her with an expression of awe. “You fence, too?”
“I did once, but I grew out of it. My brothers taught me a little, and I learned the rest by watching them.”
The girl wriggled forward on her chair. “Papa doesn’t really like me talking about it, but would you teach me?”
Rebecca considered the girl and nodded slowly. “I have some free time after luncheon.”
Lady Ava bounced in her chair. “Thank you! I don’t know how I will be able to wait. You won’t forget me will you?”
Rebecca wondered how often others had forgotten this girl and disappointed her. She reached out and brushed her hand over the girl’s long hair. It should be tied up neatly to spare her the pain of knots forming. She needed a mother. Rafferty should have remarried years ago. “I’ll collect you myself when everything is ready. I promise.”
Rebecca turned as she heard the sound of footsteps rushing toward them. As they grew louder, she knew who was coming. She smiled, and a few moments later the twins wrenched open the door, scanned the room and then sprinted to be the first to touch her.
“We found you, we found you!” they chanted. Then the pair grabbed her hands and tried to pull her away from Ava.
Rebecca resisted.
“Come on, Aunt Becca. We want to play again.”
“Gently,” she reminded them. “My dear boys.”
But these were not her children. She could only love them until it was time to hand them back. Even though they desperately needed mothering, Rebecca wasn’t the one that should. They were Samuel’s responsibility, and one day he should remarry. She hoped he would soon. He wouldn’t be alone then.
Not like she was bound to be.
Rebecca had trouble breathing for a moment as the truth hit her hard.
Rafferty was right. The choices she’d been making with her life would ensure she would always be alone.
Rebecca depended on herself and herself alone. She had relished her independence since becoming a widow. Rebecca could go anywhere, do anything, and say almost anything without having to account for her actions.
But it could be a very lonely life. She had made friends but sometimes friends were not enough. She had good reason to mistrust gentlemen, but when she did she was also denying herself the life she was born for.
Rebecca sucked in a sharp breath. She could not allow that to happen, and there was no good reason she must remain alone for the rest of her life.
The children were watching her with a worried expression so she smiled at the twins and then smoothed their untidy hair one more time. “Why don’t you pair go and find your father and ask him to play with you?”
“But we want you!”
“Not today, my darlings.” She looked at Lady Ava, motherless and lonely—just as she was. They could be friends, as Lord Rafferty suggested, but that was not enough for either of the
m. It was time to stop hiding from the risk of being hurt.
The guests would be going in for luncheon soon, and Rebecca would be rejoining the party. She would enjoy herself—and see if the earl was truly interested in her. “I have somewhere I need to be soon.”
The youngest of the pair eased onto her lap, pouting. “Are you tired of us like Aunt Fanny is?”
“Oh, never believe I could be tired of you pair of rascals.” Rebecca pulled them to her and hugged them fiercely. “I will always love you both. Never doubt that.”
She released them but grabbed their little hands. “How about we go and find your father together? Perhaps he can be persuaded to take you swimming. You still like getting wet, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes. Yes!”
She gestured to Lord Rafferty’s daughter. “Lady Ava, would you like to come outside with us?”
“Yes, but what will Papa say if he sees me`?”
She smiled. “I’m sure Rafferty will not mind just this once.”
It took but a few moments to return to the garden, and as she predicted, the guests were stirring, ready to go back into the manor for luncheon. With the twins at her side, and Lady Ava following close behind, Rebecca weaved through the crowd until she found Samuel. He was talking with Lady Morgan, and she waited until she had his attention before speaking. “The boys are keen to visit the lake for a paddle.”
Samuel exchanged a wry smile with Lady Morgan. “You don’t have to tell me where you take them, Mrs. Warner. I trust you with them, always.”
Rebecca shook her head firmly. “It would be better if you went with them.”
Lady Morgan moved closer to Samuel, languidly fanning herself. “A paddle by the lake sounds very inviting, my lord. It’s so warm today.”
Did the viscountess intend to join them? That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Lady Morgan was married. “Perhaps you could ask your husband to take you later?”
“But of course he can come with us,” Samuel agreed.
