Darkness.
Chapter Twenty-five
I wake in a bed. It’s soft, white, warm, and cosy, but not at all where I want to be.
I sit up and cry out when the needles fed into the back of my hand begin to pull and twist.
Great. Hospital? Again?
Yup. Stark white walls, a single window, and long strip lights in the ceiling casting harsh, unnatural light. My clothes are folded on a chair that stands beneath a TV mounted to the wall on an extending arm.
Movement on my right.
I swing toward it, but I’m still hindered, this time by thick sheets tangled around my body.
Close to the bed is a lamp, a low table, and two chairs. In one of the chairs, is Noel.
“It’s okay, chica, you’re safe. Lie still.”
I allow my body to sink back into the mattress. “Oh, thank goodness. Jeez, I thought you might be dead.”
He stands and walks to the side of my bed, smiling wide. “Perhaps I would be if you were not such an attractive prize, Dee-Dee. But I am well. Bruised, maybe, battered too, but very well. All things considered.”
“What happened? Where’s Rayne? Aleksander? What happened to Jadz? Is she okay? Did Rayne hurt her? What happened to the Dire Wolves?”
He scoots around the bed to a low table and pours a cup of water from the jug standing on it. Instead of passing it to me, he drinks heavily, replaces it, then comes back to my side of the bed.
“Ah.” He scratches his chin. “So what did happen then?”
I wait.
He groans. “That Aleksandar creep made his game and you ran with Jadz. The best thing you could do I think, because as soon as you did, none of them cared for me.” He shrugs. “I missed most of it, but when I caught up there were many dead werewolves. And you, on the ground. Rayne was there too, standing over you. Jadz was…down.”
Oh. Oh, hell.
I immediately reach for my neck, my wrists, my hands. Even my thigh, which I can access easily through the medical gown I seem to be wearing right now.
“Wait, did Rayne—”
Noel’s eyebrow twitches. “No. She did not. Not you, nor Jadzia. Though I wonder if that was choice or the desire to remain unseen if she wished to do so. The military forces arrived soon after. They tracked a destroyed drone.”
I nod again. There’s nothing on my neck. Not a scratch. And yet I can’t help but feel…violated.
“Rayne had it. She used it to spray at the werewolves.”
He frowns. “Then a pity so many are dead. It would have been useful to study them and the effects it has on them. Like your other friend.”
Oh, no. Wendy.
The rest of the night comes back to me in a rush and the familiar burn of tears starts behind my eyes.
“Did you see what they did to him? When…when Jadz and I left, did you see what happened to his…body?”
“The other wouldn’t leave. The uh, the tool boy?”
“Spannah?”
“Yes, him. The pack moved the alpha’s body, but the boy would not leave his side. He said his place is always with his alpha, so he wouldn’t leave.”
I lower my head to my hands. “What a mess. What a huge, stinking turd. What have I done?”
The bed gives a little as Noel perches on the side of it. “You? Nothing except your job. It’s not your fault this happened so stop doing that.”
“But Wendy—”
“—is not your fault. He chose to fight. Not a wise choice and perhaps not made with a sound mind, but he made the choice. Not you.”
I nod, even if my heart doesn’t believe it. “How many wolves died?”
“We don’t know. The military counts, but mostly they question Rayne.”
That sits me bolt up upright. “They have Rayne?”
A soft rumbling sound fills the air, cut by the occasional squeal of a stiff wheel or pulley. A man walks by my open door, dressed in the uniform of the residential Omega agents. He pushes a cart filled with blankets, bandages, and medical robes and gives a start of surprise when he sees me upright.
“How you doing?”
I look him up and down. “Been better. What’s going on?”
“You had a fall. Knocked you out.”
“How bad?”
He shrugs. “No visible damage or bleeding besides the trauma. If you want, I’ll send a senior in so you can get a debrief?”
I think it over, then shake my head. “Thanks, but not yet.”
“Up to you.” He keeps going, pushing the noisy, squeaky wheeled cart ahead of him.
Back in relative privacy once more, I look to Noel. “Did they take Rayne to Shakka?”
“Don’t think so. All debriefed agents are still here.”
“Even vampires?”
Another shrug. “They seem to use vampires. Perhaps more than we do. For swimming, for speed, for heights. They seemed very interested in Rayne when she gave her name.”
“Can we sneak her out?”
“What? No. No, we cannot, Dee-Dee. Why do you say these things?”
“Because—”
“No. She’s fine. They will not harm her, so just relax and be well.” His sharp tone softens a fraction. “You did frighten me, chica.”
“Aww.” I try to shift the mood with a bright smile. “I didn’t know you cared.”
“Of course I care. I’ve always cared.” Despite my attempts, Noel’s tone and expression remain serious. “You are my friend. But not just this.” He waves an absent hand toward my bicep and head where, for the first time, I feel the crisp white linen of fresh bandages. “You walk a dangerous line, with vampires and werewolves. Friends and lovers.”
“Says you.”
He nods. No hint of a smile, just gentle acceptance. “True. I do. But Jadz and I…we have understanding. And when she returns from debrief we’ll have more conversations, but we are not too serious. But you and Rayne…”
My body stiffens before I can help it while my mind flashes back to the horrific sight of blood streaming from her open mouth.
I sigh. “Can I tell you something?”
“Always.”
I glance at the door. It’s empty.
“She scares me, Noel. You weren’t there. You didn’t see her. I mean, I’ve seen vampires in blood mania before—hell, I’ve seen her in mania before—but with her it’s a whole new level. She…she’s dangerous.”
“As are all edanes.”
“Yeah. But I’m only dating this one. I…I honestly don’t know if I can handle it.”
Noel picks at a scab on the back of his hand. “I was curious. Always, though I hated to admit, I knew you would draw the attention of some edane one day. So much for us humans, right? And us men.”
“What are you saying?”
“You were always close with them, interested in them. Perhaps their strangeness or their power, but humans never caught your eye the same way an edane would. Sometimes I wonder if I were a werewolf or a gargoyle…and female.” He chuckles. “But never a vampire. Never, ever a vampire and that makes sense. I know what happened to your father.”
I grip my sheets with both hands. My knuckles are tight, pale knots. The ceiling lights catch the face of my watch. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“And I won’t make you. But after that hurt and pain, then for you to fall for a vampire? It confused me. Still does.”
“I can’t help what my heart wants, Noel.”
“But you try. You fight it with your head.”
“For good bloody reason. She destroyed ten wolves, maybe more, with her bare hands. Just tore them to shreds like paper into confetti. What chance do I have against power like that? And how do I know if…if I’m going to be next?”
Noel stops picking his hand to look me dead in the eye. “She would never hurt you on purpose, Dee-Dee.”
“Yeah. On purpose.”
A soft knock draws my attention to the door. Both Noel and I turn to face it. He squeaks. I gasp. In the span of
a heartbeat, my heart and spirits lift, then crash right down into my toes.
“Hi, Danika.”
I swallow back the sudden spiky lump of fear filling the back of my throat. “Hey, Rayne.”
* * *
Noel vaults from his seat on the edge of my bed. “You two must talk, sí? I’ll get out of the way. Now…out of the way.” He’s still making excuses and muttering as he squeezes through the partially blocked door and darts out of sight.
Fuck.
The room somehow seems fuller without him in it. I can hear the low murmur of a TV or radio in another room. More squeals and rumbles from push trolleys. Even low voices from somewhere down the hall.
Ah, so easy to listen to all of that and take it in, rather than exposing myself to the pain in Rayne’s face.
She enters slowly, almost sheepishly, with her head bowed and her hands clasped in front of her. I can see the faint shine of a rubber wristband on her left wrist, thick and black with red stripes. When she sees me looking, she holds the whole hand higher for me to see.
“Identification. It will show the Extra Mundane Control Unit that I’ve already been through debrief and deemed ‘fit for duty.’”
I flinch. “You know that’s no better than the chip the Foundation put in your shoulder, right?”
She shrugs. “If I want to keep working, I follow the rules. And I do want to keep working.”
“So…you heard that, didn’t you? Noel and I?”
A nod.
“How much?”
“Enough to know that we need to talk. Right now.” She moves deeper into the room and angles herself as if to sit on the bed the same way Noel had. Halfway there, she sighs and instead grabs the chair from beneath the TV. She sits on it facing me, almost six feet away.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so apart from her.
“What was debrief about?”
She sighs. “Really? That’s what you’d prefer to talk about?”
“I—”
“It was fine,” she snaps. “They gave me a psychological test to determine my state of mind and used the score to decide if I were better suited in the field with humans or at a desk in an admin capacity. I passed.” She adds with a dry chuckle. “Scored highest they’ve seen in fact. Made them doubt I’m a vampire at all. I had to tell them to scan my FID for the details.”
I’m tangling my hands in the sheets again. My knuckles hurt so, so much. “I…um. Good. That’s good.”
“I’m not so sure. Most of them didn’t want to let me work based on…on what I’d done. There was a discussion over my scores versus my actions. I seem to be on probation.”
“I guess that’s better than being locked up.”
“Perhaps. But others weren’t so lucky. Maybe they didn’t take the test seriously enough or perhaps they really do think that way, but some agents have been suspended. Indefinitely.”
“Who?”
“A couple of Betas. One or two Gammas. Link.”
“Link didn’t pass?”
Rayne folds her arms and leans back in the chair. “Apparently he told the test invigilator that he couldn’t take the test until he had something to eat. Low blood sugar. When they offered him something, he asked if one of the soldiers would flavour it with a few drops of bile or stomach acid.”
Can’t help but snicker at that. “For real?”
“Mm-hmm. Clearly you find that funny, but they didn’t. He’s in holding right now.”
“What? It was a joke. It must have been a joke.”
“Joke or not, it was foolish. He shouldn’t have said it. Now he’s in a cell along with Shakka and those other agents.”
That stops my laughter cold. “Shakka’s locked up too?”
“Are you surprised?”
When I stop to think about it, no, not really. But I can’t help but wonder why so many of those I’m close to are deemed unfit for SPEAR work. Makes me think I’ve done well in avoiding their “debrief” so far.
“Now, Danika, are you done avoiding the subject? Or is there something else you want to divert with first?”
Okay, ouch. “Rayne—”
She lifts her hand. “I heard what you said. And you’re right. You’re impulsive and stubborn and very often you don’t think things through, but your instincts rarely lead you wrong. And what I heard is your instinct talking. It’s telling you to stay away from me.”
I try to swing out of the bed, but again, the bloody needle in my arm stops me. “It’s not like that, Rayne. That isn’t what I meant.”
“Of course it is. And you’re right. I don’t know if you realize, but a blood mania like that, or one brought on by hunger—they’re amnesic.” She nods at my sceptical frown. “Mania has different forms and intensities depending on the trigger, but the worst of them often leave the vampire with no memory of what they did, or control while they’re doing it.”
“I’ve never heard of different forms before.”
“It’s…new research.”
“But—”
“My point is, that I don’t remember what happened a few hours ago. I’ve been informed, first by Jadzia, then by the soldiers who took me in, and now I have your memory of what you saw. But I have no idea what I did.” She sighs.
I wait. Deep inside I know where this is going. I can already feel it and though I hate it, I can’t form the words I need to stop it coming. Everything feels shut off and muted, like I’m a sudden observer to my life about to fall in the shitter.
“I have no idea if I hurt you or not. I can’t even remember if I wanted to. That type of mania doesn’t allow me the luxury.”
“Rayne, please—”
Again with the hand. “I remember being angry. So, so angry. I left Jadzia’s house meaning to walk back to SPEAR, but then I saw the car go by. All of you were in it except Mr. Gordon, so I deduced what had happened. And, as I made my way deeper into the city, the danger was clearer still. I travelled to Misona to find you, but by the time I arrived, word carried fast through every wolf there—the new alpha wanted you dead. He wanted your heart in his hands.” Her voice cracks. So does the chair as she grips the flimsy arms.
“I can’t describe what went through my mind in that moment, the fear and panic, along with fury. How dare he? How dare he threaten you? And then…then I was chained and shackled in a van with several unconscious wolves beside me, all of us on the way to the EMCU holding facility.” She lifts her hands in an “I don’t know” gesture.
“There was blood all over me. I could taste it. From the traces left on my tongue I knew it was edane blood, probably werewolf though I couldn’t be sure. My nails were choked with gore, guts, and fur. Even my hair was matted with it. I didn’t know what I’d done or who I’d harmed. I didn’t know anything—they wouldn’t tell me.—until after they asked all their psych questions. And now I’m here. I was only permitted a change of clothes ten minutes ago.”
My throat is locked up. I can barely move, much less speak.
This account of blood mania is both fascinating and horrifying. What must it be like to lose chunks of memory like that? To simply vanish into your own mind and reappear so much later with no idea of what had happened?
“I don’t want to hurt you, Danika. Nor would I forgive anybody who did harm to you. But if the person to hurt you is me, then I…” She sniffs. A tear rolls down her cheek, fat and tinged pink. “I won’t be the person—no, the vampire—to harm you. I couldn’t bear it.”
“But you won’t hurt me. You’ve said it over and over and I-I believe you.”
“No, you don’t. With good reason. I don’t either.” She leaves the chair and finally approaches my bed. She’s still well out of reach; I can’t touch her without leaving the bed and the needle in my arm won’t let me.
“I’m not strong enough, Danika, tonight is proof enough of that. I’m not strong enough to control the monster inside and keep it from doing terrible things. I tried, honest I did, but I’m not Vixen. I might be h
er bloodline, but that mastery of her darker self is something I don’t have and I won’t let that weakness put you in danger.”
I’m crying now. Through my blurred vision I see Rayne’s hand extend and I lean into it. Her fingers brush my cheek oh-so-gently.
“Rayne, please…”
“I’ll pack my things tonight. There’s plenty of darkness left, so I’ll take as much as I need from the house and find somewhere else to stay during the daylight hours. After that, we’ll be colleagues. Teammates. Nothing more.”
I open my mouth again. Why is nothing coming out? Why can’t I say anything?
She smiles gently. “It’s better this way. For both of us. Goodbye.” She turns away.
No. No, no, no. She’s walking toward the door. She’s going to leave. She’s going to step out of my life. I don’t know when I’ll see her next if I don’t do something. I have to stop her. I have to say something—
“Rayne.”
She stops at the door, one foot over the threshold. Waits.
“I…you…” I scrunch my eyes shut. “Don’t leave…the house.”
“What?”
“I’ll leave. I mean, th-the house was modified to be vampire-safe, right? So you have to stay there. It’s the best place for you. I…I’ll go.”
Rayne’s shoulders slump. Her fingers tighten briefly on the door frame before slipping away. “Fine. Whatever you like.” And she’s gone.
* * *
Somebody offered me a meal. I’ve no idea what time it is, but my stomach agrees that it’s time for food. I’m still chowing down on greasy chicken, slimy gravy, and gooey potatoes when Maury knocks on my door.
I push the plate and tray aside, wipe left over tears off my face, and beckon him in.
“How you doing?”
I shrug. “Been a hell of a lot better, if I’m honest. I’m sick of seeing the inside of this place.”
“No doubt.” He eyes the tray of mostly devoured food. “Wow.”
“Shut up. I’m hungry. Apparently.”
“Good.” He pulls a little notepad from his pocket. “That means your lupine immunity shot is working.”
Moon Fever Page 23
