by Maggie Walsh
Casimir held his large clawed front foot out to Sutton and Sutton stepped on. Casimir brought him up until Sutton could crawl on his back. “Okay, I’m gonna hold on tight. Let’s do this.”
Casimir flapped his wings, then took to the sky, and Sutton knew that this was going to be one ride he would never forget, but damned if he didn’t hope they would soon get to the next ride he would remember for all time as well.
CHAPTER 16
They had spent a few hours flying through the night sky with the other dragons, phoenix, and gargoyles. It had been one of the most amazing and exhilarating moments of Sut’s life. He couldn’t believe he had been a part of it and wanted to do it again someday soon. And the best part was that he was with Casimir.
Yes, they had been through some really rough times and Cas had hurt him more than anyone else ever had in his life. That kind of hurt should have never come from a true mate, but now that Casimir had opened up to him, Sut understood where his mate’s head and heart were, and why he had behaved the way he had. It wasn’t an excuse, well, actually, it was.
Gods, he hated when people said that line. It’s not an excuse. Of course it was. What was the true definition of the word excuse? Reason, explanation, justification. So why was everyone so afraid of saying, ‘that is my excuse’? People who got shit-faced drunk and did some crazy stuff, like spilling their guts out about how they felt about someone, either good or bad, then turned around and said, I was drunk. I know it’s not an excuse, but… Yeah, but. Sometimes it was an excuse, in reality. That person probably never would have said or done the things they had if they had been sober. It was because they were so drunk as a skunk that their inhibitions and walls were down, and they allowed everything to come out. So, that was an excuse.
And as he saw it, Casimir did have an excuse. A rather good one in fact, as far as Sutton was concerned, and everyone else could go to hell if they didn’t agree, because in this situation it was only what he thought and felt about it that mattered.
Sometimes our past affected our present and our future. Things that we had been through, fought through, survived, were very powerful and made a huge impact on us at times. What was not that big of an issue to one person, was life altering and debilitating to another, and the more we let all those feelings and fears fester the bigger they became.
Casimir had spent over a thousand years letting his loss fester, and sometimes, like with love, fear wasn’t rational. And seeing as Sutton himself was the victim here, well, maybe not victim, but seeing as he was the one who had been hurt and wronged, then it was only he who had a say in all of this and what he should do from here. So, the question was, what was he going to do?
Sut turned his head and looked at the man sitting beside him. The light from the street lamps lit up Casimir’s face, then darkened as Casimir drove them through Maddox and back to his house. Once their night flight was over, Destrain had opened another portal for them to go back to the club and retrieve Casimir’s car. Now they were headed toward his house.
He studied Casimir’s features, noting how relaxed Cas looked these days. He also remembered how Casimir now acted and reacted around others too, especially Casimir’s family. His mate… and that’s what Casimir was, his mate... when his mate talked with his family members, there was a new lightness about him, like the weight of the world was off his shoulders. Sut also noticed that Casmir’s family was the same way around Cas now. When they all spoke, there was no more tension, or uncomfortable silence. They now all looked genuinely happy to see one another and showed their love with hugs and slaps on the back and teasing. It was a wonderful thing to see, and because of it, Sut had to look at Casimir differently, and realized his mate had been working very hard to connect with the people in his life and to let them in.
Which Sut knew from knowing Casimir’s past, that it was a huge step for his mate. It all proved to Sut that Casimir had changed and was willing to work on not only their relationship, but himself as well. Sut also knew that from this moment on, if Casimir did slide backwards and started to go into his old mindset, that his family would more than likely step in and slap him upside the head. Sut knew he would not be alone in trying to help Casimir move forward, and that in itself brought him some peace.
Sut watched that handsome face light up with red as they halted at the stoplight and he smiled. Gods, the man was so handsome. His attraction to Casimir was never the problem, and neither was the sex. Their sex life was always mind-blowing, and if he was being honest, Sut had become addicted to feeling Casimir’s hands on him, Casimir’s lips pressed to his, and Cas’s cock buried deep inside him, and he missed it. He missed it all and wanted it back. Those thoughts were what made him smile when he looked at the man beside him. He knew in that moment that he really did want Casimir back in his life, in his arms, and in his bed. Even with everything they had been through, Casimir had never left his heart.
As they pulled up in front of Sut’s house, he was shocked to find that there were no butterflies in his belly like he thought there would be. They were alone. His house was empty and Sut wanted nothing more than to ask Casimir in and take him to his bed. Right in this moment, Sut didn’t want to fight that feeling. Not only did he not want to fight it, but he wouldn’t. It was time for action. It was time for forgiveness and time to move forward.
Casimir parked his car in the driveway and turned off the engine. Taking a deep breath, Sut pulled in all his courage and immediately turned to face his mate. Without letting his nerves get the better of him, Sutton unclipped his seatbelt, then climbed over the center console and into Casimir’s lap. He could see the true shock and confusion on Casimir’s face, but also heard it in in the quick intake of air. Sliding his right leg between Casimir’s thigh and the door, Sut settled on straddling Casimir’s lap and wrapped his hands around his mate’s neck.
“What are you doing, mate?” Casimir asked, his hands out, looking as if he was afraid to touch Sut.
“I’m doing what I want. What I feel. Instead of overthinking things and letting our past hurts get in the way, I’m taking a chance on us, so don’t let me down,” Sut replied, then leaned in and captured Casimir’s lips with his.
After a few strokes of his tongue, Casimir placed one hand behind his head and the other on his hip and Sutton sighed into the kiss. Having his mate’s hands on him again made him feel good. Gods, how he had missed that touch. The one good thing about their relationship had always been the bedroom. There they never had a problem. He and Cas could go at it for hours and get lost in each other. Sut really wanted that now.
As he deepened the kiss, Sut luxuriated in the taste of Casimir. So familiar, so wild. Sut’s cock filled to the point of pain, and he moved in closer and began to thrust his hips, rubbing his cock against the hard ridges of Casimir’s abs. The friction was amazing, but not enough, he needed more.
Sut pulled back from the kiss and whispered against Casimir’s lips, “Come inside with me.”
Cas opened his eyes and their gazes locked. Sut could see the happiness and relief in his mate’s eyes, but also the apprehension. Yes, he wanted Casimir to change some of his ways, but not this, not their intimacy. When they were together, Cas had always been so sure, so confident and Sut found that sexy. “Are you sure, Sutton? I mean, as much as I want you, and I hope you know how much I really want you, I can wait. For as long as it takes to prove to you that I am a man you can be proud of. A man worthy of you.”
Sut raised a hand and cupped Casimir’s face. “I’m very sure, Casimir. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t. And I am proud of you. Proud of the things you have done to change. Proud of the man you have become over the past few weeks. And proud to call you my mate. I see you, Casimir. I see you. I have seen what you have done. How hard you have worked to make connections with everyone around you and how you have honored my request by giving me space and time to think, and without putting pressure on me. And in those times that you gave me what I asked for, you did everything you
could to better yourself. It was wonderful seeing you with your family, and how open and loving you now are with not only your brother, but with your sons, as well as your sons-in-law and your friends. And most importantly, I see how you now treat me. How different you are than the man I fell in love with so long ago. Different and better. I also see that through your new found relationships that you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open for pain and heartache.”
Cas moved his one hand from Sut’s hip to his back, caressing him gently. “I’ve tried so hard, Sut. If anything, losing you taught me that I couldn’t keep going on the way I was. Even if you never forgave me or ever wanted to talk to me again, I needed to live again. I needed to let people in and allow love to touch me again. You were right when you said I was existing not actually living. I was living half a life, and because of you, my eyes were opened to that fact and I never want to live like that again. I don’t want to lose you, Sutton. I really do love you with all that I am and it would kill me if you walked away. But, you were right. I needed to do this for me, not you. I needed to change and let others in, because then what is even the point of living if not having love. So, thank you, mate, for pushing me, for leaving me, so that my eyes were finally opened. Which allowed my heart to open.”
“I’m so very happy for you, mate, and I hope you continue this journey, but I want to do it by your side, as a true mate should,” Sut said.
Casimir smiled as a rush of air left his lungs as if in relief. “Baby, I want nothing more than to have you in my arms again. To share our lives with and face this world together. Gods, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have been blessed with a mate as amazing and wonderful as you, Sutton. I promise you, if you take a chance on me again, and from what you’re saying and how you are acting, I believe you are, then please know I mean every word I am about to say. I know it’s corny, but you truly are the wind beneath my wings. Because of your love for me, you have set me free from the self-inflicted bindings I have live with for so long. It is because of you that I have learned to live and love and accept love in return. I can never repay you for the gift you have given me, but I do plan on trying for the rest of my days. I fell in love with you from the start, Sut, and even though I didn’t say it in words, I did love you, and now I love you even more. When I thought I would never see you again, when you were trapped in that mine, all I wanted to do was die as well. I knew in that moment when Wyn told me you were in danger, that not only had I been so wrong, but I also felt the true depth of my love for you, and it brought me to my knees.”
Casimir cupped Sut’s face between his hands and kissed his lips gently. When he pulled back and their gazes met, Sut was overwhelmed with the sight of tears starting to run down Casimir’s face, then his next words gripped Sutton’s heart, and he knew forgiving Casimir was the right thing to do. The time had come for them to move on, together. “I promise you, I will never hurt you again, baby. I would rather cut off my own limbs than to ever do that to you again. And if at any time I do hurt you in even a small way, you have my permission to kick my ass, or send all our friends after me to do it. Gods, Sutton, my life means nothing without you. It’s wonderful having my sons and the rest of my family in my life now. I mean, really in my life now, but without you my life has no meaning. I would have waited forever for you, baby.”
Sut’s own tears rained down his cheeks. “I know, Cas. I can feel every word you say is true, which is why I have no doubts in telling you that I forgive you. I want us together again. I want us to start living our life together as a mated couple. And I want that to start right here, right now. I want you to come inside with me and make love to me. I have missed you inside me. I have missed your arms around me. And, don’t worry, love, if you ever hurt me again, I will cut off one of your limbs,” Sut said, then chuckled.
“Deal. Gods, I love you so much, baby. And even though I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I am so grateful for it. I swear I will never betray your trust in me, or make you regret giving me such an amazing gift,” Cas replied.
Sut pulled Casimir’s hands from his face and leaned back, then popped the driver’s door open and wiggled his eyebrows. “Let’s get inside, so that you can get in me.”
Sut laughed from the shocked expression on Casimir’s face as he climbed from Cas’s lap and slid from the car. Then, without waiting, he made his way to the front door. A huge smile spread across his face as he heard Cas stumble from his vehicle and slam the door shut. Just as Sut got his front door open and took a step inside, large, strong arms engulfed him from behind in a rush and Sut laughed as the door behind him was also slammed shut.
* * * *
Clothes were pulled and tugged off frantically and dropped to the floor as they moved through the house. Hands reached out to touch, lips kissed, and tongues explored, and by the time they made it to Sut’s bedroom, Cas had never been more grateful that Sut had his own place now.
His mate had lived with his best friend Logan for some time until Logan met his wonderful mate Jensen, then Sut had moved out to give them their privacy, and now it was paying off for them. Many times his mate had asked him to come into his home, so they could be together, but Cas had always insisted they meet at the hotel, because there he would be able to escape easier and maybe the fates wouldn’t see them and take his mate away. There, their mating didn’t feel so real, but now, here in Sut’s house, they were about to make love, and Cas found he wanted their mating to be complete more than he wanted anything ever before in his life.
In such a short amount of time things had changed so drastically and Casimir never wanted it to go back to the way it was before. He had been the world’s biggest asshole, and because of his mate’s big heart and beautiful spirit, Sut was allowing Cas in again and demanding all or nothing. Cas would not let his mate down again. Sut truly did mean the world to him.
Having lost his mate, then the fear of Sut dying and Cas never seeing him again, or hearing his voice again, or feeling Sut’s arms around him again, shook him right to his very core and made him realize once and for all how much he truly loved the man in his arms, and how he honestly couldn’t live without his mate, and mated or not, life had no guarantees. A person had to take a chance on love, because like the saying went, better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all, and nothing in life was guaranteed.
In that moment when Wyn had told him that Sut was in danger, Cas knew he would do whatever he had to do to make things up to Sut, even if his mate never forgave him and didn’t want him back. It was that thought that truly brought everything home for him, including the depth of love he had for his man. He would have spent the rest of his life making things up to Sutton, and not expecting anything in return. He loved Sutton so much that he would have let him go to live a happy life, even with someone else. It would have killed him inside, but there was no one else to blame except himself, and he would have to live with the repercussions.
But now Sut was telling him that he forgave him and that he wanted them to finally claim each other and build a life together, yet Cas felt unworthy. He would be stupid to not grab onto this opportunity with both hands, but he still felt that he needed to make up so much to his man, and now he would spend eternity doing just that with Sut by his side and in his arms. His mate was showing him by example how love really worked, and Cas would keep learning from Sut.
They found themselves naked and in Sut’s room, embraced at the foot of his mate’s bed. Sutton pulled back from the kiss they were now sharing and went to drop to his knees, but Cas grabbed his arms, stopping him. Sut looked at him with confusion in his eyes, and Cas smiled.
“No, baby. I want you inside me. Now,” Cas said, with conviction, and he meant it. He had never allowed anyone inside his body before, but right now he wanted Sut to take him, to fill him. He wanted to feel his mate inside him, binding them together.
Sut’s brows rose high on his forehead and Cas almost laughed, but he could see the serious look in Sut’s eyes
. “You want me to… but we’ve never done that. You would never allow…”
Cas put a finger over Sut’s lips, stopping him. “I know, baby, and I was so wrong, which we have already established on many occasions, but I want to now. I want you to be the first, the only man I will ever have inside me. I want to know what it’s like. I want to feel you join us together. And I want you to know how much I love and trust you by giving myself to you fully. I want you to know how serious I am.”
Sut took a step closer, their bodies pressed together and cupped his cheek. “Oh, Cas. You don’t have to bottom for me to know how serious you are, or how honest you’re being with me. I know how uncomfortable it is for you to even think about having someone top you.”
Cas grabbed Sut’s hand from his cheek, as he replied, “That’s only because I never had anyone I could trust enough to do it. Until you came along. And as you know, I was so scared of totally giving myself over to our relationship and our love, that letting you inside me… I know would only strengthen our bond, and that scared me, but I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t want to keep you at arm’s length. I don’t want to run from what we have, or what we could have. I want to experience all of what life has to offer with you. I want to embrace it and live my life with you. I want you inside me, my love. I want you to make love to me, then I am going to make love to you, nice and slow.”
