Then again, he’d hosted a party at his home and had a room full of people there. Those weren’t the actions of someone hiding, and I was even more intrigued by him. I wasn’t looking for romance and I wanted to have sex, so why not just take Dane up on his offer?
Dane interested and excited me in a way no other man had in a long time. He was incredibly good-looking, confident, secure in himself, and personable. Nonetheless, his closed-off public life and dark private one meant he wouldn’t be safe. Then again, I had thought Patrick was safe, and look where that led me.
I couldn’t make up my mind on what to do, so instead of returning to bed, I moved on to cleaning up my house, spending hours separating the things I wanted to donate. By afternoon, I had less stuff inside my place. Unfortunately, it didn’t look any better. I needed a remodel, and an excuse to see Dane again.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I went on my computer and sent a message through his company website for a consultation. A tingle went through me at the thought of him seeing my request. It would just be for a remodel, but maybe after a while I could return to The Agency and try another mixer, maybe find a dominant male like Dane.
My stomach sank at the thought of searching for a match. I didn’t know if I would have the same visceral reaction to another man, and when it came to submission, I only knew what I read in romance books. This was real life. How would I be able to communicate what I really wanted if I didn’t know myself? While I wasn’t interested in complete control, the way Dane had orchestrated everything that happened to me had left me admitting a more than casual interest. For the time being, I wanted someone who would at least teach me the basics.
Still on my laptop, I typed D/s into the search engine and was instantly overwhelmed by all the websites.
Online wasn’t exactly secret, but you didn’t have to disclose your identity unless you were ready to meet someone. After browsing a few websites, I chose Changing Fates and created a profile name adding my old college dorm room number to the end, CuriousG192, and logged in. It had online stories, a glossary of terms, and a code of practice: safe, sane, and consensual. It was nothing I hadn’t read in a few books, but this time, it was real. There were pages of images of couples in bondage gear, ranging from a woman sitting with her hands behind her back and her head lowered to full-on leather and chains tied to St. Andrew’s crosses. I was fascinated, but so far, nothing connected to what I had experienced the night before. I was about to leave the website when a flashing red light lit up the corner of my screen. Clicking it with my mouse, I found it was someone trying to contact me in a chat room. A thrill went down my spine, and I smiled. Why not? Maybe there could be someone on the website that could point me in the direction of where I could start. I opened the private window and up came the message with the contact and his screen name, Master T. I opened the window and read his message.
Master. T: Get on your knees
I furrowed my brows. Was this a joke or a test of some kind? I didn’t understand. I typed back.
CuriousG192: Why would I do that and how would you know I’m doing it if we can’t see each other?
Master. T: I said, get on your knees you filthy slut
I pursed my lips. He was calling me names and wanting me to take orders? Was this how you found a dominant male to play with?
CuriousG192: Are you serious? I just logged on. Can we just talk?
Master. T: Poser bitch!
My face burned and I closed the window. Uneasiness mingled with my embarrassment at my lack of experience. I was sure there could be nice people on the website from some of the profiles, but this wasn’t working for me. I now appreciated all the preliminary screening The Agency had done. Was my only option to return to The Agency and Dane?
Dane was the only one I was genuinely interested in getting to know at The Agency, and he had offered to see me again.
I wasn’t sure about having casual sex with Dane, but I had made my mind up about the website. I went to my account settings and scrolled down to the bottom of the page.
You have selected to delete your account. Are you sure? There is no going back and you will have to resubmit your profile to regain your membership.
I clicked the Yes button and stared at the goodbye screen. Even after that disappointing exchange, I was still left wanting, but I wasn’t ready to go. I’d find another way to start.
CHAPTER FIVE
* * *
Astrid: Merry Christmas. Hope you enjoyed yours, though I wish you’d have come over.
Gia: Thanks. I slept in and opened presents. Thanks for the new robe.
Astrid: You picked it out lol and you are a liar. You worked!
Gia: A little.
I laughed out loud. She was right. I had logged into my work email and cleared most of my inbox. I’d also gotten a jump on some of the new marketing and advertising proposals. I wasn’t complaining. I loved every minute of it.
Astrid: I just wish you’d take some time to rest and enjoy yourself. BTW, how did the mixer go?
Gia: It didn’t go great.
Astrid: Oh, come on Gia. You must have met someone.
I bit my lip. What could I share? The Agency hadn’t said I couldn’t speak about it, but while I wasn’t exactly feeling bad about what I’d done, I didn’t want to share with her about the orgy or what I had done.
Gia: I did meet a couple of guys, but I don’t think we connected.
Astrid: You didn’t find your match at this one, but it was only your first. Don’t give up. Go to another one.
I blew out a breath. No thanks. The thought of going back to another mixer wasn’t something I was sure about. I hadn’t wanted to bother Liz until after the holiday, but when I tried after Christmas, I wasn’t able to reach her. I also had no response to my query for the remodel; my brief encounter with Dane Westbrook was over. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try a matchmaking service again. In the meantime, I’d had enough of staying inside my house so I decided to go to the gym, and I told Astrid as much.
Astrid: Wear something cute. Who knows who you might meet there.
I smiled and put my phone away. I hadn’t thought of looking cute, but I had put on a new pink and gray track suit. I wasn’t a regular at the gym lately and had to search for my pass. Since it was Christmas vacation for a lot of people, I thought it would be less busy, but it wasn’t. Begrudgingly, I snatched up a couple of too-heavy free weights to perform a toning routine I remembered from years past. I was on my third rep when a pair of turquoise athletic shoes crossed my line of vision. A glance up revealed they belonged to Liz, who was dressed in a gray track suit that was zipped up under her chin and looked out of place in the humid atmosphere of the gym. I looked at her face and did a triple take. She was pale with a red tinge around her eyes, a far cry from the Liz I had seen a few weeks before.
“What’s wrong?” I asked after we greeted each other.
Her eyes darted away from me. “Holiday blues. I might be coming down with something too. Sorry I haven’t been in touch after your night out.”
I lowered my brows. It was clear as rain that there was more to it. I decided to try another approach. “It’s completely understandable. You were on vacation just like me. How about we share a smoothie now, if you have some time?”
She hesitated but then agreed, though when we were in line to place orders at the juice bar, she refused everything but water. When we were comfortably seated, Liz turned and looked at me, but I couldn’t quite read her expression. “How did the mixer go?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I met a few people, but I don’t think it’s for me.”
More time away from the event and the fact that no one at Dane’s company had replied to my remodel inquiry had led me to see it in a different light.
She sighed heavily. “Good. You don’t need to go there again. There are plenty of other places to meet eligible men.”
“That’s quite the change in attitude since you signed me up,” I joked, swa
tting her arm playfully. She winced, and I raised my brows. “Are you in pain?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “It’s just the strain from exercise. I’ll be fine. I’m glad I ran into you. I’m sorry I was so pushy about going to The Agency. I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking. I was acting like a stupid school girl.”
“You weren’t,” I said, frowning. “You’re being way too hard on yourself. It wasn’t all bad. I met Dane.” I couldn’t hide the smile or the heat that rushed to my face. “He was charming, but he was busy hosting.”
She gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Dane’s in a relationship—”
“He’s in a relationship?” I repeated incredulously.
Dane had offered me a threesome with his friend, but he was in a relationship? Maybe the relationship was open? Whatever he was doing was a tangled mess I didn’t want to get involved in. I glanced over at Liz, and it seemed she was miles away.
“Yes,” she affirmed. “At least that’s what Sir—”
“Sir? Why are you calling him that—are you two role-playing?”
Her eyes darted away from me. “Yeah, that’s what we were doing…role-playing. Sorry to confuse you.”
“You didn’t need to explain. I was just curious,” I replied slowly. “Anyway, I did meet someone else, a man named Elliott—”
“Elliott Carmichael?” she said with a twist to her mouth.
“I don’t know his last name,” I replied. I did remember the lustful way he’d stared at me from the floor when he stroked me to climax. I lowered my head as heat returned to my face.
“I can see from your expression, he’s one and the same,” she said in a clipped tone. “Trust me, he’s bad news. Stay away from him.”
My stomach knotted. Too late. “What do you mean? He seemed nice…” Well, he had been when he touched me.
She grimaced. “He’s not.”
“What do you know about him?” I pressed.
She rubbed her neck. “He leaves a string of women wanting in his wake. He’s not serious about anyone. He’s just after sex.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I said, laughing a little, but Liz didn’t join in. “I thought sex was what you were encouraging me to do just a few days ago when you mentioned The Agency.”
“I was…I am, but not with guys like Elliott who are only after sex,” she said. “You’re only just divorced. You wouldn’t want to get mixed up in anything too risky,” she added.
“Like the green mixer?” I whispered.
Her eyes widened and shifted around. “I’m surprised you were allowed in one of them.” Her expression changed to concern. “Or did something happen to you?”
“No…I sort of stumbled upon it,” I responded.
Her face pinched. “You didn’t participate?” she asked cautiously.
I licked my lips. “No.”
It wasn’t a complete lie, I told myself. Shit, it is. Now I sound like Patrick. Even so, my brief time at the orgy wasn’t something I’d share with anyone anyway.
“Good.” Her shoulders dropped. “If I’d know there would be one at your mixer, I’d never have sent you there. Did someone pressure you to go in? Did Dane—”
“He didn’t,” I said, but now I was curious. “Why do you ask? Do you know something about Dane hurting someone?”
“No,” she answered. “I just don’t think going to those types of parties is a good idea. I don’t want you pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do.”
“Okay,” I said. “But I was assured by Dane that everyone…in the room was there by their own choice. I don’t know…it wasn’t for me, but it didn’t seem bad.”
She lowered her eyelids. “Probably from the outside, it wouldn’t look too bad. I’m not against experimenting, and at first, the multiple partners feel good, but then afterward, if you can’t handle it, it leaves you feeling empty. Expectations change…but once you open those doors with a partner, you can’t close them.” She ran her hand over her arm in a way that had me thinking she had more knowledge of the subject than she was willing to tell me then and there.
“Is that what happened to you?” I asked.
“No. It’s hard to explain,” she replied cryptically then went quiet as I waited for her to elaborate. She moved the sleeve of her jacket, and I saw a black leather ribbon at her wrist that had a small lock on it.
“What’s that?” I reached out to examine it closer, but she quickly pulled her sleeve back down. “It’s nothing.”
My lips pursed. “But you’re covering it,” I pointed out, my voice lowering. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” she said firmly. “It’s just a little tight,” she said, waving her hand dismissively when I tried to touch it.
My brows puckered at the way it dug into her skin. Surely she could get rid of it. “Take it off—or did you lose the key? You can get a locksmith or a jeweler to take it off. There’s one not far from here.
“No.” She pulled her arm away and fixed her jacket down over the wristband. “It’s…not bothering me.”
“You’re lying—you look uncomfortable,” I protested.
She jutted her chin out. “It’s…it’s my business.” She would have been more convincing if she hadn’t stammered.
“Oh, come on Liz. I’m not here to judge, just to listen,” I prodded. It was too much of a change in her behavior for me to just ignore it. “Something’s going on. You can tell me anything.”
She sighed heavily. “I’ll just say, I pushed for something I wasn’t ready for, and it won’t happen again. I also realized I pushed you to try something you weren’t ready for, so I’m glad you’re finished with The Agency. Promise me you’re done with them?” She seemed so upset that I sought to assure her, though I had already made up my mind.
“I have no plans to go there again,” I told her. Truly, she didn’t need to keep warning me. I didn’t plan to see Elliott or go to any mixers again. Dane had been pretty clear that he didn’t think I was suited for The Agency, and I doubted I’d even be invited again if I tried. The topic seemed to distress Liz, so I decided to change the subject. “Things are better for you now,” I pointed out. “You have Marco.”
“Do I, or does he have me?” Her voice broke miserably. She looked at her watch. “I need to get going.”
Before I could say anything else, my cell phone buzzed.
She motioned for me to take the call and quickly left before I could say anything more. I was worried about her and made a mental note to call her as I absently answered the call.
“Hello Gia, it’s Dane. You contacted my company for a remodel.”
I couldn’t stop the flutter in my chest at the sound of the deep tenor of his voice. “I’m at the gym, one second.” I swiftly moved to stand in the hallway leading to the swimming pool for more privacy and cleared my throat before returning to the line. “Yes. My place needs a remodel. You had mentioned the possibility at the party.”
“I did, but that was before we had an intimate moment,” he said quietly. I found his choice of words gratifying, but then he added, “If the remodel is the reason you contacted me, be sure about it, because I never mix work with sex.”
I pressed my lips together. You just mix in extra partners to spice things up. I shook my head, reminding myself that it was none of my business, though I couldn’t resist asking, “Do women often call you for sex?”
“Why do you care about other women?” he said without missing a beat, answering my question with another. His voice sounded amused.
“I don’t, I was just curious,” I said as I glanced around. “If, say, I was interested in sex, what would you do?”
“I’d cut the meeting I’m in short and come over right now.”
My nerves were jumping as my mind imagined what it might be like for a man I barely knew to come over to have sex with me. Hell, I never had one-night stands. The four men total I had dated, including Patrick, had waited months before we had sex. “It�
�s that easy for you?” I asked, slightly flabbergasted.
“It’s easy for me to decide to have sex with you right now. Sex is where things start with me.”
“What about your partner?” I asked. “Wouldn’t she be upset at you dropping everything to come have sex with me?” I held my breath.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
I stubbed my shoe into the tile floor. “I heard you’re already in a relationship, though you didn’t mention it at the party. Perhaps it’s okay with her, but personally I don’t like to get mixed up in romantic entanglements.” The line went quiet, and I anxiously waited for him to deny what Liz had told me.
“I see,” he said. “I don’t share my private life with those I’m not intimate with. You’re conflicted, and I understand. I will say monogamy isn’t where I start. It moves too fast into attachments without even knowing if you’re well-matched for sex.”
I wanted to argue against it, but what he said made sense. I had no doubt now that Patrick and I were intimately incompatible now. Still, I was conflicted about wanting to know more and frustrated by his unwillingness to share with me.
Before I could say anything else, he said, “What I offer is too much for you right now and that’s fine. We’ll stick to business. I’ll send someone over for a consultation. We could fit you in today, how does that sound?”
“Sure. That would be great,” I replied dully.
Once again, disappointment washed over me. He asked a few more questions about my house before ending the call. Professionally, I was impressed with the work I saw on the website and in his home, and there was no harm in agreeing to a preliminary assessment of the property. It wasn’t a commitment to work with him, so it was fine…or so I told myself.
Indiscreet (The Agency Dark Affairs Duet Book 1) Page 6
