by Iris Morland
No answer. His heart fell. Even though he knew she wasn’t here, he looked in her room. He looked in the tiny kitchen, where he and Kat had made dinner. He even looked in the bathroom, pulling the shower curtain aside.
He returned to Emma’s room and sat down on her bed. He brushed his palm across her bedspread, the cloth bright pink and covered in purple stars and unicorns. She had a sparkly throw pillow that Gavin had recently bought for her after much begging. He felt his throat close.
He had to get up. He had to find his daughter. Yet it was like his body was frozen. He didn’t even know how he was still breathing.
On Emma’s nightstand was a picture frame. Gavin picked it up, looking at the photo of Teagan and Emma.
Teagan. Shit. He needed to call her. He closed his eyes.
How could he tell Teagan he didn’t know where their daughter was? The news could send her into another breakdown. She was recovering and in a much better place, but she was still fragile.
He brushed his thumb over Emma’s face in the photograph. He had to find her. There was no other choice.
As Gavin returned to his car, he dialed Teagan’s number. He hated that he’d put her into a panic, but after he’d talked to her about Emma hiding in a closet last time, she’d told him in no uncertain terms to call her if it happened again. I want to know what’s going on with my daughter, she’d said, so reasonably that Gavin could hardly say no.
He called Teagan and hoped she wouldn’t pick up. But she did, and he wished he’d thought of what to tell her beforehand.
Before she could even greet him, he said bluntly, “Emma is missing from school.”
He heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end. “For how long?” Teagan finally asked.
“I don’t know. An hour? Two? Kat—Miss Williamson—called to tell me. I’m driving over to the school right now.” Gavin told Teagan the little information that he’d gotten from Kat before getting into his car.
“We’re going to find her,” he said, almost trying to convince himself as much as Teagan.
“Oh God, Gavin. Are you sure? Is she at home somehow? Maybe she walked there? Have you checked there?”
“I just checked. There was no sign of her.”
“How did no one see her leave? She’s a little kid! What kind of school loses a student?”
Gavin could feel Teagan’s anger radiating through the phone. He felt the same way: he wanted heads to roll. But he couldn’t give into the anger. Not yet.
“I don’t know. But I’ll find her. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Gavin heard Teagan moving in the background. “I can get a plane ticket to Missouri. If I leave treatment voluntarily I can’t come back, but—“
“No, don’t do that.” He gentled his tone. “You need to stay where you are. By the time you get here, we’ll have found her.”
“What if you don’t? I’m her mother.” Teagan started crying. “I’m her mother, and I’m not even there to look for her.”
Gavin felt the weight of the world on his shoulders right then. As he stopped at a red light, he pressed his forehead to the steering wheel. He wished Teagan were here, that she could fly in right now and help with the search. Although they were no longer married, they were still friends and she was the mother of his child.
“I keep fucking everything up,” he said hoarsely into the phone. “First you, now Emma.”
Teagan was silent for a long moment. “What are you talking about? This is the school’s fault, not yours.”
“Does it matter? You almost died, Teagan. That was on my watch. I should’ve done more to help you, to get you into treatment. I was so convinced that you’d realize you needed help so I didn’t push as hard as I could have. And look at what happened.”
The light turned green right when Teagan replied, “You’re an idiot, Gavin.”
Gavin let out a rough laugh. “Yeah? Because I keep hurting people?”
“No, because you think you’re in control of what other people do.” Teagan sighed. “This isn’t the time, but my mental health wasn’t—and isn’t—your fault. Maybe at the time I could’ve blamed you, but my brain was sick. It needed help, just like if I’d had cancer or a heart attack.
“Nothing you could’ve done would’ve kept me from going down into that dark place.” Teagan’s voice seemed to waver. “You didn’t almost kill me, Gavin: you saved my life. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
Gavin felt like sobbing, but he was too numb. “Maybe, maybe not,” he whispered. “But I can blame myself for our daughter running away. Or worse, getting kidnapped.”
He finally pulled into the school parking lot, where police cars were lined up outside. Already he could see people from the town lined up outside.
“You’ll find her. Because if you don’t, Gavin Danvers, I’ll kill you myself. I’ll fly straight to Missouri and strangle you.”
He let out a dark laugh. “I know you will.”
Gavin was about to get out of his car when Teagan said, “Don’t keep yourself walled up because you think you failed in our marriage. Neither of us failed. We did our best, but we got a shitty hand dealt to us. To me. And there’s nothing we can do about it but move forward.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve been in therapy for a while now. But the past doesn’t matter now: finding our daughter is all that matters, okay? Focus on her. I’ll do what I can from so far away.” Gavin could hear the anguish in Teagan’s voice. “Please keep me updated?”
After assuring Teagan that he or one of his family members would call her with any new information, Gavin looked through the crowd, trying to find Kat. When his gaze landed on her, he felt his heart constrict inside his chest.
Kat wasn’t even Emma’s mother, but here she was, searching for her. Helping and directing. Even after what had happened between them, after what he’d said to her. He’d hurt her badly, but she didn’t hold that against him.
He didn’t deserve Kat Williamson. But that didn’t mean he could stop himself from wanting her.
I love her, he thought. It wasn’t even surprising: it just made sense. He’d fallen in love with her kindness, her intelligence, her courage. She’d faced everything that had happened to her with a bravery that Gavin wished he could emulate. He truly admired her. And he wanted her all to himself.
God, he’d been an idiot. He’d pushed her away because he’d thought it was better off for her. He realized with a sinking feeling in his gut that in his attempt to be noble and self-sacrificing, he’d actually been arrogant and afraid. He’d hurt her because he’d been afraid of getting hurt again.
Gavin pressed through the crowd, but people kept stopping him to ask him questions. It meant a lot to him that this town he’d moved away from years ago still cared deeply about him and his daughter. But at the moment, he didn’t want to answer questions from neighbors desperate for information he didn’t have.
“Oh Gavin, we’ll find her,” said Leslie, her eyes filled with tears. “You know this entire town will turn itself upside down to find Emma.”
Gavin forced himself to stop, to ignore Kat gazing at him from just yards away. His heart thumped hard in his chest. “I appreciate that,” he ground out.
“She’s so small. She couldn’t have gotten that far,” said Mike. He slapped Gavin on the shoulder. “Don’t worry: she’ll be found, safe and sound, and you’ll look back at this with a chuckle.”
Gavin doubted that, but he didn’t feel inclined to argue. But the next person who told him he didn’t need to worry was getting punched in the face. He forced himself to swallow his harsh words, saying thank you and nodding at whomever he walked past.
He focused on Kat. He focused on the woman who would be his pillar of strength in this insanity.
Yet even as he was about to enfold Kat in his arms, Adam and Joy came up to him and stopped him. Gavin almost growled at them in frustration. Kat sent him an amused glance.
“I can s
ee by your face you haven’t found her yet,” said Adam gravely. “Do you have any idea where she could’ve gone?”
“People keep asking me the same damn question when I don’t have any answers.” Gavin wanted to yell, to fall to his knees and cry out in despair. The constant questions only made his agony worse.
Joy gently touched his arm. “We’re all here for you. You’re not in this alone.”
Adam nodded. “Joy speaks the truth.”
Gavin thought of his fight with Adam only an hour earlier. It seemed like it had happened a thousand years ago. He swallowed his pride and said, “Thank you. And I’m sorry I was a jackass to you. You didn’t deserve it.”
To Gavin’s surprise, Adam wrapped his arms around him and gave him a quick, tight hug, pounding on his back. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is finding Emma. And anyway, we’re brothers. We’ll always be here for each other.”
Kat had moved closer to the trio, and when Gavin finally was able to take in her beautiful face, her gentle eyes, he could barely restrain himself from collapsing into her arms.
“Hi,” she said quietly. She took his hand and didn’t let it go. “We’ll find her, Gavin.”
Despite having heard those words over and over, for whatever reason, he believed Kat this time. He squeezed her hand back, the lump in his throat too large now to say anything.
Chapter Seventeen
Everything seemed to move at lightning speed after that. The police had already arrived by the time Kat had gotten off the phone with Gavin, and they were collecting any information before forming search parties.
With the school day ending, parents had begun to pick up their kids. When they saw the police presence, Principal Layton had done her best to explain the situation while the police had helped form search parties for everyone who wanted to help.
Next to the school was a large wooded area, about two acres wide. Kat had this feeling deep in her gut that Emma had disappeared into it. Why she’d run away, she didn’t know. She just prayed they found the girl before it got dark—and before this storm broke.
“Have you seen Silas?” said Mrs. Gentry to Kat as they all waited for instructions.
Kat had completely forgotten about him. “No, not since earlier this afternoon. Why?”
Mrs. Gentry frowned. “He told me he’d find me near the south restrooms, but he never showed up.”
“Weird. Maybe he was asked to help with searching the grounds?”
“Maybe.”
Mrs. Gentry moved through the crowd, leaving Kat by herself. She did a halfhearted look around for Silas, but she didn’t see him.
The second Kat laid eyes on Gavin when he arrived at the school, she forgot all about the missing Silas. Seeing Gavin, she wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him close. He looked wild-eyed, his face pale with terror. She’d never him look stricken like this. Her heart lurched inside her chest.
But they didn’t have time to talk. After speaking with Kat, Gavin headed straight for Officer Haldon. He demanded updates, along with asking how many people they had organized to go search for Emma.
Kat interjected when needed, but she mostly just watched Gavin with a sense of awe and pride, while at the same time still hurting from his rejection. It was a strange mixture of emotions that she couldn’t begin to unravel right then.
Rain began to patter down onto the pavement, and Kat lifted a hand to cover her hair. Gavin’s expression turned grim.
“We have people looking in town, and down roads and streets, in case she’s walking somewhere, along with the entire school grounds,” said Officer Haldon to Gavin. “But we haven’t found a trace of her.”
“We need to search in the woods. Where’s the search party for that?” said Gavin.
“I’m heading that one up myself.” The young officer handed Gavin and then Kat a flashlight for the two of them, along with ponchos. “We need to move quickly. This storm is going to break, and it’ll be dark soon.”
Gavin didn’t have to be told twice. Within moments, he and Kat were walking into the wooded area. Kat said a silent prayer of thanks that she’d worn her boots today. She put on the poncho and motioned to Gavin’s.
“You’re going to get wet,” she said.
He gave her a strange look. “I guess.” He put it on, but she had a feeling he didn’t give a damn if he got soaking wet. And then got pneumonia for the trouble.
The search party fanned out, Gavin and Kat sticking together. Officer Haldon was the main point of contact, and if anyone found anything, they were to contact him immediately. Kat couldn’t help but admire the young man’s calm and efficiency in this situation. He’d managed to keep dozens of people from panicking and had put them to work.
The woods would’ve been pretty, if it weren’t for the circumstances they found themselves in. The trees were bright with autumn colors, leaves crunching under their feet. The trees were big enough that although it was raining, it fell mostly on the treetops. The patter of rainfall soothed Kat’s nerves.
“Emma! Emma!” Kat and Gavin shouted at the same time. Kat shivered as a cold wind blew through her sweater, and she looked up to see tiny snowflakes starting to fall. It was only supposed to rain, she thought in despair. What bad luck had brought them snow this early in the season?
At the moment, Gavin seemed mostly calm, but she knew it was just a façade. She could see how drawn his face was, how his voice broke whenever he called Emma’s name. When they hadn’t found her on the school grounds, he’d looked as if someone had shot him. Kat had almost expected him to slump to the ground, but he’d clenched his jaw and continued on. She knew he’d look for Emma for hours, days, weeks, if that was what it took. He’d never give up searching.
She could only pray they found her before the snow really started, and before it got dark, too.
Making him look into her eyes, she said with as much conviction as she could muster, “We’re going to find her.”
“She hates the dark,” he whispered. “What if she had an episode and now she’s trapped somewhere? She’s only eight years old, Kat. She doesn’t have her winter coat with her. She’ll freeze to death.”
“No, she won’t, because we’re going to find her. She’s a smart girl. She could have already made it home, too. Maybe she was walking there all along.” Kat tried to keep her tone hopeful, even though she couldn’t believe her own words.
Joy had been appointed to stay at the apartment to make sure Emma didn’t show up there, while Julia had returned to the Danvers house to watch for her there. Kat had a feeling that Emma was hiding somewhere and hadn’t just walked out of school to go home early, but she still hoped she was wrong. If they got a call from Joy saying the girl was safe and sound, that was all that mattered.
She could hear other people calling and walking through the woods. The constant sound of the name Emma created an eerie kind of echo, like the forest itself were calling Emma’s name. Gavin flashed his flashlight at shadowy recesses and under bushes. The further they walked into the woods, the more Kat’s worry grew. They didn’t have much time before it became dark.
“You were right,” said Gavin suddenly. He stepped over a log before helping Kat over it.
Kat stared at him. “What?”
Gavin sighed, rubbing his forehead. “You were right. About everything. I knew Emma had some kind of illness, but I wanted to believe she wouldn’t turn into her mother. Now she’s run off because I’m such a stupid fool. If I hadn’t been in denial, if I’d listened to you—“
She could hear in his tone that he was starting to panic. She couldn’t let him fall into that pit, because she wasn’t sure she could get him out of it again.
Grabbing his hand, she gripped his fingers. “You’ve done your best, Gavin. You’ve always done your best. But right now, we have to focus on finding your daughter. You can talk about what you did or didn’t know until you’re blue in the face, but not right now. Okay?” She spoke to him almost like she did her student
s, and to her immense relief, he seemed to respond to her no-nonsense tone. He took in a deep breath, nodding.
“You’re right.” He laughed a little. “Of course you’re right. I just said you were.”
“I called Teagan, before I got here. She said that it wasn’t my fault that she OD’d.” Gavin pushed his fingers through his hair. “All this time, I’d blamed myself, and I was so afraid that Emma would end up sick like her mother.”
His voice was so pained that Kat felt near tears once again.
Kat knew that recriminations and regrets weren’t going to bring Emma home. An hour passed, and the flurries turned to bigger flakes, dusting their shoulders and hair and the ground around them. She shivered, wishing she’d brought her coat. She’d been so preoccupied she hadn’t paid any attention to the weather report.
“When’s the last time we had snow around Halloween?”
“Not any time I can remember. It never snows until late December, if even that early.” He looked up at the sky. “I’d take this as a bad omen, if I were that kind of a person.”
It had started snowing in earnest, collecting on the forest floor. Although there were tons of autumn leaves, there were also spots where the snow made footprints easily visible.
“You should take it as a good omen..” She pointed to tiny footprints made by a squirrel. “See? This is good, at least for now.”
She cupped her hands over her mouth. “Emma! Emma, can you hear me? Where are you? Emma!”
They trudged through the woods, and soon with the clouds overhead hiding the sun, they had to turn on the flashlights provided to them by the police. The beams flashed off of tree trunks and branches, catching on the spots of bright autumnal color still hanging on to some of the branches. It was a strange mix of autumn and winter, with the snow covering the red and orange leaves like this. Kat rather hoped this would be the only snow they got this season, but knowing Missouri weather, they’d have ninety-degree days next week just because.
