by Karin Baine
‘Just us? I’m sure we could fit in a few more single-parent families if you wanted to open this up as a holiday retreat.’ He wasn’t trying to be facetious but this one room would swallow up his entire house and still leave enough space to build another.
Kaja ignored the comment, picked up a porcelain bell from the glass table just inside the door and gave it a tinkle. Immediately, one of the staff he’d seen outside appeared in the doorway.
‘This is Nils. If you need anything ring the bell. He’s here to assist you in any way he can.’
‘I really don’t think that’ll be necessary.’ He wasn’t aware how long it had taken Kaja to get used to having people running around after her but he was sure it was longer than a few weeks.
His home with Kaja in Cambridge had once been their oasis away from the outside world. A private place to be themselves away from the stresses of hospital life and people who wanted something from them. That hadn’t changed for him. He was still in the same house and it remained his safe haven. No matter how luxurious Kaja’s residence was, he wasn’t going to trade his and Amy’s privacy to take advantage of the perks offered.
He couldn’t imagine Kaja slobbing around in her PJs here on a day off, eating cereal out of the box and binge-watching her favourite TV shows. Mind you, he couldn’t see this perfectly polished princess knowing how to chill out at all any more.
‘It’s no trouble at all, sir. I’m at your disposal.’ The deferential bow didn’t go any way to assuaging Seth’s discomfort at having someone at his personal beck and call.
‘I think that will be all for now, Nils.’ Kaja dismissed her employee on his behalf. It was disconcerting to find she could summon this impressive male specimen at the mere ring of a bell. Although Kaja’s personal life was nothing to do with him any more. He was here in a professional capacity. To perform a life-saving operation, then get the hell out of fantasy land and back to the real world.
‘Seth, I know you value your privacy but you’re going to need help. With Amy, at least. It’s not a comment on your character to accept some assistance. Think of it as a perk.’
‘Daddy, come and see my room. It’s got toys and everything.’ Amy appeared and grabbed him by the hand, tugging him away from Kaja and any chance of a meaningful conversation.
‘We got a few things in to make your stay more enjoyable. I’ll arrange transport over to the hospital when you’re ready. Amy is welcome to help herself to the toys.’
‘I appreciate you going to all this trouble for us.’ She’d gone to a lot of effort to make them comfortable. Some might say too much. He couldn’t help but think it was due to a guilty conscience and was beginning to wish they’d booked into a hotel instead.
* * *
Kaja excused herself and left the room. With the door closed behind her, separating her from Seth and Amy, she let out a long, ragged breath. Seeing him again was never going to be a straightforward meet and greet when theirs had been much more than a professional acquaintance. She’d known that. Yet, she hadn’t been prepared for the tumultuous emotions seeing him again would churn up.
Her entire adult life seemed to flash before her eyes in the short time since they’d been reacquainted. All the mistakes she’d made, the regrets, and, almost worst of all, the good times she’d had with Seth, came flooding into her brain. Cuddled up together back then, there’d been none of this awkward formality she’d adopted to protect her status in her home country and her heart.
When she’d heard he had a daughter he intended to bring with him it was undeniable evidence that Seth had been in another serious relationship. A marriage no less. Except Amy, the spitting image of her father, was completely adorable and Kaja had fallen in love with her the second she’d taken her hand.
Now it was going to be doubly hard not to get personally involved with her house guests. The sooner she got Seth settled at the hospital to oversee her father’s kidney transplant, the better. Then her whole focus would be on her family’s survival.
‘Is everything all right, ma’am?’
‘Yes, Fatima. I’m going to retire to my quarters now. Perhaps you could bring me some tea.’
‘Right away.’ Her faithful lady-in-waiting was more of a friend and a confidante, the only person Kaja could talk to, but when it came down to it, Fatima was paid to listen. Just as Seth was being paid to be here. It appeared the richer she was, the higher status she had, the lonelier she became. She didn’t want to be alone in her ivory tower any more and would give anything to be back in England where she’d had work colleagues, friends, neighbours and a loving boyfriend. But she’d given it all up to do her duty to her country and could never go back.
Even here in her own home she couldn’t simply take a duvet day for some time out of her duties. There were always people coming and going, expecting an audience with her without offering any real, personal interaction. She also had an image to maintain, if only in the presence of the palace staff. Sometimes she wondered if Seth was the only one who’d ever truly known her but she hadn’t been honest with him either about who she was or where she’d come from.
Now he knew the truth, Seth would see right through her to how unhappy she was in this life she’d left him for. It was karma, she supposed, for what she’d put him through. Not only had she lied to him but she’d abandoned Seth and the life they’d had together as though it were nothing. The truth was it had been everything.
CHAPTER THREE
‘FATIMA’S GOING TO mind you while Daddy’s at work. I’ll see you when I get back, okay?’ Seth kissed his baby on the top of her head then joined Kaja at the front door.
‘She’ll be fine, Mr Davenport. Amy and I have this whole house to play in. We can make some cookies for everyone to enjoy later too.’ Fatima separated the clingy youngster from her father’s trouser leg.
‘You’ll enjoy that, Amy. Fatima makes the best cookies in the country.’ When she had free time, Kaja helped Fatima bake too. It took her mind off matters outside the kitchen and she got to comfort eat afterwards.
While it didn’t help maintain her trim waistline, whipping up a few biscuits went a long way to clearing the clutter from her mind. Worries, memories, regrets—it was better to bake them in the oven than spend another night locked away in a room with them.
‘I’ll see you later, sweetie.’ Seth gave Amy one last hug then Fatima distracted her with one of the new toys they’d bought so she wouldn’t fret after him—a bright yellow convertible car to drive her dolls around in was just the thing to draw her attention.
‘If there are any problems, call me. You’ve got my phone number, right?’
‘Yes, Mr Davenport.’ Fatima was smiling but she probably just wanted them to leave so she could get on with taking care of her charge. She loved children and helped raise Kaja and Bruno. They’d preferred her company over any of the nannies their parents had ever employed and she’d become like their second mum. As someone who’d devoted her life to looking after others, the prospect of spending the day with an excitable four-year-old was undoubtedly preferable to her usual housework routine.
‘Don’t worry. The Royal Alderisi Hospital is only five minutes down the road.’ There were some advantages to ruling such a small country and having access to the best health care money could buy was one of them.
She led Seth outside where the afternoon sunshine cast a golden glow on everything it touched, illuminating the immaculately manicured gardens and showing off her country in the very best light.
‘Can’t we walk? It’s a beautiful day and, well, I’m finding everything a little stifling in there.’
Kaja understood. Between the staff, and their history waiting patiently to be unpicked, it was claustrophobic. There was barely room to breathe despite the size of the place. However, when you were royalty simple things such as a walk alone weren’t possible. Another thing she missed about England, where
people were too busy, too involved in their own lives to be concerned with hers.
‘Sorry.’ She shrugged, continuing to apologise for the way she ran her life here. ‘It’s a security issue. With the amount of preparation it would take in advance, it’s quicker and easier to take the car. Perhaps we can work something out for tomorrow.’
Seth sighed and approached the limo already waiting for them with the doors open and the chauffeur readied. He’d obviously tired of the regime after only a couple of hours but seeing it might help him understand why she’d left in the first place and moved to Cambridge.
‘It doesn’t matter. I’m being a nuisance. It’ll take a bit of time to get used to things here, that’s all. You don’t have to keep apologising for everything.’ He gestured for her to get into the car first and once the door closed she wished that walk were a possibility. Now there was no escape from confronting their troubled history.
‘Don’t I?’ If she said sorry every day for the entire time he was here it wouldn’t be enough to cancel out the wrong she’d done him.
‘It’s your life. You shouldn’t have to apologise for the way you live. I’m only here in a professional capacity after all.’ He’d sat at the opposite end from her on the back seat. For all her worry about being enclosed in here with him, now she wanted to close some of that emotional distance that had settled between them.
‘That’s not strictly true, is it? I got you here to carry out my father’s kidney transplant because I know you’re the best, but it would be remiss of me not to address what happened five years ago.’
‘I don’t want to drag that up and cause any ill feeling that might impact on the job I’m here to do.’ Seth’s attempt to evade the subject only succeeded in making Kaja feel worse by admitting there was lingering resentment on his part. She didn’t want to create a toxic environment at the hospital, or in her home, but neither did she want to keep acting as though they were strangers. In her opinion it was better to get things out and clear the air instead of tiptoeing around each other faking congeniality.
‘That’s why I thought it best to tackle it now and explain myself. It’s the least you deserve.’
He didn’t argue any further, proving her right. She took a deep breath and settled her hands in her lap in the hope they would stop shaking.
‘I should have told you about my family from the start. I am sorry about that.’ Along with everything else, but apologies couldn’t alter history.
‘Why didn’t you, Kaja? We had a life together. I thought I knew who you were.’ When he did look at her the pain shining so brightly in his eyes took her breath away. All this time she’d convinced herself he’d got over her was rendered a convenient lie when he was clearly still so affected by her actions.
‘You’ve got to understand, Seth, I went to England to escape my life here. I never envisaged anything beyond that. After graduating high school I was expected to take on my own royal duties and projects. A scary prospect for an eighteen-year-old who wanted to be like everyone else. I persuaded my parents that getting a medical degree would be useful to my position when I returned. That I could put it to good use in the community. I told them England was the best place to study. Where no one knew me. Selfishly, I chose it because it was so far away I reckoned I was beyond their reach. They couldn’t make me go back. As time went on I created a life there and I met you. I lived, studied and worked there so long I didn’t think my heritage mattered any more. I didn’t tell you the truth about who I was because I was in denial myself. I had no intention of coming back.’
‘Until I asked you to marry me. Then you disappeared without a trace.’
She hung her head, not knowing how she could begin to make amends for her cowardice. ‘That was my wake-up call. My reminder that I was living in a bubble with you. You weren’t asking a lot except for a normal, family life. Something you would’ve found with anyone other than me. There’s nothing normal about my family or my life, as you can see, but you’re right, I shouldn’t have gone like that. You deserved better.’
‘Yes, I did.’ He clearly wasn’t going to make this easy for her.
‘Your proposal made me realise I was fooling myself in living out this fantasy I could marry you and simply be Mrs Davenport. I had obligations at home that would have caught up with me eventually and I thought it best to end things before I entered into a marriage based on lies.’ The right thing to do, evidently, when she couldn’t have helped him realise his dream of becoming a father either.
‘You could have told me that. I’d rather have talked things over than wake up to find you’d gone.’
‘I panicked, didn’t know where to begin explaining myself and thought I could do it better from a distance. I intended to get in contact but then my mother died and I was swept away in a tidal wave of grief.’
‘You could have at least got a message to me.’
Even with the air conditioning on Kaja was feeling the heat, shame burning her from the inside out. ‘I was a mess, Seth. I was grieving for my mother, and feeling guilty for everything I’d put everyone through. Believe it or not I thought by leaving I was somehow saving you from getting hurt too instead of stringing you along pretending to be someone I wasn’t.’
Seth’s soulless laugh disputed her warped sense of logic. ‘How did you work that one out when you didn’t explain any of that to me? Didn’t you think I’d be worried that something had happened to you when you vanished without a trace? For all I knew you could’ve been abducted or had some sort of accident. I called everyone we knew and the hospitals and police. Of course, when they heard you’d rejected my marriage proposal they decided it was your way of dumping me. It took me a little longer to work things out.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Her voice came out as small as she felt right now. She’d never meant to humiliate him but she was guilty of thinking only about herself. In her attempt to avoid a confrontation or get talked into staying, she’d jumped on the next flight without thinking about the impact her disappearance would have on him.
He didn’t need to know that her fertility issues had helped her to maintain that distance since. There hadn’t seemed a need to reach out to him when there was no chance of a happy-ever-after and so she had only done so when her father’s survival was at stake. It was a private matter she didn’t have to share with anyone because she had no plans on repeating past mistakes. Getting involved with anyone would only bring heartache and pain when she could never live up to expectation. She had reconciled herself to never having children, perhaps never being in another relationship, because experience had shown her it wasn’t feasible. That didn’t mean she didn’t yearn for both of those things. More so now that Seth was here, representing everything she wanted and couldn’t have.
‘When I saw you on the news at your mother’s funeral I thought I was hallucinating. Never mind that you’d told me both your parents had died a long time ago, there you were walking behind your mother’s coffin with your father, the grand duke.’ He shook his head as though he was still trying to come to terms with it all.
‘What can I do to fix things between us, Seth? I don’t want you to hate me.’
‘I could never hate you, Kaja, that’s half of the problem. What’s done is done, I suppose. We can’t change what’s happened so there’s no point in dwelling on it. I don’t think I’ll ever forget but I can learn to forgive.’ The smile he gave her was devastating on so many levels it made her want to weep. The fact that this man she’d obviously wounded deeply had been willing to fly halfway around the world to help her family and forgive her showed the strength of his character compared to hers.
There were other questions she had about his life but this was more than she could ever have asked of him. Anything else she needed to say to him could wait. It was more important that they started out on this journey on amicable terms when these next few days were going to be tough. A kidney transpla
nt was no small operation. It came with risks to everyone involved. She was putting her faith in Seth to get them all through this and that would be easier to do with the knowledge he didn’t hold a grudge against her.
‘Thanks.’ It seemed inadequate to express how grateful she was for everything he was doing for her when he would’ve been within his rights to refuse to even take her call. For now, it was the best she could give him. It probably wouldn’t improve relations between them if she burst into tears and told him leaving him was the biggest mistake she’d ever made in her life.
They were going to have plenty of time together as her family members went through this huge procedure and, hopefully, she’d be able to show him just how sorry she was about ending their relationship. Maybe then they’d both find some closure.
* * *
Seth was glad the journey wasn’t too long between the palace and the hospital. Kaja’s attempt to call a truce so they could move on had actually caused them to lapse into an even more uncomfortable silence. One only broken when they reached their destination and she advised him on the proper protocol for meeting her father. He found it disconcerting being in this alien situation when she’d been a huge part of his life for so long. A woman he’d been so comfortable around once upon a time.
With their conversation slipping back onto more familiar, albeit rockier, ground he’d almost forgotten he was dealing with royalty. He suspected etiquette would be more scrutinised by her father.
As it was, he was glad he hadn’t tried to gain access to the hospital, or his patients, alone. A stranger’s face didn’t seem welcome as they were met with imposing guards at every corner.
