“She didn’t even try to ask to stay up later which means she’s pretty pissed.”
“Yeah well, she can be as pissed as she wants, she ain’t goin’ on that run,” he told her, “But girl’s also right. Eventually she’s gonna be old enough to do whatever she wants.”
“God help us then,” she replied.
“I don’t know, it’s just the way things go, ain’t it?” he said. “If’n ya think ‘bout it, she’s the future of this place. All the kids are. We can work our asses off to survive but death’s gonna show up for us eventually. The kids here are gonna be the ones to take over. She’s gotta learn at some point.”
“I know what you are saying is right but I hate it.” She sighed as she shook her head in frustration. “I hate the idea of her having to go over there. We fought so hard to get them here where it’s safe. Hell, I hate the idea of me having to go over there. I’m glad Malcolm wanted me to stay here. I don’t have any desire to ever go back there.”
He could understand that. He sure wasn’t hankering to head back over there and see what fresh bullshit was waiting for them. Problem was they couldn’t avoid it forever but there were other easier options.
“Well, y’all don’t have to start over on the mainland. Elaine’s been sayin’ she wants to check out the other islands ‘round us. Apparently there’s a ton of ‘em to the north. She said some of ‘em were protected habitat. Ain’t gonna have anybody livin’ there but animals. Ya said ya wanted to teach her to hunt so take her out on the scouting trips and teach her on the deserted ones.”
She lifted her head up and met his gaze. “That’s a good idea. They won’t be likely to have freaks.”
“Maybe ya can find some rabbits, finish those gloves ya wanted to make,” he said.
She laughed. On their first morning together, Veronica had trapped a rabbit for their breakfast and he’d joked about her making something out of its fur.
“I’d forgotten about that. That rabbit skin is still in my pack. If we find enough I could make you that hat too.”
“Might as well make ‘em for everybody,” he said. “Gonna get real cold up here come winter time.”
She started to laugh.
“What?” he asked.
“I was just thinking,” she said, sliding from the arm down to the cushion, “If you thought it was bad being stuck in here for a couple weeks, try a couple months with all of us crammed in here.”
He hadn’t thought about that. “Maybe I’ll take up ice fishin’.”
“I figure the winter will be a good time to start teaching the kids,” she said. “I can run a school in the lodge. Keep them out of everybody’s hair for part of the day.”
“Good idea.” He sat back, shaking his head. “Feels kinda strange. Still hot as balls out there and we’re thinkin’ ‘bout what to do when the snow comes.”
“It’s easier to think long term now that we’ve been here awhile,” she said. “It’s been so easy here, your fall notwithstanding. We’re getting comfortable, settling in.”
She didn’t look happy about it, her arm across her forehead as she frowned up at the ceiling.
“Is that a bad thing?” he asked.
She turned her head to look at him. “No, it’s a good thing but it’s also scary. You talked about the future, us passing the torch on to the kids. It’s scary to think the world were leaving to the kids is so messed up.”
“Not like what was goin’ on ‘fore was all that great,” Jackson said. “Global warmin’, shitty economy, all those chemicals that were killin’ off the bees. Ain’t got millions of cars on the road, no more burning coal or oil, betcha the ozone’ll start growin’ back and the ice caps’ll freeze again. Ain’t no more economy to speak of and there’s nobody out there sprayin’ chemicals to kill the bees. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”
She gazed at him, a soft smile on her lips. “You know, I get why Hannah always makes sure you’re on monster patrol. You’re good at chasing them away.”
He shrugged and looked away, not comfortable with the praise or the way she was looking at him. Made him have thoughts he shouldn’t be thinking.
“It’s just a stupid story I told her first night we were together. Made her feel better.”
“Makes me feel better too,” she told him. “I bet you do the same for Mendez.”
He frowned, not sure why she was bringing her up but before he could ask her, she stood up.
“Well, I’m going to get some sleep, I’ve got the four am shift,” she said. “Good night.”
He watched her disappear into her room, worrying at his bottom lip, wondering why she had singled out Mendez.
She’d come by a bunch of times since he’d been injured to hang out, bringing Banks and Craig with her a couple times so they could play Texas Hold ‘Em. Mendez was his friend, sure, but he wasn’t any closer with her than he was with Banks or Craig. She was also the last one who would need anyone protecting her. He was pretty sure she could take him down even without his bum shoulder.
He stood up and headed to the bathroom. He hit the head and brushed his teeth, trying to forget about what Veronica had said. Seemed like that was a common theme with her. He could probably put himself out of his misery and just ask her once and for all but truth was he was scared of the answer.
No matter what she said, he had the feeling that it would change things between them and he wasn’t sure it would be for the better. There were a lot of things he could do but being open with his emotions wasn’t one of them.
He was permanently screwed up in the head and no amount of therapy could fix him. And maybe that was another reason he didn’t confront her. She deserved someone who could be open and kind and would treat her the way she deserved and that someone wasn’t him.
He headed back to the couch and propped up his pillows before he flicked off the lantern and laid down. He stared up at the familiar ceiling, thinking about Veronica saying that he was good at chasing away the monsters. Maybe that was true for the monsters that scared her and Hannah but he couldn’t seem to do the same for his own monsters.
Subject File # 749
Subject: I’m worried about where things are going with Quinton. He’s a good man, he’s great with the kids and we connect on all those important levels but I’m not sure I’m ready to take the next step.
Administrator: Is it because of Eric?
Subject: Yes, but not because I’m not over him. I’m just scared to let another man into my heart because I know how much it would hurt to lose him.
Janet collapsed across Quinton’s sweaty chest, her own body glistening with a sheen of sweat. She was gasping, her heart thundering in her ears as her body continued to tremble from the aftershocks of her orgasm. She could feel Quinton’s heart thudding in time with hers, his chest pumping up and down beneath her slight weight as he tried to catch his breath.
He was softening inside her and she could feel the wet evidence of their love making against her inner thigh. She felt languid, her muscles liquid and yet there was a boundless energy that was coming to life inside her.
That was probably a good thing. She was supposed to be doing laundry at the clinic instead of sneaking off for a nooner with Quinton in the patient room. Even with the machines, getting everyone’s laundry done usually took the whole day.
Of course, it had been easy for her to find a way to pass the time as she waited for the washing machine to finish. Quinton had made excuses about double checking the medical inventory before tomorrow’s run, giving them the clinic all to themselves. That there was a perfectly good bed in the clinic had made the decision of what to do to pass the time very easy.
The washing machine buzzed from the other room and Quinton groaned as she started to climb off of him. He rolled onto his side as she bent down to grab her discarded shorts.
“Just throw them in the dryer and come back here,” he said but she shook her head as she pulled on her tank top.
“I prefer to let them dry outsid
e on the line,” she told him. “Nothing sweeter than sun dried clothes.”
He gave her his puppy dog eyes, his full bottom lip jutting out in a pout. She couldn’t help herself and bent over to nip at his lip. He smiled, putting a hand on the back of her head and pulling her into a kiss. She ran a hand over his bare chest, the crisp hair there tickling her palm and she followed the trail down his stomach, feeling his muscles clench. He groaned and his hands dropped to cup her ass, pulling her down onto him.
“I feel like a couple of teenagers,” she said as he pressed a trail of kisses down her neck. “Sneaking around to find places we can hook up and not get caught.”
He hummed against her throat, the stubble on his jaw tickling her as he kissed down to her chest, nosing the collar of her tank top out of the way.
“You know,” he said, punctuating each word with an open mouthed kiss on her collarbone. “We don’t have to sneak around if you don’t want to.”
Her hand stilled at his hipbone as his words registered through the haze of arousal his mouth had ignited inside her.
It was the conversation she had been dreading ever since this started. She wasn’t sure she was ready to move their relationship into something more, which made her feel like a total bitch. She had been the one who pushed--no, practically begged-- and now she was the one who wasn’t ready to move forward.
How could she explain it to him? She didn’t want to hurt him but she didn’t want to lie to him either.
He sensed the change in her and stopped kissing her neck. His pupils were blown wide with desire but she could see them slowly shrinking as he looked at her with concern.
“I care about you, I really do, but it’s the kids.”
He nodded his understanding but she could see that it still troubled him.
“It’s not that I don’t want you around them,” she told him. “You are great with them. It’s just that us not sneaking around means you staying the night in my bed. I don’t know if they’re ready for that and I’m not sure I am either.”
He reached up to cup her cheek. “I understand, I do. It’s a huge step with the kids. I shouldn’t have thrown it out there like it wasn’t a big deal.”
He kissed her softly. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”
She melted against him. He was so kind and sweet. He understood her better than she thought.
She nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder. “I don’t want you to go on the run tomorrow.”
“I have to,” he said, his hand idly caressing the length of her spine. “They need someone who knows the meds.”
“Craig gave them a list of the building supplies,” she said. “Can’t you do the same?”
He sighed as he stared up at her, a small smile on his lips. “I can’t. It’s not just the meds. They need bodies to haul everything. The more of us there are, the faster it goes.”
She brushed his curls off his forehead, worry pinching her eyebrows together. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose.
“I’ll be careful, I promise.”
He knew just what she needed to hear. Maybe she was being silly about not taking the next step in their relationship.
He was kind and caring and honest. She trusted him with her life and the lives of her children. Her attraction to him wasn’t even a question. Just touching him like this had heat pooling in her belly, making her want to writhe against him like a cat in heat.
No, their attraction wasn’t in question. She felt it every time she looked at him, but there was also something else there when she caught his gaze sometimes. Instead of making her want to tear his clothes off, it made her want to curl up in his strong arms at night and wake up in the morning, knowing he was still there, holding her. When anything happened, he was the first one she wanted to tell, the first one she wanted to go to when she was confused or worried.
She could think of a word to put to that feeling but she wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
She sat up, shifting over to the edge of the bed. “I have to get the clothes.”
He sighed and then sat up on the bed, throwing his legs over the other side. “I’ll help.”
She left him to get dressed and went to unload the wet clothes from the washer and start a new load. When she came out into the hallway with the basket of clothes, Quinton was there to take it from her.
“Now, let’s get these up on the line before the next load is done,” he said leading the way outside to the clothesline they had strung up between the trees behind the clinic. “Then we can figure out what to do with our idle time.”
She laughed as they skipped down the steps, happy to know he was willing to let her set the pace of their relationship. “I have a feeling you’ve already got it figured out.”
Subject File # 745
Administrator: Have you told her yet?
Subject: I can’t.
Administrator: Why not? Come on Jackson, you can’t just sit there and not say anything. Why haven’t you told her yet?
Subject: ‘Cause I’m terrified of what she’s gonna say. She says no, it ain’t ever gonna be the same. She says yes, it ain’t ever gonna be the same neither.
Jackson stood in front of the stove, stirring the oatmeal that was bubbling in the large pot. He had brought Hannah to the kitchen that morning to help Janet and her kids make bread while Veronica took a shower and Audrey slept in. He had just planned to drop the girl off and then see if Malcolm needed any help gearing up the boats but somehow he had gotten roped into helping with breakfast.
While Hannah, the twins and Ruthie stood at the counter under Janet’s direction, kneading their dough and putting it aside to rise, he had started the oatmeal while Lorraine had gotten the coffee going and started opening up cans of fruit to go with the oatmeal.
Not that he really minded helping out. It was one more thing he could do to make up for the time he’d been laid up.
“How is it going over there?” Lorraine asked as she dumped the last can of peaches into a bowl. She had already put out bowls of honey and sugar to sweeten up the plain oatmeal.
“It’s done,” he said, giving the oatmeal a final stir before he turned off the burner.
“Boys, wash your hands and then go tell everybody breakfast is ready,” Janet told them, helping Ruthie off her stool and bringing her over to the sink to wash up as well.
The twins ran out the back door, almost colliding with Mendez and Banks on the way out. They called out apologies and told them that breakfast was ready before running off to spread the word.
“Heard breakfast was ready,” Banks greeted them. “What’s on the menu today?”
“Oatmeal and peaches,” Lorraine said. “Fresh coffee too.”
“Nice,” Banks said, making a beeline for the coffee maker.
“How you feeling?” Mendez asked Jackson.
“Better now that I can help out ‘round here,” he replied as he grabbed one of the bowls Lorraine had put on the island and started dishing out two bowls of oatmeal. He poured a generous amount of honey on Hannah’s while putting sugar on his own.
“Ya ready to eat, Squirt?” he asked after she had finished washing the dough off her hands.
“You bet!” she said and led the way into the dining room, choosing their usual table, the round six-seater by the windows. Hannah liked to watch the squirrels hunting for their meals while she ate her own.
“So what are yer plans today, Squirt?” he asked before digging into his oatmeal.
“Janet said we’re going to work on the garden while the buns bake. Matthew and Mark want to play badminton so we might do that this afternoon.”
“Ya gonna kick the boys’ asses?” he asked.
“You know it,” she replied with a grin before she licked some honey off her spoon.
“Good girl,” Mendez said as she grabbed the seat beside him, Banks sitting down next to her. “Don’t ever let boys push you around or make you think you’ve gotta let them win.”
&nbs
p; “I won’t,” Hannah replied as she scooped up more honey and oatmeal.
“Y’all ready for today?” Jackson asked.
“Malcolm’s running a tight ship,” Banks replied. “Between him and Elaine, they’ve got this thing planned out to the minute. Alternate routes, backup plans for the backup plans, only thing they are missing is a drop team at the ready to call in an airstrike.”
Jackson spotted Veronica and Audrey coming out from the kitchen, breakfasts in hand. He noticed that Audrey dragged her feet as they crossed the room, her face grim as she and Veronica joined them at the table.
“Morning everyone,” Veronica greeted them as she set down her bowl and then took a long sip of her coffee. “So what’s going on?”
“Just talking about today’s run,” Mendez said. “Malcolm’s got us prepped like we’re invading Normandy.”
“That might be a good thing,” Veronica replied. “We haven’t had the best track record for going on runs.”
Jackson nodded in agreement. “Last run I went on, I ended up stuck on a roof with her brother, buncha freaks standin’ ‘round, waitin’ to bite our faces off.”
“That wasn’t the last run you went on,” Audrey said, looking up from her bowl where she had been picking at her peaches. “The last run you went on was with me and Claudia and Veronica and everything went perfectly fine.”
“Well, I don’t know if I would say it went perfectly fine,” Veronica said with a smile. “I did almost get eaten by a freak but Jackson saved me.”
“You know,” Mendez said, slapping him on the chest, “The more I hear about you, the more I’m convinced you’re a superhero in disguise. Swooping in, saving people.”
“If’n I was a superhero, I woulda flown my ass off that roof ‘stead of fallin’ off of it,” Jackson joked and the others laughed, except for Audrey, who had a sour look on her face as she turned to Veronica.
“May I please be excused?”
“Ya barely ate anythin’,” Jackson said, pointing his spoon at her bowl. She’d moved most of it around, mashed her peaches up into the oatmeal, but there couldn’t be more than a bite or two gone.
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