by Remi Grey
I could no longer tell the real from the fake, and it was confusing as hell. Because, for me, none of the past months has been fake.
Our agreed-upon time together was coming close to an end, and my womanly pride refused to let me admit how devastated I'd be when this was all over. Hopefully, our friendship would withstand the blow.
We both knew going into this that our friendship could possibly end up as collateral damage, but we both felt that it was worth the risk to get what we wanted.
So, I’d done it. I’d agreed.
I’d agreed to a relationship and engagement with Jackson Price—one of the most respected obstetricians in the state.
Being with him and playing the lady on his arm had been a struggle.
All eyes were on me to act accordingly, to play the part of the soon to be wife, which has been weighing on me a lot lately.
I had no idea why I thought I could still be myself and have others just accept us as we were, but I’d learned almost immediately that I was wrong.
I never told Jackson that the real truth behind my mom being so opposed to our little ruse. It had less to do with me being heartbroken by Jackson and more to do with me being broken by the opinions of others.
She knew that as soon as I put that ring on my finger and claimed to be Jackson’s fiancée, everyone would be wondering why.
If I thought the judgments in high school were bad, would I be able to handle real-life scrutiny so close to home?
Would I come out of this arrangement as a changed woman or a broken one?
Honestly, I didn’t know how the answer to that question at the beginning of all this, but I knew that if in the end, I came out of all this with Jackson’s continued support and friendship, then I’d come out on top, even if I didn’t win his heart.
It was weird wearing the ring he gave me.
It was just a constant reminder of the lies we were telling everyone.
It was even weirder how he gave it to me. I couldn’t believe he actually got down on one knee.
Was this a joke to him? Did he never once consider how seeing him like that would make me feel?
I’d already been proposed to like that once before and look at how that ended up—a complete joke of a marriage to a man who threw me away the first opportunity he had to be taken care of like the immature baby he was.
His new marriage was basically a no strings attached, all-inclusive, seven days a week adult sleepover.
It wasn't Jackson's fault really. I later realized that I was projecting all of my own insecurities onto him so right then and there I decided to stop and let go. Otherwise, our arrangement would never work.
I didn't, however, take into account that by giving in, I would fall deeper and deeper in love with Jackson.
I tried everything to push him away, doing little things to get on his nerves, like picking fights and getting angry with him for no reason.
Of course, none of that worked. He still wanted to be around me; he even got closer to me.
I even thought he got a kick out of it.
We started to spend all of our free time together, getting to know each other on a different level; I fooled myself into believing it was research that needed to be done so that we could be more convincing in front of everyone.
It was so natural, we found ourselves holding hands, cuddling, and talking for hours.
I was falling deeper, and I knew then that I was in trouble.
I had to end it; I needed to cut this short before there was no turning back for me.
Our romantic relationship was fake, built on a lie for mutual gain.
He didn’t really want to hold my hand, kiss me on the cheek, or cuddle—it’s only for research.
He didn't really want to get me the ring I'm wearing on my left hand—a little too proudly for my own good—it was just to make our fake engagement look real.
I’d tell him that we should end this tonight after Lark’s recital.
~~~
“Is Jackson going to be able to make it in time?” my mom asked, sitting her purse on the empty seat next to us.
“I just texted him, and he says he’s on his way. He went home to change,” I said, checking the time on my cell.
He had less than fifteen minutes to get here before he missed her first steps on stage.
Another text came in. Jackson.
“He says he’ll be here soon,” I told my mom, knowing that he wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Even if our relationship is fake, our friendship and his love for Lark had always been nothing other than real.
It’s beginning! Damn, he’s not going to make it in time.
Lark’s little soul would be crushed. She looked up to her Uncle J; he’d been like a father to her since her biological father didn’t bother.
My phone vibrated again, and I opened my screen, expecting to see ‘I'm sorry, I won't make it, I'm stuck in traffic, or I can't find a parking spot.
Instead, I get the text I really wanted. He’s here.
My heart stopped, he made it.
He was a man who actually showed up and cared enough about my daughter to rush over after working grueling hospital hours so he could see my baby dance on stage.
I turned in my seat to look for him so he could come take a seat, but I was stopped in my tracks.
He was so handsome standing there holding a small bouquet of the prettiest pink long stem roses, looking nervous and out of place.
I hadn’t seen him this nervous since we were in high school, and it was sexy as hell.
I was so drawn to him.
I got out of my seat, accidentally stepping on one of the other attendee’s feet, to rush to him.
I excused myself, but I didn’t even really care. All I knew was that I had to be near him as quickly as possible. Screw the seat; I would stand all night if it meant being with him.
I'd gotten up so quickly I forgot my shawl, so my back was totally exposed. I probably looked like one of those moms who tried too hard to be young again.
As soon as I got closer to him, the more I wanted him.
He looked good, he smelled good, and most of all he was there for me and Lark, which was the ultimate turn on.
I was radiating heat and lust. I knew he could feel it, and I couldn’t help flirting with him until the reception began.
We had an incredible time; the food was terrific, and so was the conversation until Director Larson had to bring her smug little attitude over and remind us about our pending marriage.
“Soon, Mrs. Larson, soon,” Jackson replied all calm and collected as he slyly excused us to congratulate Lark on her performance.
Nana K, Jackson, and I all cooed over Lark and how talented she was.
She loved it, such an attention hog like I used to be when I was her age, before life told me otherwise.
The night came to an end, and Lark was completely wiped out, and I needed to take her home. But Mom offered to do it so that Jackson and I could have some time alone.
I thought she noticed the sparks flying between us and wanted to cut us a break, but I'd had a plan tonight, and that was to break it off with Mr. Price.
I had almost forgotten until we were alone in his car headed to a bar and he came on to me.
I panicked and my breath hitched.
I wanted nothing more at that moment than to go to that bar and have those drinks with him, forgetting about what was real and what wasn’t.
I wanted to forget about everything and for us to be real.
I grew silent.
He asked if I was okay and what was wrong, but I couldn’t say anything. I had to think; I had to be rational for my own good.
He asked me again if he’d said something wrong. On the contrary, he had said everything right. It’s just that I wanted more than just to sleep with him tonight; I wanted to really be his wife.
I wanted this beautiful ring on my finger to actually mean something other than a lie.
So, I
suggested going to his house and having a drink there so we could talk, making up some lame excuse about it being too noisy.
He accepted, and we headed toward his house.
Once we were inside, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.
We’d barely spoken two words before he handed me a glass of wine and poured one for him.
We were sitting just close enough to each other that I could sense his attraction. He wanted some tonight, and lord knows so did I, but I couldn't because I wanted more than just a one, maybe two, time mistake.
Then, out of the blue, he blurted out that he couldn’t take this anymore and how much he wanted me in his bed.
What the hell was I supposed to do with that?
So, I told him the truth for once. That I wanted him too, but that we needed to break up for the greater good.
We went back and forth after that over the why not’s and that he thought I was just copping out, as he put it.
What the hell did he know? I was sacrificing myself here, and I was the one who was really putting her heart on the line.
He told me that I was afraid, and he was right; I was afraid.
I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. I was afraid of losing the only real friend I’ve ever had and that I wasn’t good enough to be with him.
I couldn’t even look him in the eyes without crumbling into a million little pieces.
I hadn’t even lived up to my full potential as a woman, as a mom, and as a journalist; how could I be with someone like him.
He was practically royalty around here, and the women who fought their way into the hospital to get to him were much more suitable for him than a divorced single mother who wrote trash for a living.
I was not ready for him, not now, and not like this.
Then, he said the words that I would never be able to get out of mind.
“Rae, I love you.”
So I did what I do best; I tried my hardest to push him away by pointing out all the reasons, other than the truth, that we shouldn’t be together, making sure to point out the fact that us being so close was the culprit of his new found love for me.
I ignored his words in return, hell-bent on ending this tonight with a clear vision of how the rest of this "relationship" was going to go.
I reassured him that I would hold up my end of the agreement and go to the Griffin Hospital Ball with him as promised, but after that, we needed to part as friends.
I excused myself to the bathroom and called an Uber so that we wouldn’t have to go through the awkward silence during the ride home.
If we could make it through this shit storm unscathed, then I knew we were truly meant to be.
Chapter 6
Reality
Things didn’t end well the last time Rae and I saw each other alone.
It'd been over two weeks since Lark's recital and subsequent blow-up, and I couldn't even find her half the time.
Things totally didn’t go the way I had thought they would that night.
I meant every word that I said, and I still did, but I didn’t know how to get her to believe in the possibility of an us.
I’d been nothing but completely sincere, and it wasn’t just because we’d been spending time together that I was drawn to her.
It just took me a while to realize my feelings were more than a crush from high school.
I loved her and Lark with all my heart, and I wanted to be in their lives forever as more than Uncle J.
We hadn’t even been alone together other than what we had done to fool others.
It was horrible between us right now, and I missed her in my life.
Last time I called her mom’s house to check on her because she hadn’t answered my phone calls or my texts, her mom told me that she had been interviewing and sending her portfolio to other publications.
I wished I could have heard that from her first.
I'd always encouraged her to move forward in her career; she was a talented journalist, and she'd graduated top of her class at the university.
When she first moved out of state after she got married, she had a position with one of the best publications in her state, but after the divorce, she had to leave all of that behind to do what was best for Lark.
Lark needed stability, and Rae needed help so we—Naka K and I—helped however we could to make sure the both of them were taken care of.
Unfortunately, there weren't many choices at the time, and in the time frame, she needed it, so she took the first job that made the most sense financially, and that was Veerb.
I’d always been proud of Rae; she was a fighter and that alone deserved respect.
The hospital was in a complete uproar preparing the final details of tonight’s ball.
Every year, I took Raegan, but this year was going to be different, this year she was attending as my fiancée, and this year she was going to break up with me.
I couldn’t believe it had come to this, us not talking unless we had to, us not texting every day, us not being us.
I refused to give up without a fight, and if Pres. thought she was going to get away from me that easily, she was sadly mistaken. I was Jackson Price.
Deciding to stop walking around brooding with my tail between my legs, I needed to take action and get my Rae back whether she liked it or not.
I removed my cell from my pocket, and right away, I texted Rae.
Me: Do you have a dress picked out for tonight; remember it’s the night of the annual ball?
I waited a few minutes, nothing.
I started to get really nervous, and then I felt a vibration; I almost dropped my phone trying to read it.
Raegan: Yes, and of course, I remember. Why are you trying to pull a "Pretty Woman" movie moment on me?
There’s my Rae; she must be in a good mood today.
Me: Not at all, I just wanted to match my bow tie with your gown.
Raegan: Micromanager, that figures, but it makes sense.
Me: Let me see…
I sent that with a big googly eyes emoji.
Raegan: You’ll see soon enough. Any color bow tie is fine.
Me: No hints? Why have you been so scarce? I miss you.
Raegan: I’ll see you tonight.
Me: Let’s meet at our spot, and Rae, I really do miss you.
Raegan: See you tonight.
That’s it?
See you tonight, no 'I miss you too or even a hint into what was going through her mind.
I had nothing to go on here. I guessed I’d have to call in reinforcements and I knew exactly who to call.
~~~
“Hey, Mom, how are you?” I made my way through my parents’ front door.
“Hello, sweetheart, what brings you here this evening? Don’t you have to get ready for the ball tonight?” she asked joyfully.
“Mom, I have to tell you and Dad something, and it’s important that you both just listen without saying anything. Can you do that for me?” I waited patiently for my dad to finish up what he was doing.
“You’re not leaving medicine, are you?” my mom asked, looking like she was about to pull another fainting spell.
“No, Mom, nothing like that at all, don’t worry,” I said, urging them both to have a seat once Dad joined us.
“I’m just going to say it because I don’t have much time before I have to get ready,” I said before taking a seat in front of the two of them.
“Go ahead, son, tell us already,” said my dad, holding my mom’s hand, preparing for the worst.
“Raegan and I aren’t together. We never were, but I’m in love with her,” I said, looking at both my parents, waiting for a response.
“The question is, son, why did you feel the need to lie to us and everyone you know?” my dad said.
“In my defense, it started the night Mom brought home that Simone girl—who still texts me, by the way,” I said, shaking my head in frustration. “Mom was so persistent, and she was speaking so badly abo
ut Raegan that I wanted to shut her up.”
"I was only trying to help, and I was calling it how I saw it, but since then, I've changed, right?" Mom asked.
