He sucked in a deep breath as he sat straight up. “Sophia?”
“Yeah. Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. I thought I could…” He rubbed his eyes with his hands, and his shoulders sagged. “I sat down for a second, and I was so tired. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
Taking one of his hands, she said, “It’s okay.”
Palming his heaving chest, he hung his head. “No, it’s not.”
“It was just a nightmare.”
He lifted his head and caught her gaze. “I have them all the time. They never stop.”
All the time? “That’s awful. Do you ever get a decent night’s rest?”
“No. Not since…no.” Gunner raked his hand through his soaked hair. “I thought I could maybe just catch a little sleep. You know, just a catnap, but I guess I was really tired.”
She palmed the side of his face and leaned forward. “Really, it’s okay. Would you believe me if I told you I’m a night owl? I come up with all my new recipes in the middle of the night. I’ve always been like that, lying in bed, my brain too awake to let me sleep.”
“Sleeping has been difficult for a while now. I’ve learned to function, but it’s hard sometimes.”
Taking his hand, she stood and pulled on his arm. “Come on. Let’s go to the kitchen and have some tea and talk a while.”
He held her gaze a moment, and it seemed as if he was debating.
“Come with me to the living room.” She pulled on his arm again. “Come on.”
“Are you always this bossy?”
“Only with people I like.”
He stood, wrapped his fingers around her hand, and pulled her close, those intense dark eyes holding her in place. “Some tea and a little conversation?”
Sophia nodded. “Sure,” she squeaked. Clearing her throat, she smiled. “Sure. I mean, you’re here protecting me, right? I need to make sure you’re ready to do battle with the bad guy.”
A smile slowly spread on his lips, and inwardly, she sighed. Wow, he had a smile that could make her hair stand on end. “Okay.”
And she was ready for another kiss. Broken or not, she didn’t care. They’d figure it out. He had a grip on her heart, and it wasn’t letting go.
Gunner set his teacup down on the side table as he slid down in the couch, resting his head against the back cushion. He rolled his head and looked at Sophia. “Thank you for the tea.”
Sliding her fingers along his jaw, she could see the exhaustion in his eyes. “I’m guessing you’ve tried it before since you said you have nightmares frequently.”
He nodded. “I have. They’re not just nightmares. More like night terrors, as you could see.”
She set her teacup down and twisted around to sit facing him. “Would you tell me what happened?”
Minutes ticked by as he held her gaze. Just when she thought he might not answer, he said, “This is classified, but I was a Ranger, and my company was captured. I was held for months and tortured.”
“Oh.” Her heart hurt for him. “I’m…I don’t know what to say. That’s awful.”
“We’d disobeyed orders to stand down, but our CO…he couldn’t stomach watching those guerillas take the kids from the village. He said it was our choice, but he was doing something. I knew in my gut something bad was going to happen, but he was right, and we couldn’t just stand there and watch those kids get taken.”
Tears pooled in Sophia’s eyes. “How long were you kept?”
“I’m told about three months or so. When they captured us, they held us in separate cages in different parts of the village. None of us had any idea what they were doing to the others. We’d just hear screams every so often.”
“What did they do to you?” The question tumbled out, but she wasn’t sure she could stomach the answer. To know someone she cared about had been hurt like that…it made her sick.
He took a deep breath. “They would ask me questions, and when I wouldn’t answer, they’d cut me. Over and over and over. By the time they’d throw me back in the cage, I couldn’t move. They’d wouldn’t feed me for days, and when they did, it was rotten. I held out for a while. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat it, but…eventually, I couldn’t stop myself. I was so sick.”
Sophia moved closer and brushed the back of her hand across his cheek. “Oh, Gunner, how did you get away?”
“Our release was negotiated. I was one of the first to come home, but my CO was held back at the last second. One of my buddies didn’t want to leave him, so he fought with the guards. They knocked him out, and I didn’t seem them again for months. Well, not until they were brought home. Negotiations broke down, and they were eventually found by another company that retook the village where they were being held.”
“I think I’d have nightmares too. I can’t even imagine that kind of trauma.”
He shrugged. “During that firefight, one of our friends was killed by friendly fire. Once we were all able to stand trial, we were dishonorably discharged.”
She took his hand in hers. “It sounds to me like you did what you thought was right. Did your friend who died agree to help?”
Gunner nodded. “Yeah, Isaiah did. Those guerillas would take the boys, turn them into soldiers, and sell the little girls to traders to fund their army. We couldn’t just sit there while kids were screaming for their mothers as they were being dragged away.”
“I think it takes a lot of courage to go against what you’re being told in order to do what’s right.”
He knitted his eyebrows together. “But this is what I meant in the emergency room. I’m broken, and there’s nothing that will fix me. I’ve seen a counselor. I’ve tried taking control of the dreams and working out until I drop. Nothing has helped. I wake up almost every night, screaming. I’ve gone so far as to soundproof my apartment so I don’t disturb my neighbors.”
It was definitely a lot to think about. Someone with Gunner’s history would be challenging, but wasn’t every relationship like that? Wasn’t that the point in being with someone? To take the challenges and face them together?
At the moment, all she wanted to do was take him in her arms and hold him. In her mind, he’d done something brave and courageous. Something most people wouldn’t have even considered.
Sophia circled her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. “I wish I knew what to say to make it better.”
He pulled her across his lap, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head. “This works.”
Yeah, it sure did. She could see spending her nights just like this for the rest of her life, held by a man who put his own comfort aside to help kids and still protected people even after going through what he had. Their definitions of broken were miles apart, and night terrors weren’t going to scare her away. She’d chased guys in the past who weren’t worthy of a second glance. What would it say about her to walk away just because he wasn’t easy? She was stronger than that, and she’d prove it.
Chapter 23
Blinking awake, Gunner took a deep breath as sunlight poured through the windows of the cottage.
“Good morning,” Sophia said as she smiled down at him while she held him.
“Did I keep you up all night?”
She shook her head. “No, you fell asleep and never made a peep.”
Now that she said it, he didn’t remember having any nightmares either.
“And before you think I had something to do with it, my opinion is that you just needed to tell someone…someone who cared about you beyond being a client.”
He sat up and pulled her into a hug, holding her as he worked to hold back a flood of emotion. How long had he begged for those nightmares to go away? For the first time since returning from Africa, he’d slept soundly. He still needed to catch up on his sleep…a lot, but he felt better than he had in years.
Pulling back, he held her face. “Thank you.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “You have no idea what you’ve done for me.�
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Her cheeks turned the most beautiful shade of pink he’d ever seen. “It was for selfish reasons. I really like you, Gunner. There’s a lot I can’t say because the show’s not over, and…I can’t hurt Hillary like that. But I’m glad you’re here.”
As much as he wanted to press her, he understood loyalty to a friend. “I’m glad I’m here too,” he said, dropping his hands to his lap.
Silence stretched, and the longer it went, the thicker the tension felt. He’d never wanted to kiss someone so badly in his life. He’d never loved anyone the way he loved her either.
The instant the word floated to mind, his heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t surprised by the thought in the least. His heart had been moving in that direction since he’d met her. Loved her…loved her. He’d loved Bella and always would, but this love felt different. It didn’t trivialize the way he felt about his high school sweetheart; it just called attention to the difference his age and experience gave him.
He couldn’t tell her he loved her yet, but as soon as he got the opportunity, he would. He pulled her into another hug and buried his face in her neck, inhaling her fruity scent. He wanted to wake up to her for the rest of his life.
A knock came at the door, and he leaned back. “I think reality is calling.”
Sophia chuckled. “In more ways than one.”
He stood and walked to the window, checking who might be at the front door. “It’s Hillary,” he said, opening the door to let her in.
“Hey, Hillary,” Sophia said, standing as she greeted Hillary with a hug. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, we’ve heard from Landon. He’s doing okay. His dad passed away shortly after he got home. They’re having the funeral in a couple of days, and I’m thinking we should all go. Not only will you get to meet his family, but it seems like the right thing to do. We would leave tomorrow.”
Sophia nodded. “Absolutely.” She looked at Gunner. “Is that going to work?”
Gunner shrugged. “It does open up room for threats, but I think we’ll be okay. I’ll let Noah in on what’s happening.”
Hillary turned to him. “I did hear back from the police. The fire was set on purpose. They found a melted timer.”
“I kinda figured they would find something,” Gunner said, catching Sophia’s gaze.
“I’m just not sure why they targeted Sophia all of a sudden,” Hillary said. “One of the bachelors is too good for her? What did that mean? What’s changed to make them actually try to hurt her?”
Shrugging, Gunner shook his head. “I don’t know.” He’d been wondering that himself. Nothing had changed at all.
Another knock came at the door, and Gunner looked from Hillary to Sophia. “Expecting anyone?”
“That’s probably Travis,” Hillary said.
Gunner walked to the window and peeked out before opening the door. The driver? Gunner didn’t remember seeing this guy on the crew list he’d read on the flight from North Carolina.
“Nice. Are we all still in our pajamas?” Travis huffed as he pushed past Gunner.
“Travis, don’t start,” Sophia said.
“I thought you were the driver. I didn’t know you had a connection to Sophia or Hillary,” Gunner said.
Travis grunted. “Yeah, I’m sure they kept it quiet. A friend of theirs making it onto the cast? It’d look bad.” He turned to Sophia. “I came as soon as my plane from Puerto Rico landed.”
A thin smile spread on her lips, but she stayed quiet.
“Oh. Well, we’ll need to do a background check on you.” Gunner crossed his arms over his chest.
The guy lifted a lone eyebrow. “I’ve known them all my life. We’re best friends. I’m clean.”
Gunner narrowed his eyes as the tension instantly ratcheted up. “This is my job. I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or how long you’ve been in the picture. My sole focus is keeping Sophia safe while she’s filming this show.”
Hillary held her hand up. “Whoa. Stop. Gunner, um, you probably need to get ready to pack, and the three of us need to talk.”
Nodding, Gunner caught Sophia’s gaze and held it a moment. “Okay.” He turned, strode to his bedroom, and slipped behind the door.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out there was something between Travis and Sophia. Although, Gunner’s gut was saying it was more Travis than Sophia. Still, there was history there, and best friends had a way of turning into something else. It also didn’t take a leap to suspect that Travis was behind the letters. If the guy had feelings for her, that would be enough reason to try to end the show early.
Gunner needed to be careful. First, Travis was her friend, and by the looks of it, a good friend. Suggesting that he could be the one behind the letters could very well put an end to Gunner’s relationship with Sophia. Still, he’d tell Ryder about the guy.
The second, more important reason he needed to tread lightly was that he’d fallen in love with Sophia, and the potential for heartbreak was growing by the minute. The last thing he needed was new nightmares where she was the star.
“Travis, what was that?” Sophia asked as she turned on him. “You were rude.”
“And you heard him. This is his job. You are a job. None of this is real. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Travis said, setting his hands on her shoulders and letting them slide down her arms. “Sophia, I don’t want you to continue with the show. It’s dangerous.”
She pulled away. What was going on with him? “Is that the only reason you came here?”
“I came here because I couldn’t get near you after the fire. Your bodyguard whisked you away so fast…Are you okay?” Travis hugged her to him. “I was worried about you, and I couldn’t do anything because you didn’t have a phone.” He leaned back, cupped her cheek, and kissed her forehead.
Sophia stepped away. “I’m okay. But that doesn’t explain why you were so mean to Gunner. He’s a good guy.”
Travis turned to Hillary. “Could I talk to Sophia a minute?”
Hillary looked at Sophia. “I guess. I’m going to make sure you’re packed, okay?”
“Thanks,” Sophia replied.
Travis waited until Hillary was out of the room before pulling Sophia into another hug. “Sophia, that fire scared me to death. And that I couldn’t get to you made me crazy.”
Sophia pulled back and crossed her arms over her chest. “That still doesn’t explain the way you treated Gunner. Like he’s a bad guy or something. I told you—”
He held up his hand. “I know, but that doesn’t change how worried I was or how much I care about you.” His shoulders sagged, and he slowly sat on the edge of the couch. “Can’t you see this is a job to him? How do you know Hillary hasn’t told him to keep up the ruse just so the show looks good?”
Her heart thundered against her ribs. She’d not thought that at all until just that second, but Hillary…no, Gunner wouldn’t do that to her. He’d looked her in the eyes and told her he’d never lie to her again. “He wouldn’t do that to me, Travis. He cares about me.”
“So did Blake, Riley, and Justin.”
Tears pooled in her eyes. Travis was pulling out every insecurity he could find and punching her in the gut with it. “That’s not fair.”
Travis jumped up. “No, what’s not fair is watching someone you love throw themselves at someone you know is only using them. That’s not fair. He’s using you. Mark my word, he doesn’t want you. He just wants to catch the bad guy. It’s what he does.”
Sophia walked to the door and opened it. “I think…I think you need to leave.” There was no more to consider when it came to Travis. She’d known the answer that first night, but she’d tried to be fair. Now, it was definitive. There was nothing romantic between them, and there never would be.
He sucked in a sharp breath, and his shoulders rounded. “What? Sophia…”
“I can’t talk to you right now.”
Travis walked to the door and paused in front of her. “I’m right,
and once you see that, you’ll know I was only looking out for you because I love you.”
“When you love someone, you don’t deliberately hurt them by using their insecurities. Even if it came out that Gunner is using me, that wouldn’t hurt me nearly as bad as you just did.”
His lips parted as shock registered on his face. “I didn’t—”
“But you did mean it.”
As he stepped onto the porch, he touched her arm. “I’m sorry, Sophia.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said as she shut the door. Leaning her forehead against it, tears streamed down her cheeks. She’d been cut to the quick.
Strong arms circled her waist as Gunner pulled her back against his chest, kissing her tears away. “It’s okay.”
She turned and hugged his neck.
“Are you okay?” Hillary asked.
“No, Travis was downright hateful.”
Gunner swept her into his arms, strode to the couch, and sat with her in his lap. “Sweetheart, guys can be really stupid. I’m sure he thought he was trying to protect you, and if he cares about you the way I do, his motives were pure. I can’t say I like his execution, though.”
“You heard what he said?” She leaned back and looked up at Gunner. Travis had no idea what he was talking about. Sophia just knew Gunner wasn’t using her. He couldn’t be.
“Only bits and pieces. It wasn’t what he said but how he said it, and I could hear in your voice that he was hurting you.”
Hillary sat on the edge of the coffee table. “You know Travis. He gets worked up and says things without thinking how they’re coming across. He’s been like this since we were kids. It’s the analytical, computer part of his personality. Sometimes his software has glitches.”
What Sophia couldn’t admit was that Travis’s words were things she’d had niggling in the back of her mind since she found out about Gunner. Yes, they’d shared amazing kisses. He’d looked her in the eyes and assured her he was telling her the truth. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if there was a grain of truth to what Travis said. That maybe he could hear a tiny bit of doubt in her voice and he was only echoing her own feelings.
The Ranger's Heart: A Clean Army Ranger Romance Book Three Page 14
