Welcome to the Apocalypse

by Cathy Gaitan

  “Yes, you’re right,” Julia agreed and Mercy started doing the running man dance. She is so weird. “Stop dancing! I need to find someone that can help us.”

  “We’ll all go,” Titus told her. “We need to stay together. I don’t trust small towns. Most horror movies take place in small towns.”

  “Titus are you scared,” teased Mercy. She poked him in the ribs. “Is the big bad Zombie male afraid some small town Humans are going to haul you into their basement and keep you as their pet.”

  “Shut up, Mercy! I’m not scared. I just don’t trust small towns. I told you,” he hissed. Julia laughed and we all stopped and stared at her. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her laugh.

  “What? The image of Titus tied up in a basement is funny,” she muttered, uncomfortably.

  “Well, I don’t think it’s funny,” grumped Titus. “I think it’s stupid. Humans capturing me is ridiculous. I could probably injure them just by shrugging,” he boasted. Mercy rolled her eyes but declined to comment.

  “Let’s just go,” sighed Julia as she started the trek into town. Titus and I fell in line but Mercy didn’t budge from her place next to the SUV. “What about my cats,” she asked. Titus and I came back and grabbed the cat carriers. I was tempted to let them walk but they’d probably wander off just to spite me.

  It took us less than an hour to reach town. It wasn’t what I expected. It was lit up like Vegas. Flashing lights, neon lights, Christmas sparkling lights in every color imaginable. The small park in the center of town had bedazzled benches. The lampposts looked like they were sprinkled with fairy dust the lamplight looked like disco balls. I thought Mercy might go into some kind of euphoric seizure.

  She reached over and pinched my arm. “Am I dreaming,” she asked loudly.

  “You’re supposed to pinch yourself. Not me,” I complained. She ignored me of course.

  Next to me Titus whispered, “I told you small towns were creepy.”

  Honestly, I don’t know what to think about this. I expected it to be a dusty little town with faded paint and rusted everything. All the buildings looked new though. The paint colors were vibrant and fresh looking. There was music pouring out of a record shop. Yep, I said record shop. As in vinyl records. I was tempted to go inside but Titus’ words kept me from straying.

  A waitress in the diner stood at the counter speaking with a customer. When she looked over and saw us her eyes got huge and she pointed in our direction.

  Before we knew it we were surrounded by curious onlookers. One man poked my Mohawk and said, “I’ve never seen anything like it.” I don’t know if ‘it’ was referring to me or my hair. For his sake, I hope it’s my hair.

  A woman did something similar to Mercy. The woman said, “That is some true blue hair. I’ve never seen the like.”

  Mercy responded, “Actually it’s called Sapphire Blue but I kind of like True Blue better. You should name hair dyes. You’re really good at it.”

  Since Mercy wasn’t offended I decided not be either. That is until the man poked my hair again. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. Don’t worry. I didn’t break it. I leaned into his face and warned him, “If you touch my hair again I am going to have to hurt you. Don’t make me do that.”

  I let go of his hand and he backed away clutching it to his chest. See, I resolved the issue peacefully.

  There was a man wearing a sheriff’s badge that was giving Julia some very interested glances. Julia didn’t seem to mind but Titus looked like he might want to make an issue of it.

  “Welcome to Happyville. I’m Sheriff Dodd,” the sheriff greeted. His gaze swung back to Julia again. “What brings you to our town?”

  When Titus looked like he was about to blow his stack I grabbed his arm and said, “We had a little accident with your yellow brick wall and we were hoping to find a mechanic. To help us get back on the road.”

  He looked me up and down and asked, “An accident? Have you been drinking?”

  Now you’re probably wondering if I lost my cool with the sheriff. People judging me on my appearance is probably my biggest pet peeve. And I can’t lie, I was ready to set his ears on fire. But it turns out I didn’t have to. Mercy did it for me.

  “Hey, quit judging him! He wasn’t the one driving. I was and I wasn’t drinking. That brick wall came out of nowhere,” she shouted with a finger pointed at his face. Mad Ninja to the rescue!

  I was certain he was about to ask for a breathalyzer test when Julia thankfully interceded. “Look, Sheriff Dodd, we appreciate your concern but it was just an accident. A rabbit darted out and Mercy swerved to avoid it. What could she do? Right Mercy?”

  Mercy was nodding her head like a bobble head doll. “Yes, it was RABBIT,” she eagerly jumped on the excuse Julia tossed her way. I don’t know that Sheriff Dodd necessarily bought it but he wasn’t concerned enough to make an issue of it.

  “Was anyone hurt,” he asked Julia. Not overly concerned with anyone else.

  “No, we’re all fine. We just need to find a mechanic so we can get moving again,” she reminded him. “Is there a mechanic in town?”

  “Torin Yeats is a mechanic but she’s out of town,” he said then hesitantly added, “visiting family. I’m sorry to have to tell you this but she’s the only mechanic in Happyville.”

  He didn’t exactly seem sorry. In fact, he looked downright thrilled. Probably excited at the prospect of Julia hanging around longer.

  I looked at Mercy and rolled my eyes. This sheriff was annoying the hell out of me. I was halfway hoping Titus would show him the light. She nodded and gave me a disgusted look in return then jabbed Titus in the ribs. That was her message for him to do something.

  Titus slid his arm over Julia’s shoulder and said, “We appreciate that but do you have rental cars or maybe a dealership here?”

  Sheriff Dodd looked disappointed but the message was obviously received. Back off! “We don’t have either of those things but,” he looked over at the waitress from the diner, “Molly, you’ve been looking to unload that pickup haven’t you?”

  She shook her head regretfully. “That truck wouldn’t make it far out of town. Torin promised to take a look at it when she returns.”

  So much for that. “When is she expected to return,” I asked as patiently as I could.

  Sheriff Dodd and Molly looked at one another before he said, “We’re not really sure. She’ll be here when she gets here.”

  Great! My favorite kind of answer. Evasive.

  “Is there anyone who can give us a ride out of town? We’ll compensate them well for their efforts,” Titus was obviously done messing around with the whole thing. He wanted out.

  There was something really weird about this whole thing. I didn’t like the way the sheriff and the waitress were behaving. They were hiding something. I was really beginning to think Titus was right about small towns. This one seemed weird.

  “Nope, sorry. Looks like you’re not leaving anytime soon,” the sheriff said with a small smirk which creeped me the hell out. The feeling increased when the people surrounding us all nodded in unison with matching smiles. I looked at Titus and I swear he looked ready to run.

  Mercy didn’t say anything which told me how freaked out she was. She just scooted closer to me and slid her hand into mine. Yep, she was definitely getting the same vibe. The only one not weirded out was Julia. She didn’t look scared. She looked angry.

  “What do you mean by that,” she demanded. When the sheriff flinched under her rainbow gaze I almost laughed. He looked really uncomfortable.

  “I just mean there’s no way out,” when Julia scowled he began to stutter. “It’s just that there’s no one, I mean, no one will leave town.”

  “I don’t get it. Why? We don’t expect anyone to run away with us. Just give us a lift to the next town,” her voice rose with every word. By the time she finished she was yelling. I think she’s finally losing it.

  “Nobody will leave is what I’m telling you. We stick to our
own kind for the most part,” he insisted.

  Julia looked to Titus helplessly. She was trembling a little. I’m pretty sure she was on the verge of killing the sheriff.

  Titus grabbed Sheriff Dodd by his shirt. “What does that mean?”

  Everyone looked at us uneasily then at each other. Molly was wringing her hands nervously. When the sheriff refused to answer Titus she pleaded, “Don’t hurt him! He just means we’re a Zombie town. With Zombies being outed by you and your friends nobody feels safe leaving. We’ve heard that Humans are searching out all Zombies.”

  “A Zombie town,” Mercy screeched. “Are you saying everyone in town is a Zombie?”

  “Well, yes. Some of us have been here for years. Others just ended up drifting here. You know, like you,” Molly replied. She smiled cheerfully at us. “We’ll need to update the population on the sign,” she mused.

  When Julia would have argued Titus interrupted. “That would be nice. Do you have anywhere we can sleep tonight?” Julia was glaring so hard I was surprised there weren’t sparks shooting from them.

  “Of course! You can move into Elmer’s old place,” she offered.

  “That will be wonderful. You’re too kind,” Titus gratefully accepted her offer. She giggled and smoothed her beehive hairdo. “Where can we find the house?”

  Molly was so completely captivated by Titus she didn’t register the question at first. “Oh yes, she pulled a set of keys from her pocket and separated a gold key from the ring which she handed to Titus. “Wendell can show you.”

  Apparently Wendell was the male who kept touching my hair. Awesome.

  The house was about three blocks from town. It was an aqua blue house with an orange door. Mercy was thrilled. I waited until Wendell was gone to tell her, “Don’t get too excited. We are leaving as soon as we can.”

  “But I discovered a Zombie town! A whole town of Zombies!! I did that,” she pointed at herself excitedly. “Julia wanted to find Zombies and I found 97 in one town!”

  Julia rolled her eyes. “You discovered the land of Odd. I mean, ‘there’s no way out’? That was so creepy,” she whisper-shouted. “We have got to find a way out of here. The sooner the better.”

  “But we just got here. Maybe we should at least give them a chance,” Mercy insisted. “They can’t be all that bad. Did you see all those lights? That was amazing.”

  Julia grabbed Mercy by the shoulders and shook her hard. “Stop! You’re being blinded by sparkle and shine. I know it’s hard but you need to stay with us in reality. Ask yourself what happened to Elmer.”

  “Okay, good question,” conceded Mercy chewing on her lip. “Also, what is the big deal with Torin? There was something really fishy with that wasn’t there,” she asked.

  Julia nodded, “Definitely. She’s a Zombie. What family could she be visiting?”

  “Maybe a grandmother,” Mercy murmured with a glance in my direction.

  “Maybe,” I agreed. I doubt it though. “We should try to get a look at Molly’s truck. For all we know there is nothing wrong with it.”

  “I agree with Pinkerton,” grunted Titus. No surprise there. He wanted out of town more than any of us. I’m pretty sure if we’d wanted to stay he would have left without us. “Wendell said Molly lives in a yellow house at the end of the block. We should go now since we know she’s not home.”

  “The sooner the better,” nodded Julia. Mercy gave a thumbs up as she let the cats out of their carriers. Lumina sniffed the couch then jumped up with the other three cats seated around her. They looked around the room uneasily. I can’t blame them.

  “We’ll be back,” Mercy told the cats as we exited the house. I don’t know why she felt the need to announce it but that’s her I guess.

  Luckily Molly’s truck was in the driveway. We tried to be as quiet as we could but the truck was an old Chevy it creaked any time we touched it. Almost like having a built in alarm system.

  With as much noise as we made I kept waiting for neighbors to come spilling out but nothing. I guess Happyville didn’t have a neighborhood watch. With a population of 97 they probably didn’t need one.

  We had a little trouble lifting the hood because the latch was broken. Molly had used a wire clothes hanger to fix it. I’m not going to knock her for it. It did what she needed it to but it was headache to remove.

  Once we opened the hood I almost wished we hadn’t. It was a mess. The water hose was taped together with electrical tape. There were multiple places patched with what looked like chewing gum. If this truck got us out of town it would be a miracle. We needed out! I was fully prepared to pray.

  “Julia, get in and try her out. Let’s see what she’s got,” Titus quietly commanded. We didn’t have the key but for Julia that wasn’t a problem. It sputtered a few times before the engine turned over. When it did it was loud as hell. Mercy stood in front of the truck and spread her arms wide at her sides as if she could hide it which was ridiculous of course. Still, nobody so much as peeked out their windows.

  “I’m taking it down the street so we can see how it drives,” Julia notified us. The muffler was loud and ugly sounding. The engine shook the truck something fierce but it drove. Which was exactly the miracle we were looking for. Amen!

  I looked at Mercy and Titus. “Let’s grab the cats so we can get the hell out of this town.” They were moving before I’d even finished speaking.

  We didn’t even have to wrangle the cats. They walked into the carriers the minute we opened them. I guess they were as happy to leave as we were.

  Mercy and I settled into the bed of the truck with the cats while Titus slid into the passenger seat next to Julia. First we made our way along the perimeters of town. We needed to get back to the SUV to retrieve our weapons and gear.

  Sherriff Dodd’s cruiser appeared behind us his lights flashing. Julia just ignored him. No way were we stopping. Titus had left payment for the truck in Molly’s mailbox. As far as we were concerned we’d bought it.

  He stopped following a mile or so from the yellow brick road that started this all. Once we’d retrieved our things we chugged and sputtered our way out of town. Every once in a while the muffler would make a noise that sounded like a gunshot.

  This revolution was not turning out the way we’d envisioned it. We’d gone from aspirations of a Zombie world domination to sneaking out of a Stepford Zombie town in the dead of night. Freedom is freedom I guess. It’s not what we’d planned but we’ll take it today. Things are bound to get better. Right? k'12

  5

  Chapter Five

  I’ve figured out what the

  problem with this revolution is.

  There’s only one me.

  -random thoughts from Julia Caesar

  Mercy Mayhem

  3 days after the yellow brick wall

  Molly’s truck managed to get us to a larger town. We barely made it but whatever. We got there.

  At least that town had a dealership. Titus purchased a black van this time which is great. It has plenty of room for our gear, the cats and us. The first thing I did was take a nap in the back. Julia wouldn’t let me drive because of that brick wall incident. What else was I supposed to do?

  As of today she’s letting me drive again but only if she’s riding shotgun. She says that I let myself get too aggravated by Titus and Pinkerton. I get aggravated by her too. Don’t tell Julia I said that! I can’t help it though. She won’t let me turn on the radio. She won’t let me talk. How else am I supposed to stay awake?

  I do what I have to. I sing show tunes. I know it annoys her and I do it anyway. I am perfectly aware that is passive aggressive behavior. So what?

  Julia says I get easily distracted. You would too. Fast food restaurants every five minutes, candy shops, ice cream parlors, carnivals, bakeries. It’s too much for me to ignore. I’m only a Zombie!

  I’m in the middle of, in my opinion, a tolerable rendition of ‘All That Jazz’ from the musical Chicago when Julia shouts, “Mercy Mayhem if
you don’t stop I am going to strangle you.”

  From the back Pinkerton whistles his approval and Titus claps in appreciation. “She can’t sing worth a damn,” Titus complains. I’m not that bad. Really! He’s just tone deaf.

  “Plus she gets most of the words wrong,” adds Pinkerton. That is an outright lie! I sing at least 60% of the lyrics correctly.

  “You’re both liars! I am tolerable and I sing most of the song right,” I yelled looking over my shoulder at them.

  Julia gripped the steering wheel. “Eyes on the road Mercy,” she ordered.

  “Geez, you hit one yellow brick wall and get stigmatized for life,” I muttered under my breath as I pull the van off the shoulder of the road.

  “A couple of miles up the road is a Marriott. You’ll need to pull in there,” Pinkerton announces. No explanation.

  Julia turned and looked at him sharply. “And why are we doing that,” she asked suspiciously.

  “I have a family reunion to get to,” he mumbled.

  I felt excitement bubble in my blood. “Grandma Roses,” I asked reverently. I don’t know why I’m like this. I love the idea of Pink having a grandmother. Technically I know she’s not his actual Grandma but my crazy doesn’t care.

  “Yep,” he said on a sigh. I think he might be nervous which is really unlike Pink. This just raises my interest in meeting Grandma Roses.

  I can tell Julia is as curious as I am but she refrains from saying anything.

  “How many Zombies are in her group,” asked Titus.

  “The last time I saw her she had almost fifty. They don’t all travel with her but she considers them allies,” Pink replied.

  Julia tried to appear nonchalant about it but I could tell she was excited. Her rainbow eyes had sparkles of excitement. I couldn’t help myself. I channeled Kim Na Na from City Hunter. I lifted a fist up by my face and pulling it down to my side I whispered to her, “Fighting!”