by Anne Martin
“You slept at his house.”
I nodded. “I fell asleep on the couch. He’s a gentleman. He never took advantage of me.”
“Man like that wouldn’t have to. You’ve got a shine for him. Good. Daniel called me and told me what happened with Christina.”
I gasped and felt betrayed all over again by my so-called friend. “Why would he do that?”
She pursed her lips to remind me that ladies don’t raise their voices. “He was concerned about you. He admitted that he was in the wrong, but he’s still determined to keep you. The man’s too stubborn. I like Nix. Where’s he from?”
“Mobile.”
She nodded. “And he’s coming to church?”
I smiled and gave a tiny nod.
“Daniel will be there.”
“I know.” I swallowed and felt sick.
She came over and took my hand, holding it carefully. She knew how easily I bruised. Nix had never known about that, but he’d been gentle with me automatically. Not with Stina. Would he still kiss other women, and other things? We needed to have a conversation about that. No. It was fine. He was giving me what I needed and that’s all I’d ask for.
At church, I sat between Nix and my aunt on the third bench from the front, where my aunt and I usually sat. The sermon could have been about parsnips for all I knew. I stared at the preacher, but the stares of everyone else were enough to make me sweat.
I didn’t see Daniel until afterwards. He stood outside the door, looking incredibly good in his bright navy suit that brought out his eyes. Nix looked fine in his checked shirt, and jeans, but there was nothing like a suit to make a man.
“Hey, Sunshine Ray. Now you’re taking in strays?” he said with a hard smile. He didn’t look at Nix.
“This is my boyfriend, Nix. I know, it’s crazy, but life’s too short.”
“It feels way too long when the pastor’s staring at you like he knows exactly what you’ve been doing, don’t you think, Daniel?” Nix said, elbowing him as we walked past him.
I didn’t turn around and look at him, but my stomach knotted tighter and tighter until we reached my car and I gave Nix my keys so I could curl up in the passenger’s seat and breathe. He drove quickly, smoothly, like he’d been driving my sunshine chariot for years.
“It’ll get easier,” he said, patting my leg.
I wasn’t sure about it, but I didn’t say anything until he pulled to a stop. I sat up and realized we were at the shopping center. “This isn’t home.”
“Good eye. Come on. It’s my turn.”
He got out and came around to open my door and help me out. His turn was making me into the kind of girl who would catch all the bar flies at the place Christina would be at tonight.
“I don’t get it,” I said, holding up a leather bustier.
“You took me to church, I’m taking you to a bar. I’m also doing your makeup. This haircut, for the record, is incredible. Did you go to beauty school?”
I rolled my eyes and took the corset and mini skirt into the dressing room. He actually did my makeup in his living room on the couch.
“How can you do this?” I asked, closing my eyes while he gave me smoldery shadow.
“Trixie, that girl who came by, had both of her arms casted up and she bribed me into doing her makeup for her.”
“Was she your girlfriend?”
He laughed. “Trix doesn’t have boyfriends. That’s why we get along so well. She’s a bit flexible. That means that she’ll probably hit on you if she sees you without me.”
I opened my eyes and almost got the mascara wand in them. He scowled at me and I closed my eyes and sat there like an obedient statue.
When I was finished, I looked ridiculous. I turned this and that way in front of his bathroom medicine cabinet, trying to get a clear view of the whole ridiculous black ensemble. Tight was one word for it. Also revealing. Also tough. The makeup was as flawless as his haircut if you liked Vixen who could stake a vampire in a pinch. We could go into business together.
I came out of the bathroom tugging down the skirt. He was back in t-shirt and jeans, straddling the motorcycle in the living room.
“No. Not in this skirt.”
He grinned and nodded. “Heck yes. Come on, Kitten. You can sit sidesaddle if you’re more worried about your modesty than your life.”
I shook my head and shrugged. He started the motorcycle and gestured me to come over. The front door was propped open.
“Seriously? We’re riding out of your living room?”
“Trust me, Kitten. It’ll be… something.”
I took a deep even breath and climbed on behind him. I pressed my cheek to his back and closed my eyes. The ride out the front door and down the steps wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. It was fast though, fast and breathless and exhilarating. He stopped and went back to lock up then we were off, racing down the dark streets like a couple of crazy kids. I clung to him and laughed as my hair whipped into my eyes. We drove around town, over the bridge and around the hills, probably way too fast to go without helmets, but he was a risk-taker and I was terminally ill.
I loved it. I loved every breathless, heart-rending moment, flying through the night, hanging onto Nix. Finally, we wound back down towards town and pulled up outside the bar with the other motorbikes. I stayed where I was, hanging onto him like I could prolong that feeling of complete freedom and weightlessness.
He covered my hands with his. “Something, right?”
I tightened my hands and kissed the back of his neck. “Something amazing.” I swung off the motorcycle and took a moment to adjust my skirt. I’d forgotten all about it. I hadn’t noticed being cold, either.
He pulled me against him and had his hand on my hip, his thumb skimming over the skin between my leather corset top and the skirt.
“Um, I’m not into PDA,” I said, moving his hand.
He raised his eyebrow and held me back instead of walking into the entrance. “How is this going to work, Kitten? If I had a girlfriend, she wouldn’t be ashamed of me.”
“I’m not ashamed, it’s just disrespectful to flaunt physical relationships in front of other people. It shows a lack of self-respect as well. Private relationships should remain private.”
His brown eyes narrowed. “I see. In that case, I’d better go in first and then you can come in after a few minutes.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just because I don’t want your hands all over me doesn’t mean we have to walk in separately.”
He nodded. “Of course it does. You’ll understand after you’ve walked across the length of the room looking like that. No more than two minutes out here, all right, Kitten? Maybe you should go in first.”
I gave him a weird look and started for the door. The heels click clacked across the pavement, very high heels that were a bit ridiculous, but I was short. I’d no sooner walked in the door of the bar when I started to feel uneasy. I hadn’t taken four steps in when some guy stepped in front of me, smiling.
“Hey there, honey. Let me buy you a drink.”
“No thank you. Excuse me.” I edged towards him, but he didn’t move, at least not until another guy yanked on his shoulder, pulling him back.
“Let the little lady through. Oh my.” This guy was younger, handsomer, and at least had enough manners to gesture me to the bar. He walked with me, like he was escorting me. After four steps, he had his hand on my hip, his thumb exactly where Nix’s had been.
I stopped walking, grabbed his hand and yanked it off me. When I turned to glare at him, his smile was completely innocent. I crossed my arms.
“I beg your pardon, did I ask you to touch me?”
“That skirt did the asking for you.” He winked at me.
I was going to kill Brute. Why would this be fun for him? “I’m here with someone.”
He looked around. “I don’t see anyone.”
“That’s because you didn’t look up.” Daniel stood behind him, but he was staring at me. Where had h
e come from? “What are you doing here, Sunny?”
“I…” I felt so stupid in my ridiculous outfit and heavy makeup.
Daniel pushed the short guy out of the way and stood too close to me, standing over me. It usually felt like a protective thing, but now it seemed judgmental.
“What are you wearing?”
I shook my head and rubbed my arms. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“No? Where is he?” He didn’t look around, just moved closer, like he was going to block me from the rest of the room. “You can’t come to this particular bar looking like that without expecting things to get unseemly.”
“I can take care of myself.” I lifted my chin and stared him down. “What I wear and where I go isn’t any of your concern. If you’re here, it must be a respectable establishment.” I batted my eyelashes at him.
“You look like a tramp. Go home and wash all that stuff off your face. You’re more beautiful without it.”
I pulled back, stung. It was fine for Christina to dress like a good time, and he’d have plenty of fun with her, but heaven forbid if I jump off my shelf instead of staying there like a pretty little doll. “You are five seconds away from getting a drink in your face. You do not insult the way a lady does her makeup. Shame on you.” Not that I’d done it.
He frowned darkly. “You don’t look like a lady.”
“Oooh, those are fighting words,” the dark guy said who had put his hand on my hip without asking.
I shot him a glare. “Can you mind your own business? I’m not here with you.”
“She’s with me,” someone else said, raising his hand while the rest of the probably drunk guys at his table roared with laughter.
I shook my head and headed to the bar. There was an empty stool and I slid onto it, feeling like I’d stolen home.
“What can I get a pretty little thing like you?” the bartender asked with a wink.
“She’ll take a water,” Daniel said from behind me.
I’d been about to ask for a water. I shrugged. “Water. Your most expensive bottle.” The bartender frowned because a man shouldn’t tell me what to drink, particularly if it was water. There was no way I was going to add alcohol to this mix.
“Let me take you home,” Daniel said.
For a second I froze. Did I want him to take me home, kiss me, pretend like we had forever together? That’s what it meant when people said that in bars.
I glanced up at him from beneath my lashes. The way he looked back, brows furrowed in disapproval, no, he didn’t want to take me home like that. He found me quite tacky, apparently. I turned in my chair and crossed my legs. The bartender leaned over the bar, kind of subtly, not really, but Daniel didn’t notice my legs one bit.
I put my hand on his forearm and leaned over so more of my bosom spilled out of the bustier. “Daniel, why are you here?”
The bartender put my water in front of me. Daniel paid for it, opened it, and put it in my hand, the one that had been touching him. I interlocked my fingers around the water while my heart pounded.
“Stina wanted me to pick her up.”
“I don’t see her.”
He shrugged and glanced around, clearly out of his element before he shrugged and focused on me. “You don’t belong here.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re delicate and classy and better than this.”
“You sleep with someone like this,” I said, gesturing at myself.
His eyes narrowed. “Is that what this is about? Are you competing with Christina? There isn’t any competition. You’re the only one.”
“The only one you aren’t sleeping with. You are seriously messed up if you can’t see how twisted that is. You can’t love me while you’re sleeping with Christina. It doesn’t work that way. If you look at me like this and feel disgust, it isn’t because you love me, but because you love an idea of me, the perfect untouchable doll. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be your dream girl. I want to be real and alive, even if it isn’t for very long.”
He swallowed and his lips went tight. “You don’t understand. You can’t be like this. You don’t have the time to waste on imperfection.”
I looked over and there at the end of the bar was Nix. He had a bottle of beer and gave me a nod. Apparently he was at the girl’s end of the bar because they were swarming him. They were dressed a lot like me, only my makeup was better. Is that what he was, imperfection? Is that what the motorcycle ride was, or those soft kisses like heaven? Probably, but they were also alive. He was alive, and that’s what I wanted for as long as I could take it.
“You know what, Daniel? There’s no such thing as a perfect life, only a perfect lie.” I slid off my chair and walked purposefully towards the end of the bar where I was going to join the throng trying to get Brute’s attention.
I walked up to him, stepped between his legs and started kissing him. He grabbed my hips as he tugged me closer while I put my hands around his neck. I kissed him for a long time, too long because my neck was starting to prickle from all the looks we were getting.
When I pulled back, quite sure I was going to die of humiliation, he winked at me.
“You don’t go halfway, do you, Kitten? Can I buy you a drink or would you rather get out of here?”
“Sunny?”
I froze because Christina was standing behind me and I really didn’t want to see her tonight, not when she’d get the chance to throw every accusation I’d ever given her back in my face.
I turned around and didn’t smile. “Slut.”
She gasped. “How dare you? You’re in here dressed like that, climbing on top of someone you barely know, but I’m the slut?”
“You treat yourself like a slut because you don’t demand the respect that you deserve. You need to throw your drink in Daniel’s face every time he treats you like nothing. You aren’t nothing. Don’t sell yourself short. It doesn’t matter what you wear, your worth is immeasurable.” I shook my head and grabbed Nix’s hand. He put his arm around me on my hip and we walked out of the bar.
He started laughing once we’d gotten outside.
I glared at him. “What’s so funny?”
He grinned at me. “I’ve never had such a good time in a bar. Kitten, you are one hundred percent incredible.”
I frowned at him. “In what way?”
“I can dress you in whatever I want, but you’re the same girl underneath, fierce, soft, sweet, and unbelievably good. It makes me want to kiss you for real. Do you mind?”
I looked around the parking lot and the people walking around who were watching us. I lifted my chin. “I would be delighted.”
He took me slow and careful, his lips as silky soft as they could be. I kissed him back, holding onto him desperately because I was falling. I didn’t have Daniel and his perfection to hold onto. There wasn’t anything so terrifying, or so free.
Chapter 8
Nix Death-Hammer
Being Sunny Ray Wilson’s boyfriend was genuinely fun. She woke me up early to drag me out running with her. She looked terrible in her loose pants and her dad’s t-shirt, face flushed almost purple as she puffed along beside me through the park. She was so slow I’d run circles around her sometimes, and she’d swat me and chase me for a few steps before slowing back to her old pace.
Aunt Willie wasn’t as dour as she looked. She had a dry sense of humor and a knack for crossword puzzles that she shared with me, naturally assuming I’d be interested in word play. I was, actually.
Kitten and I carpooled to school in her yellow Camaro and we’d hold hands and exchange sweet kisses. It didn’t go much further than that because, well, lots of reasons. She was a marrying kind, and we were just having fun.
We’d spent two weeks in a kind of idyllic sweet romance when Daniel cornered me between classes.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
I looked down at my laptop then back up at him. “I don’t know. I didn’t question it, but now I
feel I should. What am I doing?” I tried to walk around him, but he put his hand on my shoulder.
“What are you doing to her?”
I took his hand off and dropped it, giving him a hard smile. She’d brushed him off so beautifully, there wasn’t anything I could do that would hurt him more than that. Here he was though, wanting more punishment. His eyes had this terrible panic in them as he waited for me to tell him that I’d deflowered his perfect doll.
“We’re dating. We’re taking it nice and slow because that’s the kind of girl she is. Why, what do you think I should be doing?”
He swallowed. “You aren’t sleeping with her?”
“She sleeps a lot. Sometimes I’m on the couch with her. Somehow I don’t think that’s what you’re referring to. How’s Christina?”
He shook his head. “I’m not seeing her anymore.”
“That’s a pity. The two of you are so perfect for each other.”
He snarled at me. “Do you have any idea the kind of life she can offer you? Do you have any clue how much time you’re wasting? The world won’t have Sunny in it, and you’re just passing the time!”
I blinked at him. He sounded quite devastated. “Six months give or take.”
He went pale and swallowed. “She told you six months?”
Dang. I shouldn’t have told him if he didn’t already know. I shrugged. “Something like that. What’s your problem? What do you think she should be doing?”
“Getting married. Experiencing life the way it should be with someone who worships her. More than that, she needs to fight.” His nostrils flared. “She wouldn’t fight for me, but maybe she’ll fight for you.”
I frowned at him. “She’s a fighter. What can you do about genetic diseases?” I’d avoided thinking about it to be perfectly honest.
“Her dad spent his last years working on new treatments, not treatments, a cure. It wasn’t ready for him, but it is for Sunny. You need to talk her into doing it.”
I stared at him. He hadn’t mentioned it before now. “There’s a cure?” My heart started pounding and I wasn’t sure if it was from fear or something else, something to do with the way I watched her sleep curled up next to me, the way her smile chased away every shadow in the world. Hope.
