by Anna Logan
Wylan had seemed to have a hard time even looking at Talea in her comatose, wounded state. He’d been eager for a way to help and immediately accepted the idea of them staying behind for a while to throw off the Kaydorians, and come to Calcaria later. It had made Yhkon wonder if Jaylee’s suspicions were true about the two teenagers.
Then there was Rikky. He’d woken eventually, and the first word out of his mouth had been “Lea.” Only when they’d let him see her and given him a thorough report of her condition, with emphasis on the fact that she would be alright, could he be prevailed upon to tell them about what had happened. Skyve and Terindi, after all, had been only so helpful in that area. Terindi would barely talk, let alone about the battles. Skyve tried, but he would get jittery and end up stammering, trying to find some logical explanation for his difficulties.
While Yhkon wanted Talea to wake fully—she’d only ever come to semi-consciousness, enough for him to give her food and water—he was also worried about when she did. Rikky may be able to come out of the ordeal unscathed mentally and emotionally. Talea, probably not.
The only time Jaylee left his side was if Terindi needed her. He knew she worried that all his concern for Talea and his anger at Grrake was driving him over the edge. Back to the same place he’d been three years ago. Maybe it would have, if she wasn’t there.
Besides, it was easier dealing with Grrake now, because his father was leaving him alone. Only once after the explanation from Jay did Grrake attempt to talk to Yhkon. He’d managed about twenty seconds of grimacing and unfinished sentences, before saying “I’m sorry,” and walking away. Other than that, they only spoke when necessary.
It was an adjustment. At times, he found it hard to swallow. But it was better this way—they’d both get used to it, fall into a new routine, and it would be fine. He didn’t need Grrake anymore.
By the time they landed in Calcaria two weeks after getting the wards, Yhkon was ready for a bed, and not ready to face Shanteya.
She was waiting outside the palace as their carriages rolled in, along with the other Wardens’ and wards’ families, and a few Stitches ready to take Talea to her room and properly dress her wounds. Yhkon let the medics take her, her family hovering after them, knowing that for now, she didn’t need him. If only he could go straight from the carriage to his quarters without having to get through everyone else and their emotional greetings. All he wanted was to be alone, or to be with Jay. No one else. Especially not his parents.
Since that wasn’t possible, he climbed out and waited to see Grrake run to Shanteya and sweep her into his arms and suddenly be smiling and happy again.
Except, that wasn’t what happened. Grrake approached her with his head down. They embraced, but then he pulled away, whispering something to her and casting a glance at Yhkon. Shanteya’s gaze followed.
Swearing inwardly, he simply shouldered his pack and walked toward them. Jay was greeting her own family, so he could deal with it his way without her there to prevent him. Grrake looked away uncomfortably when he got there, while Shanteya didn’t so much as blink. There were few that could hold Yhkon’s gaze when he was angry, but she could. For that, at least, she could have his respect.
That didn’t change things.
He spoke quietly, for their ears only, and as quickly as he could without stuttering. “The sooner we all accept that this is how things are, the better. You two can talk ab-bout me all you want, but I don’t feel the need to be part of any of it. Let me know if you need me for something other than a family dis-discussion.” Done, he strode into the palace with their stares on the back of his neck.
In his and Jay’s apartment, he no sooner put down his pack and got out of his extra gear than he started pacing. He’d thought that some time alone would be his preference, but now he wished Jay would come up. She ought to have the time with her family, so he couldn’t seek her out, not to mention he might run into Grrake and Shanteya. Or anyone. He wanted to see Jay or no one at all.
A knock came at the door.
Jaylee wouldn’t knock.
He decided to ignore it, let them think he wasn’t there, until the newcomer spoke: “Yhkon, it’s Annyve...I just wanted to see if you were okay after your trip. Bactah says Talea was hurt.”
Opening the door, he hugged her. It must have surprised her, but she held him tightly and kissed his cheek before they parted. “So I take it you’re not okay.”
He let her into the apartment, shaking his head. “No, I’m fine.”
She didn’t believe him for a second. “Does that have anything to do with your parents?”
They’re not my parents. Ann would always be more like a mother to him than Shanteya could ever be.
His silence probably spoke volumes. “I see. Is it Shanteya, or Grrake, or both?”
“Both.”
“You do know they love you? And would do anything for you?”
Not anything. Shanteya wouldn’t give up her throne to be his mother, though he didn’t entirely blame her for that. Grrake wouldn’t risk their relationship by telling Yhkon the truth. And now, he would rather be with his long-lost love than fulfill his duty as Warden with the rest of them. “I suppose they do, but it’s not that simple.”
“Relationships are rarely simple.” She put a hand on his arm. “You are giving them a chance, aren’t you?”
Before he had thought through how to answer that, Jaylee burst into the room. She gave Annyve a hasty smile, Yhkon a questioning frown. “What did you say to your parents? Grrake looks heartbroken!”
Ann gave Yhkon’s arm a pat as he fumbled for an answer. “I’ll leave you two be. But we’d love to have dinner with you both, sometime.”
“And we’d love that too. I’ll come by later and we can pick an evening.” Jaylee could flawlessly switch between friendly hostess and interrogating wife without so much as a pause.
Annyve left, taking with her his only chance of avoiding Jay’s raised eyebrows and tapping foot. “So? What did you say?”
Yhkon crossed his arms, the muscles around his ears tight. Pretty soon it would be his jaw, and he wouldn’t be able to talk. “Something you would not have approved of.”
“I already knew that much,” she sighed. “Don’t you think it would be better to reconcile? Rather than be in this awkward conflict for the rest of your lives? For your sake as well as theirs.” When he didn’t answer, she sighed again and moved closer to put her arms around his waist from behind, leaning her head against his back. “Whether you decide to be wise and listen to me or unwise and go your own way, I’ll still love you, you know.”
A slight grin loosened his jaw. “How gracious.”
She came around to face him, tsking her tongue at him. “You are so bad.” She kissed him and smiled. “I’m not sure how I’m going to put up with you for a lifetime.”
Three hours later, he sat at the foot of Talea’s bed. She’d never woken to full awareness since the battle, and when she had been conscious, she’d been either dazed or terrified. He wanted to be there when she woke up.
It reminded him of three years ago, after the battle that had taken Ahjul’s life. He’d sat on her bed then too, waiting for her to wake up...wondering if she would. Now he knew she would. But he also knew that she might be worse off than she had been three years ago.
Drowsiness was weighing his limbs and eyelids. One didn’t get much sleep on the back of a lareer and it had been a three-day flight. He left the bedroom and went into Talea’s main room, leaving the bedroom door open. Confident he’d wake up at any noise from her, he stretched out on the couch, kicking his boots off.
He woke up to the apartment door opening, a few feet behind his head. Jaylee.
Wait. Not Jaylee.
Yhkon sat up, as Shanteya entered the room. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were asleep.”
Blast. In the future, he’d have to make it public knowledge that he was asleep. All the time. He got up, but then she sat down, so he
did too. “Did you need something?”
“Yes.” She folded her hands in her lap. “To talk to you.”
It was more discomfort than annoyance that made him fidget, but annoyance would be more likely to get her to leave. “I thought I made it clear—”
“You made it clear that we need to work some things out.” She wasn’t anything like Grrake—they’d barely started a conversation and she was already speaking with a calm firmness, that Grrake only rarely employed. “Your father says that you overheard our conversation, when he suggested that he should stay here with me. And that’s why you’re angry?”
He ran his tongue over his teeth. “Alright. Why isn’t he here for the heart-to-heart I specifically said I didn’t—”
“Because he can only handle so much of your resentment. I can handle a lot more.”
It caught him by surprise. Then it irritated him. “You don’t even know me. You’ve never had to handle anything—you were never there.” That made it sound like he was lamenting her absence from his childhood. Oh well, maybe some guilt would do her good.
“I know you better than you might think.” She gave him a pointed look. “Besides, that’s irrelevant. Even if you weren’t our son, I could still handle more resentment from you than Grrake could. Finally...I may not have been there for you, but Grrake always was.” Her tone was almost chastising. “Don’t you think you owe him a little grace for that?”
She was worse than Larak. “First off,” he allowed a little mockery into his voice, “he was not there for me, for four years, when I needed a father most. Second, I’ve given him p-plenty of grace. I forgave his lying to me for fourteen y-years. And third, he—”
Shanteya’s hand on his knee silenced him. “Yhkon.” Her eyes were somehow both strict and benevolent. “He has made mistakes. He’s hurt you. But can you honestly tell me that you haven’t done the same?”
Yhkon grit his teeth, unable to hold her gaze.
“He will always forgive you and always love you no matter what you say or do.” She moved her hand to rub his shoulder. “Maybe you can do the same for him. I think you would find it worthwhile in the end.”
There wasn’t anything he could come up with to refute that. So he didn’t try. “We’ve devoted the last fifteen years to the wards and to this war, and he would have abandoned it all if you’d let him.”
“That’s just how he is.” Shanteya laughed a little. “I’ve struggled to understand it, too. You and I see the big picture, and if we have an obligation, we fulfill it. He sees...individuals. Of course he cares about the war, but for him, it has always been about the individuals involved. And it’s mostly been about you. It’s true, he would throw aside any obligation to take care of someone he loved...but that’s not all bad, you know.” A moment of silence, before she added quietly, “Your life might have been easier if I’d done that.”
He considered her, her keen eyes, the resolve in her face. It seemed he’d taken after her more than Grrake. “I wouldn’t ask you to do differently.” He hadn’t meant to say anything. Now it was too late. “If you could go back and change it, I mean.”
Her frown lifted, and she looked at him with fresh hope and affection. It made him squirm and break eye contact. All he’d meant was that he understood her decision to fulfill her duty to Sanonyn, all those years ago. Unfortunately, she would probably take the simple comment to mean more than that. “Thank you.” She shifted a little, sitting on the edge of the seat. “I’ll leave you alone, now, but...I don’t want you to ever think that I, well, that I mean more to Grrake than you do, somehow. We love each other. But,” she stood up, “you will always be first and foremost. For both of us.” Shanteya hesitated only a moment before kissing his forehead. She whispered “I love you” before she left.
Yhkon remained sitting, staring at the door she’d just left from for awhile, thinking. He had no interest in Shanteya being his doting, affectionate mother. Perhaps Jaylee was right though. Perhaps he should at least establish some sort of relationship—if only a polite level of friendship—with her, for both their sakes. If nothing else, he had to admit that the woman had guts, and he had to respect her for that. And…that maybe she was right about Grrake.
But he’d deal with that later. For now, Talea was his priority.
11
Change
H ER desk.
It was the first thing Talea saw when she opened her eyes. The notebook she sporadically journaled in, a few pieces of paper from when Ami, who was quite the artist, had convinced her to try sketching.
The pain in her back, throbbing to life as her mind awakened, told her that the lump of fear she couldn’t swallow, the rock in the pit of her stomach, wasn’t from some nightmare. Or actually, that it was—but the nightmare had taken place in real life.
But her desk. She was home. Safe, in Calcaria, in her bed. There were no Kaydorians.
Her eyes were beginning to sting. Blinking rapidly to keep them dry, she looked about the rest of the room. No one was there. Yhkon, however, was pacing in her main room, appearing cyclically as he passed the open doorway between them. After he went out of view again, she cleared her throat. “Yhkon?” Her voice was raspy.
He rushed in, seated on the bed beside her in an instant. “About time you woke up, salqui.” His smile was genuine. And worried. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”
“Um, yeah.” She glanced sideways, as if she could see the source of pain on her back. “If I’m not mistaken a dragon tried to make me into toast and a dude dressed like a dragon tried to slice that toast.”
“I’m going to take your level of sarcastic creativity as a good sign.” He got up, stepping behind her where she couldn’t see. Probably to the dresser, where she guessed there would be medical supplies. “But, are you...okay? Really?” He came back stirring some powder into a glass of water, and watched her a moment, waiting for a reply. When one didn’t come, he just nodded and extended the glass to her.
She reached for it, only to find that her hands were shaking.
Yhkon frowned. He recovered quickly, expression lightening as he—gently—whacked her hand away. “Nevermind, I’m not cleaning up spilled drugs. Can you sit up a little?”
With a wince, she straightened enough that he could tip the glass to her lips while she drank. The water was slightly bitter from the pain reducing herb he’d mixed in.
“Now,” he moved behind her again to put the glass back, “hungry, maybe?”
There was only the rock in her stomach, not hunger. “No.”
“You should be. We haven’t been able to feed you much. Are you sure?”
I’m sure.
He came back around, frowning again. “Okay. Maybe in a little while. Do you want to...talk?”
No. “How are the others?”
“They’re alright. Skyve and Terindi are still...a little shaken up, I guess. Rikky has a slight concussion, but lucky for him, it doesn’t come with a speech imperative.”
She didn’t bother correcting his mistake. “And you and the other Wardens got out of it okay?”
“We’re all fine. We didn’t even fight, in the end...though I would have liked to kill a f-few of those—” he didn’t finish, if he had it probably would have been with a word that would make Grrake sigh.
That Yhkon would feel that way didn’t surprise her. But she knew she could never share the feeling, probably no matter the circumstances. In a tiny way, she wished she could. It must make fighting, and killing, a lot easier.
Talea cleared her throat. “How about Wylan’s team? Heard from them?”
One of his eyebrows was slowly starting to move downward. Probably as he realized that she was avoiding talking about her time in Zentyre, or how she was doing. “Yes, I sent for them when we were on our way to you, so that when they caught up, they could cover our trail and throw off any Kaydorians that falled. Followed. But they should be here anytime.” He peered at her a moment. “So why don’t you tell me about you, now.”
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br /> “I’d rather not,” she said at length.
“How about this,” he made a conceding gesture, “I give you a choice. You can either tell me what’s going on with you, or you can eat something, hungry or not.” He leaned back. “Which will it be?”
It coaxed the slightest of smiles from her mouth. “I missed you.”
Yhkon smiled back. “Oh I see, flattery, to try and throw me off. It won’t work,” he shook his head decidedly, “but...missed you too. Now. Make your choice.”
“Fine. Bring me some food, tyrant.” Eating sounded exhausting. Keeping her eyes open and her tongue moving was enough work, with her whole body heavy and tired. Still, it wouldn’t be as exhausting as trying to verbalize...everything. All her feelings, everything that had happened.
Getting up, he pointed at her as if to tell her to stay put and left the apartment. Within minutes he was back. “It’ll be here in a few minutes. How do you feel about me changing the dressing on your back in the meantime?”
The pain killer had started to kick in, but it still hurt plenty. It had to be done at some point, however. Better by Yhkon than some Stitch she didn’t know. “Sounds delightful.”
He disappeared behind her. She expected him to lift her shirt in order to access her back, but he didn’t. It sounded like he was unbuttoning something. “What am I wearing, anyway?” The back of her shirt had been burned to tatters, so someone had put her into something else since then.
“My shirt, backwards. And you got blood all over it. Way to go.”
She grinned without meaning to. “Uh-oh, was it your favorite one? Even though all your shirts are the same?”
“It just might have been.” He poked her arm. Then he started dabbing at her back with something, disinfectant or a salve. She bit her cheek as a distraction. “Sorry. I promise I don’t enjoy inflicting pain on you, at least not in this instance.”
