by Mariano, Sam
I roll my eyes. “It was a tricky first step, that’s all.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I’m gonna blow you right out of the water as soon as I catch my balance.”
“I won’t hold my breath,” Cal states.
Jerk. I shoot him a dirty look and tug my arm free, nearly tipping over with the momentum. He doesn’t stop me this time. I think he’d let me fall on my ass and smirk down at me afterward, but he’d probably still offer me a hand to pull me back up.
I don’t fall, but I don’t move, either. It occurs to me that I wasn’t paying attention when the volunteer told us how to push off, but I’d rather freeze to death where I stand than ask Cal.
Gesturing to the blue whales on the ice for young skaters to ride on, or little kids to push so they have something to balance on to keep them from falling face first on the ice, Cal asks, “Should we rent you one of those?”
I cock my head to convey are you done now? and let him know I’m not impressed with his ribbing. He merely smirks and crosses his arms over his muscular chest.
It can’t be that tricky. All these people are managing. Let’s see…
I try to use my weight to move forward, but that doesn’t work. I try pushing one skate forward and just gliding gracefully across the ice, but that’s a massive fail, too.
Seeing that I don’t know how to move, Cal says, “Want help?”
“Nope, I’m gonna figure it out on my own.”
He rolls his eyes. “While I’m still young? Should I ask someone to bring me a walker for when we have to get off the ice?”
I shoot him a narrowed look, then I play with the positioning of my feet. They feel so heavy with the skates on, so unstable with my weight balanced precariously on the blades. My feet keep tipping this way and that, so I bend my knees a little and make a concerted effort to balance my weight in the middle. Once I’m steady, I use the toe of my right foot to push myself forward, and then the blade glides across the ice.
“I did it!”
Cal easily skates back out of my way so I don’t bump into him. “And before my AARP discount kicked in—good job.”
Despite his teasing, his voice is warm with approval and it fills me up. I finally manage to glide across the ice—with less grace than I imagined, but I still do it.
I’m doing okay until one of the kids with their cheating little whales flies out in front of me. I don’t want to crash into him, but I don’t know how to stop, either, so I panic and try to turn.
I lose my balance and my feet fly out from under me. I flinch and brace for the impact of hitting the ice, but instead a pair of strong arms grab me, pulling me back against a strong, hard chest.
Cal’s voice is reassuring, his hold firm. “I’ve got you.”
My heart contracts and my tummy rocks as he holds me against his body. I tell myself I should pull away and try to start skating again, but despite the fun I was having only a moment ago, his embrace is so reminiscent of the way he held me last night, memories flash to mind of his hand on my breast, his lips on the curve of my shoulder, his nearly naked body pressed against my flesh.
I shake my head, centering on the noisy ice rink and trying to bring my focus back to the present.
There’s no point thinking about that. It’ll only make me sad.
Cal finally releases me, but he keeps his arms out like he doesn’t trust my balance and he wants to be prepared in case he needs to catch me again.
“I’m good now,” I tell him, a little mellower than a moment ago.
He frowns, his gaze raking over my body to make sure I’m not harmed somewhere he hasn’t noticed. “Are you okay?”
Forcing a smile, I nod. “Yeah. I’m fine. Let’s move over here by the edge so I don’t die.”
We move to the edge of the ice rink so I can exercise a little more caution, holding on as I make my way around the perimeter. Cal skates beside me, not needing to hold onto anything. He doesn’t rub it in, but he’s significantly better at this than I am.
I finally gain enough confidence to move away from the wall, but when Cal skates in front of me and turns around, drifting backwards and offering me his hands to hold onto, I can’t bring myself to turn him down. I’m wearing my gloves, but he doesn’t have any on. Even with the cashmere keeping us from skin to skin contact, when he takes my hands in his, my heart flutters.
I look up at him and find him watching me, an enigmatic twinkle in his blue-gray eyes. God, he’s so handsome. My heart aches just looking at him, knowing he can’t be mine.
Senior year is going to suck. I don’t know how I’ll make it so many more months in his classroom.
“What are you thinking?” Cal asks, as if he can sense what’s on my mind.
“That I wish I’d been put in Ms. Corbel’s English class instead of yours,” I answer honestly.
At that, he frowns. “Why?”
Isn’t it obvious? Because then I’d never have met him. I might’ve passed by his classroom or spotted him in the halls, but we would have never interacted. He would have never noticed me. Would never have had access to my body or my heart.
I don’t answer, I just push with my toe and glide across the ice. It’s much easier with him holding my hands like this, but now that I’ve noticed he’s not wearing gloves, I’m a little worried about how long we’ve been out in the cold.
We skate a little while longer, but the snow starts falling harder and as the majority of other people decide to stop skating, we do, too.
Cal moves off the ice first so he can help me. I appreciate his gallantry, especially because he’s more attentive to my mood tonight than usual and I’m not sure why. He didn’t care at all about hurting my feelings last night when my heart was wide open, so why should he care if I wish I’d never enrolled in his class to begin with?
We return our skates and put our shoes back on, then we overhear the event organizers talking about closing up early tonight due to the worsening weather.
Cal checks his watch, then tells me, “I think we’ll have to find somewhere else to pass the time until the car is ready. Want to walk over and look at the tree before the festival shuts down?”
I do, so we make our way along the snowy sidewalk to the enormous Christmas tree set up beyond the rink. It’s lit with oversized lights and decorated with ornaments the size of my head. The falling snow catches on the branches. It’s coming down harder now, but it still looks magical. I can’t look up for long, though, because the snow gets in my eyes.
Putting his hand at the small of my back to lead me away again, Cal walks me over to another display that seems quite popular. I’ve seen a lot of couples over here posing in front of Santa’s sleigh, mostly in kissing poses. It struck me as odd, since Santa’s sleigh doesn’t put me in the mind of kissing, but as we stop near the light post to have a look, I realize why.
Hanging over us on a string of Christmas lights, there’s a sprig of mistletoe. Cal hasn’t noticed. He has his phone out, studying the screen.
“I think I just figured out why all those couples were making out in front of Santa’s reindeer,” I tell him.
Shifting his gaze to me, he asks, “Why’s that?”
I point up.
Cal tips his head back and spots the mistletoe hanging directly above us. “Ah. Yep, that’ll do it.”
A bit self-conscious now that I pointed it out, I try to make a joke. “Well, I guess you have to kiss me now.”
Cal’s lips curve up in amusement as he slides his gaze me way. “I don’t have to do anything.”
I hate that he still has enough power over me to rock my insides with his rejection when I was only kidding to begin with, but my stomach knots up, proving he does. “I wasn’t serious. I don’t want you to kiss me.”
He cocks an eyebrow, sliding his cell phone into the pocket of his coat. “No?”
“Definitely not. You probably have coffee breath. Gross,” I say, turning and preparing to walk away.
Before I make
it more than a single step, Cal’s firm grip on my arm halts me. He spins me around before I even fully digest that he grabbed me to stop me walking away, and before any of that can register, he’s yanking me in close, still holding my arm to keep me in place.
Startled, I look up at him. “What are you—?”
I don’t get to finish my question, shock stealing my words. Cal’s hand comes up to caress the side of my face. His hand is cold, but so is my skin, so I barely notice.
He pulls me closer. I stumble a step, crashing into his hard body, and instinctively grab on to his shoulder to brace myself. “What are you doing?” I ask more quietly.
“Making a liar out of you,” he says simply.
Chapter Thirteen
Noelle
Cal’s words don’t have time to penetrate my sense of understanding, so I’m not at all prepared for him to lean down and press his mouth against mine.
My whole body stiffens and I try to pull away from him, but his arm locks around my waist, pulling me so tightly against his body, I’m practically on top of him. As the shock begins to fade and I realize Callan McLaren is kissing me, I stop trying to pull away and melt against him instead.
Cal releases my face, but only to slide his hand around to the back of my head, cupping it and trapping me in this kiss I have no desire to leave anyway. Heat courses through my body and I move my arm from his shoulder to around his neck, angling my head so I can reach him a little better.
His tongue moves to the seam of my lips, seeking entrance. I gasp against his mouth, suddenly overwhelmed as nerves all over my body light up with arousal. I open for him and nearly lose the ability to stand when his tongue sweeps into my mouth.
Oh my God. I was wrong, he doesn’t taste like coffee, he tastes like the most exhilarating blend of paradise and heartbreakingly bad decisions. If I could, I’d rip my clothes off right here in the middle of the sidewalk and make all the bad decisions, as long as it continued to feel this good.
I arch my body, trying to get closer to him as he invades my mouth. As his tongue moves against mine, sensually exploring in a way he never has before, all my pleasure centers light up and explode until I think I might pass out.
I’m weak when he pulls away, physically weak. My mouth feels the absence of him immediately, then the emptiness sinks lower and spreads through my insides.
I don’t know how he does this to me—how he rips out pieces of me he shouldn’t even be able to reach and leaves empty spaces I need him to fill. I was a whole person before he kissed me, just like I was a whole person last night before he stripped me naked and showed me all the missing things I had never known about before.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe he’s not creating empty spaces inside me, he’s just shining light on them, awakening them when before him they were dormant.
I swallow, looking up at him with the same vulnerability I felt last night. I sort of expect him to say something cruel and slice me open again, but I’m momentarily relieved when I see tenderness in his eyes and nothing malevolent.
Keeping me close, he caresses my jaw, then he leans down and kisses me again, but much more gently this time. He doesn’t awaken any new parts of me, just soothes the storm he conjured on a whim.
It’s mildly terrifying, the control he has over my heart, but it’s a little exciting, too. When he’s done tormenting me, will anyone else ever hold me like this? It’s hard to imagine. It feels like he’s molding me just for him, and no one else will ever fit me afterward.
He’s ruining me, and I want to let him.
“Kiss me again,” I murmur, just as he starts to pull away.
He slides his hand to cup the back of my neck, slanting his mouth over mine one more time. It’s another soothing, comforting kiss, and even though it’s less physically intense, I crave more of it. I never want it to stop. I want his lips permanently fused to mine.
I want him inside me, too, claiming all the parts of me that already belong to him.
Unfortunately, he stops kissing me, but still with that soft look in his eye that doesn’t make me nervous or defensive that he’s going to follow the intimacy with heartache.
I’m sure he will, but at least not right this second.
Cal presses his forehead to mine for a moment, as if stabilizing himself, then he reaches down and takes my hand.
“Are you hungry?”
I am, but right now I’m craving more of his kisses, not food. I’m craving more than that, too, and I wish I could control my stupid body and make it stop wanting him so badly.
Swallowing down all those admissions, I simply nod my head.
Cal nods, then—still holding my hand—walks me over to one of the horse-drawn carriages that hasn’t left yet. He releases my hand, drawing out his wallet, then he calls out, “Hey,” and gets the driver’s attention. “The Marymount Inn, you know where it is?”
The driver nods, looking at Cal’s wallet with interest. “Just down the road.”
Extracting a twenty dollar bill and holding it out, he says, “Mind dropping us off?”
The driver looks around as if to see if anyone’s paying attention, then he nods his head and reaches down to take the cash. “Sure thing. Hop in.”
I can’t help grinning as Cal pulls back the red blanket covering the seat and gestures for me to climb up into the carriage. I grab the sides and hoist myself in, then Cal climbs in, sitting beside me and settling the blankets over our laps.
Cal wraps an arm around my shoulder and hugs me into his side. I take advantage, snuggling into his warmth and sliding my arms around his core. A dam breaks down inside me and happiness flows over.
This is amazing.
“Want me to drive you around the square first?” the driver asks.
Before Cal can answer, I call back, “Yes, please.”
Cal looks at me. “You’re gonna freeze.”
“You can keep me warm.”
“Hmm. That’s true, I can,” he murmurs.
I want to kiss him again, but I control my baser urges and watch the light displays as we make our way around the square by horse-drawn carriage.
By the time we’re halfway around the square, Cal is the one stirring up trouble. His arm around my shoulder has dropped to my waist and he tugs me closer, leaning in and leaving little kisses along the shell of my ear and down my neck. Goosebumps rise up everywhere and I lean back against the seat, tilting my neck to give him better access as arousal stirs to life inside me once again. He peels back my coat a little, pressing kisses against my exposed collar bone, then his hand drops beneath the blanket and I gasp as it slides between my thighs. He palms me and I shiver, not from the cold, but something else entirely.
“Marymount Inn,” I whisper, suddenly curious. “Is that a restaurant?”
“Sort of,” he murmurs, kissing down my chest to the swell of my cleavage.
Desire swirls inside me, throbbing between my thighs and forming knots of tension in my tummy. I tangle my fingers in his dark hair, cold and wet from all the snow it’s caught. His lips on my skin, his hands on my body… I’m in heaven, and I want more.
He stops mauling me just before we get to the restaurant. He leaves my shirt unbuttoned but pulls my coat closed so I don’t get cold.
Cal climbs down first, then like the Prince Charming he most certainly isn’t, he gallantly offers his hand. Before I can step down, though, he releases my hand and grabs me around the waist, picking me up and lowering me so that my body slides against his on the way down.
I’m lost. Hopelessly lost. I couldn’t exercise good judgment at this point if my life depended on it.
It doesn’t even occur to me other people still exist in the world until the sleigh driver’s salacious amusement cuts through. “You kids have fun.”
He fades back out of focus as Cal looks down at me, his expression solemn. He doesn’t say anything with words, but I can tell there’s turmoil inside him, too. I ache to absolve him of it, but I don’t know how. I wante
d the same thing last night, and I’m no more prepared now than I was then.
Reaching down and clasping our hands together, he murmurs, “Come on.”
I follow wordlessly. Cal opens the door and releases my hand to let me walk in ahead of him. Immediately, a blast of warmth hits me in the face and my whole body feels a little numb. When we were out in the elements I didn’t realize how cold I was, but now I feel like I’ve walked into an oven.
I can only imagine how Cal’s poor hands feel. Mine are chilled, and my gloves are very warm. Now that we’re inside, I peel them off and tuck them into the pocket of my coat.
Cal takes the lead, walking ahead of me to the reception desk where a brunette woman with a bob smiles at him brightly.
“Welcome, friends. Thanks for stopping at the Marymount Inn. What can we do for you folks today?”
“Do you have any rooms?” he asks, cutting straight to the chase.
Just hearing him ask that, my insides tighten with arousal. I tell myself to calm down. The man has it in him to be a torturous tease, and just because he’s asking about rooms doesn’t mean anything is going to happen between us.
“I believe we have one left, let me double check,” she says, then begins tapping on her keyboard.
Cal glances back at me. I shoot him a tentative smile, then I move forward and grab one of his hands. Sure enough, it’s freezing cold. Cal’s hands are so much bigger, it takes both of mine to cover his, but I want to warm him up, so I do. He cocks an eyebrow in confusion at first, not understanding what I’m doing, then I bring my clasped hands with his sandwiched in the middle to my mouth and blow some warm air to speed up the process.
Realizing what I’m doing, his expression softens with fond amusement. “You don’t have to do that.”
“You’re freezing. I want to warm you up.”
The receptionist interrupts the moment, telling him brightly, “You’re in luck, we do have one room left. It’s one of our bigger suites, a little pricier than our other rooms, but very luxurious. There’s a king bed with—”
