by Dean Murray
**
The pack was more subdued than normal on the way home. Everyone splintered off into smaller component parts as soon as we passed the wrought-iron gate signaling the entrance to the Graves estate.
Donovan was waiting patiently inside the door, but he took one look at the bristling bundle of energy that was Alec, and obviously revised his plans on the spot. "Shall I have dinner delayed, Master Alec, Mistress Rachel?"
"I'll take mine later, Donovan, but please don't let that inconvenience the rest of the household. I'll be out in the garden if anyone needs me."
Alec took a pair of quick steps down the hall, and then turned back and looked at me. "Would you care to join me, Adriana?"
It wasn't until we'd been sitting in a secluded corner of the sprawling, green sanctuary for nearly half an hour that Alec finally relaxed. There wasn't any visible change to his demeanor, but one second tingles of lightning were dancing along my skin, and in the next heartbeat the unseen world settled into a sleepy calm.
"Will you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to the Ashure Day festivities?"
The question caught me so much by surprise that the tiny ant I'd been watching managed to drag his heavy burden of leaves halfway across the nearest flagstone before I managed a response.
"Is this because of earlier? Because I told you I don't expect you to stay with me?"
Apparently it was his turn to spend some time pondering his reply. My six-legged friend was joined by another of his kind, and they were manfully working their way up the hill towards a tree.
"I've actually wanted to ask you for quite a while. Hearing that Brandon was taking you was harder for me to accept than you might imagine. My asking you now has nothing to do with our conversation from earlier today."
"Why are you doing it now then? I half expected you to try and send me out of the country again. An invitation to the local equivalent to Prom was the last thing on my mind."
The pair of ants disappeared, hidden among the lush grass that somehow managed not to look out of place here on the edges of the desert. I was starting to realize that the best way to get information out of a guy was to wait him out. Sometimes applying a little judicious pressure here or there helped, but it was largely just a matter of letting them work through whatever internal barriers stopped them from sharing their feelings.
"My taking you to the dance is one of the more selfish things I could be doing. It represents so much of what I want, but is wrong for you on almost every level. I guess I've just decided I'm tired of trying to be good when I have so little time left."
"Why is that selfish? Most people would think you were being quite charitable taking the new girl to the big dance when you could have your pick of anyone in the school and half the females in the state."
Alec slowly reached over and took my hand for the first time since we'd sat down. The sudden surge of tingly, pleasant energy nearly distracted me from the fact he was very carefully not meeting my eyes.
"Can you feel that? I mean, it feels good, doesn't it?"
I felt smiles tug at the corner of my lips as a giggle bubbled in my chest. "I think it's supposed to feel good, silly."
My laughter died at his lack of matching mirth. "Have you ever wondered about my mom? I mean, why she's the way she is?"
Definitely not a time for funniness apparently. "What do you mean? I've only met her the one time. She seemed normal enough. I guess a little distracted..."
The chuckle I'd been waiting for surfaced, but it wasn't at all like his normal laugh. It was as if someone had sucked all of the joy and goodness out of the sound I'd grown to crave on a nearly subconscious level, and left a twisted shell.
"She's definitely distracted. You could even say utterly disconnected from the world. Completely free from the present, always living in the past."
"I don't understand how any of this ties together."
He looked up at me for the first time, and the tortured look in his eyes made me hold onto his hand as tightly as I was able.
"It's all the same thing. Our touch, my touch, it's like a drug. It's addictive, subtly, so subtly most humans never even realize what is happening to them. I've seen what it's done to my mother. How can I say I love you if I turn around and do the same thing to you?"
For a second I couldn't even think. He'd just used the 'L-word', and my heart felt like it was tearing itself apart inside my chest. In the subtle shadings we girls used to measure commitment, it wasn't as good as if he'd come right out and said, 'I love you Adriana Paige', but it was still pretty good, and it was a complete first for me.
Once I made it past the second part of his statement, I was able to start considering the first part of what he'd said. It was horrifying and amazing all at once, and it made complete sense. His mom was living in memories because the real world was just a pale shadow of her life with his father.
Alec seemed to take my silence as condemnation, or possibly just agreement with his self-condemnation. "We're where the legends of succubi originated. Irresistible demons who drain their victims dry, who leave their lovers a hollow shell of what they were before."
I'd finally worked through things enough inside my mind, to respond, but he bulldozed right over me. "Do you understand now? My getting closer to you is the ultimate form of self-gratification. It's the worst possible thing I could do to you. If you somehow survive everything that's about to happen, it would leave you forever hungering for another touch, but never able to fulfill that desire."
I placed a hand on his lips before he could ramp back up to another diatribe. "None of that matters. All I want is to be with you, and if we're as likely to all die as you seem to think we are, then the state of my mind after you're gone is hardly something worth wasting worry on. I accept your invitation. As much as I hate the very thought of going to any formal dance, I can think of nothing better than going with you."
"That's the addiction, the Ja'tell bond talking."
Now that I knew his concerns, it was hard not to notice just how distracting the feel of his lips under my fingers was. Just how pleasant it was to have his hand cupped over mine. It was with an incredible amount of regret that I let go of him, and put several inches of empty air between us. It didn't help much; I could still feel his energy caressing the exposed pieces of my skin.
"There, I'm not touching you, and I still want to go to the dance with you. Want it more than anything else."
That wasn't completely true. I wanted him to kiss me even more than I wanted to go to the Ashure Day Dance. Having him touch me in other ways was pretty high on the list too, but maybe that was just psychosomatic. He didn't need to know that. I really did want to spend time with him. Even if he wasn't going to touch me, being with him was better than being anywhere else.
"This is a mistake. The worst kind of mistake because we both know it's wrong and we don't care."
"I don't think it's a mistake. I don't even think it is wrong."
"But if you did, would you care?"
"Probably not, but that doesn't change the fact that this is what I want to do."
His sigh was ample evidence he didn't believe me. It probably didn't help that I'd moved in closer as I finished speaking, but I was already worrying about something else he'd said.
"Alec, everyone keeps talking as though this fight is soon, but I've never heard an actual date."
He finally wrapped his arms back around me, but it was a subconscious move, as if he was trying to protect me from what he was going to have to say next.
"It's after the dance. The night of the new moon, an hour or two after the Ashure Day celebration ends."
I was suddenly even more grateful we were going to the dance together. If I only had a couple of weeks to live, then I wanted to spend every possible second with him.
