by Rae B. Lake
She poked and prodded at me. She caressed my skin. It was a long time. A long time since anyone touched me, even longer since anyone but Laura touched me. I pulled my shirt down knocking her hand away roughly.
“Are you fucking done?”
“Yeah, it looks good, it’s healing well.” She tried to give me a smile but I didn’t want any of it. I stood up and walked over to the small kitchen. I opened the fridge door and was instantly annoyed, there was jack shit in there. Not even the essentials. No milk, no bread. All she had in there was eggs, sausages, water.
“How the fuck do you expect them to live off this shit.” I asked as I slammed the door to the fridge. “Why don’t you go buy some fucking food?”
“I can’t.” Mikki answered.
“Fuck that, get your shit and go to the store. Those girls need something more than eggs and sausage.” I yelled as I pointed over to the door.
“Don’t you think I fucking know that.” She yelled right back. The wildcat was back. “I know we need food, I know the little girl is malnourished, I know we can’t survive here for much longer. God dammit I know!” She lowered her voice a little, “But everytime I go out it could be the one time we get caught and they take us back. I can’t let that happen. I can’t” She broke down and cried.
Fuck me, I didn’t mean to do that. I am always fucking something up.
I walked over to her and patted her gently on the shoulder. “Look, that was shitty of me, I don’t know your life. I don’t know your problems. I know you are doing your best. I’m just a dumb fuck, don’t mind me.”
She turned around and buried herself into my chest. The still married part of me immediately wanted to push her the fuck off but the small part of me that was missing affection wanted to just wrap her up. I settled somewhere in the middle. I took one arm and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“Oh Alex, I am so scared, it feels like this is too big to beat and no matter where we go those bastards will always have one leg up on us. We are just small town girls, we can’t beat this.” She sobbed hard into my chest. She was breaking, I knew the feeling.
“Look, I don’t know what is going down, but” As soon as the thought entered my mind, I could feel the dread starting to creep up. “I’ll help you as much as I can. I’ll do my best to protect you.”
Mikki looked up at me, those big eyes looking at me, then she raised her hand and placed it over my heart. Whatever she felt there, must have reassured her. She smiled and rested her head down on my shoulder. “I believe you.”
I held her awkwardly until she fell asleep and once she did I shuffled her to the couch and grabbed my old shirt that she must have taken off me. She couldn’t have looked in the pockets because the stack of cash was still there. I peeled off a few bills, took her keys, and walked out the door. These girls needed food; it was the least I could do.
An hour later, I walked back in with 5 bags in each hand.
She ran at me as I opened the door, the ice pick in her hand. I stopped before taking even one step forward.
When she saw it was me she dropped the ice pick and tried to take the bags out of my hand. “Are you insane! Don’t you know you are injured! You could give yourself a hernia.” I didn’t let go, instead looked at this woman who was more concerned with the fact that I was going to hurt myself than the fact that I pretty much stole her keys and that I could have been a stranger.
“I got it.”
“I don’t care, let go.” She looked me in my eyes, and I knew that she would stand there holding onto the bags until I let go.
I let go of the few that were in one hand so that she could take the bags from me.
She placed the bags on the counter, “Did you steal this stuff?”
“What? No. What the fuck kind of question is that.”
“A simple one. When I met you, it looked like you were living on the street.”
I rolled my eyes, “Look woman don’t question me, either eat the food or throw it out. I won’t be questioned.”
She cocked her head to the side, “You mean that shit don’t you. If it means the safety of those girls, mine or even yours, you bet I will question you. I will question everything you do. I don’t know who you were hanging out with before now but just because you speak doesn’t mean it’s the end.” She walked over to the bags on the table and picked them up to throw in the garbage.
“Wait, fuck!” I grabbed her hand. “No, I didn’t fucking steal anything. Who the hell bags up stolen goods anyway? I bought it with my money. You want the receipt?” I asked, sarcasm lacing my tone.
She relaxed and put the bags back on the floor before dropping down to examine the contents. With every item she pulled out of the bag her smiled got wider and wider.
“What the fuck is this, did Santa come?” Vida asked as she walked out of the room and into the small area that held the kitchen.
“Alex got us some food.” Mikki said while she started to put the food away.
“Oh shit, no eggs and sausage, it’s a miracle.” Then her eyes darted to the white box that was on top of the fridge. “Are they fucking donuts!” She jumped out of her chair so fast it fell to the floor.
“Did you say donuts!” Angel’s sweet high pitch voice screeched through the small space and a whirl of blond curly hair whizzed by me. Mikki moved out of the way as the both of them got a donut and stuffed it in their mouths.
Angel turned to look at me and gave me a huge smile, the only problem was the donut she chose was chocolate. Not only was the icing all over her mouth but it was on her teeth and even some on her nose, she looked ridiculous.
I tried to hold it in but I let a chuckle loose, then I looked over to Mikki who was looking at me like I had two heads. The way her eyebrows had shot up to her hairline was even more ridiculous than Angel so that made me laugh even harder.
“Err, Alex has lost his mind.” Vida said with a mouth full of donut and for some reason that made me laugh even harder. Then Mikki started laughing, then Angel, then Vida. Within a few minutes we were all belly hurt laughing for absolutely no reason besides having donuts.
New tears rolled down my face but instead of being from sadness they were from laughter, my mood changed as soon as I felt a foreign hand squeeze mine. I looked down to see Mikki grabbing my fingers and squeezing.
I looked over to her.
“Thank you.” She mouthed and gestured over to the girls with her head. I looked at them and they were both rolling on the floor, laughing, a donut in each hand. Happy. No fear, no worry, just happiness.
I let go of her hand and shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.” I grabbed a donut myself and finished putting the groceries away.
The tears from laughing faded and the sadness was back. I was getting close again. I couldn’t allow myself to get attached to them, I would be gone soon and they would have to depend on someone else for protection. Not me. I didn’t deserve another family, not after I had failed my first one.
Chapter 7
That night I tried to stay as far away from all of them as possible, it was difficult. I mean where was I supposed to go, there was only one bedroom and the rest of the apartment was one small room. It was cramped to say the least. By eight the girls were so full from the food that they both fell asleep.
I watched as Mikki paced back and forth to the fridge, opening the door every so often.
“What’s the problem?” It was annoying as fuck.
“I shouldn’t have let them eat so much. We should have rationed a bit better, now when there’s no more they’re’ going to hurt more.”
The anger inside me roared to life. I bit my lip to keep it stuffed down. “What makes you think there isn’t going to be anymore?”
“Look I appreciate it but we both know this isn’t permanent.”
“Just because I don’t plan on staying here forever doesn’t mean that I am going to go back on my word, what kind of pussy do you think I am? I said I would protect you and that is what I a
m going to do. That means making sure that you have enough food to eat and that you have a better place to stay.”
She shook her head, “No, that isn’t possible, I know that you’ll do your best but we have to be independent as well.”
Why could she just let me make the decisions? Why can’t she just let me do what I needed to do. “Mikki..”
“No Alex, I appreciate it but no. We will accept the help that you give but we have to learn how to get by on our own as well.”
I hated that she wanted to take on everything on her own, she didn’t deserve that. Neither did those girls. They deserved the best.
“Fine, well while I’m around I will make sure that you have what you need. How about that. You going to fight me on that too?”
She gave me a smile and punched me lightly in the chest. “Nah, I totally fine with that. Just keep bringing those donuts and we will be fine.”
I woke up the next morning to a flurry of commotion.
“Are you sure, I mean they didn’t follow me.”
“Vida, if you are sure you saw one of them, they are just waiting for the rest to come or they are going to be here any minute. We have to get out of here as soon as possible.” Mikki grabbed a few things and was already packing light bags for them.
“Going somewhere?” I asked groggily from the couch.
Angel came over to me and hugged me around my neck. “Mikki says we have to go, the bad guys are coming again.” My eyes darted up to Mikki’s and I could see the fear again, the little girl was right. They were running. I sat up quickly, careful not to knock the little girl down.
“What the shit, are you fucking kidding me right now? Were you not going to tell me something was happening?”
“Alex, this isn’t your fight. You have done so much for us already”
The excuses were just flying out of her mouth.
“Mikayla! Were you not going to tell me that something was happening?”
She let out a sigh, “I don’t know, I wanted to I just… I don’t know!” She dragged her hands through her chocolate brown hair.
I walked over to her and grabbed her hand. I placed it over my galloping heart. This always seemed to work for her. I didn’t know why but I didn’t have time to question it. “What does it feel like is the right thing to do, what is your gut telling you?” I glared down at her.
She felt my chest and looked back up to my eyes. After a second she nodded her head once.
“You’ve got us. Ok. What’s next?” She moved back and grabbed the two girls.
“Tell me exactly what’s happening right now.” I looked from Mikki to Vida. I knew the explanation was going to be coming from that way.
“I just went to the store to pick up some more coffee.” She shrugged a bit and continued, “He must have been looking for us because he caught me coming out of the store, he even had to put the car in reverse to cut me off. If I had just walked out a few seconds later he wouldn’t have seen me.”
“Are you saying this person followed you here?”
“I don’t know, I just ran. I didn’t look back.”
“How long ago was this?”
“Fifteen minutes.” Mikki said.
“Pack up, were leaving. I’ll take you back to my apartment, then I want the whole story. I want to know who the fuck you’re running from, how many people and what you could have done to cause them to come after you. Don’t leave anything out.”
“You got it.”
Angel walked over to me and held her arms up for me to carry her. My stomach still hurt but not enough that I would tell this little girl no.
I had them pack only the essentials and we were out of there.
Chapter 8
We made it back to the bar with no real hiccups. I looked around every so often, trying to stay cautious for them but I didn’t see anyone following us.
Devin turned when he saw me walking in. It looked like he might cry just at the sight of me.
“Man, what the fuck! I damn near called the cops... again! You held up a liquor store? What the fuck is going on?” He walked up to me and even though he was screaming at me, he wrapped me up in a deep hug. The little fucker was worried.
“How’d you know about the liquor store?”
“Zed took a statement from the man you held up, that paperwork mysteriously never made it to the station.”
Zed was Devin’s brother and a police officer. He helped out as much possible but I still didn’t trust the pigs.
“Yeah, I’m going to make that right soon but first I have a favor to ask.” I reached in my pocket and peeled off the rent that I owed him from the stack of cash I had. It was already starting to run low.
He looked at the money and then finally he saw the girls behind me. “Um, who the hell is that?”
“These are some friends of mine and they need to stay with me for a bit. The studio is good for me, but I think it would be a little cramped for all four of us. Can we take the two bedroom?” Devin looked at me like I was out of my mind.
“The two bedroom is where I live.”
“I know, I am proposing a switch just for the time being.”
“Get the fuck out of here.” He tried to turn around.
“Devin, I may not be in the life anymore but we both know that I can get a lot more business to come your way when I get my shit together. Think of this as an investment.”
He squinted his eyes at me and then looked behind me to the women waiting for me. I smiled the very second he sighed. I won.
“Fucking hell, your place is a mess! I better be rolling in the customers when you get yourself together!”
I clapped him on his back once and pulled the girls towards the stairs.
The apartment was still small but at least there were two beds and a separate small living room area and the bathroom had a tub instead of just a shower.
“Is this for us?” Angel asked as she turned around in my arms.
“For now, just for now, but when everything is settled I will make sure you have the best. I promise.”
The little girl looked into my eyes gave me a bright smile and shimmied down. Vida and Angel ran into the room, laughing all the way.
I turned away, the tears were back. I didn’t know why or if I could get this shit to stop. I had never cried this much in my whole life and now I was crying at the drop of a hat.
“You know the more you hold them in, the more they’re going to keep coming. You have to release it.”
Mikki walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my midsection. She held me tight and it felt like every muscle I had melted into a puddle on the floor. I knew we were inside but when I closed my eyes it felt like I was bathing in sunlight. She was so warm, so calming, so Mikayla.
I didn’t deserve this peace she was giving me.
“You don’t know me, get off! I’m a piece of shit, I know it, everyone else knows it. You are the only one who hasn’t figured it out yet.” I shook my head and went to go sit on the couch. “I’m a fucking failure. Stop leaning on me, I’ll crumble.”
“Then let us be there to catch you. Who the fuck told you that you had to do it on your own? Who told you that you didn’t need a team to win? You can’t expect to take on the world single handed and be victorious. Let us help you and be there for you like you are here for us.” She scooted up closer to me and pressed her palms to my face. She looked deep into my eyes and caressed my face. “Alex, you are not a failure, you are down right now, but you will be back up. That strength in you demands it. You have no choice but to thrive.”
I sucked in a deep breath, this woman knew nothing about me but she was touching a part of me that no one had ever touched before, no one but Laura. I could feel the small inner flame that I thought was dead begin to smolder and spark back to life. My pride and ego ballooning back up with every second that passed.
“You are going to be a fucking problem aren’t you?” I asked, smiling slightly but pulling myself away from her. I
sat back on the couch and tried to relax a bit.
“You know it.” She scooted back but didn’t stop looking at me. “So do you want to talk about it?”
I just felt a tiny bit of happiness, just now. I wanted to keep this feeling for a little while longer. “No, one day, we can talk about it but right now I want to know what happened back at your place. I want to know how you all came to be here, I want to know who is fucking with you.”
“Ok. Well I guess I should start from the beginning.”
Chapter 9- Mikki POV
I sat back on the couch, trying to gather my thoughts, I was about to explain my living nightmare to this man. I used to be ashamed but not anymore. Now when I had a chance to tell anyone the story I did. That way they wouldn’t fall for the same trap. I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone. Fear is not a state that someone should have to live in for long
“I took my sister from our home to follow her dream, she wanted to be a model and I thought that I had met someone who could really take her to the next level. The relationship with him happened quickly, I knew it was happening quickly but I trusted him. I was infatuated with the man. He promised that we would come to a big town and that she would get her big break. He knew all these really important people, had all these people who worked for him. It wasn’t long before I saw an evil in him, I could see it in his eyes but I wanted to believe that he was capable of change. That he would change for me. I packed up our stuff and without really knowing what we were doing I followed him.” I could feel the emotions beginning to rise inside of me. Every time I thought back on it I couldn’t understand how I could have been so stupid. I was raised better than that. “He told me that I would be able to find a new hospital to work in with no problems, that he had a place that my sister and I would be able to live comfortably.”
“Where are you all from?” Alex asked still paying close attention to my story.
“Canada, my mother moved us there from Spain when I was twelve and Vida was seven.”
