by E. L. Todd
“That’s a lot of money,” Rome said.
“It is. And it’s going to a good place.”
When the evening was over, people started to migrate toward the exit. She and I stayed in our seats, neither one of us in a hurry.
“What are your plans now?” she asked.
I looked at my watch. “I might head to the bar with some friends.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Just heading home.”
I wanted to invite her out but I had a feeling it would backfire. But I didn’t want our night to end either. I just wish I knew what she wanted and what she was thinking. Sometimes I thought she felt the connection I felt, the need burning in my heart. Ever since the day we met, I was hooked on her. That was months ago and nothing had changed. Did she feel it too?
When the crowd dispersed, we rose from our seats then headed toward the exit.
“Did you drive?” I asked.
“Taxi,” she said. “Too much traffic on a Saturday night.”
“I did the same thing.” We stepped outside the hotel then reached the sidewalk. People were still mingling and talking about the charity event. When I looked at her in her form-fitting dress, I didn’t want the night to end. “Would you like to get a drink with me?” The question was out before I could stop myself.
She looked at the time on her phone. “I have some time.”
Did she have somewhere else to be? “Okay.” I walked with her up the street until I reached a nice place. The entrance fee alone was a hundred bucks. But it was always quiet, clean, and there was privacy. I paid for Rome before she had the chance to open her purse. Then we walked inside and found a booth situated behind a wall. The lights were low and it was a comfortable atmosphere.
“What can I get you to drink?” I asked.
“Moscato.”
“Coming right up,” I said. I got the drinks then returned.
She looked like a vision as she sat across from me. Her green eyes were deep like the forest, and her black diamond earrings contrasted against her dress. Her shoulders were small and rounded, and her chest was voluptuous. It was wrong to look but I did anyway.
She sipped her glass and savored the taste. “That’s good.”
“I’m glad you like it.” It was a beer, and I preferred it over wine. The only thing I preferred more than beer was hard liquor. But that would make me turn into a loud and abrasive man, not the guy Rome was used to.
“Did you have fun tonight?” she asked.
“I did—because of you.”
“Me too,” she said.
I stared at her face then her lips. My mind felt confused like I’d been drinking a little too much. I was braver than I normally was, looking at her in the same way I looked at women before I slept with them. It was getting more difficult to hide my attraction to her, and I didn’t want to bother anymore.
“Is everything okay with your brother?” she asked.
Theo? “Yeah. Why?”
“It just…seemed like you hated him.”
“I do,” I said bluntly. “He had no right coming to my office like that.”
“He seemed nice,” she whispered.
“He’s not as nice as you think,” I said bitterly. I didn’t want to talk about my brother but she brought him up.
“Why?” she asked.
I probably wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t drink three glasses of scotch. “He was horrible to me when we were growing up.”
“I think all siblings are like that.”
“No,” I said firmly. “He bullied me and made my life miserable. It wasn’t until I left for college that I stopped being depressed. He went out of his way to make my life a living hell. He would beat me up at school because I was scrawny. Anytime I made a friend, he would convince them to ditch me so I would remain a friendless loser. And then when I was home, it was worse. He pulled every practical joke you could think of, and when my parents weren’t home, he would hold my head in a toilet until I almost passed out. Then he would do it again. He was always bigger and stronger than me because he did martial arts. When he finally went to college, it was the first time I understood what happiness meant.” I looked away, feeling angry after the memories resurfaced.
Rome stared at me, sympathy in her eyes.
“But now he’s the loser. He doesn’t have a job, and he had to come to me for money. Instead of giving him a loan, I turned it into an investment. I will always be more successful than him, and now I’m bigger and stronger than he is. I have good friends that care about me, and I make all his accomplishments look insignificant compared to mine.”
Rome moved her hand across the table then interlocked our fingers together.
Touching her hand made me forget my anger and resentment. I felt calm and whole. Her hand was much smaller than mine, but it felt warm and soft. I didn’t pull away. Instead, I gripped her, wanting the affection to last as long as possible.
“That’s why you like helping other people. You know what it’s like to be the one who’s drowning.”
It meant a lot to me that she figured it out without me explaining it.
She rubbed the top of my knuckles with her other hand and soothed me. “When he came to your office last week, what did he want?”
“He’s been trying to apologize to me for a while. But I know he’s just doing it because he feels guilty. Now he understands how pathetic he is. He doesn’t want a real relationship with me. He just needs to absolve his sins. I agreed to see him tomorrow but it’s only to get him to leave me alone. If I give him what he wants and make him feel better about himself, he’ll forget about me just like before.”
She continued to stroke my hand. “Do you think there’s a possibility he’s being genuine?”
“No.” Not even a little bit.
“What if he is?”
“Not possible.”
She continued to stare at me. “Thomas, what if he really regrets what he did and now he wants a relationship with his brother. We all do stupid things when we’re young.”
“That’s not an excuse.”
“I’m not saying it is,” she said calmly. “But this is your brother we’re talking about.”
“He’s not my brother,” I said firmly. “We may look alike and have shared DNA, but that’s it.”
She leaned closer to me. “I know it’s hard to forgive people when they’ve hurt you. I do.”
The idea of anyone hurting Rome made me sick. It also sent me into a rage. “Who hurt you?” I blurted.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said quickly. “But if your brother really regrets what he did, if he really sees the error of his ways, it’ll help you feel better if you forgive him.”
“How?” I asked.
“It’ll give you closure. Then you can make new memories with him—better ones.”
“I don’t want a relationship with him. If he were someone else, no one would expect us to be friends.”
“I know…but he’s not someone else.”
I sighed in irritation. “What does that matter? In my life, the people who’ve mattered most to me haven’t been related to me. That makes them stronger than family. They are people I choose to love, not people who I am forced to love.”
“I understand that,” she said calmly. “I do. But I still think you should try.”
I took another deep breath, feeling impatient.
“It takes a lot more energy to hate someone than to let it go. Spend some time with him and see if he makes good on his word. If he does, slowly begin to forgive him. If he’s just pulling your leg and trying to get something out of you, then turn your back on him for good. But you need to try first.”
“Why—”
“Because you’ll regret if it you don’t. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But one day, you will.”
Maybe she was right. Maybe she was wrong. But in either scenario, I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I looked at
my watch. “It’s getting late. I should go.”
“I should probably go too,” she said sadly. She gave me a look of longing before she averted her gaze.
Did that really happen? Or did I imagine it?
We walked outside and reached the sidewalk. Less people were out as the night became later.
“The gala wasn’t so bad this year,” I said.
“Yeah, it was pretty fun.”
I stared at her, wanting to say something intelligent but I couldn’t think of anything. Instead, I stepped in the street and waved down a cab. It pulled over to the side of road. “You can have this one,” I said as I came back to her.
“Thank you.” She didn’t move for the door. Instead, she kept staring at me. Then she came closer to me, just an inch away. “For what it’s worth, I know who you are under that suit. And I think that man is worth more than any asset you possess. Beautiful people are hard to come by. And you might be the most beautiful of all.”
I stared at her, dumbstruck. No one had ever said anything like that to me. No one ever made me feel loved. The friends I had now were people I met after my transition. It was only after I built myself up and became rich did people find me interesting and cool. But Rome knew more about me than anyone. She knew I was a loser, a small boy that was bullied. And she liked that about me. She didn’t resent it. She was impressed when I stood up for that girl in the coffee shop, and that was the reason she spoke to me, not because I was an investor at a profitable company. She knew nothing about me at the time.
Without thinking it through, my hands moved to her hips and I leaned in slowly. When I was just an inch from her face, she didn’t pull away. Her warm breaths fell on my face, deep and excited. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck, inviting me to her.
I closed the distance then pressed my lips against hers gently. I froze at the touch, and time seemed to stand still for minutes. My body tightened and shook because the heat seared me. The second I touched her, my heart sped up and everything kicked into overdrive. Chemistry like I’ve never known exploded between us.
When I regained control of my body, I cupped her face and kissed her passionately, my lips moving against hers in a delicate yet desperate way. I hadn’t even used my tongue but I was already on fire. She pulled me closer to her, needing me as much as I needed her.
She tasted so good, like sweet honey. She was an amazing kisser, the best I ever had. I couldn’t breathe slowly because I was too excited. I couldn’t control myself because I wanted her too much.
When her tongue slipped into my mouth, my body shivered. A single kiss from her was better than every lay I ever had. She made me breathless but calm at the same time.
Then I remembered she was my secretary. I remembered how this would end. I remembered the drama it would cause. I remembered the heartbreak that would consume me.
I pulled away even though it took every ounce of control I could muster. I stared at her, out of breath.
She stared back at me, the longing evident.
“I…I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what came over me.”
She breathed hard but didn’t say anything.
“We work together…nothing can happen.”
“I know…”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I just…you look so beautiful and you’re such a sweetheart. I got carried away.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “So did I.”
The taxi driver impatiently honked the horn.
Reality came back to me, and I opened the back door.
She slowly stepped toward it and looked at me.
I stared at her face, seeing the same sadness I felt. “I’m sorry.”
“I am too.”
***
I got to the country club first and sat in the restaurant. It was only noon but I needed a drink. After the night I had with Rome, I couldn’t wait until five to start drinking.
Kissing her was…inexplicable. I never felt that kind of chemistry with anyone before. She burned my mouth but froze it at the same time. She took my breath away, but breathed life into me simultaneously. Was it just because I was extremely attracted to her? Or was there something more to it?
I thought I knew the answer.
Theo arrived with his golf clubs over his shoulders. “Good morning.”
“Afternoon.” I finished my scotch then left the glass on the table along with some cash.
Theo eyed me hesitantly, like I might grab my driver and beat him over the head with it.
Believe me, I considered it.
“So, ready to hit the green?” he asked.
“Yeah. I have a cart.”
“Sweet,” he said.
We hit the turf and began the game. Theo was decent. He had a good stroke and punched a lot of power into his swings.
But I was better.
And I loved that fact. He never let me forget what a loser I was in our youth. Well, it’s payback time.
I made the next hole in two swings, putting his score to shame.
“You’re really good,” he said.
“I know.”
He smirked. “Cocky, much?”
“No. I just want to make sure you know I’m not the wimp I used to be.”
His eyes fell in sadness but he didn’t say anything.
I didn’t know what to talk about or how to interact with him. He was practically a stranger to me. We had absolutely nothing in common. I could pick a random waiter at the restaurant and we’d probably get along a lot better than Theo and I.
But I toughed it out so he would stop harassing me at work.
“How was your weekend?” he asked.
“Good.” I forced myself to return his question. “Yours?”
“It was okay.”
“Take Alex out to dinner?” I asked.
“No, we stayed home.”
“Make sure you treat her right, Theo. I’m not sure why she sticks around to begin with.”
He didn’t rise at my words. “How’s it going with Rome?”
I stopped and looked at him, provoked. “Excuse me?”
“You’re sleeping with her, right?” He stood in front of his ball then made the shot. It went in the hole.
“No, I’m not,” I said angrily. I wish I were.
“Well, it seemed like something was going on between you.”
“There isn’t,” I said firmly.
Theo eyed me then looked away. “I know you’re lying.”
I gave him a look full of menace. “I’m lying?”
“She totally has a thing for you. And I doubt you would resist a beautiful woman like that.”
“I’m professional.”
“Why do you have to be?” he asked. “She’s your secretary. Do whatever you want.”
“No.” I hit my ball, and in my anger, I missed the hole by five feet. I held my anger in check and took another swing.
“So, are you into her?” he pressed.
“Why are you so interested?” I snapped.
He shrugged. “If she might be your girlfriend, I’d like to know about her. She seemed really nice. I liked her.”
“Well, everyone likes her.”
“She seemed good for you.”
“How do you figure?” I asked.
“If you can work with her, then you can probably get along with her in any other scenario. She has nothing but nice things to say about you, and I have a feeling it isn’t just because you’re her boss.”
“Nothing can happen,” I said sadly.
“Why not?” he asked.
We got into the cart then drove to the next hole. “I already told you why.”
“If you’re mature, you should be able to work together and be together.”
“Relationships at work never end well.” We got out then began the next hole.
“Alex and I worked together. That’s how we met.”
“I’m sure it got in the way at some point.”
“No, it never did,” he said simpl
y. “And when that studio is open, I want her to work there too.”
“Well, your job is a joke so it doesn’t count.”
He let the comment slide.
“Do you do the relationship thing?” he asked.
I shot him a glare. “I agreed to golf with you, not share my personal life.”
He shrugged. “I was just curious. Unfortunately, it’s a side of you I know nothing about.”
I lined up my swing and kept my back straight. Then I hit the ball far across the green. It dropped to the ground fifty feet away. “No, I don’t do the relationship thing.”
“What do you do then?”
“Flings.”
“I used to do the same thing until Alex came along.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said sarcastically.
“Well, is that why you won’t be with Rome? Because it’ll just be a fling?”
When I thought about Rome, I didn’t think of a fling. I thought about having dinner with her and watching the Mets game with her. I thought about afternoons in the park getting ice cream. I’d love to spend a weekend in paradise with her, but I wouldn’t want it to end when we returned home. “I don’t know what I want with her…”
He smirked but didn’t say anything. He approached his ball and took a swing.
“I think you should go for it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because she’s special to you. And I’m not going to lie, she’s a beauty. Alex is the apple of my eye, and she gets me going when she just looks at me, and she’s definitely more attractive than Rome, but Rome is someone who turns heads.”
“You think I don’t know that already?” I snapped.
“Just ask her out, dude.”
“Dude?” I hissed. “I’m not one of your annoying friends so don’t treat me like one.”
He hit his ball again and let the comment slide.
Normally, when I said rude things, he came at me with a punch. Now he was docile. A part of me wanted him to come at me. I’d been boxing for years and I was built. I’d love a reason to beat the shit out of him and finally get my revenge.
“Look, you’re into her and she’s into you. See where it goes.”
I already knew where it would go. “I kissed her last night.”
