Debra. Debra was holding my cowland wrecking bar. Lil held the storage units.
I hadn't put on my transdermals that morning, and so the emotion I feltwas unmuffled, loud and yammering.
I ran.
I ran past them, along the road to Adventureland, past the Tiki Roomwhere I'd been killed, past the Adventureland gate where I'd wadedthrough the moat, down Main Street. I ran and ran, elbowing earlyguests, trampling flowers, knocking over an apple cart across from thePenny Arcade.
I ran until I reached the main gate, and turned, thinking I'd outrun Liland Debra and all my problems. I'd thought wrong. They were both there,a step behind me, puffing and red. Debra held my wrecking bar like aweapon, and she brandished it at me.
"You're a goddamn idiot, you know that?" she said. I think if we'd beenalone, she would've swung it at me.
"Can't take it when someone else plays rough, huh, Debra?" I sneered.
Lil shook her head disgustedly. "She's right, you are an idiot. Thead-hoc's meeting in Adventureland. You're coming."
"Why?" I asked, feeling belligerent. "You going to honor me for all myhard work?"
"We're going to talk about the future, Julius, what's left of it forus."
"For God's sake, Lil, can't you see what's going on? They _killed_ me!They did it, and now we're fighting each other instead of her! Why can'tyou see how _wrong_ that is?"
"You'd better watch those accusations, Julius," Debra said, quietly andintensely, almost hissing. "I don't know who killed you or why, butyou're the one who's guilty here. You need help."
I barked a humorless laugh. Guests were starting to stream into thenow-open Park, and several of them were watching intently as the threecostumed castmembers shouted at each other. I could feel my Whuffiehemorrhaging. "Debra, you are purely full of shit, and your work istrite and unimaginative. You're a fucking despoiler and you don't evenhave the guts to admit it."
"That's _enough_, Julius," Lil said, her face hard, her rage barely incheck. "We're going."
Debra walked a pace behind me, Lil a pace before, all the way throughthe crowd to Adventureland. I saw a dozen opportunities to slip into agap in the human ebb and flow and escape custody, but I didn't try. Iwanted a chance to tell the whole world what I'd done and why I'd doneit.
Debra followed us in when we mounted the steps to the meeting room. Lilturned. "I don't think you should be here, Debra," she said in measuredtones.
Debra shook her head. "You can't keep me out, you know. And youshouldn't want to. We're on the same side."
I snorted derisively, and I think it decided Lil. "Come on, then," shesaid.
It was SRO in the meeting room, packed to the gills with the entiread-hoc, except for my new recruits. No work was being done on the rehab,then, and the Liberty Belle would be sitting at her dock. Even therestaurant crews were there. Liberty Square must've been a ghost town.It gave the meeting a sense of urgency: the knowledge that there wereguests in Liberty Square wandering aimlessly, looking for castmembers tohelp them out. Of course, Debra's crew might've been around.
The crowd's faces were hard and bitter, leaving no doubt in my mind thatI was in deep shit. Even Dan, sitting in the front row, looked angry. Inearly started crying right then. Dan -- oh, Dan. My pal, my confidant,my patsy, my rival, my nemesis. Dan, Dan, Dan. I wanted to beat him todeath and hug him at the same time.
Lil took the podium and tucked stray hairs behind her ears. "All right,then," she said. I stood to her left and Debra stood to her right.
"Thanks for coming out today. I'd like to get this done quickly. We allhave important work to get to. I'll run down the facts: last night, amember of this ad-hoc vandalized the Hall of Presidents, rendering ituseless. It's estimated that it will take at least a week to get it backup and running.
"I don't have to tell you that this isn't acceptable. This has neverhappened before, and it will never happen again. We're going to see tothat.
"I'd like to propose that no further work be done on the Mansion untilthe Hall of Presidents is fully operational. I will be volunteering myservices on the repairs."
There were nods in the audience. Lil wouldn't be the only one working atthe Hall that week. "Disney World isn't a competition," Lil said. "Allthe different ad-hocs work together, and we do it to make the Park asgood as we can. We lose sight of that at our peril."
I nearly gagged on bile. "I'd like to say something," I said, as calmlyas I could manage.
Lil shot me a look. "That's fine, Julius. Any member of the ad-hoc canspeak."
I took a deep breath. "I did it, all right?" I said. My voice cracked."I did it, and I don't have any excuse for having done it. It may nothave been the smartest thing I've ever done, but I think you all shouldunderstand how I was driven to it.
"We're not _supposed_ to be in competition with one another here, but weall know that that's just a polite fiction. The truth is that there'sreal competition in the Park, and that the hardest players are the crewthat rehabbed the Hall of Presidents. They _stole_ the Hall from you!They did it while you were distracted, they used _me_ to engineer thedistraction, they _murdered_ me!" I heard the shriek creeping into myvoice, but I couldn't do anything about it.
"Usually, the lie that we're all on the same side is fine. It lets uswork together in peace. But that changed the day they had me shot. Ifyou keep on believing it, you're going to lose the Mansion, the LibertyBelle, Tom Sawyer Island -- all of it. All the history we have with thisplace -- all the history that the billions who've visited it have --it's going to be destroyed and replaced with the sterile, thoughtlessshit that's taken over the Hall. Once that happens, there's nothing leftthat makes this place special. Anyone can get the same experiencesitting at home on the sofa! What happens then, huh? How much longer doyou think this place will stay open once the only people here are_you?_"
Debra smiled condescendingly. "Are you finished, then?" she asked,sweetly. "Fine. I know I'm not a member of this group, but since it wasmy work that was destroyed last night, I think I would like to addressJulius's statements, if you don't mind." She paused, but no one spokeup.
"First of all, I want you all to know that we don't hold you responsiblefor what happened last night. We know who was responsible, and he needshelp. I urge you to see to it that he gets it.
"Next, I'd like to say that as far as I'm concerned, we are on the sameside -- the side of the Park. This is a special place, and it couldn'texist without all of our contributions. What happened to Julius wasterrible, and I sincerely hope that the person responsible is caught andbrought to justice. But that person wasn't me or any of the people in myad-hoc.
"Lil, I'd like to thank you for your generous offer of assistance, andwe'll take you up on it. That goes for all of you -- come on by theHall, we'll put you to work. We'll be up and running in no time.
"Now, as far as the Mansion goes, let me say this once and for all:neither me nor my ad-hoc have any desire to take over the operations ofthe Mansion. It is a terrific attraction, and it's getting better withthe work you're all doing. If you've been worrying about it, then youcan stop worrying now. We're all on the same side.
"Thanks for hearing me out. I've got to go see my team now."
She turned and left, a chorus of applause following her out.
Lil waited until it died down, then said, "All right, then, we've gotwork to do, too. I'd like to ask you all a favor, first. I'd like us tokeep the details of last night's incident to ourselves. Letting theguests and the world know about this ugly business isn't good foranyone. Can we all agree to do that?"
There was a moment's pause while the results were tabulated on the HUDs,then Lil gave them a million-dollar smile. "I knew you'd come through.Thanks, guys. Let's get to work."
#
I spent the day at the hotel, listlessly scrolling around on myterminal. Lil had made it very clear to me after the meeting that Iwasn't to show my face inside the Park until I'd "gotten help," whateverthat meant.
By noon, the news was out. It was hard to pin dow
n the exact source, butit seemed to revolve around the new recruits. One of them had told theirnet-pals about the high drama in Liberty Square, and mentioned my name.
There were already a couple of sites vilifying me, and I expected more.I needed some kind of help, that was for sure.
I thought about leaving then, turning my back on the whole business andleaving Walt Disney World to start yet another new life, Whuffie-poorand fancy-free.
It wouldn't be so bad. I'd been in poor repute before, not so long ago.That first time Dan and I had palled around, back at the U of T, I'dbeen the center of a lot of pretty ambivalent sentiment, and Whuffie-poor as a man can be.
I slept in a little coffin on-campus, perfectly climate controlled. Itwas cramped and dull, but my access to the network was free and I hadplenty of material to entertain myself. While I couldn't get a table ina restaurant, I was free to queue up at any of the makers around townand get myself whatever I wanted to eat and drink, whenever I wanted it.Compared to 99.99999 percent of all the people who'd ever lived, I had alife of unparalleled luxury.
Even by the standards of the Bitchun Society, I was hardly a rarity. Thenumber of low-esteem individuals at large was significant, and they gotalong just fine, hanging out in parks, arguing, reading, staging plays,playing music.
Of course, that wasn't the life for me. I had Dan to pal around with, arare high-net-Whuffie individual who was willing to fraternize with ashmuck like me. He'd stand me to meals at sidewalk cafes and concerts atthe SkyDome, and shoot down any snotty reputation-punk who sneered at myWhuffie tally. Being with Dan was a process of constantly reevaluatingmy beliefs in the Bitchun Society, and I'd never had a more vibrant,thought-provoking time in all my life.
I could have left the Park, deadheaded to anywhere in the world, startedover. I could have turned my back on Dan, on Debra, on Lil and the wholemess.
I didn't.
I called up the doc.
========= CHAPTER 8 =========
Doctor Pete answered on the third ring, audio-only. In the background, Iheard a chorus of crying children, the constant backdrop of the MagicKingdom infirmary.
"Hi, doc," I said.
"Hello, Julius. What can I do for you?" Under the veneer of professionalmedical and castmember friendliness, I sensed irritation.
_Make it all good again_. "I'm not really sure. I wanted to see if Icould talk it over with you. I'm having some pretty big problems."
"I'm on-shift until five. Can it wait until then?"
By then, I had no idea if I'd have the nerve to see him. "I don't thinkso -- I was hoping we could meet right away."
"If it's an emergency, I can have an ambulance sent for you."
"It's urgent, but not an emergency. I need to talk about it in person.Please?"
He sighed in undoctorly, uncastmemberly fashion. "Julius, I've gotimportant things to do here. Are you sure this can't wait?"
I bit back a sob. "I'm sure, doc."
"All right then. When can you be here?"
Lil had made it clear that she didn't want me in the Park. "Can you meetme? I can't really come to you. I'm at the Contemporary, Tower B, room2334."
"I don't really make house calls, son."
"I know, I know." I hated how pathetic I sounded. "Can you make anexception? I don't know who else to turn to."
"I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll have to get someone to cover forme. Let's not make a habit of this, all right?"
I whooshed out my relief. "I promise."
He disconnected abruptly, and I found myself dialing Dan.
"Yes?" he said, cautiously.
"Doctor Pete is coming over, Dan. I don't know if he can help me -- Idon't know if anyone can. I just wanted you to know."
He surprised me, then, and made me remember why he was still my friend,even after everything. "Do you want me to come over?"
"That would be very nice," I said, quietly. "I'm at the hotel."
"Give me ten minutes," he said, and rang off.
#
He found me on my patio, looking out at the Castle and the peaks ofSpace Mountain. To my left spread the sparkling waters of the Seven SeasLagoon, to my right, the Property stretched away for mile aftermanicured mile. The sun was warm on my skin, faint strains of happylaughter drifted with the wind, and the flowers were in bloom. InToronto, it would be freezing rain, gray buildings, noisome rapidtransit (a monorail hissed by), and hard-faced anonymity. I missed it.
Dan pulled up a chair next to mine and sat without a word. We bothstared out at the view for a long while.
"It's something else, isn't it?" I said, finally.
"I suppose so," he said. "I want to say something before the doc comesby, Julius."
"Go ahead."
"Lil and I are through. It should never have happened in the firstplace, and I'm not proud of myself. If you two were breaking up, that'snone of my business, but I had no right to hurry it along."
"All right," I said. I was too drained for emotion.
"I've taken a room here, moved my things."
"How's Lil taking it?"
"Oh, she thinks I'm a total bastard. I suppose she's right."
"I suppose she's partly right," I corrected him.
He gave me a gentle slug in the shoulder. "Thanks."
We waited in companionable silence until the doc arrived.
He bustled in, his smile lines drawn up into a sour purse and waitedexpectantly. I left Dan on the patio while I took a seat on the bed.
"I'm cracking up or something," I said. "I've been acting erratically,sometimes violently. I don't know what's wrong with me." I'd rehearsedthe speech, but it still wasn't easy to choke out.
"We both know what's wrong, Julius," the doc said, impatiently. "Youneed to be refreshed from your backup, get set up with a fresh clone andretire this one. We've had this talk."
"I can't do it," I said, not meeting his eye. "I just can't -- isn'tthere another way?"
The doc shook his head. "Julius, I've got limited resources to allocate.There's a perfectly good cure for what's ailing you, and if you won'ttake it, there's not much I can do for you."
"But what about meds?"
"Your problem isn't a chemical imbalance, it's a mental defect. Your_brain_ is _broken_, son. All that meds will do is mask the symptoms,while you get worse. I can't tell you what you want to hear,unfortunately. Now, If you're ready to take the cure, I can retire thisclone immediately and get you restored into a new one in 48 hours."
"Isn't there another way? Please? You have to help me -- I can't loseall this." I couldn't admit my real reasons for being so attached tothis singularly miserable chapter in my life, not even to myself.
The doctor rose to go. "Look, Julius, you haven't got the Whuffie tomake it worth anyone's time to research a solution to this problem,other than the one that we all know about. I can give you mood-suppressants, but that's not a permanent solution."
"Why not?"
He boggled. "You _can't_ just take dope for the rest of your life, son.Eventually, something will happen to this body -- I see from your filethat you're stroke-prone -- and you're going to get refreshed from yourbackup. The longer you wait, the more traumatic it'll be. You're robbingfrom your future self for your selfish present."
It wasn't the first time the thought had crossed my mind. Every passingday made it harder to take the cure. To lie down and wake up friendswith Dan, to wake up and be in love with Lil again. To wake up to aMansion the way I remembered it, a Hall of Presidents where I could findLil bent over with her head in a President's guts of an afternoon. Tolie down and wake without disgrace, without knowing that my lover and mybest friend would betray me, _had_ betrayed me.
I just couldn't do it -- not yet, anyway.
Dan -- Dan was going to kill himself soon, and if I restored myself frommy old backup, I'd lose my last year with him. I'd lose _his_ last year.
"Let's table that, doc. I hear what you're saying, but there'recomplications. I guess I'll take the mood-suppre
ssants for now."
He gave me a cold look. "I'll give you a scrip, then. I could've donethat without coming out here. Please don't call me anymore."
I was shocked by his obvious ire, but I didn't understand it until hewas gone and I told Dan what had happened.
"Us old-timers, we're used to thinking of doctors as highly trainedprofessionals -- all that pre-Bitchun med-school stuff, longinternships, anatomy drills... Truth is, the average doc today gets moretraining in bedside manner than bioscience. 'Doctor' Pete is atechnician, not an MD, not the way you and I mean it. Anyone with thekind of knowledge you're looking for is working as a historicalresearcher, not a doctor.
"But that's not the illusion. The doc is supposed to be the authority onmedical matters, even though he's only got one trick: restore frombackup. You're reminding
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