by M J Hardy
She sighs wistfully. “You’re so lucky. I wish things had worked out differently for me.”
I’m not sure whether I should ask but the curiosity gets the better of me and I say gently, “What happened to bring you here, Isabel?”
I watch as she runs her finger around the rim of her glass and a shadow passes across her face. She raises her eyes and I see so much pain in her expression it makes me hold my breath. “My fiancé died.”
I make to speak but she cuts me off. “It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything. It wasn’t that long ago, and it’s still raw.”
Reaching out, I touch her arm lightly and say softly, “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”
She smiles shakily. “I wish it wasn’t the case, but he committed suicide.”
I stare at her in horror as she takes a huge gulp of her wine. “It was horrible, Karen. The first I knew was when the police called. It had happened a few days previously, and they’d taken that long to trace me because we didn’t live together and weren’t yet married. My whole life disappeared with Eddie that night. All the plans we had for the future, all the wedding preparations and everything we were working towards, drowned in that lake with him.”
I’m not sure what to say because words seem meaningless in this situation, so all I say is, “I’m so sorry.”
She nods. “Thank you, it’s still quite raw but I’m getting there.”
Then she sighs heavily. “You know, I wanted what you have, Karen. I wanted the husband, house, family and life that two people share as they work as a team. I’m happy you found your way back because loneliness is a terrible thing. It was one thing losing Eddie but the most difficult thing is carrying on. Sometimes I feel as if a part of me died with him that night, it was the part that gave my life meaning.”
As the fire crackles beside us it illuminates the face of a woman shrouded in grief. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like now if Tom hadn’t been mugged. Would I be this woman sitting in front of me? Searching for closure and a means to carry on.
Impulsively, I take her hand and squeeze it, saying softly, “Listen, I know things are hard for you and nothing I can say or do will change that. However, at least let me offer you something I can give you, friendship. Don’t be on your own in a strange place, sitting in an empty classroom of an evening marking schoolwork. Why don’t you come over to ours on Saturday afternoon? We’re having a get together for Tom’s birthday. It’s quite informal and there will be lots of people turning up, lots of them on their own. Maybe you will find a few friends among them.”
She looks at me so gratefully I know I’ve done the right thing. “Are you sure, Karen? I mean, will Tom mind?” Laughing, I settle back and take another sip of my drink. “No, Tom won’t mind in the slightest. He’s a decent guy who loves to socialise. One more won’t hurt and you do need to meet all the parents, after all.”
She raises her glass and says with gratitude. “Then thank you, I accept your kind invitation. I’ll get the address from the school records, what time should I be there?”
“Make it 2.30 and expect to stay late. Tom’s birthday never ends before midnight so expect a packed evening.”
She smiles happily and I feel warm inside. Yes, this was the right thing to do. Isabel needs some friends right now and I am happy to become one of them.
6
Tom groans. “You did what?”
“I invited Jack’s teacher to your birthday party. She’s really struggling for friends right now and could do with an evening out.”
He rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. “Great, what’s Jack going to think? I’m pretty sure when I was his age, the last person I’d want in my house was the teacher. Maybe you haven’t thought this one through.”
Feeling a little annoyed, I glare at him angrily. “Don’t be so heartless, Tom. The poor woman has just lost her fiancé. She needs all the friends she can get at the moment and who knows, you may even like her.”
Shaking his head, Tom heads outside to the garden to prepare the barbeque, saying, “At least I can hide out behind the barbeque. If you asked her, you can make polite conversation with her and that’s my final word on the subject.”
Jack comes running in before I can reply and shouts, “I’m hungry.”
Shaking my head, I turn to the fridge and grab some ham and tomatoes. “Ok, I’ll make you a sandwich but you had better eat your lunch.”
As I prepare the sandwich, I broach the subject with Jack. “Um… I just wanted to tell you that Miss Rawlins is coming to your dad’s party. Do you mind?”
Jack’s eyes widen with horror and he says incredulously. “What… Miss Rawlins… my Miss Rawlins?”
I nod and he groans. “That’s bad, mum. What will the other kids say, they’ll call me a teacher’s pet?”
Shaking my head, I push the sandwich across the table and fix him with a stern look. “Don’t be unkind, Jack. She may be your teacher but she’s also a human being. She has nobody to talk to, so I said she could come. Be nice to her and don’t worry what the other kids think.”
He screws up his face and I feel a little bad. I’m not sure I really thought this through. Tom’s right, I would have hated seeing my teacher sitting in our family home and yet I didn’t consider my own son’s feelings.
Luckily, the phone rings distracting me and I’m glad to hear Tina on the other end. “Hey, Karen, do you need some help? Harry’s taken Jamie swimming, so I could come and refill your gin glass if it’s getting a bit much.”
Smiling with relief, I say happily, “Then what are you waiting for, get your ass over here.”
Laughing, I hang up and reach for the cookery book. I can’t uninvite Isabel, so we’ll all just have to deal with it.
Tina is just the type of friend you need to help you through what could prove a very trying day. As we work, we chat and it’s the first time we’ve had the chance to catch up in weeks. Making sure the guys are out of earshot, I say carefully, “Did you get your hospital results?”
I watch as the light in her eyes dims and immediately regret asking.
“Unfortunately, yes. It’s not good I’m afraid. It appears that my body has stopped producing eggs.”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears and I reach out and squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, take no notice of me. It was always a pipe dream to have another child, anyway. We have Jamie and that’s more than I ever thought I’d have. At least this way we know.”
She takes a slug of her drink and laughs. “At least it won’t interfere with my drinking habits. Goodness, imagine being pregnant again, no gin, now that would be a shock.”
I laugh along with her but I’m not stupid. I know Tina would give up drinking like a shot if she became pregnant. For all her bravado, I know she is devastated by this.
To distract her I groan and smile ruefully. “You’ll never guess who I invited today?”
“Who?”
“Miss Rawlins – Isabel.”
She looks surprised. “What, the boys’ teacher, Miss Rawlins?”
I grin and she shakes her head. “I can’t wait to see Jamie’s face when he sees her walk in.”
“Yes, Jack wasn’t too happy about it,” I giggle and she laughs. “Never mind. Poor woman. You know, when Harry and I went to see her that evening I felt sorry for her.”
“Hmm, me too, that’s why I invited her, it must be lonely.”
Tina nods. “Yes, she seemed kind of lost and I felt bad for her. She wanted to hear all about our home life and asked us so many questions. Harry was quite put out and thought she was a bit crazy but I understood.”
“Yes, it must be hard coming to terms with losing everything. Did she tell you what happened to her fiancé?”
“Yes, terrible business. They never even found his body, apparently.”
I stare at her in surprise. “What do you mean? How do they know he’s dead if there’s no body?”
She s
hrugs. “They found a suicide note next to the lake neatly tucked in his clothes. They had teams of divers out searching for his body but all they found were a few personal items and his clothes. I’m not sure if that constitutes a death, and she told us the police couldn’t declare him dead until they find him. They’re hoping it gets washed up and then she can move on.”
I stare at her in horror. “That’s terrible. No wonder she looks so… haunted.”
Tina nods. “It’s sad, isn’t it? It’s bad enough finding out your future husband is depressed enough to kill himself, let alone have no body to mourn over or bury. She must be feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions. What if he’s staged this whole thing and is out there somewhere? He could walk back anytime and she must always be waiting for that.”
The conversation stops as Tom comes in from the garden and says loudly, “I don’t suppose there’s a beer going? You know, parties are hard work.”
Grabbing one from the fridge, I toss it to him and he smiles at Tina. “Where’s that husband of yours? Shirking his responsibilities again?”
Tina grins. “Hardly. Swimming with Jamie is no holiday. Harry will probably be longing for a beer by the time he gets here.”
As if on cue, Harry and Jamie arrive through the side gate and we laugh as Jamie and Jack immediately disappear up into the tree house and we hear Jack saying angrily, “Miss Rawlins is coming here, I may as well be dead.”
Tom looks at me pointedly as I shout, “Don’t speak like that Jack. Not even if you’re joking. Be nice to your teacher; it’s only for one day after all.”
Harry laughs. “Whoever thought that was a good idea?”
Tina nudges him and he raises his eyes, “What? I told you I thought she was a little strange.”
Tom looks interested. “Why?”
Harry laughs. “Oh yes, I forgot you wriggled your way out of that hellish evening. To be honest, it felt as if I was seeing a marriage counsellor. If she asked us how many times a week we had sex, I wouldn’t have been surprised.”
Tina shakes her head. “To be honest, Harry, I’d have thought you wouldn’t want that statistic coming out. I mean, it’s hardly good for your image.”
There’s an awkward silence and Harry looks annoyed. Tom slaps him on the back and says brightly, “Fancy a beer?”
Harry sighs, “I thought you’d never ask.”
Luckily, they take their beers into the garden and Tina sighs. “I’m sorry about that. The thing is, Harry and I, well, you know, we just don’t have time for one another these days. I think I put too much pressure on him to perform when I was tracking my fertility cycle, and it’s kind of taken the spontaneity out of sex. Now he looks on it as another test of his virility and the magic has gone.”
“I’m sorry, Tina, we’ve all hit that particular rocky patch in our marriage.”
She looks interested. “How did you get over it? I mean, I remember when you said things were bad. The next thing I knew you are both acting like newlyweds. Come on, was it Viagra?”
Giggling, I flick her with the tea towel and shake my head. “Mind your own business. The only thing I can put it down to is that Tom’s accident made us look at things differently. He took a long time to come to terms with what happened and it wasn’t easy. Gradually he discovered that his family meant more to him than work and we started spending more time together and not in a sexual way. I suppose we fell in love again and that bond brings a closeness that glues a couple together. Who knows, maybe your news will be the making of yours. You will stop trying for something that seems impossible and just relax and enjoy each other again.”
She nods and looks a little wistful.
“Maybe you’re right. I have been quite hard on him for a while now. Perhaps we should indulge in a weekend away, just the two of us. The trouble is, when?”
Nodding, I look at her with excitement. “We could mind Jamie for you. Just book something and let me know the date. This could be just what you need.”
She nods, looking thoughtful. “You know, I think I’ll do just that, thanks, Karen.”
As we carry on with our preparations, she appears happier and I’m glad. I’ve been where she is now and I know it’s hard to dig yourself out of the depression. Harry and Tina have too much love for each other to give up on their marriage, and I will do everything I can to help them.
7
It must be around 3 pm when I look up and see Isabel making her way through the side gate, clutching a bottle of wine and looking completely out of place. Racing over to her, I smile happily. “Isabel, I’m glad you made it.”
She smiles nervously. “Thanks for inviting me, I hope it’s not too much trouble.”
She hands me the wine and I smile gratefully. “Not at all. It’s lovely to see you. Let me get you a drink and introduce you to some people.”
We weave our way through the partygoers and I guide her towards the kitchen. As we enter, Tina looks up and smiles. “Isabel, how lovely to see you. Let me get you a drink. What’s your poison?”
“Um, a glass of white wine if there’s one going.”
Reaching for the wine, Tina says brightly, “You know, it’s good you’re here. There are several single men and ladies, I might add, milling around. Maybe they could use a friend too, and who knows, you may all discover things in common and meet up again.”
Isabel laughs. “Maybe. Although friendship is the only thing on my mind at the moment.”
I look at her sympathetically. “Of course. I’m pretty sure you’re still reeling after what happened.”
She nods and then smiles as Jack and Jamie head inside shouting, “Can we have a…?”
They stop when they see their teacher and she giggles. “Don’t mind me, boys, what is it you wanted?”
Jack looks down and mumbles, “Um, a coke please, Miss Rawlins.”
Tina laughs. “Goodness, Isabel. I may adopt you if you have this effect on their manners.”
She throws them a mini can and they exit quicker than they came, obviously keen to distance themselves from any further conversation with their teacher.
Tina smiles at Isabel and says warmly, “Why don’t I show you around? Introduce you to a few other people and make you feel at home.”
Gratefully, Isabel accepts the hand of friendship and they head outside. I watch their progress with interest and see Tina sneakily introduce her to some of the more eligible single men here. There are a few of Tom’s friends from work and some of their friends from the football club they belong to. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing thrusting a grieving woman at red-blooded males but it may distract her for an afternoon if nothing else.
I turn away and busy myself with preparing more dishes to take outside and I’m not sure why but something makes me look up and my heart freezes.
I can see Isabel looking at somebody with total disbelief. She has turned as white as a sheet and can’t take her eyes off one person. As he looks up, I see him plaster a welcoming smile on his face as they walk towards him. I stare transfixed as I watch my husband offer his hand to Isabel and smile politely. She looks confused and upset and my heart starts thumping madly inside. She knows him. I can tell that from a mile off. He is acting as if they have just met and maybe they have but there’s something about Tom that’s rattled Isabel and I want to know what it is – immediately.
I make my way outside as if on autopilot. Ignoring the guests who make eye contact I have only one destination in mind. My husband’s side.
As I draw near, I hear Tom saying, “It’s nice to meet you but I should be getting back to the barbeque. Help yourself to food and drink and thanks for coming.”
He turns away and I see her gaze follow him with confusion. She appears locked in a trance and I can tell that Tina’s noticed it too. We share a look and I see the concern in her eyes as I say lightly, “I see you met Tom, Isabel.”
She shakes her head and says distractedly, “um… yes… um… he seems nice.”
Tina throw
s me a sympathetic look and hurries off and I take a deep breath as I say lightly, “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
She turns to face me and says shakily, “For a moment there I thought I did.”
“What do you mean?”
She shakes her head. “Your husband looks familiar to me. I mean, very familiar. Maybe he’s got one of those faces, you know, the type you think you’ve seen before. I mean his hair is different, and he seems thinner, oh the beard of course, but really, it could be him.”
“Who?”
She takes a moment and then turns and fixes me with a hard look. “Eddie, my fiancé.”
My head spins as she says the words and then I get real, of course, Tom isn’t Eddie. He’s just similar and because of her loss, she’s seeing things she wants to.
I say a little harshly, “Well, I can assure you he’s Tom Mahoney, not Eddie. Maybe he’s got a double.”
She nods. “Of course, they say we all have a double out there somewhere, it’s uncanny really.”
Tina appears with a large gin and tonic and hands it to Isabel. “Here, get that down you. You look as if you need it.”
I notice Isabel’s fingers tremble as she takes the glass and don’t miss that she can’t take her eyes off Tom. He doesn’t appear affected at all, which makes me feel better. I know my husband and he’s like an open book. If he knows Isabel, he’s a better actor than I’ve ever given him credit for. He is laughing at something one of his friends says and I smile thinking there was someone out there who looked just like him. Perish the thought.
Luckily, Tina makes it her mission to occupy Isabel for most of the time and I head across to Tom and say lightly, “You made quite an impression on Jack’s teacher.”
Placing his arm around my shoulders, he pulls me close whispering, “Jealous?”
I laugh. “I didn’t say what that impression was. Maybe she hated you on sight.”
He smirks. “Impossible. One look at this Adonis is all it takes for the women to fall but I only have eyes for one.”
