Her eyes widened. “I’m so sorry. He had no right.”
Jake reached out and took her hand. “I know that. I also told him why I knew you weren’t marrying him. But I refuse to invite him to our wedding.”
“Jake, were not—”
He tugged her hand, pulling her flush against him. “Not what?”
“Not doing this again, for one thing.” She tried to back away, but it only made him hold on tighter.
“This is all either one of us can think about.” He slid his mouth against hers, threading a hand through her silken mass of hair. She tried to resist at first, but once he moved his tongue against her full bottom lip, her body overrode her defiance, and she opened for him.
When he kissed her, he could forget that she’d rejected him again. Her arms around his waist, her hands sliding over his shirt, provided an acceptance that soothed the ache he felt each time she said no. He moved one leg between hers, pressing her as close as he could manage.
“This is so much better without clothes.”
Her shocked gasp turned into a smile as he ran his hands over her body, wondering if this dress was really as simple to remove as it looked. If he tugged on the sash, the whole thing would unwrap like a present.
“Can’t you imagine how amazing it would be, angel? When we’re married it could be like this every day, every time.”
She wound her hand through his hair, pulling his head down so she could whisper in his ear. “It’s a modern world, Jake. We don’t have to be married.”
“I’m not waiting for the license, angel. A simple ’yes, I’ll marry you’ will do.” His hand traced along the neckline of the dress, just under the hem so he could feel the top of her breast.
“Jake, are you here?” Dee’s voice drifted through the office, and Lily stiffened in his arms. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her move as Dee entered the room.
“What have we here?” Dee looked at him with amusement and annoyance. “Is this what you wanted to teach her, Jake? How to make it with the boss in his office?”
Lily swayed at the harsh words, but Jake held her firm, wishing she had enough chutzpah to be the one to tell Dee where to stick her opinions.
“Dee, if you need to see me, you should call first, and Lily will set up a time for you. That way you won’t interrupt anything important.”
Dee shook her head, her voice full of contempt. “Really?”
Lily buried her face in his shoulder, which felt like a sucker punch to his gut. He knew Dee was only looking to protect him, but she needed to stop hurting Lily in the process. “I’m convincing Lily she does, in fact, want to marry me. If you’ll leave, I’d like to get back to it. It did seem to be working for a change.”
“Lily, you had better marry him quick, before he sees what you’re doing and changes his mind. I hope for both your sakes this is a mess he knows how to clean up.” Dee left the room with a flourish, slamming the door behind her.
“Well, that could have gone better.” Jake eased his hold on Lily, looking down at her. There were no tears, but her entire body trembled.
“You’ve got to stop telling people we’re getting married. First Ian and now Dee. Why are you doing this?”
“Because we are getting married. Dee is just trying to protect me, and Ian is a waste of oxygen. Don’t let either of them get to you. But word will get around, so you’ll have to get used to people knowing. Not all of them will look down on you for marrying beneath you. There are some who actually think I’m quite the catch.”
“So marry one of them. I am not marrying you for a home or for tuition or for sex.”
He didn’t want her to. But he’d rather die alone than beg her to love him. It would be a cold day in hell before he’d ever admit how he truly felt about her. Once she knew she had that over him, he’d be completely at her mercy, and he was never going to be helpless to anyone.
…
“How did it go?”
The deep voice startled Lily, and she nearly dropped her book. She turned in the wingback chair, the leather creaking beneath her.
Jake stood in the doorway of the sitting room, his hands in the pockets of his tailored trousers. Even with his shirt unbuttoned and his tie loosened, he still looked perfectly put together. She tried to stretch her lips into a smile, but it just wouldn’t come.
“What are you doing here?” She turned around, opening her book again. Really, she should have chosen something more scholarly than the latest attempt at a Pride & Prejudice sequel, and she would have if she’d thought she’d be caught. But Jake hadn’t been to the house since the incident in the kitchen.
His every footstep reverberated throughout her body. Maybe she needed to have the way he affected her checked out by a medical professional. Just not his girlfriend Susanna. She probably had the same affliction.
“That bad? I was sure you had it nailed.” He crouched down beside her chair, his gaze permeating her until she couldn’t help but look at him.
“What are you talking about?” With him this close, her mind filled with his compelling dark gaze, the firm features of his face, the confident set of his shoulders. There wasn’t much room left for thoughts.
“Your thesis. If it went badly, we don’t have to talk about it. Next term, you won’t have to work, and you’ll kill it.”
She blinked, trying to tamp down the warm feeling spreading through her. Whenever Jake was nice to her, she wound up doing things that only left her humiliated. But still, it was touching that he cared enough to know she’d defended her thesis today, that he wanted to know how it went.
“The committee seemed impressed. I won’t have the final opinion until after the holidays, but they didn’t raise any red flags, so it should go through.”
He reached out and squeezed her knee. “You had me going there. I knew you had it, but you don’t seem excited.”
“I’m relieved, I think. I’ll be excited after the holidays are over and I know where I stand.” With everyone, not just the thesis committee at the university.
His warm hand remained on her leg. “Have you given any thought to holiday plans? We could have a party at the house like you’ve always done.”
Her eyes grew gritty at the mere suggestion. Her grief had barely begun to wane. She stayed busy to keep from dwelling on how much she missed her father. Now that she only had work to keep her from wallowing in her own thoughts, she didn’t know how she was going to make it through.
“Or not. I didn’t think you’d be up for it, that’s why I hadn’t suggested it.” He squeezed her knee again and stood. “Next year, maybe. If you want.”
“It’s your house. I’ll help with any planning that you need. The holidays have always been a sad time for me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you loved Christmas.”
She shook her head. “The magic wore off when my mother died. The parties were about keeping occupied so we didn’t have too much time to miss her. There’s a lot of charity work around the holidays, so I did that, too. But this year, I’m not exactly on any of the donor lists.”
“If you want to be, I can make some calls, get you right back at the top of the list. As you should be. Whatever will make you happy. Just tell me, and it’s done. ”
Lily lifted her chin as she looked up at him. “No, I don’t want to be in the spotlight this year. It’s best that I have my space to figure out the next step.” Like how to get him to stop pursuing her when the idea of distracting him with Dee Gibson now made her physically ill.
He dropped his hands into his pockets. “What are you thinking of doing for the holidays? It’s only a week until the office goes dark.”
She gave an evasive shrug, not having an answer. She’d avoided thinking about it. Last year, she’d been so over-committed she’d barely had a moment to breathe, let alone miss her mother. Her mind flashed on Jake being at nearly every event she’d attended, how he’d even been at the Christmas Eve dinner her father held for his closes
t friends. Jake had surprised her with a gift, a volume of Jane Austen’s letters.
Of course, she hadn’t gotten anything for him and felt doubly guilty when presented with something so thoughtful. Looking back, she felt worse than ever. Yes, he was ruthless and determined, but her reasons for fearing him had nothing to do with him. She realized now it all had to do with being afraid of her reaction to him.
She’d treated him terribly, even after all that he’d done in providing her a refuge from the reporters swirling around a steamy story. She knew her reputation would have crumbled without his support. If it wasn’t for his knack for kissing her stupid and then walking away, she might almost like him. That was what made him so dangerous to her.
The way she lived for his praise and insight wasn’t helping matters, either. He’d allowed her the ideal set-up to learn about the architecture firm her father had loved so much. Now he was practically her mentor, sharing the details of every project so that she knew everything she could think of about the company. People who had treated her with sadness and pity when she’d first come on board now looked to her for advice and answers. All of it had combined to boost her sense of self-worth right out of the gutter.
When she’d made the bargain with Jake, she’d wanted to gain skills she could use elsewhere, but what she’d learned most was that she was capable. Of anything she set her mind to. And that was worth far more than the administrative and technical knowledge she’d gained. She’d always appreciate him for that gift.
Jake slid a warm hand beneath her chin, catching her attention. “Why don’t you let me take you to dinner to celebrate finishing your degree? I’ll even swear off boring you about projects and let you bend my ear about what you plan on theorizing for your doctorate.”
“You don’t bore me with the projects.” She swallowed hard and stared down at the book in her lap. Her father had always thought advanced degrees were a waste of time since she’d likely be a society wife with nothing more to do than plan parties and debate spa treatments. Every man she’d ever dated had emphatically agreed she was wasting her time with school. But from the first time she’d met him, Jake had always been supportive of her education, even defending her choices a time or two when others thought her studies whimsical and romantic.
Maybe the void of being finished with school this term was getting to her, or she had some kind of residual head injury from the fall. Right this moment, she wanted to wrap her arms around Jake Tolliver’s neck and thank him. Thank him for being a shelter in the storm these last few months, for believing her to be more than the painted doll most wrote her off as. Really, this sense of admiration and gratitude was dangerous when blended with the hum of attraction she always felt around him.
“Talk about the buildings doesn’t bore you because you understand it. Believe me, it can send other people into a coma.”
Lily forced a weak smile, thinking he must be referring to Dee. Lucky for her, the reminder of his other women was the ice water she needed to wake herself up.
“I’m not in the mood for dinner. Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m staying in.”
He shrugged. “I’ll see what Emmaline can whip up for us.” He stepped toward the door, and she spun in her chair.
“No, don’t. She’s going out tonight, and I told her not to bother with anything. She’ll cancel if you ask anything of her.”
“Cancel what?”
Lily couldn’t help but grin. “Her date. John from the landscaping service. He’s been after her forever. I finally talked her into it.”
“Quite the matchmaker, aren’t you?”
“She deserves to be happy. She’s been so down since my father’s illness. Anything is better than moping around here.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
With a sigh, she returned her attention to the book. She didn’t want to argue with him, not when it had ended so volatilely last time.
She re-read the same page three times, waiting to hear the front door slam closed. Instead, she felt her hair move, his fingers playing in the strands behind her.
“I’m sorry if that came out harsh. But who’s going to be honest with you if I’m not, Lily?”
Who indeed? He was honest, brutally so even when it hurt. But she couldn’t answer. Her emotions were in such a swirl, she was afraid opening her mouth would cause the facade to crack, and he’d see she’d begun to soften toward him. She couldn’t picture a future without him in it, which scared her more than she’d ever admit. She had to make a break soon, or she’d give in to him more than just physically.
“I don’t think you should be in the house for Christmas. Not this year.”
She nodded, having considered getting away as a balm to soothe the ache of missing her parents. But she couldn’t afford to use any of her savings for a vacation when she needed every penny to get an apartment.
“We should spend the holidays together.” He said the words tentatively, as if testing the waters.
She shook her head. “I can’t do the party circuit this year. I don’t have it in me to smile and hug all those people who’ve ignored me these last few months. And staying in town wouldn’t be much better than staying here.” Besides, if she stayed here, she could pack what she’d be taking to her new apartment and decide which pieces of jewelry she’d have to sell to be able to afford to live on her own.
“I hate the parties, too. The only ones I ever liked were the ones here.”
“It is a wonderful house for entertaining. It’s no wonder you were so willing to buy it.”
He came around the chair, again crouching so his intent gaze pierced through her. “I bought it for you. You know I am absolutely infatuated with you.”
The smile creeping across his handsome face was completely disarming. She struggled with resisting him whenever he was kind. Showing it would give him the key to breaking down all her defenses.
Lily swallowed hard and cut her gaze back to the book. “Don’t let Dee hear you say that. She might have let you get away with it once, but I doubt she’ll put up with it again.”
He shook his head regretfully. “Stop trying to put Dee between us. It doesn’t work. From the first time I touched you, I haven’t been able to think of anyone else. You consume me completely, and the more I learn about you, the more I know my instincts about us were right. I won’t act the fool for you, Lily, but I certainly feel it often enough.”
She rolled her bottom lip in, her teeth pulling at the flesh. How many ways could she explain to him that she couldn’t be anything but miserable in the situation he was offering? He wanted a well-brought-up trophy wife on his arm at events, who would give his children a history he couldn’t. She could never look anyone in the eye knowing she was nothing but a decorative broodmare. And she certainly wouldn’t bring a child into the world in such an unstable home.
“I don’t want you to decide now, but I don’t want to stay in town, either. Before I met you, I spent Christmases in Hawaii with my grandmother. She’ll love you, I promise. I’d bring her here, but she can’t stand the cold. It’s a complete change of scenery. I think it would really help you.”
She hoped her smile was noncommittal. “It would give you the wrong idea. If I go with you, you’ll think I’m agreeing to marry you, and I can’t.”
He took both her hands in his own, a warm sensation traveling through her body as he smiled gently. “Do you know how long it has been since I’ve said please?”
Her eyes grew heavy, so she blinked away the sensation to gain control. “Is that what I am supposed to tattle to your grandmother about?”
Chapter Eleven
Jake felt his troubles drift away as his plane left the ground. Lily was here beside him, on a trip he’d wanted to take her on since the moment he met her. He wasn’t about to let her spend the holidays alone, and he didn’t want his grandmother to have to do the same, either. He was managing to make both the women in his life happy at once. He knew better than to think it wou
ld happen often. Still, it made him feel like the cat that swallowed the canary.
“Most people get anxious at take-off. Did you take something?” Lily asked.
“Nope, this is all you.” He reached across the plush chairs and squeezed her hand. It amazed him how much closer he felt to her now than he had three months ago. Giving her the space to find her way to him had been a gamble, but she was coming around. Once he got her all the way, she’d never leave. A rush of excitement thrummed through him, and he tried to bring himself back down to earth.
She didn’t love him, and she probably never would. But she was growing to like him, and that was enough for now. That, coupled with the fiery passion sizzling between them, would be enough, more than most people ever got.
Lily still held all the cards though. He hated not having the upper hand. He wanted to explain to her about Dee, even her ridiculous notions about Susanna, but he didn’t want to set a precedent where he’d have to defend himself every time she saw him with another woman. His mother had spent her life trying to justify herself to his father and never could. Lily would have to learn to trust him or deal with her own insecurities. Maybe once she agreed to marry him, he might explain. Once.
He didn’t want to think about anything negative. They were on holiday, after all, and that included a break from worrying about their future.
He cleared his throat. “Have you been to Hawaii?”
She shook her head. “Dad preferred the Caribbean.”
“It’s amazing. A few short hours in the air and it’s like being in another world.”
“Have you always gone there?”
His shoulders tensed when he thought of the first time he’d arrived in the islands. “Only since my mother died.”
Lily’s brows knit together. “Where did your grandmother live before?”
“She hasn’t left the islands in about thirty years. It was my mother who left.” He shifted in his seat, knowing he’d never get comfortable while talking about this, but realizing that if he didn’t tell Lily, his grandmother would. “My mother was very young when she met my father. He was a fisherman who didn’t care that she was seventeen. But then he never cared about much beyond himself.
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