by Nique Luarks
She continued staring at the wall. “I’m not bleeding, so I’m fine.”
Man...
I took my Nike dad hat off to scratch my head. “Love, you being selfish, shorty.”
“I got it honestly,” she chuckled. “Daddy selfish, Mama selfish, brother selfish,” Love shrugged. “What you expect?”
I scratched my chin. “That’s how you feel? I’m selfish?”
All the bitches I’d fucked with could call me that shit, but not my sister. I’d sacrificed a big chunk of my life, trying to please her. I was a lot of things to a lot of muthafuckas, but the leading ladies in my life opinions mattered the most. If Granny was upset, so was I. If Chasity were in one of her moods, I’d do whatever to fix it, no matter how girly or goofy. And Jelly, I could barely function without her ass half the time. The shit was no different with Love; her happiness always came before my own.
She faced me. “I loved him, True.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “The last conversation we had, I told him I hated him and wished he was dead,” Love whimpered. “I didn’t mean it, though.” She wiped her eyes. “But you made it happen.”
I licked my lips and ran my palm down my mouth.
“What he did wasn’t right. Look at my face.”
My eyes zoned in on the bruises and marks on her pretty face.
“But he was human. Just like you and me.” She sat up. “I don’t want this baby, True. I don’t want the constant reminder of what could’ve been.”
Sitting on the edge of her bed, I hung my head. I felt like I was getting my karma back tenfold. The abortions I’d made Nisha have, me putting my hands on Quindelle, making Chance cry all the time, and not supporting Jaliyah one hundred percent. My little sister was feeling each of those same emotions, all at once.
My head hung lower as I massaged my chin.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Love was young, and abortions were traumatizing. I had seen the shit with Nisha firsthand, and she’d had more than two.
She cried harder, breaking my heart further.
“Tell me what you want, Love”—I turned sideways to look at her—“and we’ll make it happen. You wanna keep it, we can make a doctor appointment for this week. I’ll go wit’ you,” I sighed. “You wanna get rid of it, we can make an appointment ASAP, and I’ll go wit’ you.”
She cried.
Standing up, I made my way to the side of her bed. Grabbing her arm, I gently pulled her towards me. When she was up on her feet, I hugged her. Cuffing the back of her head, I let her sob into my chest. Her shoulders jerked violently, and she coughed loudly.
“I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head. I wasn’t sorry for murking that bitch-ass nigga, but I was for hurting My Love. She was still a baby, going through grownup shit.
Her grip on me tightened.
“It’s whatever you want.” I rocked her. “Just say the word.”
Gaining her composure, she laid the side of her face on my chest. “I don’t want it.”
“We’re moving to D.C.” Quindelle didn’t even let me say hello.
I grabbed my double Styrofoam cup.
“I think it’s best for Chassy. Plus, nothing’s here for me.”
I drank.
“My dad said he’ll help us get an apartment and get settled in.”
“Quin. We both know you doing this shit to be spiteful.” I looked at the picture of Chasity on my desk.
“What else am I supposed to do, True?”
“Get a job, a healthy habit; shit, I don’t know, shorty.” The shit wasn’t rocket science. Quindelle hadn’t had a job in five years. Her rent, utilities, grocery, and clothing bill were taken care of, all she had to do was be a mother to our daughter.
“So I’m just supposed to sit back and watch you be a family with Chance?”
What?
“’Cause everybody sees it. She’s the one you’re going to end up with, and she’s giving you a baby. You can act like it’s nothing, but we all know you’re in love with her.”
“Chance ain’t got shit to do with you taking my daughter away from me.” My heart was heavy just saying the shit out loud. The women in my life were stressing a nigga out.
Quindelle sucked her teeth. “Do you love her?”
“Yeah, I love her.” The fuck did I need to lie for?
She sighed sadly. “Are you in love with her?”
“Yeah...” I took another long drink from my cup.
“What does she have that I don’t?”
“It ain’t about what she got, Quin, it’s about who she is.”
“So after all these years, Chance gets the happily ever after?”
Her question gave me an instant migraine. Chance wasn’t happy right now. If anything, out of all the women who claimed to love and want me, my Jelly was hurting the most because she knew me the best. Trusted me no matter what.
“Look, I’ll keep you updated. I should know by the end of the month.”
I nodded. “Yep.”
“True...”
Looking up at the ceiling, I sighed. “Wassup, shorty?”
“I get why you picked her.” Quindelle hung up, leaving me all alone with my thoughts.
14
Timeless
Chance
One month later
Slamming my front door behind me, I dropped my purse on the floor and stomped to the sectional. Dropping down, I struggled to look at my ankles in the stilettos I was wearing. Instant irritation shot through my veins, making me throw my head back. I was so over this.
My phone began ringing in my hand as True’s ringtone sounded. Answering with an attitude, I stared at my balcony door.
“Hello.”
“What you doin’?” The loud music in his background made me frown.
Struggling to take my shoes off, I huffed. “Nothing.”
“What’s wrong wit’ you?”
“Nothing.” True always called me randomly. Sometimes, just to be nosey, but most of the time to check on our baby.
He laughed, talking to someone, then told me to hold on.
Using that opportunity to take my heels off, I put my phone on speaker and tossed it next to me. Unstrapping the first one, I sighed in relief. True came back on the line as I slid the second one off.
“Oh, my God...” I moaned in satisfaction.
He chuckled. “It’s like that?”
Despite how I was feeling, I giggled a little. “You wish.”
“I do,” he mumbled.
Mmm...
I forced the sexual thoughts about True to the back of my head. All that could be heard was our breathing as we sat quietly on the phone. I hadn’t had True in me in over a month, and I wouldn’t lie and say I wasn’t fiending. In the past thirty days, we’d seen each other twice and had talked maybe a handful of times.
Between Nisha giving birth, me naming Carter and seeing pictures of Carter, it saddened me. True was his daddy, and it didn’t take a DNA test to see it. He looked so much like Chasity when she was born. Hair, eyes, cheeks…
“How was your day?” True broke the awkward silence.
“Okay.” I was now in my feelings.
He sucked his teeth. “What’s yo’ problem now, Jelly?”
“Nothing.” I unbuttoned my slacks.
“It’s something.”
“Like you care.”
“I do.”
I sighed.
“Why you so moody, Chance? Talk to me, baby. What’s wrong?”
Lately, True had been calling me “baby”, and each time, it made my vagina thump. He’d never called me that, but every time he did, for some odd reason, it made my insides quake.
“I’m not moody, I’m just tired.”
“A’ight, well go take a nap and I’ma hit you up later.”
I frowned. “I feel like talking now.”
True chuckled. “Well then, we can talk now.”
Satisfied that I’d gotten my way, I laid sideways and got comfortable
. “What you doing?”
“Hangin’ wit’ Roman and Drake. Ava here, being extra.”
I laughed. “Tell her I said hi.”
“Text and her and tell her,” he replied smartly. “The fuck I look like? The help?”
I rolled my eyes.
“We bouta go racing and shit. You should come. Be my good luck charm.”
I rubbed my belly. “I’m fat.”
“You pregnant,” he corrected me. “Come ride wit’ ya boy. Stand on the sideline and be my cheerleader,” he chuckled.
I sighed.
“We ain’t leaving for another hour or so, so you got time to change and eat if you haven’t. If you wanna come, just call or text me and I’ll come scoop you.”
Nodding as if he could see me, I sat up. “Okay.”
“Later...”
“Later.” I ended the call, starting for my bedroom to find something to wear.
“Ah shit, now it’s a party, yo!”
I laughed at Ava as I crossed the parking lot to get to her.
“Carlee knows it’s past her bedtime,” she joked, meeting me halfway. “What you doing out here, preggo?”
I shrugged. “I needed to get out of the house.”
If I wasn’t at work, then I was at home. If I wasn’t at home, I was lying across my parents’ bed, being a pest. And if wasn’t doing that, I was jumping from social site to social site. It felt good to be out of the house, kicking back with the crew.
“I’m glad you’re here. Erin is on her way, too. She bringing the Maserati out.”
I giggled. “Erin is racing?”
“Mhm,” Ava nodded. “You know Tone had a mouthful to say.”
“I’m sure.”
The race would be a straight shot down a deserted street. I looked around the parking lot at all the different cars. Hellcats, muscle cars, motorcycles, and a slew of foreign whips crowded the area. Women were dancing, men were shooting dice, and a few people were tossing a football around.
“I was about to offer your ass a drink.” Ava led the way to her pink Wraith.
“I wish,” I replied, leaning against the hood as she hopped on. “What you been up to?”
“Girl, working, flying back and forth to New York. You know Blaze lost her cousin, Nisha’s sister, a couple months ago.”
I looked up at her. “Nisha’s sister died?”
“Yep. Got smoked in the parking lot of Mingles. Crazy, right?”
Damn.
“Have you seen the baby? He’s True’s.”
“Yep. He’s adorable.”
“Nisha milking the shit, too. That nigga True got more baby mamas than a little bit, yo.” Ava took a long drink from the D’usse bottle in her hand. “Roman been hollering he wants a baby.”
I smiled. “Are you going to give him one?”
“Girl, hell no. That nigga just got baby fever. He seeing all these new babies and feeling some type of way.”
Giggling, I shook my head at her crazy self.
“I told him we could get a puppy. He got mad and shit,” she laughed.
“You better give my brother a baby,” I joked.
“Roman better leave me the hell alone.” She held her left hand out. “You see that?” she asked, wiggling her fingers around.
I stared at her hand, confused. “See what?”
“Exactly. Ain’t no fuckin’ ring on my finger, yo. Niggas be so quick to wanna knock you up and trap you for life, but don’t wanna make a real commitment.”
I agreed.
“If Roman wants a baby, Roman better get down on two knees and beg me to be his wife.”
I laughed.
“I’m not playin’, yo.” She sipped from the bottle again. “His ass is trippin’. Gon’ call me and Rajon to the family room to take a damn vote.”
Shaking my head, I snickered. Roman was silly.
“You know they outvoted my ass,” she chuckled. “There his ass go now,” Ava grinned.
Following her gaze, my eyes landed on Roman and True. True noticed me and smiled.
“That nigga love yo’ pregnant ass,” Ava laughed.
I love him, too.
Once they got to us, Roman stood in between her legs. “Fuck you over here doin’? Talkin’ shit?” He wrapped his arms around her.
“You know it.”
I giggled.
“Wassup, Channy?” Roman faced me. “You ain’t fuckin’ wit’ ya big bro no more?”
Smiling, I pinched his arm playfully. “You know I love you.”
“Yeah, a’ight, make it sound good.”
Facing True, I licked my lips. He stared down at me, but since he had his dad hat low, I could barely see his eyes.
“Hi, True.” For some odd reason, I cowered a little. His presence was so damn dominant.
“Sup, baby.” He licked his lips.
Bashfully, I looked down at my toes.
He chuckled, stepping closer. “Can I get some love?” True held his arms open.
Falling into his chest, I wrapped my arms around him. He smelled so good.
“Awww,” Ava cooed. “Y’all so cute.”
Releasing my hold on him, I looked into his face. “Thank you for inviting me.”
He nodded.
“Here comes E and Tone,” Ava said excitedly. “And she brought a bottle…bet.”
“I don’t want you gettin’ too wasted,” Roman stated sternly. “You know how you get.”
Everybody knew how Ava got when she was drunk. That bully switch flipped on, and she started unnecessary drama, especially with people she wasn’t feeling.
“You ain’t got no kids here,” she laughed.
“Keep on.” Roman shook his head.
“Hey, y’all,” Erin waved. “Oh, shit, Chance is here? Yeah, we really bouta be lit.”
I smiled. This was what I’d been missing: hanging with my family. It wasn’t until this moment did I realize me distancing myself from True had caused me to pull back from them, too. The men took turns giving daps, and Erin made her way over to me.
“Let me see that belly,” she cheesed. Her eyes were red and low, and knowing E, I was sure she was high as a kite.
Rolling my eyes playfully, I looked down at my growing bump. “You can see it from a mile away.”
“Girl, please. You saw how big I got.” She rubbed my stomach.
“You can’t even tell you were pregnant just a few months ago.”
Erin’s snapback was real. She was sporting a two-piece, off-the-shoulder short set.
“Right,” Ava co-signed. “I asked her to let me borrow some ass for my trip to Jamaica next week.”
I laughed, and Erin shook her head.
“You racing, ain’t you, E?” Ava hopped down.
“No,” Tone answered for her.
Erin rolled her eyes. “He hid my car keys.”
Roman chuckled.
“You can push my shit,” Ava offered, “and I’ll just hop in the passenger seat. Chance can get in the back.”
“Negative.” True shook his head no.
I smacked my lips.
He mocked me.
“I already told you, you drunk, so you ain’t racing.” Tone pulled Erin towards him by her arm.
Ava sighed. “Y’all ain’t no fun. I’ll drive my own shit.”
“No, you won’t.” Roman hopped on the hood.
“Oh, my God...” Ava unscrewed the cap on the bottle. “So y’all can race, but we can’t?”
“Exactly,” Roman answered.
“Fine.” She went to the driver’s side, opened the door, and hopped in.
When I turned all the way around to face her, True stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my stomach, causing an electric shock to surge through my body.
“Come take a walk with me,” he spoke into my ear.
True
Taking Chance’s hand in mine, we walked off as Ava blared music from her car.
“Ava is crazy,” Chance giggled.
“B
asically. And Roman wants a baby by her. That nigga loves crazy bitches.”
She slapped my arm. “Don’t call her a bitch.”
“You know what I mean. And I fucks with Ava,” I smiled, slapping her butt.
Pulling her hand away, she crossed her arms. “You must like crazy bitches, too,” Chance smirked.
“I got to.” I shook my head. “All four of my BMs are nutty as fuck.”
Chance stopped in her tracks. Her little pout made me chuckle.
Cute ass.
“I’m just fuckin’ wit’ you.” I stood in front of her. “Quit pouting, crybaby.”
“I’m not pouting,” she lied.
I smiled.
“And you’re not funny.” She gazed up at me. “Who you tryna look cute for?” Her question threw me off.
“Huh?”
“You got your bottom grill in,” she cheesed playfully. “Smelling all good.”
I shook my head. “I knew you was coming, so I had to flex a little bit.”
Chance smiled, and I pulled her closer to me.
“I miss you.”
She sighed.
“You miss me?” I asked, caressing her jawline. The parking lot was full of bad bitches, and here I was, on some punk shit, confessing my feelings to somebody who I had to double text most of the time just to get a reply.
Chance licked her lips. “You know I do, but just because we miss each other doesn’t erase how you made me feel, True. You miss me now because things with us are different.”
“Nah, I miss you now ’cause I miss you.”
We stared at each other. Yeah, I missed how we used to be, but lately, I’d been missing her on a different type of time. Seeing her every once in a while wasn’t cutting it. I loved the fuck out of her, and each passing day, the shit got deeper. Chance broke her gaze.
“How’s Carter?”
I smirked.
Okay, so she wanna play.
Turning my hat backward, I licked my lips. “He’s cool.”
“Chasity loves him to pieces,” Chance chuckled.
I nodded. “Yeah, she told me she sent you a picture of him.”
When Chassy told me that shit, I almost had a heart attack. I knew she was just a proud big sister, and her mind was too young to understand what was going on around her.
