by HR Moore
Whatever had held Amari's mind released, and her inhibitions snapped back into place. She dropped her hand and stepped back, Caspar's features turning ashen as she slipped away.
Amari held his gaze, trying to apologize with her eyes, hoping he would understand. And then she fled.
The following morning, Amari—her head pounding—sought out Meredith. She found her in the kitchen, drinking a suspicious-looking concoction of raw egg and something green.
Meredith was more than happy to oblige Amari's request to train, muttering something about Jon having got the wrong impression and needing a distraction anyway. Amari smiled, but didn't probe for details.
'We'll start with a jog,' said Meredith. 'We won't be able to do anything constructive until our heads are clearer.'
'I thought it wasn't safe to go out?' said Amari, her hopes picking up at the thought of leaving the confines of Cloister Cottage.
'We'll be quick, and I'll be with you,' Meredith replied. 'We'll take Gemma too, and the dogs.'
'No, you won't,' laughed Talli, entering the kitchen, dropping to the floor to pet the dogs.
Meredith gave Talli a look, demanding more information.
'Gemma's in Elliot's room. I doubt she wants to be disturbed.'
Meredith rolled her eyes. 'Looks like it's just you and me then,' she said, 'unless you want to come for a jog, Talli?'
'I'll come,' she said, jumping up. 'Just give me a minute to change.'
A few minutes later, they were heading for the river. It was still early enough that the city commuters were few and far between. In an hour, the place would teem with life, people streaming purposefully off tubes and into office buildings.
The dogs were the most well-behaved animals Amari had ever seen, trotting obediently along, without the need for leashes.
'Rose trains them,' said Meredith, following Amari's gaze. 'No one else can inspire the same levels of obedience, despite endless attempts.'
Amari laughed. 'It's amazing.'
They jogged along in silence for a bit before Amari's curiosity got the better of her. 'Are Elliot and Gemma together?' she asked.
Talli laughed. 'They've been trying to figure that out for three lifetimes.'
'Gemma's shy,' said Meredith.
'And Elliot's too much of a gentleman,' added Talli.
'But it was always going to happen eventually.'
'They make such a delicious couple,' said Talli. 'I hope they give it a go this time around.'
'I'll have to bench her for at least five years,' said Meredith, sourly, 'which is inconvenient, given we're all but at war.'
'Oh, give it a rest,' said Talli, 'you're as delighted for them as I am. Don't you dare pretend otherwise, especially not to Gemma's face. She looks up to you, and if you ruin this for them, you'll have me to answer to.'
Meredith laughed. 'You're such a little Cupid.'
'Don't try and turn this round on me, or I'll get Rose to marry you off to a Templar. Although, I guess that might cause a war, rather than make one less likely …'
'Is that a thing?' asked Amari, shocked. 'People being married off to form alliances?'
'Yes, for pretty much the whole of time,' said Talli, with a sarcastic edge.
'And before you ask,' said Meredith, 'yes, it still happens today; even among non-demons.'
'Does it?' asked Amari, skeptically.
'Yes,' said Talli.
'It can get pretty nasty with demons, though,' said Meredith. 'There's so much history between everyone; you never know if someone's let go of an old grudge or not.'
'Have I ever been part of a marriage alliance?' asked Amari.
'I don't think so,' said Talli, 'although, there was some stuff with the Templars, one or two lifetimes ago. Rose wouldn't tell us the details, but Caspar was mad. I think it had something to do with an old lover of yours …'
'… I thought it had something to do with an old lover of Caspar's,' said Meredith, 'which was why he was so wound up …'
'You'll have to ask Caspar, or Rose,' said Talli. 'Rose has the best memory of all of us. It's hard to remember things when you've lived for so many lifetimes—not everything sticks.'
'And things can get confused,' added Meredith.
'You never know if someone else remembers the same details as you,' said Talli. 'And even if they do, they might have interpreted them in an entirely different way. Or they might have forgotten altogether.'
'We keep records of everything,' said Meredith. 'Although some people are better at updating their journals than others.' She looked pointedly at Talli as they ran onto London Bridge, heading for the South Bank.
'Most people get better at it after they've been burnt a couple of times,' said Talli, sticking her tongue out at Meredith's back.
'So, everything that's happened in my past lives is recorded somewhere?' asked Amari, her pulse leaping.
'Oh, well, yeah, I guess,' said Talli, 'but I wouldn't go reading about the past; it's not healthy. We write things in a heavily biased way.'
'We're only supposed to access them in the event of a dispute, or a war, or something similarly momentous,' said Meredith.
'How I'd love to get my hands on those,' said Amari. 'I have so many questions. Do you … interfere with elections? Break laws?'
'Some nations do. The Templars, for example. Their main goal is to expand their power and influence, and grow their empire,' said Meredith. 'Even if they justify it differently.'
'We don't generally do things like that,' said Talli. Meredith laughed and gave her a look. 'Okay, well, we do, but only for the greater good.'
'As determined by us,' countered Meredith.
'Yes, but our goals are equality, respecting the earth, living good lives; we're not out to rule the world. Although,' said Talli, 'Raina got very into queen-making for a while. Said it was only fair that women got to have a shot too. Caspar was against it … he thought you took it too far.'
'I'm not Raina,' said Amari, almost without thinking.
'You are and you aren't,' said Talli.
Amari let it go. She didn't want to argue the finer points of reincarnation, not when she was at such a disadvantage. 'What does Caspar want?'
'Aside from you?' laughed Talli.
Amari gave her an exasperated look, her eyes returning to the pavement just in time to dodge a stack of cardboard boxes. Talli laughed harder.
'How are things going with you two?' asked Meredith.
Talli looked keen to know the answer too.
Amari didn't mind; she was enjoying having people to talk to. 'Honestly, it's all so strange, because I don't know him. He feels familiar, I feel drawn to him, and my God he's nice to look at—do not tell him I said that.'
'He got a good body this time, it's true,' said Talli.
Amari laughed, feeling lighter than she had in days. 'But he's a stranger. I don't know anything about him, and he's trying so hard to be nice to me, which … I don't know, I just want him to be real, to be himself, so I can get to know him. And he keeps deflecting my questions. I think Raina's mad at him?'
Meredith and Talli kept quiet, waiting for her to continue.
'I guess that means it's bad,' said Amari, her good mood faltering.
'We didn't say that,' said Talli. 'It's just … most demons have learned the hard way to stay out of other demons' business.'
Silence settled over them. Amari watched two motor boats pass on the river. Life on the water always seemed so simple. Maybe she should get on a boat and head out to sea … discover where the wind and tides would take her. Probably onto a load of jagged rocks, knowing her luck.
'What are you going to do about Dean?' Talli asked, pulling Amari back from her thoughts.
Amari paused before responding, casting around for the right words. 'I know you don't know Dean,' she said, her voice hesitant, 'but we got married, not even forty-eight hours ago. I loved him, had an awesome life with him, was excited for our future. I can't stand that I'm lying to him, but I c
an't talk to him about any of this. And I can't break up with him out of the blue, and definitely not over the phone; we just vowed to spend the rest of our lives together.'
'Do you still love him?' asked Talli, as they turned onto Waterloo Bridge, crossing back onto the north side of the river. It was beginning to get busy, so they increased the pace.
Amari paused. It felt like a betrayal of Dean, of their relationship, to be speaking like this with two relative strangers. But even the thought of Dean's arm around her sent a shudder of repulsion down her spine.
'I feel differently now than I did on Friday night. Then, I was blissfully happy. In love. My feelings were like a magnificent, ancient tree, and my tree was a lovely thing to look at, and sit under, and climb. But with Caspar … it's like a forest, so big I'm lost.
'And not only that, but I'm blindfolded, and running. I'm going too fast, certain to trip, or run into something. I don't know if Caspar will be the one to catch me when I fall, or the one to trip me up.
'Caspar and Raina are fighting. Once I wake, maybe I'll have no choice but to hate him.'
'Caspar's a good man,' said Meredith. 'I won't get involved in things that are none of my business, but I'll go as far as to say that everything he did was because he was convinced it was the right thing to do. For you. For everyone. He's the one that keeps us together when things are falling apart, and he loves you, unconditionally. Never forget that.'
The mood was suddenly heavy. Amari had a million questions, but before she could work out where to start, Talli cut across them.
'Ooh, I love this bakery,' she squealed. 'Let's get breakfast for everyone, especially as Elliot's not going to surface much before lunch.'
They bought croissants and freshly made bread, then power walked back to Cloister Cottage. The food smelled too good to continue training, so they headed straight for the kitchen. The dogs made a beeline for a promising spot under the table, lying in wait.
Caspar and Rose were the only ones in the kitchen, the air between them tense.
'Everything alright?' asked Talli, plonking their purchases down on the table. 'Meredith, be a love and put the kettle on.'
Meredith rolled her eyes, but did it, then grabbed plates, jam, and butter, and put them on the table.
Caspar was holding Rose's gaze; they seemed to be having a silent conversation. 'What's for breakfast?' Rose eventually said, giving Caspar a small nod.
The tension evaporated.
Amari caught Caspar's eye, dying to know what was going on … if it had anything to do with her. His eyes flamed, but told her nothing other than that he was furious. His pupils dilated as he held her gaze, his anger shifting to something else entirely. Amari's cheeks heated. She looked away, grabbing a croissant.
Meredith made the tea, then came to join them at the table. She poured, dishing out steaming mugs. Amari appreciatively wrapped her fingers around hers.
'How can this place still exist here, in the City of London?' Amari asked, taking another bite of croissant, savoring the flakey, buttery deliciousness.
'Oh, it's not easy,' said Rose, buttering a slice of sourdough. It looked mouthwateringly good; Amari would have one of those next. 'We have a number of measures in place: small magics and wards, bribery, old and very thorough contracts, deflection, demons in high places. We could move to a new home—one that would be far easier to hide—but demons are sentimental creatures. I can't imagine giving the place up.'
Before Amari could ask a follow-up question, her phone rang. Dean. Fuck. It was still the middle of the night in New York … She went into the cloisters and answered the call. 'Hey,' she said, shuddering inside.
'Where are you, Amari?'
'Huh?'
'I just got off the phone with Leila. She told me you left the hotel with some guy yesterday morning. And Jade said the same thing. Jade said you shouted at her, that you told her to leave you alone.'
Amari's mind reeled, refusing to provide words.
'Well?' he demanded. 'What's going on?'
His tone riled her, snapping her mental faculties back into place. How dare he speak to her like this, especially without getting her side of the story first.
'Dean,' she started, her voice low, quiet, dangerous, 'I did leave the hotel with a guy, the one who showed up at our rehearsal dinner. He's from the government. I'm doing work for them …'
'… what does the government want with a food critic?'
She gritted her teeth. 'I can't talk about it.'
'Well, what about Jade? And Leila?' His tone was still accusing, but more hesitant.
'Jade confronted me at the hotel. She accused me of having an affair, so I told her to get lost. And Leila thinks I should be wrapped up in cotton wool; she's just annoyed I won't let her take care of me. But the only thing wrong with me is that my husband took off to the other side of the Atlantic the morning after our wedding. What do you want me to do? Sit around and pine for your return?'
Dean paused. 'You've just been so … distant. You haven't been messaging. So when both Leila and Jade called, and told me there was another man, I guess I … thought the worst.'
Amari let the silence stretch. It went on for so long, she wondered if the call had dropped.
'I'm sorry,' Dean eventually said. 'I guess I'm under a lot of pressure with this case, and jumped to conclusions. But why didn't you tell me?'
'We've both been busy. We've only had a few snatched minutes since you left, and I didn't want to add to your stress.'
'Mari, I'm … I'm really sorry.'
'I'm busy too, and under pressure.'
'I wish you could tell me about it. You always feel better when you get things off your chest.'
Amari's chest tightened, tears pooling. 'I really do … I wish I could tell you, but I don't want to get thrown in jail … that would only add to your workload.'
Dean exhaled, his relief palpable, even down the phone line. 'Okay, well, I've got to go, but try to keep yourself out of prison … at least until I've wrapped up this case.'
'I'll try.'
'I love you, Mari.'
'Love you too.'
Amari hung up and began to shake, leaning against the cloisters for support. She hated lying. She hated that her textbook existence had been turned upside down, that everything was so out of her control. She hated feeling so isolated, so alone, so exposed. She badly needed someone to talk to, but no one she knew could possibly understand.
Her eyes welled with tears, then overflowed. She let them run free. She sank to the floor, leaning against the cloisters, head in her hands.
She was the worst kind of human. Not only was she a liar, but the way her heart raced every time she set eyes on Caspar, she was probably a cheat too.
Caspar was in the kitchen when Amari returned inside, petting one of the dogs and reading a morning newspaper.
'Everything okay?' he asked, taking in her blotchy face and steely features.
'Of course not,' she said. 'I need to go to my office. If I'm going to be here for days on end, I need something to do with my time. I've got reviews to write, and the notes I need are in my office.'
'Meredith will be happy to go …'
'… you misunderstand me,' she said, striding towards the door. 'I'm going to my office, right now. Come if you must, but I've had enough of hiding away.'
'Amari, please don't do this.'
'There's no evidence to suggest the man who attacked us was after me,' she said. 'I might be in no danger at all.'
Caspar's blood ran cold. She was right. If he was the target, his presence could put her in greater danger. But if the attacker was after her, and there was no one there to protect her …
'I'm coming,' he said, jumping to his feet. He phoned Meredith as he trailed after Amari. It went to voicemail.
'Shit,' he said into the phone. 'Meredith, Amari's going to her office. She's not listening to reason. We need backup. Call me as soon as you get this.'
He called Gemma. No answer.
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'Shit,' he said again, under his breath, stepping through the front door, onto the cobbles.
He called Talli.
'I'm on a train to Surrey with Christa,' said Talli. 'We'll never get there in time. I'll call round the bodyguards. You call Rose.'
Caspar did as she suggested, a pace behind Amari as she hurried towards the main road.
'I'm in the West End with Meredith and Gemma,' said Rose, picking up on the first ring. 'We're on our way, but we won't be there in time. You need to stall her.'
'I'll do my best to slow her down,' said Caspar. But by the time he reached the main road, Amari had already flagged down a black cab. He only just managed to catch her before she drove away without him.
He grabbed her arm, stopping her from ducking inside. 'Amari, what's going on? Why the rush?' he asked.
'I need to do something on my own schedule. I need to be in control of some part of my life,' she said, pulling away from him. She got in and gave the driver the address. Caspar had no choice but to follow.
Amari's office was at Chancery Lane, only a mile away. Luckily, they got stuck in commuter traffic; it would take forever to get there at this rate. Caspar relaxed a little as another traffic light went red. Amari drummed her fingers on her leg.
'Amari, you know this is dangerous, right? It's a needless risk.'
'Were we even attacked before?' she said, looking out of the window, like she wasn't really talking to him. 'The whole thing could have been a fabrication, just to get me to go with you.'
Caspar looked at her but didn't say anything, because, what was there to say?
'Well? Was it all a work of fiction?'
'We both know that's not what this is about. You're angry, so you're being reckless; it's in character, in case you were wondering.'
'Fuck off.'
'What did Dean say?'
'Can you pull over, please?' Amari called through the glass to the driver.
The driver stopped next to St. Paul's Cathedral, and Amari used her phone to pay for the cab. She jumped out and launched into a run along Cheapside, not far from her office now. She didn't even look back at Caspar.
'Amari, wait!' shouted Caspar, taking off after her, hampered by his loafers. Amari still wore her trainers from the morning run, but he slowly gained ground, both of them having to weave in and out of the sea of commuters. They attracted a number of strange looks.
