‘It’s not fine, though.’ I didn’t bother to make it a question since it was pretty clear it wasn’t fine.
There was a silence and I thought she wasn’t going to say anything more. Then she turned and looked at me, challenge in her green eyes. ‘I have one question and then I don’t want to talk about it ever again. What if I was someone else? Would you let me then?’
Jesus Christ. What could I say that wouldn’t hurt her any more than she was already hurt? Because the answer was ‘Yes, I would’.
‘Little,’ I repeated.
But it was too late. She knew what my answer was already and another flash of pain crossed her face. ‘Is it because I’m your friend? Am I not good enough? Not experienced enough...what?’
You really thought she wouldn’t think any of this? You know what her upbringing was like. How her aunt treated her.
I did know. And of course she’d think that the problem was her because for all that she acted like she was fine with who she was, she really wasn’t. Not deep down.
I couldn’t bear that. I just couldn’t fucking stand it.
I reached out, even though I knew I shouldn’t, and I closed my fingers around the base of her plait and I pulled her in towards me.
Her breath caught and her eyes went wide but she didn’t resist, staring at me as though she’d never seen anything like me before in her entire life.
‘The problem isn’t you,’ I said, my voice husky and edged with temper and a heat I couldn’t disguise. ‘The problem is me and what I want.’
Her gaze was inches from mine and I’d never noticed how the jewel colour of her eyes was threaded through with gold. It was the most beautiful goddamn thing I’d ever seen. She smelled good too, of that light feminine musk that made my cock even harder, and she was warm.
Goddammit, I had no idea what I was doing.
And yet I didn’t let her go.
‘What do you want?’ she asked.
‘Things that I shouldn’t be asking you for.’
‘Like...what?’ She was breathing very fast. ‘Tell me.’
I didn’t want to. But it was too late now.
‘I want to be in charge, Little. I want to tell you what to do. I want to make you take my cock in your mouth, then wrap that plait of yours around my wrist and use it as a pair of reins. Pulling on it when you suck too hard or not hard enough. Using it to punish you.’ I kept my voice flat and I didn’t look away, letting her see the dark thing that lived in the core of me. ‘And then, once you’d done that to my satisfaction, I’d fuck you from behind. Hard.’
Freya stared at me wide-eyed, shock darkening her brilliant green gaze.
Did you expect anything different? She thinks you’re a good guy and you’re not and you never have been.
Of course I hadn’t expected anything different, so why disappointment should collect so painfully inside me I had no idea.
I let her go and instantly she sat back, as if she wanted to put as much distance between us as she could. I pretended I hadn’t noticed and that it didn’t make the disappointment inside me sharper.
‘Um...’ She blinked. ‘Well, okay. That’s unexpected.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, embracing my simmering anger because that was easier than dealing with the disappointment. ‘So now you know why I said no.’
She glanced away, biting her bottom lip, which didn’t fucking help matters, and then glanced back. ‘So, what? You like to be in charge. That’s not...unheard of. And hey, given the kind of guy you are, I’d be surprised if you didn’t like that kind of thing.’
‘You did hear what I said, didn’t you?’
This time her gaze didn’t even flicker. ‘Of course I did. I’m just trying to figure out why you didn’t want to tell me that.’
‘Because you’re my fucking friend, Freya.’ I held myself rigidly in my seat, fighting the hot lick of anger, trying to lock it down. ‘And I don’t want to put all that shit on you.’
‘Why not?’ She said it like there wasn’t a problem, like there was nothing for her to be frightened of.
So what is the problem? You’re the one who’s making it a big deal.
I could feel a muscle flick in my jaw, tension crawling through me. I wasn’t ashamed of my dominant urges. I accepted them. But they were a side of me that I didn’t want her to see. I wanted to protect her, that was all. I wanted to preserve the image she had of me as a good guy, because when times got tough it was her vision of me that grounded me.
I might not ever be that man, but at least it gave me something to aim at.
‘Because fear is part of it,’ I said, giving her another little bit of the truth, but not the whole. ‘I like it when a woman is afraid of me and yet turned on too. And I also like it when she’s nervous.’
She frowned slightly. ‘So you must have really liked it when I was nervous in that hallway, right?’
‘Yes.’ I bit the word out, not sure why I was letting her have this discussion with me when I should have said I didn’t want to talk about it.
‘I don’t get why that’s a problem.’ Her frown deepened. ‘Or the orders part. Or any of it really. So you’re a bit kinky. That’s okay. Lots of people are.’
‘I know it’s okay,’ I snapped. ‘But the big deal is when you want to do all of that to your best friend and she has no fucking idea what it’s all about, because she’s never tried it.’
She gave me a searching look. ‘Is that the only thing that’s bothering you? That I might not be into it?’
It was not the only thing that was bothering me but I’d already turned this into a much bigger issue than it needed to be, so there was no need to make it any worse.
‘Yes,’ I said flatly.
‘Well, let’s try it, then.’ She said it like that was the most logical, reasonable thing in the world. ‘I mean, why not? I might be into it...you never know.’
I just stared at her. ‘This is not a causal thing, Freya.’ I used her name so she understood the gravity of the situation. ‘At least not with me. It’s fine to have that attitude within the context of a club, where there are rules, but this is not a club situation and we’re not strangers. We’re friends. And no, a casual orgasm won’t change things, but this could. And that’s not even considering how I’ve actually never wanted to do this with you before.’
‘But you do now?’
‘What do you think?’
She gave me a quizzical look. ‘Why now? Was it the orgasm you gave me? Or have you not had sex in a while? Or was it—’
‘I’m not talking about that right now. I need you to know that this could completely fuck things up between us.’
She shrugged. ‘Sure. But only if we let it.’
Frustration coiled inside me. ‘Why are you so hell-bent on doing this? If it’s just a case of one orgasm deserving another, then surely it doesn’t matter to you whether I say yes to it or not?’
Colour flooded through her face then, making her eyes look even greener than they were already. ‘Well, I guess I lied then. I guess it does matter.’
‘Why?’ I demanded, wondering why the hell she was blushing.
She swallowed, her throat moving, drawing my attention to her frantically beating pulse. ‘Because it’s not a case of me owing you anything or feeling like I do. It’s a case of me wanting to touch you because I want to. Because I... I want you, E.’
I went very still. Very, very still. ‘You want me?’
‘Yes.’ Her chin lifted slightly even as her blush deepened. ‘I’ve wanted you for years.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
Freya
EVERETT’S GAZE WAS like a laser boring into me, a bright, intense blue, and I wanted to look away. But I made myself hold it because he’d told me something about himself that he’d obviously found difficult, which meant I needed to do the same. Even
though telling him I’d wanted him for years wasn’t something I actually wanted to admit to.
‘Years?’ The word sounded very neutral. Too neutral. ‘How many are we talking here?’
‘Uh...since I was about sixteen.’ My cheeks felt like they were on fire.
He looked at me searchingly. ‘You never said anything. Not one damn word.’
‘No, I didn’t.’ Because I was a big, garish redhead in a family of small blondes. Who had to tie her hair back in family photographs and stand in the background because the colour drew attention and so did her height. Who was too tall for hand-me-downs so had to put up with whatever cheap clothing her aunt could get her. Who was supposed to be part of the family and yet never felt like she was.
My aunt had pointed out all my flaws from an early age, so why would a guy as handsome and smart and driven as Everett want someone like me?
‘Why not?’ he asked.
I wasn’t going to tell him all of that, no way. It was too sad for words.
Instead, I said, ‘You never gave any sign you were interested in me that way, so I decided it was better not to say anything. You were more important as a friend to me.’
He said nothing to that, only studied me as if I were a stranger he’d only just met, while all the secret little hopes that he’d maybe had a crush on me the way I’d had on him died stillborn. It was obvious he hadn’t. And I tried to tell myself I wasn’t disappointed.
But he wants you now though, remember?
Yeah, he did. And that was something. Though it probably wasn’t me so much as the fact that I just happened to be the last woman he’d had a sexual encounter with. Still, it would have been nice if he’d said something, but he didn’t. He just kept on looking at me in that unnerving way.
‘So, where does that leave us?’ I asked when I couldn’t bear the silence any more.
He tilted his head, the light coming through the windows of the limo highlighting the incredible bone structure of his face. Strong jaw, broken nose and deep set, shadowed eyes. The most beautifully shaped mouth...
‘What exactly are you asking for, Little?’
The question was casual-sounding but I didn’t make the mistake of thinking it was casual in the slightest.
I swallowed, my heart beating faster. ‘You seemed like you wanted something from me and, like I said, I can provide it. I want to provide it.’
‘No, you’re going to have to be more specific than that.’ He shifted minutely in his seat and, just like that, I was even more painfully aware of him than I had been before. Of the sheer size of him, taking up all the space in the limo, not to mention most of the air. ‘Is it just an orgasm you’re promising or do you want more?’
‘What more?’ I asked, conscious that my voice had gone husky.
‘Sex.’
The word fell into the electric silence between us like a stone thrown at a glasshouse, smashing through the panes and spraying shards everywhere.
Sex. With Everett.
It’s nothing you haven’t thought about before. A lot.
I didn’t think it was possible for my cheeks to get any redder, but apparently it was. I wanted to look away from his relentless predator’s gaze, but I didn’t want to be a coward. I’d been the one to push him, to get him to tell me his secrets; I couldn’t be reluctant to bear the consequences of those secrets now.
Those secrets excite you, face it.
Maybe they did. And maybe I wanted to find out more about them. More about him, because this was a side to my old friend that I’d never guessed at. And yes, it excited me.
‘Sure,’ I said as levelly as I could. ‘Why not?’
Sparks of green glittered in his eyes. ‘Say it. Give me the words. So there are no misunderstandings.’
I swallowed yet again, trying to moisten my dry mouth. ‘Yes. I want to have sex with you.’
Another silence, so full of unbearable tension that it felt like I’d gone deaf, the only sound my frantically beating heart.
Then, strangely, it was Everett whose gaze flickered and who glanced away from me. ‘Fuck, Little...’
This time it was me who reached out, placing a finger on his mouth before I was fully conscious of what I was doing. ‘Everett.’ I used his name to get his attention. ‘I want you. I want this.’ His lips against my finger were hot and unexpectedly soft, and I felt them tighten as he tried to speak so I pressed a touch harder. ‘It’s my fault that I made this happen between us, but I can’t change what happened out in the corridor. And I don’t want to either. I gave you my truth. Why don’t you show me yours?’
He was silent another long minute, his eyes glittering in the light as they searched my face. What he was looking for I had no idea, though he must have found an answer somewhere because he reached up suddenly and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulling my finger away.
But he didn’t let me go. Instead he brought my palm to his mouth and kissed it, watching me all the while. I shivered.
Then he bit the soft flesh at the base of my thumb very, very lightly.
It didn’t hurt yet electricity pulsed through me, all the way down my spine to coil in a tight, burning knot between my thighs.
And everything changed in a split-second.
It wasn’t my friend sitting opposite me but someone else. A tall, powerful, devastatingly sexy stranger, with definite hunger in his eyes. With an intense, forceful presence, a dominance that made me want to bow my head to him.
He wasn’t so much Viking now as an emperor.
The energy between us changed too; it was very clear that the control he said he wanted he’d simply taken. And that I was okay with it. More than okay with it.
It felt like I’d handed him something precious and he’d closed it in one of those big hands. I knew it would be safe with him. Knew it down to the depths of my soul.
He lowered my hand but he didn’t let it go, threading his fingers through mine. ‘Here’s how it’s going to work,’ he said calmly as if now we were in this space there would be no more doubts and no more indecision. ‘You will have a safe word. You know what that is?’
‘Yes,’ I said huskily. ‘I’ve heard a little about...that stuff.’ A very little. Like Fifty Shades little.
‘Whatever you’ve heard or read, nothing will be the same as the reality. Just remember that, okay? So your word will be red. You can say that and it will stop everything.’ He paused, the look he was giving me sharpening. ‘You trust me that I’ll stop? Because I will. Tell me you understand.’
This was getting very real. Maybe a little too real. What the hell was he going to do to me that I’d need a safe word for? Would there be whips and chains? Gags and gimp suits?
Getting cold feet?
Maybe. But I wasn’t going to change my mind. I’d decided I wanted to do this and there was no going back.
‘I understand,’ I repeated, only sounding slightly shaky.
If he saw my uncertainty he gave no sign. Instead he went on, ‘Good. So you won’t speak unless I give you permission. The only thing you can say without my permission is your safe word. You will also do whatever I ask you to do. I’ll allow some hesitation to start with, but I will expect complete obedience.’
My heart fluttered around in my chest like a bird shut inside a house flying frantically around trying to get out.
I wouldn’t be able to speak. I’d have to do everything he said. Shit, he was really throwing me into the deep end. Was I ready for this?
He was watching me closely, obviously gauging my reaction, then his fingers around mine tightened in reassurance. ‘All I’m going to do is what I told you I’d do just before, okay? Nothing else. You’re new at this and, even though I like to push a sub, I’m not going to do that with you. But if you’re going to trust me, I have to trust you too, understand?’
I opened my
mouth to ask him what that meant and then, remembering, shut it again and nodded my head instead.
The look in his eyes flared with obvious pleasure that I’d obeyed his ‘no speaking’ rule and I felt stupidly pleased with myself. ‘Okay,’ he continued, ‘I’m trusting you to tell me if it gets too much for you. I don’t want you trying to be brave or trying to prove a point by not saying your safe word. And I sure as hell don’t want to end up hurting you. So you have to be straight with me. Does that make sense?’
It did, so I nodded.
‘Also, remember this. I’m not going to give you anything I think you won’t be able to handle.’
But how did he know what I could and couldn’t handle? He might be my friend and know me better than anyone else alive, but still.
‘And if I get it wrong,’ he added, obviously knowing exactly what I was thinking, ‘you have the safe word, okay?’
I nodded again.
Everett stared at me a long moment, then he glanced away as the car began to slow. ‘We’re here. Last chance to change your mind.’
But I’d already decided I wasn’t going to. I wanted him. I wanted to see what else there was to him besides him being my friend.
It might change things too much. It might be something you can’t come back from.
No, it wouldn’t be. I was confident that however the sex changed things between us, it wouldn’t be for the worse. We knew each other and we trusted each other and anyway, once we took this step, perhaps we could put all the weirdness behind us and get back to being actual friends again.
So I didn’t move, merely squeezed his hand to let him know I wasn’t going anywhere.
The limo pulled up outside the Shard, its jagged silhouette reaching high into the sky, and Everett got out, holding the door for me with an old-fashioned gallantry that I might have teased him about if the situation had been different. But I wasn’t allowed to speak and I wanted to show him I could do this, so I didn’t say anything, letting him take my hand again as he led me into the building.
It was a super fancy hotel and not my thing at all. I’d tried to tell Everett that I’d stay in a hostel while I was in London, but he wasn’t having a bar of it. He told me that his suite had a free bedroom, so why the hell didn’t I just stay with him? Plus he didn’t want to be worrying about me in a hostel.
Sexy Beast--A Sexy Billionaire Romance Page 6
