“Oh, I think we have already started a fire,” he whispered with a slur. “I am feeling very warm. And with you sitting on my lap, I’m getting even warmer.”
Emily suddenly let out a little gasp, and jumped off his lap, but he had hold of her arm, and pulled her right back down again.
“Don’t leave, Emily. You were going to help me to get to my bed,” he smiled up at her, as his head fell to one side.
“Then you will have to stand up,” she insisted.
“Very well then.”
He pushed her off his lap and grabbed the arm of his chair, pushing himself up and then staggering against her, grabbing her shoulder.
“There we go. Put your arm around my waist to steady me. That’s a good girl.”
He took a few steps beside her.
“I think I am getting the hang of this,” he boasted.
Emily prodded him forward, as he leaned heavily against her. When they got to the stairs, she had her doubts. However, he clung to the banister with one hand, and wrapped his arm around her waist with the other, as he took one step at a time with great care.
Finally, Emily managed to get him to his room and he staggered through the door, pulling her with him, as he flopped upon his bed.
“That is much better!” he told her. “Take my boots off, Emily. I can’t sleep with my boots on.”
“Very well.”
She straddled a leg that was dangling over the edge of the bed, with her back to him and bent over, pulling on the boot. Roderick reached out with his hand, placing it on her bottom and giving her a little push, causing the boot to come off. Then she started working with the other boot, only this time, she could feel Roderick’s hand caressing her bottom, instead of pushing on it. He was merely drunk, she excused, as she tried to ignore the caress, and managed to pull the second boot off as well.
“That’s good,” he praised. “Now how about my shirt? Can’t sleep in my shirt. I’d do it myself but can’t seem to manage the buttons.”
He smiled at her, as she gave him an exasperated look.
“Think I helped you with your buttons once,” he reminded her, sheepishly.
Emily leaned over him and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. Her fingers shook, as each button revealed more of his strong chest. Emily couldn’t help but remember how she had kissed his chest, and then what transpired later. She could not lift her eyes from the soft dark fur that covered his chest which diminished into a fine line at the top of his trousers. She pulled the tails of the shirt out of his trousers, trying to act matter of fact. Then paused and undid the cufflinks at his wrists, before pulling each sleeve from his muscular arms. Emily tossed the shirt onto a near by chair.
“You are so good at this,” Roderick commented.
He was looking up at her, with a strange grin on his face. He reached up for her hand, and held it, looking at it for a long moment, as though he had never noticed her hand before.
“I still remember how your lips felt on my chest, not long ago,” he murmured, glancing up into her eyes. “And the way your hand touched me so curiously.”
His grasp on her hand tightened, and then he gave a little tug, causing Emily to fall forward, sprawling on top of him. She started to pull away, but his other arm came around her waist and held her captive there. Her cheek was pressed against the soft hair on his chest, and the smell of his maleness wafted up through her nostrils.
“Let me help you with your buttons,” he whispered in her ear.
He did not sound so drunk now, and Emily’s eyes widened. He had been pretending! His hand reached for the buttons of her dress, but she stiffened and sat up.
“Is this all a ploy, Roderick? Are planning to compromise me even further than you already have?” she complained. “You do not love me. You merely want to force me to marry you, regardless.”
When she started to protest, Roderick pulled her back down to him and placed his mouth over hers, muffling whatever it was she was about to say, as his other hand went back to work the buttons.
“Do not fight against it, Emily. Didn’t you enjoy the last time we were together like this?” he coaxed.
“Only now you are threatening to use it against me,” she pointed out, “so I will be forced to marry you against my will!”
She began trying to pull away again, but in doing so, it caused her dress to fall away instead.
“There, doesn’t that feel better?” he asked, as he pulled her sleeves down over her arms, and then rolled with her on the bed, so he was now on top of her, and pulling the top of her dress away.
Before she could rebel again, his mouth was over hers, causing her to whimper as she tried to resist his advances. His kiss deepened, and he continued to plunder her mouth. Emily could feel herself weakening, as she felt a rush of sensations vividly reminding her of how he had made her fly to the stars, the last time she was with him like this. This is insane, she scolded herself, lifting up, using every ounce of willpower to disentangle herself from his arms.
“I thought you were incapacitated,” she grumbled. “I did not come into your room to let you handle me thus.”
He lifted his face, and looked into her eyes.
“I believe you are enjoying it, aren’t you Emily? I recall the last time we were together, your curiosity was starting to run away with you! Think of how our married life would be, sharing these pleasures with each other?”
He pleaded at her with his eyes.
“Even with such pleasures, it will be dimmed if it is only a means to trick me into submitting to you. A woman of the night could receive such pleasures, and it would mean nothing,” she pointed out, pushing him off of her.
Roderick lifted himself onto his elbow, and let his eyes gaze over her as she scrambled to put her arms back into the sleeves of her dress. She had her eyes down cast as she straightened the sleeves, but each breath was coming faster, while her fingers seemed to be working slower, as though she was having a hard time bringing herself to refusing him access to her.
Roderick smiled, lowering his head to run kisses over her neck, and then over the curve of her shoulder. His hands took advantage of her hesitation and pushed under her chemise to capture her breasts, causing her to gasp. His mouth found hers again, coaxing her to comply.
Roderick’s only hope was to completely compromise Emily, in spite of her accusing him of doing that very thing, he was telling himself. Then she would have no recourse but to marry him, and make the best of it. Perhaps his actions would bring on an heir sooner than the two years stipulated, he considered to himself. Then it wouldn’t matter if she refused him access to her after they married. He tried to ignore the feeling of guilt that was building up inside at his plans to have his way, come hell or high water.
Emily felt torn. She knew exactly what Roderick was attempting to do. If she allowed it, she would be as much to blame as he, and regardless of what happened, she would have to live with her decision.
Roderick started to ease his way to his desired goal. He could feel Emily start to tremble, which caused him to pause, as he wrestled with his own ethics, and his driving need to have her as his wife.
He contemplated the pros and cons, as he drank her in with his eyes. He smiled with admiration at her perfectly shaped breasts, the bodice of her under dress was trying to hide from him. He was impressed by how small her waist was, encircled by the waistband of the petticoats. He could feel his own desire leaping forth.
Emily murmured his name, as though to protest further. Roderick smothered his name with his lips, as he lowered his head to hers, and breathed in her essence with his mouth.
Emily struggled to free her mouth from Roderick’s imprisoning lips.
“Oh, God, Roderick, what are you doing to me? This is not happening!”
Roderick lifted his head.
“Only it is happening, my sweet” he rumbled in a husky voice. “You might as well admit you desire me in the same way I desire you!”
“That is not fair
! I have already admitted to falling in love with you.”
“Don’t worry, as long as you are enjoying it, what difference does it make? I desire you in my arms like this, regardless of your feelings or mine.”
Roderick’s mouth started to travel down Emily’s shoulder and lower to her breast, he was attempting to expose, causing her breath to catch in her throat.
“You must stop this, at once,” she stated, but did not sound like she actually wanted him to do so, so he ignored her.
Emily was beside herself, knowing if she allowed him to continue, there would be no turning back. She attempted to push him from her. Her breath started to slow, and Roderick merely smiled, cradling her in his arms, burying his head in her hair, that had fallen in a tangle during the whole episode.
“Roderick, I …I…I cannot allow you to put me in this position,” Emily choked. “I should have known from the last time we were together, you would not be satisfied until you had me completely at your mercy! I fear you wish to deflower me. I cannot allow that, or this, for that matter!” She struggled to sit up.
“This is only the beginning of the pleasures of bringing forth a heir, Emily. If you marry me, I promise you, I will never treat you like a brooding mare. I will strive to bring you to every height you can imagine.”
“I know of your experience and capabilities, Roderick. You have practiced it well with your mistress. It is plain to see that love plays no part in your ability to please a woman, or you would have married your housemaid years ago. Without love, to me, whatever you did would mean little,” she insisted. “It would be no more than what you would do with a lady of the night, or your mistress,” she accused, thrusting her arms in the sleeves of her dress, as Roderick pled at her with his eyes.
“It would never mean that little,” he told her. “You know very well, I can not marry my housemaid, whether I loved her or not. My father’s will stipulated the kind of breeding I needed in a wife.”
“It doesn’t matter. Until I know you actually love me, and that is the only emotion that motivates you to marry me, I cannot allow you to use me like this. It is because I fear I love you, that you touching me like this, makes me feel complete. However, regardless of how you make me feel, I am sure I do not make you feel complete, in the same way. Therefore, I must warn you, if you think you can compromise me further, and then try to force my hand in marriage, I will disappear, Roderick. You will be forced to find someone else to satisfy your needs.”
“Emily, don’t do this. You are the only woman I could ever imagining becoming my wife,” he begged.
Emily felt confused. Only she realized she would regret it, if she allowed her heart to rule her head, by giving into him. She had to be strong, she scolded herself. It would be better to end it now and get over him. It would be preferable to go to Alfred, than risk losing her heart to Roderick and then regretting it for the rest of her life when he could not return that same love she was feeling. At least she had known Alfred all her life, and did not have to question his regard for her.
As she lay in Roderick’s arms, she subconsciously ran her fingers through the softness of his dark curls that clustered over his chest. She heard him groan at her touch.
“Don’t let this be the end of it, Emily,” he breathed, as his body yearned for more of her touch.
She brought her face closer, and he could feel her long hair falling over him, and then the softness of her cheek, as she brushed it against his chest. Shivers ran through his body at that intimate touch.
“You don’t have to leave me,” he told her, with a broken breath. “You could give us time to adjust to each other.”
“Not if there could never be any love involved. I realize you have been hurt, and you fear loving anyone. If you never learn to release your heart, Roderick, my love for you would whither and die. We would end up hating each other.”
Roderick did not answer. He closed his eyes. He was afraid to say something that would end this moment of closeness. Roderick realized he was not going to be able to change her mind, unless he admitted to loving her. However, at this point, he feared she would not believe him, even if his profession was true. She would believe he was saying it just to get her to marry him.
Roderick knew instinctively that they were at an impasse. He had to use every fiber in his body, to try and hold back the galloping rush of his own emotions at the fear that he was pushing her away. He knew it was because he was afraid of the fall that would come later, when she discovered that this love she thought she felt for him, had been misplaced.
Her persistence would be the undoing of him, though. Roderick held Emily securely to him, bringing his mouth to hers. He was, trying to still the sinking feeling that was beginning to wash over him, if he actually lost her in the end. He released his breath in a moan of indecision, and held Emily so tightly, he feared he may break her bones, but she did not resist.
“You are going to marry me, my sweet,” he groaned as he ran his fingers through her long hair, that surrounded them, as she lay her head back down on his chest.
“You think I don’t have any other choice, considering you believe that by announcing you have compromised me, I will have to consent, she protested. “However, Alfred has agreed to take me under his wing, regardless, so you cannot force me into this against my will.”
Roderick laughed. “You know you do not love Alfred. You claim to love me. I have already vowed to have you as my wife, and I intend to keep that vow. Please do not leave my sight, Emily. I need you near me at all times.”
“You weren’t drunk, were you?” Emily accused, as she looked down at Roderick’s now sober face.
He grinned.
“I couldn’t force you to come to my arms. You needed to come willingly,” he admitted. “The problem is, you won’t be happy until I admit undying love for you, will you?”
“Why don’t you have undying love for me, Roderick? You treat me as though you do.”
“It is easy to treat you this way because every time I look at you, all I can think about is touching you, and kissing you, and having you laying your head on my chest like this!”
“But never saying you love me,” she frowned.
“Don’t press me, Emily. At this point, even if I told you I loved you, you wouldn’t believe me. The very fact that you insist on it, has made it impossible!”
He pulled her head up to his and laid his mouth against her lips.
“Just be happy with what we have,” he whispered against her trembling lips. “I am going to get the special license today, and in three days we shall marry. There is no need to remain here together, unwed, causing us to be so tempted that we drive each other crazy. If we are wed, then there is nothing stopping us, and I can show you so much more pleasure,” he promised.
If it was such pleasure he wanted to share with her, why couldn’t he share his love as well, she wondered? Why did he guard his heart so tightly? After all, she had understood about James, and Abigail. She had not blamed him. Surely he knew that her rejection of him years ago, had only been a childish game. What was he holding against her, that wouldn’t allow him to vow his love to her?
Did he still hope to have Della, once he had her safely carrying his heir and there was nothing she could do about it? She would have no way to escape, since she could never support a child on her own, and she doubted he would allow her to take his child, if she left him. The common law in a divorce or separation was the husband always got the children. The heir must stay and take its place in the family position.
Did he still have some outlandish scheme to shun her, the way she had shunned him, once she had furnished him an heir? She realized that she knew very little about Roderick, or what he thought and felt. She was mesmerized by his touch, and the unexplainable belief she loved him, but could she actually trust him? She could not consummate a marriage, and become pregnant before she was completely sure of his loyalty, and his love.
Emily wondered how she was going to hold him of
f? Every time they were together she allowed him too much access to her person. She wondered if she could stop him from going beyond the point of no return if he became determined to have her completely? He seemed so certain she would become his wife, that she feared what lengths he would go to, to assure it?
“I can’t marry you, Roderick,” she said at last. “I realize that you could try to force my hand if you wished to, which would ruin my reputation even if Alfred took me in. It would ruin him as well, if I accepted his protection. However, I have told you what will happen if you try that tactic. I fear it is just my body you wish to have at your disposal, and the hope of having an heir. I know you were honest with me from the beginning about your proposition being a marriage of convenience, but as tempting as I find it, convenience is not what I am looking for. Therefore, I cannot submit to your wishes.”
“I could always lie to you, and tell you I love you. Would that make you feel better?” Roderick responded, his temper starting to rise.
“I would know if you were sincere or not,” Emily said simply.
Roderick stared at her. He could not believe she was balking after the closeness they just shared together! Even if she had been a little reluctant to give in to what he wanted of her, she had returned his kisses. He knew she loved him, why couldn’t he admit a love for her? Did he love her, or was he just in love with the idea of having her in his bed, having an heir, and keeping his inheritance? Damn the woman! Now she was trying to force his hand to admit something he couldn’t even admit to himself!
“Fine,” Roderick said between clenched teeth. “If that is the way you feel, I will release you from any pretence of an engagement! I will pay you for your trouble, with an allowance, so you will not have to work for a living, and then I will go out and find someone who won’t demand so much of my soul! I don’t have time to fool around, Emily. I have offered you everything I can, and that is not enough for you, so be damned with it! I am through trying to coddle you!”
Tears sprang to Emily’s eyes. Apparently, he didn’t love her, even a little. Willard was wrong. All he wanted was his blasted heir and his inheritance.
A Bride For Windridge Hall Page 19
