by A. L. Brooks
Jacky lifted her head from the kiss. “I need to fuck you,” she said, her voice gravelly with desire. “Now.”
Tania groaned and fell back against the couch, parting the robe and her legs. Jacky stroked her way through the wetness already seeping out of Tania’s cunt.
“I love you.” Tania moaned as Jacky pushed two fingers inside her, going deep. Jacky bent down and kissed her. She thrust her tongue into Tania’s mouth, forcing it open wide while her fingers pumped hard in her cunt. Tania came quickly, and Jacky smiled as her wife lay back on the sofa, basking in her post-orgasmic glow. Jacky leaned forward, still on her knees, and propped her head on her hands with her elbows supporting her on the edge of the couch. She gazed down at Tania.
Tania chuckled. “What brought that on?” she said teasingly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong; I love you coming home horny, but did you spot some gorgeous chick out tonight who got your juices flowing or something?”
Jacky blushed, and Tania sat up suddenly, her expression turning serious.
“Whoa,” Tania said. “That was meant to be a joke. What have you been up to tonight?”
“Nothing. You know I am yours and yours only. ’Til death us do part.” The last thing Jacky wanted was Tania thinking she wasn’t completely committed to her.
“I should think so too—I am not sharing you with anyone.”
Jacky deflated slightly at Tania’s statement. Tania frowned and reached up to cup Jacky’s chin. She stared intently at Jacky, who squirmed under her scrutiny. “What’s going on, Jack? You’re acting a bit weird, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s worrying me.”
Jacky huffed out a big breath. Tania’s words about not sharing had kind of taken the wind out of the sails of her crazy plan.
“You’ll think I’m stupid,” she said.
Confusion played out on Tania’s face.
“You know I was out with Kath tonight, right?”
Tania nodded.
“Well, we got talking about how Kath doesn’t have time for a love life now that her mum’s taken a bad turn again.”
“Oh, shame,” said Tania.
“Yeah. Well, anyway, it turns out Kath has found quite a…different way to deal with her situation.”
Tania raised her eyebrows.
“She’s visiting a lesbian sex club,” said Jacky in a rush.
“She’s what?” Tania’s expression switched from quizzical to incredulous in an instant.
“It’s not seedy or dodgy or anything like that. It’s run by this really cool dyke who makes everyone abide by a code of conduct, and it’s, like, this really safe place to go and meet other women who want the same thing.”
“Which is what, exactly?” Tania crossed her arms over her chest, sounding distinctly unimpressed by what Jacky was telling her.
“Hey, don’t get on your high horse! This is Kath we’re talking about. You know how decent she is. She’s hardly likely to hit some sleazy joint for a shag with a prostitute, is she?” Jacky’s voice was sharp in defence of her friend.
“Hey, it all sounds a bit odd to me.” Tania held her hands up. “Sorry, sweetheart, I don’t mean anything against Kath personally.”
“Well, anyway,” continued Jacky, slightly mollified and determined in a fatalistic kind of way to finish telling Tania about the club and her crazy plan. “The thing is, it sounds like she’s had some really good experiences there. All of the women know exactly what they are there for. They all play it safe, and yet they can all go and indulge in whatever kind of sexual experience they want with no questions asked.” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “So, the thing is, I kind of got this idea in my head after she told me, and I wanted to run it by you and see how you felt about it.”
Tania took a deep breath and gave her a dubious look. “Go ahead.”
Jacky ploughed on. “I want to use the club as a way to get you what I can’t give you.” The words sounded so loud in the room. Tania’s eyebrows rose slowly upwards.
“You mean…?” Tania’s voice was strained and hoarse, and Jacky winced in fear.
“I love you,” whispered Jacky. “And I want you to be able to have something you really desire.” Jacky trembled as unwanted memories pushed to the forefront of her mind. She quickly rammed them back where they’d come from, swallowing hard before continuing, “I thought we could go to the club and find you a woman who would let—”
Tania placed a hand across Jacky’s mouth, stopping her from finishing the sentence. Tears fell from Tania’s eyes, and Jacky’s heart clenched. She never meant to hurt Tania or upset her.
“I’m sorry.” She hung her head, unable to look at Tania.
Tania suddenly grabbed Jacky and pulled her tight against her chest.
“I can’t…I can’t believe you would do that for me,” she said roughly. “I mean, I’m disgusted and overwhelmed by how much you love me, all at the same time.” She pulled away from Jacky to smile weakly and wipe away her tears. “That really is one fucked-up idea, but I know it came from the best place.” She touched Jacky’s chest, just over her heart. “I know you truly meant that to be all about pleasing me.”
Jacky nodded and pulled Tania back to her, so relieved that she hadn’t blown it completely. They held each other close.
“I will never, ever put pressure on you about this again. I swear,” announced Tania.
Jacky looked up at her, questioning.
“If you think me wanting to go down on you and you not wanting it or being able to do it has put some kind of block in our relationship, I don’t ever want to bring it up again. It is just one thing, one silly thing that I can totally live without, and I would rather do that than have you doubt us in any way, okay?”
Jacky smiled. “But that’s the thing. I’ve never doubted us, not ever. It’s not about that.”
Tania looked puzzled.
Jacky blew out a breath in frustration. Her eyes fell on a framed photo on the bookshelf. They’d spent the day at Alton Towers, and Tania went on every ride. Jacky grinned and turned back to Tania.
“Look, to me, offering that to you was just like saying I wanted to take you to a fun fair so you could ride rollercoasters all day. You know I fucking hate them, but I would quite happily watch you having fun on them as long as you wanted, because we’d still be sharing something that you loved.”
“Wait a minute,” exclaimed Tania, looking shocked and sitting bolt upright on the sofa. “You’re comparing me eating out some strange woman’s pussy to a day riding rollercoasters? Are you fucking crazy?”
Jacky laughed, then stopped when she saw Tania’s face. “Babe,” she said, reaching slowly for Tania’s hand. “From what Kath said, there doesn’t have to be any emotion attached to it. It’s purely about meeting a need with none of the complications that go with trying to pick up a woman at a club and take her home. Yes, it might seem cold, but Kath says somehow, if you’re both in it for the right reasons, it’s really enjoyable and…freeing. I honestly thought it would be something exciting we could share.” She took a deep breath. “I would find it totally arousing to watch you do that to someone, knowing you were imagining it was me, knowing how much enjoyment you were getting out of it, but knowing as well that the only one you want in your bed every night is me.”
Tania sat back, her mouth open in shock. “You wouldn’t get jealous or find it odd or…painful to see me doing that?”
Jacky couldn’t tell from her tone what answer Tania wanted to hear, so she decided honesty was the best policy. “No, I truly wouldn’t. For all the reasons I just gave. It wouldn’t be watching you have an affair. It would be watching you eat something you love to taste. Like that double chocolate fudge cake we get from the pizza place sometimes.”
Tania stared at her, then burst out laughing. “Oh my God,” she said. “I just cannot believe we are having this conversation. Please don’t tell me you mentioned this to Kath?”
“No, of course not! This is between you and me.”
&
nbsp; There was silence for a while. Tania sat back into the sofa and pulled her robe tight around her. Jacky gazed at her for a moment and then got up to make some tea, leaving Tania alone with her thoughts. Toby jumped up and followed Jacky to the kitchen, clearly expecting a late-night treat.
* * *
Tania vaguely listened to the muted sounds of Jacky filling the kettle, pulling mugs from the cupboard, and jokingly admonishing Toby for some minor doggy indiscretion. Their entire conversation had completely unsettled Tania. She pushed her hands through her hair and tried to make sense of the disjointed thoughts spinning around her head.
The issue over Jacky refusing to let Tania go down on her had not been a big deal in the early days of their relationship—there were so many other distractions and joys to explore that Tania hadn’t really noticed it. But over time, she had come to realise that it was a serious psychological issue for Jacky, and although she’d tried to be understanding and patient, somehow she just couldn’t shake it off.
It wasn’t Jacky’s refusal of the act itself. It was the frustration that there was something so important behind this, and Jacky felt as though she couldn’t share it with her. For the other ninety-nine per cent of their life, they were completely together. She’d just always thought if she ever found her soul-mate, she’d get one hundred per cent of that person, and it pained her that Jacky couldn’t take that one last step to full completeness with Tania.
Given everything else Jacky would do to her, the responses she could draw from Tania’s body, Tania had no reason to keep dwelling on it. It was just that she missed the taste of pussy and would love to know how Jacky felt under her tongue. Never mind that it had always been one of her most favourite things to do in the history of the world.
When Jacky had first mentioned the club, Tania had feared she wanted something Tania wasn’t giving her, and that had started a small, fiery ball of jealousy, hurt, and anger in the pit of her stomach.
Her head was still spinning. Jacky would do something like this to please her. Jacky admitted she’d find it a turn on. Tania closed her eyes and breathed out slowly. The most unsettling thing, of course, was the one thing she was trying extremely hard not to think about.
She hated to admit it, but deep down inside, she wanted to say yes.
* * *
Jacky slipped out of the bed at five thirty the next morning, careful, as always, not to disturb her wife. Tania had another two hours before she needed to start her day. In her sweatpants and tee shirt, she padded downstairs, slipped on her boots and jacket, and grabbed Toby’s lead off the peg in the hall. He came barrelling down the hallway, and she clipped him into the leash before opening the front door. She always took him for his first short walk of the day—not too far, just enough for him to sniff his way around a few streets and relieve himself before they headed home. Tania would take him out again when she got up.
Once back in the house, Jacky topped up his water, gave him a handful of the crunchy snacks he loved, and headed back upstairs to shower and dress. Her mind felt woolly, as if she’d drunk much more than she actually had the evening before.
Last night, after she’d returned to the living room with their tea, they’d not mentioned her mad plan again. Instead, they’d watched some crime drama and then snuggled into bed with only a quiet “goodnight”. There was a tension between them, and she was at a loss as to how to resolve it.
As she drove herself to work, she ran through it all again. She’d never meant to upset Tania, but it had seemed like such a good idea on the way home. Plus, she’d meant every word—the idea of watching Tania eat some woman out was hugely arousing.
Maybe that’s what had put Tania off. Maybe Tania didn’t like the idea of Jacky getting turned on by it. Whatever it was, she couldn’t leave things where they were. Tonight, after dinner, she’d take a deep breath and bring the subject up again.
* * *
Tania had done nothing all day except pretend to work on the same spreadsheet. She had barely spoken a word to any of her colleagues, and her thoughts constantly returned to Jacky’s mad idea. Lunch had passed in a blur—she couldn’t even remember what she’d eaten now. So far this afternoon, she’d stumbled her way through a meeting with the new business analyst, Stephanie. The woman was rather gorgeous, and she gave off confusing signals to Tania’s gaydar. They were supposed to work together on a new project along with the quiet woman from IT, Lou.
Then, out of the blue, between bullet points in the all-staff briefing, her mind had opened up and acknowledged what she’d been trying to fight.
She wanted to do it.
She wanted to sink her face into a woman’s wet cunt and lick her senseless. She wanted to taste, feel, suck, and fuck with her tongue. It had been nearly three years, and God, yes, she wanted it.
Yes, she wished with all her heart—and other, lower parts of her body—that it could be Jacky’s pussy, but Jacky wasn’t ready. So, Jacky offered her the next best thing—a means to satisfying the desire in a way that allowed them to share the experience nonetheless.
Would it be strange to do that to another woman while Jacky watched? How exactly would it play out? Would Tania just pick someone while Jacky stood nearby and watched? God, no, doing it that way sounded awful. No, if it was going to happen, then it had to be shared as much as possible. It had to involve more than just Tania going down on someone. She needed there to be some sort of foreplay, some sort of…connection. Most importantly, she needed to be able to imagine it was Jacky beneath her tongue and Jacky’s sounds of arousal reaching her ears.
* * *
“Okay,” said Tania as they finished eating their pasta later that night. “How would it work, exactly?”
Staring at Tania across their small dining table, Jacky carefully swallowed her last mouthful of food, wiped her mouth on her napkin, and sat back in her chair. “How would what work exactly?” she asked, knowing precisely what Tania meant but needing to hear it nonetheless.
“The club,” said Tania, staring deep into Jacky’s eyes. “How would we…choose her?”
Jacky exhaled slowly and gripped the edges of the table tightly. “You mean, you might want to try it?” She couldn’t believe Tania had brought it up first and in this way.
Tania nodded and smiled shyly. “I can’t believe I’m saying it out loud, but yes, I want to try it.”
Jacky grinned. “Fuck, I really didn’t think you would. When you didn’t mention it again last night, I just assumed…”
“Yeah, I know. I just needed to process. And be honest with myself.” Tania blushed, and Jacky reached across to cup her chin.
“Babe, this is me. You don’t need to be embarrassed. I was totally honest with you last night. Be totally honest with me, please.”
“Oh God.” Tania’s blush deepened. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I was useless at work. My overriding thought was that, although I miss the taste of pussy, it will never be the same going down on someone who isn’t you.” She held up her hand as Jacky went to speak. “I’m not pushing you; I’m just stating a fact. I want you to be able to tell me why this is an issue for you, but I accept that it may never happen. So, I’ve set that aside. And now I’m focusing on the other reactions I had. I kept asking myself why I was so disgusted by it, and I finally realised that I was deflecting.” She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t disgusted by it; I was turned on by it, and I didn’t want to be. I think I thought it must mean I don’t love you enough if I want to do it. And yet I didn’t think you loved me any less for suggesting it. In fact, I thought it showed me just how much you do love me.”
Jacky nodded and smiled warmly with encouragement and a huge amount of relief. “It does, and I do not think any less of you for admitting that you want to do this. I cannot give you what you want, and I am truly sorry about that. But why shouldn’t you take advantage of a place where you can get it?”
There was a pause as Tania looked at her, and Jacky held her breath at the raw emotion
displayed on Tania’s features.
“I want you there with me,” whispered Tania. “It can only work for me if you are there. I want… I need to imagine she’s you.”
Jacky swallowed and nodded and leaned across the table to plant a soft kiss on Tania’s lips.
“I’d want you standing behind her.” Tania’s voice was so soft Jacky had to strain to hear her. Tania met her eyes. “I’d want you behind her so that as I lick her, I can imagine it’s you. I want to reach around and hold you while I taste her.”
Jacky’s clit throbbed at the thought, and she let out a small moan. Tania seemed startled and then smiled knowingly. She crooked a finger at Jacky, and Jacky couldn’t get out of her chair fast enough. She stood in front of Tania, waiting to guide her to the bedroom. Instead, Tania undid Jacky’s belt, pulled down the zip of her jeans, and opened the button.
“Tania…what…?” moaned Jacky as Tania’s warm fingers caressed her belly and then dipped into her boxer shorts.
“Shush,” murmured Tania, and she ran her fingers down on to Jacky’s clit.
Jacky gazed down at her.
“I fucking love you,” she whispered as Tania’s fingers pushed deep inside her.
* * *
“You okay?” asked Jacky for what was about the tenth time.
Tania turned to look at her, her expression bordering on angry. “I’m fine,” she said through clenched teeth. “Will you stop fucking asking me?”
“Sorry.” Jacky stared ahead out of the windscreen, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.
They’d decided to drive to the club. That way, they could leave whenever they wanted, rather than relying on train company timetables. Jacky had done a drive-by one day on her way home from work so they wouldn’t get lost on the way. The quiet street that housed the club on the northern edge of the city centre was fairly nondescript, with the club itself tucked down a ways, past a block of flats and into a row of small industrial buildings. Did the residents of the flats have any idea what went on behind the black door just a few places down from their homes?
