by A. L. Brooks
She nodded.
“And you are trying to get some answers to something very important for you and your future tonight? No matter what happens, you need to know, one way or another, right?”
She nodded again, and he reached for her hand. His touch helped calm her nerves.
“There are certain ‘rules’ that all the clients there follow, so if you just want to start off with maybe watching some girlie stuff, without actually any of the doing, you can, right?”
“Yeah, that’s actually the plan I came up with—watch for starters and see how I feel after that.”
“Exactly!” he said, a sly grin starting to form on his face. “If you find yourself horny as hell afterwards, you just grab the nearest cute chick you see and let her have her wicked way with you. Easy!”
She thumped his arm. “Not helping!” she said, exasperated.
Matt laughed, hugged her close, and kissed her gently on her forehead.
“Come on, it’s going to be fine. Let’s go, sweet pea. Time is ticking by.”
* * *
They drove in mostly silence for the twelve minutes it took to get there. Matt parked near a railway bridge. They were near enough to see the door, but far enough away that it didn’t look as though they were checking the place out.
Five minutes after parking, a cab pulled up some hundred yards from the door, and a woman in a long leather coat and leather trousers got out. She smoked a cigarette before she knocked on the black door. A small window in the door slid open. After a few words, she was admitted, and the door closed behind her.
“Do you think there’s a secret password or something to get you in?” asked Matt, an impish grin on his face.
“Muppet,” she hissed, shoving him in the arm.
“So, how long are you proposing to sit here, ma’am,” he said in his best chauffeur’s voice.
“Oh God, I don’t think I can do this!” she groaned, hanging her head in her hands. What was she thinking? This was crazy. Completely insane. Her heart thumped so loudly in her chest she was surprised she could hear above it.
“Hey, you’ve come this far,” he said softly, all joking set aside. “You’ve been in agony over this for years. In there, through that door, could be the answers to some fairly fucking chunky questions that could change your life. It’s been so upsetting watching you struggle all these years. And hey, I know I’m biased, but I would love for my BFF to be a hot lesbian.”
Stephanie snorted.
“But the bottom line is,” Matt continued, “I just want you to be happy. From everything you’ve told us these past couple of weeks, there is a way for you to be much, much happier than you’ve ever been, if only you can get the answers to those questions. And one of the ways to do that is to step through that door tonight. I know it’s hard. Of course it is—all the big shit in life is. But honey, the rewards are so worth it… If you’re brave enough.”
She looked up at him, truly moved by what he had just said. She reached out to him, and they shared a hug over the handbrake.
“Okay,” she said. “Just give me a few minutes to compose myself after that little emotional outburst.”
She sat back in her seat again and looked out the window towards the door of the club while silently repeating the words “you can do this, you can.”
That’s when she saw Lou walking down the street with her head tucked down into her collar against the icy December breeze. In that moment, it felt as though her thundering heart would stop. She sat bolt upright and gasped. Matt stared at her.
“What the fuck?” he said, alarmed, gaze swivelling everywhere to see the source of Stephanie’s shock. And then he saw her.
He turned to face Stephanie.
“That’s her, isn’t it? That’s Lou?” he whispered, and Stephanie exhaled, finally, and nodded.
Stephanie’s mind was in turmoil. What the hell was this? Lou went to this club? Lou, who wouldn’t say boo to a goose, was happy to visit a sex club? Unless this was her first time, of course. But something in the way she moved made Stephanie think Lou had done this before. She just looked so at ease.
She couldn’t work out how that made her feel. Confused, yes. Angry, a little. Jealous—a lot. Stupid, she knew, but suddenly she was very jealous of all the women who must have had Lou’s attention in there. How close did she get to them? Did she have regulars? Did she walk in there and laugh and…fuck…the night away with her own little harem of willing partners?
And then she stopped as pure, sudden clarity emptied her mind of all that nonsense. Lou came here because she needed to. How else would she interact with anyone? How else would her shyness allow her to meet another woman, to be intimate with another woman? In the club, she could presumably melt into the background, find an anonymous partner and—for what, half an hour, an hour?—completely forget the outside world that scared her so much. In that brief amount of time, she could be whoever she wanted. The wave of compassion that washed over Stephanie at that moment was interrupted by Matt’s worried voice.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?”
She tore her gaze away from the door of the club and turned to face him. “I have to find her,” she said simply.
She opened the car door and was halfway across the street when he called out to her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she replied without turning back to him.
She strode up to the door of the club and knocked. She was still nervous, but it was low-level now, almost completely overridden by her need to find Lou, to talk to her. To—finally—tell her everything and see if they could offer each other what they both really needed. She needed to tell Lou how she felt. And somehow she knew Lou would accept her, and then all of her fears about the physical wouldn’t matter any more. Together, they’d be able to work through each of their fears.
The small window in the door opened, and a pair of crisp blue eyes met hers.
“Do you know where you are?” The voice was kind.
“Yes, but I haven’t been before. I read about the club in—”
“Ah, yes, the article,” interrupted Blue Eyes.
The door release clicked, and the heavy black door opened to admit her. She stepped into a dim hallway, and walked through to let the woman close the door behind her.
“Welcome, I’m Mandy. As you’ve read the article, do you need me to give you the welcome speech, so to speak?” Mandy smiled, and her expression was reassuring.
“I think I remember most of it. I guess the only thing I’m not sure about is the, er, Red Room. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable in there.”
“Easy enough to avoid. The first room you enter is the Green Room. Blue and Red are located through doors off that room. You can’t stumble into them by accident.” The woman’s warm smile matched her soft tone.
Stephanie grinned, amazed at how at ease she already felt. Mandy was very good at her job. She reached into her pocket for her cash.
“It’s twenty; is that right?” she asked, pulling out notes.
“Yes, and then you’ll just pay for your drinks at the bar. Remember, sitting on a bar stool, either at the bar itself or at the central island is a no-touch zone, okay?”
Mandy’s eyes were piercing, and Stephanie had the sudden thought that Mandy could see right through her.
“Yes, thanks,” she replied, her voice husky with nerves.
“There are lockers here for your coat.” Mandy motioned to a small room behind her.
Stephanie thanked her again, stowed her coat and bag, and pocketed the locker key. Mandy stepped to one side and pointed down the hallway.
“Through that door there, that takes you straight into Green. Enjoy your evening.”
Stephanie swallowed a sudden surge of nerves and walked down the hall to the door. Now that she was here, she wanted to find Lou as quickly as she could, before anyone else did. God, what would she do if she got in there and saw Lou…involved with someone? She pushed that thought aside before compl
ete panic could set in.
* * *
Mandy smiled as she watched the blonde step through the door into Green. A “virgin,” if she was not mistaken, questioning her sexuality and hoping the club would answer that question for her. They’d had plenty of them through the door since they opened last year. Somehow she doubted this one would be active tonight. That was why she’d emphasised the no-touch zones. Mind you, with that face and that figure, she wouldn’t be short of offers.
She turned back and stepped into the office. Dee looked at her.
“Wow,” said Dee, wiggling her eyebrows in leery jest.
Mandy giggled. “I know. It was almost like sending a lamb to the slaughter. Do you think I should go in after her and make sure she’s okay?”
They both chuckled.
“Nah,” said Dee. “If she’s come this far…”
* * *
Stephanie entered the Green Room, breathing deeply to calm her racing heartbeat. The room was dimly lit, similar to the hallway she’d just left. She found herself facing the bar, so she ordered a beer and scanned the room while she waited for her change. She didn’t see Lou yet.
Then her focus shifted, and she realised what she was seeing. There were three couples against the wall, and they were all…fucking. As far as she could tell, none of the pairings involved Lou. She sat down at the end of the bar and blushed deep to her roots. As she stared at the action in front of her, she took a long gulp of her beer and tried to steady her breathing.
With a jolt, she realised her breathing was uneven not because she was nervous. She was completely turned on.
She watched for a while, gaze flitting from one couple to the next as she tuned in to her body’s—and her mind’s—response to it all. She watched them kissing, followed their hands as they roamed over and into each other’s bodies, and listened to the sounds they made. Her mouth went completely dry. Woman-on-woman sex was hugely arousing to her, and quite possibly—God, who was she kidding? Definitely—this was something she wanted to experience for herself. She smiled as she realised thoughts of her parents had not entered her mind once since she’d stepped into the club. Maybe tonight she would be able to banish her demons.
That thought broke her out of her reverie and focused her back on the real reason she was there. She searched the room carefully, especially the single women leaning against the wall, waiting to be approached. None of them was Lou. Then she turned her attention to the four women sat at the central bar. She could only partially see the woman furthest to the right.
From somewhere deep inside, she drew on all her bravery and walked toward the woman. Her heart nearly stopped for the second time that evening when she realised it was Lou. She was suddenly flooded with a range of emotions—fear, desire, and compassion—and had to take a couple of deep breaths before making her wobbly legs carry her the last few steps to the vacant stool next to Lou.
Lou glanced at her, and then, in an action that would have been comical if not for the circumstances, did a double take. Her eyes widened as she stared at Stephanie.
“Hi,” said Stephanie nervously, meeting Lou’s gaze.
Lou still stared, and Stephanie didn’t know what to say. There was such a mix of emotions playing across Lou’s face—shock had quickly been replaced by confusion, and now anger was creeping across her features. Lou shook her head slightly.
“What the fuck are you doing here? What is this, some kind of sick game?” Her voice wasn’t loud, but the fury in her words sent Stephanie rocking back in her seat. When Lou stood and made as if to walk off, on instinct Stephanie shot out a hand and grabbed Lou’s arm.
“Please, let me explain,” she said. She let go of Lou’s arm and clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking. “Please? I promise I haven’t come here to hurt you, or play games. I really need to talk to you.”
There was an awful pause. In the end, to Stephanie’s huge relief, Lou motioned with her head to the main bar behind them. She turned abruptly, and Stephanie followed her. Lou’s shoulders were tense in the tight tee shirt she wore. Once at the bar, they sat back down alongside each other, politely waving off the cute blonde barwoman as she approached. Stephanie opened her mouth to speak, but Lou spoke first.
“Why are you here?” she whispered. Her voice ached with such pain that tears welled up in the back of Stephanie’s throat.
The words came tumbling out. “I…I’ve been fighting who I really am, fighting for such a long time, and I can’t do it anymore. Since I met you, I’ve realised what I really want, and I was terrified I’d hurt you too much by rejecting you that time you asked me out. You got caught in the crossfire of my struggle, and I never meant for that to happen.” She paused and took a sip of beer. Lou waited, but her face had softened a little, which encouraged Stephanie to plough on. “The thing is, I’m… Oh God,” she whispered. “I’m hugely attracted to you, can’t stop thinking about you, actually, and…” She needed to plunge on, needed to lay it all on the line. “And I was wondering if you could forgive me and maybe we could start again, go out sometime, see where we can take this.”
Lou’s expression returned to one of shock, and she took a few swallows of her beer before speaking. “I think I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities, I didn’t stop to think that you might have demons of your own. I’m sorry if—”
Her words stunned Stephanie. “No! Please, don’t apologise to me, you have done nothing wrong in this. Nothing. I knew how shy you were. I knew how much it took for you to ask me out, but I was so…God, so rude to you! I’m so ashamed of how I spoke to you, and I never meant to cause you so much confusion.”
Lou reached out then and gently laid her hand on Stephanie’s bare arm. The heat of her fingers on Stephanie’s skin made her breath catch. A ripple of desire snaked its way down her body to land somewhere deep inside her. She met Lou’s gaze and found, for the first time tonight, warmth there, along with the hint of a smile around her eyes.
“I think you and I can stop apologising to each other now, don’t you?” said Lou.
Stephanie nodded and smiled.
“But, I have to ask,” continued Lou. “What are you here for? You say you’re attracted to me, but you came to a sex club on your own. Your words don’t fit your actions, and…I don’t know which to believe.” Lou looked confused and pained.
Stephanie knew the next words out of her mouth were fundamentally important if she was ever going to convince Lou to take a chance on there being something between them. She took a deep breath. “Okay, first, I couldn’t ever imagine telling you how I felt about you. Or even a situation where that might be possible. You had shut me out, quite rightly, and I couldn’t find a way back in. Second, I was still coming to terms with my sexuality, and a friend suggested this would be a good way to find out if I could really…be physical with a woman. I…I didn’t want to date someone, get to the intimate stage, and run out on her. That would be awful. I-I have some issues with the physical side of things. Or at least until tonight I thought I did.” She smiled ruefully as heat crept over her face. “I’m really not sure that’s true now. But when I first decided to come here, I figured if I changed my mind or couldn’t cope with it, it wouldn’t matter so much if I was with a stranger.”
Lou nodded slowly and dropped her gaze to the beer bottle in her hands. Stephanie waited, giving her time to process what she had heard. Lou finally lifted her haunted eyes and said, “Are you disgusted by me being here?”
“God, no!” replied Stephanie forcefully. “I think I understand why you come here, and I’m glad you’ve been able to find this.”
Lou inhaled sharply, her relief palpable, and then she finally smiled her full, glorious smile, the one that utterly melted Stephanie’s insides.
“Thank you,” said Lou, obviously relieved, and then she snorted out a laugh, tipped her head back, and gazed at the ceiling. “God, this is just crazy. I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you having this conversation in this club.” She b
rought her head back down and turned to look directly into Stephanie’s eyes. “I-I’ve…liked you since I first met you, but you know what my problem is. This isn’t going to be easy for me.”
Stephanie shivered from the intensity in Lou’s eyes. She reached out a hand to touch Lou’s arm. “I know,” said Stephanie. “But actually, don’t you think that suits me? I really…like you too, but I need to take this…us…slowly. I’ve got a lot to discover about myself, so maybe you are just perfect. If you were all full of yourself and jumped my bones, I’d probably run a mile.”
Lou laughed and gazed into Stephanie’s eyes, and Stephanie laughed with her. The craziness of the evening was catching up with her. Then, somehow, they were holding hands, and an extraordinary jolt of desire struck Stephanie again, just from that simple touch. She stopped laughing. Lou looked at her, looked down at their hands, and sighed. She looked back up into Stephanie’s eyes.
“So what now?” Lou swallowed. “You came here for a purpose—do you still need to go through with that?” Her tone was neutral, if a little forced.
“No,” whispered Stephanie, her throat suddenly tight. She gazed at the stunning woman in front of her, shaking her head slightly as all her fear faded to nothing and was replaced by pure desire, hot and all-consuming, coursing through her body with a strength that left her aching. For all her talk about needing things to go slow, the feel of Lou’s warm hand in hers sent all ideas of slow out the window.
“I don’t. I don’t need sex with a stranger to figure out what I can cope with…to figure out what I want. I know what I want. I want…you.”
Lou gave a small groan, and a thrill shot through Stephanie at the sound. Her breath caught as Lou slowly, cautiously, reached out a hand and, with shaking fingertips, stroked Stephanie’s face in a lazy, languorous line from her eyebrow, down her cheek to her lips. There was a discreet cough behind them. They both turned in a daze to find the barwoman leaning on her elbows next to them.
