by Naima Simone
She needed answers.
Minutes later, she stepped out on the executive floor of KayCee Corp and strode towards Grayson’s office. Mrs. Ross, his administrative assistant, glanced up as she neared, a polite but welcoming smile curving her mouth. Nadia forced herself to return the gesture, even if it felt brittle on her lips.
“Good morning, Mrs. Ross,” she said, surprised by how even her voice sounded. “Is Grayson, I mean, Mr. Chandler in?”
“He had to step out of his office for a moment.” The older woman swept a hand toward the closed double doors. “But I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you went in and waited for him. He should return shortly.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, heading toward his office. Once inside, she closed the doors behind her and exhaled, leaning against the wood.
Just ask him. I’ll just ask him. He’ll explain and everything will be fine.
She nodded as if someone else had offered the advice and pushed off the door. There had to be an explanation. She’d encountered Adalyn Hayes only a handful of times, but they’d been enough to tell the woman was manipulative and wouldn’t be above trickery to get what she wanted. Which, in this case, was Grayson.
The cool logic of the argument blew on the flames of hurt and humiliation burning inside her. She crossed to Grayson’s desk to sit in one of the visitor chairs to wait on him.
“What the hell?” she breathed.
She stared down at the manila envelope with her name typed across the label. The email printout floated from her numb fingers to the top of Grayson’s desk. The thought of respecting his privacy and not opening the file didn’t occur to her. And before she could convince herself it wasn’t a good idea to snoop, she already had the flap opened and the thin sheaf of papers freed.
Stunned, she read the private investigator’s report.
Marion Jordan, town drunk and whore. Children by two different men.
Nadia Jordan’s arrest record.
High school dropout.
Everything about her past—about her—in black-and-white. In startling, stark detail.
Anger. Pain. Shame. They all seared her, rendering her to a pile of ash. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t... Oh God, she just couldn’t.
“Nadia.”
The papers fluttered to the floor as she slowly pivoted at the sound of the deep voice that she adored...and now resented.
Grayson watched her, his unique eyes hooded. Examining. He knew what she’d discovered, what she’d been reading.
“You had me investigated,” she stated, amazed at the flat tone. Shouldn’t her voice be a pitted, ragged mess from all the internal screaming? First his ex’s email, then this report. Both of them had emotionally flayed her, and she should at least sound like it. “You pretended not to know about me, about my mother, my life in Georgia, when you knew all along.”
“I didn’t order that report. My father did,” he said, that inscrutable, aloof mask firmly in place. Except for his eyes. They remained alert, bright.
“But you didn’t tell me about it, either,” she accused. Releasing a chuckle that abraded her throat, she shook her head. “And all the way here, I was telling myself that you wouldn’t lie to me. That if you had something to tell me, you would be upfront about it. Not hide anything from me. Then I find that.”
Like a movie reel cut to the slowest speed, she replayed all the moments she’d shared with him. How she’d showed him her heart. And the whole time, he’d already known. Had already been judging...
“What are you talking about, Nadia?” he demanded, eyes narrowing as he advanced on her. “I haven’t lied to you. That thing,” he flicked a hand toward the report scattered on the floor, “doesn’t mean anything to me. My father had you investigated to prove a meaningless point. I don’t care where you were born or who your mother is. I care about the woman standing in front of me. You should know that by now.”
“Then about this?” she whispered, picking up the pictures from where she’d dropped them and thrusting them toward him.
He didn’t remove his eyes from her until his fingers closed around the papers. As he read the email and studied the pictures, his features darkened until his scowl could’ve incinerated the whole office. Finally, he lifted his head and fury lit his blue and green gaze.
“Where did you get these?”
She shivered at the barely leashed rage vibrating in the question. “An email from Adalyn, I’m guessing. It was waiting for me when I arrived at work this morning.”
“This is BS,” he growled, tossing the email to the seat of the visitor’s chair. “I don’t know how Adalyn arranged for those pictures to be taken, but they’re misleading and false.” He thrust a hand through his hair, disheveling the thick strands. “She cornered me at my parents’ party, and we argued. She did get close to me, touch me, but what those pictures don’t show is me pushing her away. They don’t contain an audio file of me telling her there’s no way in hell there could ever be an ‘us’ again. Of me threatening her about insulting you again. She’s a vindictive bitch who’s seeing dollar signs in her future and refuses to take no for an answer.”
Nadia couldn’t speak, the hurt from the email and the report too fresh. She’d arrived at work hopeful, cautiously happy. But now, she’d curled back into her protective shell, too afraid to place her bruised heart on the line.
“Nadia.” He sighed, again running his fingers through his hair, gripping it before dropping his arm to his side. “Do you know why I ended my relationship with Adalyn?” He glanced away for a brief moment, before returning his focus to her, shadows darkening his eyes. “The night of the anniversary party, Adalyn told me that I loved her. And she was right. I did. With everything in me. When I thought of my future, I couldn’t picture it without her in it. Did I know she wasn’t perfect? Yes, but who was? She was everything to me. Until she wasn’t.”
He stalked across the room toward the floor-to-ceiling window behind his desk. She stared at his back, the tense set of his shoulders. A part of her wanted to urge him to continue. But a greater, more fearful part, didn’t want to hear it.
“Just after we were engaged, we attended her friend’s engagement party. I stepped outside to take a phone call, and when I finished, I heard Adalyn and her friend on the far side of the balcony. I headed in their direction, but then I heard snatches of the conversation. It was about me. And Jason. She told her friend that she’d managed to catch me, but only because my brother turned her down. She’d tried to seduce him, but he hadn’t been interested. So she pursued me and won me. In her words, one Chandler brother was as good as another just as long as she landed one of them. The man didn’t matter—the inheritance did. I loved her, but she loved my money and the lifestyle it would afford her.”
“Gray,” she breathed, pain for the man he’d been weakening her legs. Reaching out, she steadied herself on the edge of his desk. “I’m so sorry. No one deserves that kind of betrayal. Especially you.”
“It’s over with. In the past,” he said, his tone abrupt as he spun to face her with his hands stuffed into his pockets. “The only reason I’m going into it is so you can understand that however those pictures might appear, there will never be anything between Adalyn and me again. I haven’t lied to you.”
She believed him. But that didn’t beat back the sadness, the foreboding and the buckling sense of loss that swept over her, threatening to drag her under. Because while she accepted the truth about Adalyn, she also couldn’t deny another certainty.
He couldn’t love her.
She would never be more than a buffer between him, his mother and ex-fiancée.
The death of that resurrected hope stabbed her, and she sucked in a breath, willing the pain to recede. But it wouldn’t. She’d been a fool twice. And this time, it was much worse. At least with Jared, she hadn’t known he was using her. With Gray
son, she’d entered their bargain with eyes wide open. He’d even warned her against falling in love with him.
...I don’t want to hurt you... Protect yourself from me...
And now she understood. He could never trust another woman with his heart. Not after Adalyn had betrayed him so deeply. Yes, he’d been upfront about what he’d expected from Nadia and their bargain. She’d been the one to forget the consequences of dreaming, of hoping...
She forced herself to straighten away from the desk. Though agony seemed to pulse through each of her limbs, she would face this like she hadn’t faced Jared.
Head held high.
With pride.
And walking away.
“You told me once that your greatest desire was to be free,” she reminded him softly. “But as long as you’re holding on to the past, you will never be completely free.”
He frowned at her. “I’m not holding on to the past. After everything I’ve just said, you still think I want Adalyn?” he demanded, removing his hands from his pants pockets and splaying them wide. “Nadia—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I believe you. But that doesn’t mean you’re not still trapped there, locked to her.” If she were smart, if she possessed even an inch of self-preservation, she would leave now. But she couldn’t. Not until she’d laid herself out there. She’d walk away, but it would be with no regrets. “You shared with me, so I’ll do the same. I have an Adalyn in my past, too. His name was Jared. He was a couple of years older than my twenty-two, the son of a town councilman, rich, handsome. And he said he loved me. I believed him. I wanted to believe him. That someone like him could find me beautiful, desirable...”
“You are beautiful and desirable,” Grayson snapped.
She smiled and didn’t try to mask the sadness in it. “He was the first man to make me see it in myself. Until, like you with Adalyn, I discovered the truth. I was his dirty little secret. Stupid me had thought we were in a real relationship, that he didn’t care about who my mother was, about my past, that he just loved me. I found out way too late that he’d been dating the daughter of his father’s buddy and planned on marrying her. But I shouldn’t have worried,” Nadia continued with a bitter crack of laughter. “He still intended to keep me, even though another woman would be his wife. In his eyes, I was supposed to be flattered that I would be his side piece.”
“He was a bastard, Nadia,” Grayson growled. “A little boy masquerading as a man. You didn’t deserve that kind of disrespect or pain. That speaks more about him than it does your worth.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” she said quietly. “I promised myself then that I would learn my lesson. That I would guard my heart, demand better for myself and never give my body or my soul away to someone who didn’t earn it. Who wasn’t worthy of it. In the last few weeks, I’ve broken my vow. Jared might have betrayed me years ago, but I’ve betrayed myself now.”
He stepped toward her, his frown deepening. “Nadia. What are you saying?”
She dragged in a breath, and it sounded ragged and painful in the room. “I’m saying that I’ve fallen in love with you. Against my better judgment, I have. And the man you are...” She pressed her palm to her chest, over her heart. “God, Gray, you’re so worthy. But so am I. I deserve to be honored, cherished, valued...loved.”
He stared at her, his face etched out of stone, carefully aloof. “Nadia, you don’t mean that.”
“Oh, but I do,” she countered, pain lacing every word. She didn’t have the strength to mask it. “I also realize you can’t give me what you don’t have. And maybe, a few years ago, I would’ve been okay with that. Taking crumbs. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have been. But then again, I’ve never met a man like you, Grayson Chandler. You’ve made me believe in love again.” A wistful smile curled her lips. “But being by your side these last few weeks has shown me what I could have. What I dream of obtaining one day. And I’m not willing to settle for less than that. For so long I’ve settled for half a life, desperately trying not to become my mother while raising Ezra. And though I have zero regrets about my brother, I’ve never focused on who I am. Who I want to be. I want more. I deserve more. In who I am and who I’m with.”
“Goddamn it, Nadia,” he snarled, advancing on her a step, before drawing up short. “What do you expect me to say? That I love you, too? I’ve been honest with you about what I want from the beginning. Is this bait and switch supposed to be some kind of guilt trip?”
His accusation slapped at her. But instead of flinching and cowering away from the impact, she hiked her chin higher. “I never asked for your heart or your love, Grayson,” she said, purposefully using his full name. “I’m not even offering you mine, because you can’t care for my heart. You can’t protect it. And I can no longer afford to put myself—or my heart—in the care of someone who doesn’t value it like it deserves. Not again.”
She turned then, and though it cost her, she strode away from him toward his office door. Only when she grasped the knob and paused, did she speak again.
“The night of the blackout, I didn’t tell you my identity or that I knew you because I wanted to have that night for myself. Ever since I started work here, I’ve been attracted to you. Crushed on you, as silly and immature as that sounds. You were always a gift to me. And for one night at least, I let myself have that gift. But that’ll teach me to reach too high. The fall, the breaking, isn’t worth it.”
She opened his office door, and without glancing back, walked out on him.
But not on herself. For the first time ever, she was walking toward herself.
Fifteen
Grayson jerked his tie loose then off as he strode into his living room. He paused long enough to fix a Scotch at the bar before striding to the window. Before, the view of the Chicago skyline always soothed him. The strength, beauty and grit of the city with the soothing calm of Lake Michigan’s waters. They balanced each other, and they balanced him.
Usually.
That was before Nadia had walked out of his office a week ago after announcing she loved him. But didn’t trust him with her heart.
His fingers tightened around the squat tumbler.
Not that he’d asked for her heart. Or wanted it. Because he didn’t. He’d been down that road and had no interest in traveling it again. Only an idiot or a masochist would eagerly court that kind of disaster. That kind of pain.
And he was neither.
But when Nadia had said she loved him... He sipped the alcohol and relished the burn as it slid down his esophagus. The path of liquid fire distracted him from the precious second when a flame of joy had flickered in his chest when she’d admitted her love for him. Then, he could deny its existence. And in the long, brutal hours he’d put in at the office since she’d left, he could pretend he hadn’t felt that second of incandescent delight. Before he ruthlessly snuffed it out.
While recounting the ending of his relationship with Adalyn, he’d relived that moment when he’d overheard her lies, her careless disregard for his love. Reexperienced the pain. The humiliation. Feeling that again...and with Nadia...
He threw back the rest of the drink, closing his eyes. Adalyn had damn near destroyed him. Nadia would finish the job, if he let her.
And he couldn’t.
The intercom near the elevator doors buzzed. Shaking his head, he strode over to the entrance and pressed a button.
“Yes?”
“Mr. Chandler,” the lobby security guard said. “There’s a Mr. Ezra Jordan here to see you. Should I send him up?”
Nadia’s brother? Grayson’s heart thudded against his rib cage. He should say no. Nadia had left his office, then quit her job, walking away from not just him but his company. She’d ended their association, so what could he and Ezra possibly have to talk about?
“Send him up, please.”
He was a glutton for punishm
ent.
And yet, he waited next to the doors and stood there to greet Ezra when he stepped from the elevator a minute later. Grayson didn’t say anything, just watched the teen stalk toward him, anger tightening his handsome features and vibrating off his frame. Ezra stopped directly in front of Grayson, shoving his locs out of his face as he glared at him.
“You hurt her,” he barked, fury gleaming in his dark eyes. “You promised me you wouldn’t, and you did. She won’t tell me what happened between you two, but she’s not the same. She quit her job, man. So something must’ve gone down. You should’ve left her alone if you—”
“She left me.” Grayson interrupted Ezra’s tirade, impatience brimming inside him. He needed this boy with Nadia’s eyes to leave so he could return to his obsessive brooding.
“But you must’ve done something to make her do it,” Ezra snapped in return. “You’re the first man she’s opened up to since that asshole Jared. She doesn’t trust easy, and she damn sure doesn’t love easy. And I’m not blind. She loves you. But you just threw it, and her, away.”
“I understand you want to defend your sister, Ezra. And if I was in your place, I would do the same for mine. But you don’t know all the details about what happened between your sister and me,” Grayson said.
“I don’t care,” the seventeen-year-old snapped at him. Admiration swelled in Grayson for Ezra. Due to Grayson’s power, position and wealth, most men wouldn’t dare speak to him like Ezra was doing. But Ezra didn’t give a damn. Just like his sister. “I don’t need to know the details. The only thing that matters is Nadia has been through a lot—too much. She’s given up too much. She deserves the world. And if your head is too far up your ass, then it’s your loss. And that’s what I came over here to tell you. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you. If you’re too stupid to hold on to her, then that’s your bad. Not hers.”
