No. She shook her head at her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t even know the details yet. For all she knew plans were in the works for finding Mateo a home. She wasn’t going to cancel their date and then find out that Luke would be free a month or two from now.
But she would ask him, and not let him evade her question this time. It was a touchy subject because, like she’d told Britt, they weren’t serious yet. And she didn’t want Luke to think she was reading more into their casual dating than she actually was. But neither did she want to wait until they were serious before she found out exactly what Mateo’s place in Luke’s life was.
Of course, if she revealed why the question was so important to her—that she wasn’t sure she’d want a relationship with Luke if Mateo was part of the “package”—that might be the end of their friendship anyway.
And it did make her appear petty and lacking compassion to feel like she did about Mateo. She truly did care about what happened to him. And even felt a sort of kinship with him, having lost her own mom. But that was part of the reason she didn’t want her dreams derailed—or rather what was left of her dreams. Her longing to someday place her babies in her mother’s arms, to see Mom as a grandma, had died. She couldn’t let the dream of a cozy home with a husband and a baby—just the three of them—die too. Besides, Mateo deserved to have a mom who was more than just a few years older than him and actually knew what to do with a teen.
She washed her hands and went through the house turning out lights. She locked the cottage and texted Britt to let her know she was leaving. Her sister appeared on the stoop and waved goodbye, smiling, as if she hadn’t just built a cloud over Jo’s week with her piercing questions.
CHAPTER 21
OKAY, BUDDY, YOU’VE GOT YOUR PJs laid out?” Luke stuck his head in Mateo’s room, making sure his instructions had been followed.
“Yep.”
Spying a stray sock at the foot of the bed that he’d missed when gathering up laundry earlier, he went to retrieve it. “And you won’t forget to brush your teeth.”
“Never do.”
Luke punched Mateo in the shoulder and the kid fell back on the mattress feigning injury. But his smile matched Luke’s.
“You scamp!” He tousled the kid’s dark hair and pulled him into a headlock. “You’d forget to brush every single stinkin’ day if I didn’t remind you—and you know it.”
Mateo squirmed, trying to escape, grinning the whole time.
“You be good for Sarah, you hear me? She has my permission to send you to bed early if she needs to.”
“Why can’t I just go with you?”
“We already went over that. This is a date. I don’t think Joanna would appreciate me bringing a big lunkhead like you along.”
“You brought a big lunkhead on your Fourth of July date.”
The kid had a point. “That wasn’t exactly a date. That was Joanna tagging along with you and me.”
“So? Why can’t I tag along with you and her?”
“Because I said so.”
“Oh, man.” Mateo rolled his eyes. “That’s what Mama always used to say when she didn’t have a good answer.”
“Hey! That is a good answer. And don’t you forget it.”
Mateo plopped back on the bed, lacing his fingers behind his head. Luke saw the too-familiar faraway look come to his eyes. The one that came whenever they talked about Maria.
But Mateo came back to the present long enough to pout. “I don’t see why I have to have a babysitter. I’m old enough to stay by myself.”
“You soon will be. But not quite yet. Besides, you like Sarah.” He’d hired a college girl from church to watch Mateo tonight.
“How could I like her? I don’t even know her.”
“Yes, you do. From the worship team.”
“Whatever.”
“You be nice to her.” Luke matched his expression to the firmness of his voice. “I’m not kidding.”
“I heard you the first twenty-seven times.”
“Mateo.” Luke struggled with knowing where to draw the line with the kid’s sass. He knew a certain amount of it was just the age. Heaven knew he’d had a mouth on him when he was twelve. And some of Mateo’s issues were no doubt a reflection of his grief—and the major life adjustments he’d been forced to make over the last few months. “Watch the mouth, okay?”
Mateo hung his head. “Okay … Sorry.”
“How about we go for donuts tomorrow morning?”
Mateo perked up. “Can we come back and eat them while we watch cartoons?”
“Sure. For a couple of hours maybe, but we’re not going to veg out in front of the TV all day. Maybe we can go to the batting cages tomorrow afternoon.”
“Promise?”
Luke nodded. “If it doesn’t rain.”
“Awesome!”
“But remember, Saturday is housecleaning day too.”
Mateo groaned.
“The batting cages will be our reward. I bet you can—” His cell phone jangled. He fished it out of his pocket. Sarah. The babysitter. Uh-oh.
He answered. “Hey, Sarah. Do you need a ride?”
“Uh, Luke …”
He didn’t like her tone. Please, Lord, don’t let her be calling to cancel.
“Gosh, Luke, I really hate to do this, but I’m going to need to cancel tonight. See, my grandparents drove up from Chicago and surprised me. They’re only going to be here tonight and tomorrow, so this weekend is the only chance I’ll have to spend time with them. I … I haven’t seen them since Christmas, so I really couldn’t tell them no and—”
“No … Of course. I understand.” He stifled a sigh. “You have a great time. I’ll take a rain check on the babysitting.”
“I’m not a baby!” Mateo hissed in a stage whisper.
Luke shushed him with a look.
“Thanks for understanding, Luke. I won’t let you down again, I promise. But I just couldn’t say no to my grand—”
“You go and have fun, Sarah. Talk to you later.” He tapped End and blew out the sigh he’d been holding in. Now what?
A hopeful gleam filled Mateo’s eyes. “So now I get to go with you to Dexter’s?”
Luke couldn’t help but laugh at the kid’s expression. But he wasn’t sure he’d be laughing at Joanna’s reaction when he broke the news to her. He got the distinct impression she thought Mateo was a “temporary” situation in his life.
He’d tried—more than once—to tell her the truth of the matter. Well, sort of anyway. He’d just have to try harder.
“Let me call Joanna and see what we can work out. You go comb your hair and put on a clean shirt.”
Joanna clamped a hank of hair in the flatiron and wound it slowly before releasing a perfect spiral curl. Melvin perched on the edge of the sink, his head tilted, waiting for her to turn on the tap for him.
“Melvin, why can’t you drink out of your water bowl like a normal cat?” But she turned on the water for him, smiling as the cat’s pink tongue lap lap lapped at the thin stream of water.
She picked up the flatiron again and started another curl. Her phone buzzed on the bathroom counter, making Melvin jump.
She laughed, and still gripping the flatiron with one hand, she turned her phone over to see Luke’s name—his smiling face where MO-DJ had once appeared.
She’d added the photo from his Facebook profile to her phone. It might have been a little premature, given that tonight might very well be her last date with him, but she did enjoy seeing his handsome face pop up on her phone.
Except … it was never good when a guy called twenty minutes before he was supposed to pick you up for a date.
“Hello?”
“Joanna, it’s Luke. You are going to hate me, but … there’s been a little hitch in the plans for tonight?”
“Oh?” She tried to keep the trepidation from her voice.
“The girl who was going to babysit Mateo had to cancel.”
“Oh …” S
he stared at her reflection in the mirror, hair half-curled, the other half hanging limp. Like her spirits. She was glad Luke couldn’t see her glum expression. “Well …” She wasn’t sure what he wanted her to say.
“If you want to cancel, I’ll understand, but let me suggest a couple of options first,” he added quickly. “If you don’t mind Mateo tagging along, we can still go eat at Dexter’s. It’s his favorite place to eat, actually. Oh, and I cross my heart and hope to die he will not spill water on you.”
She laughed, but it came out forced and weak. She could have pointed out that Luke had no control over whether the kid did or didn’t spill on her. But she said nothing, waiting to hear his other option.
“If you’re okay with that, we could come back to my place and sit out on the back patio. Mateo goes to bed early so once he’s down, we can make a fire and sit outside, maybe have some ice cream … Would you be okay with that?”
“Sure. That’d be all right.” She was careful not to sound too enthused because if she was going to continue seeing Luke, she didn’t want this to become a habit—Mateo “tagging along.”
“Okay, great.” He didn’t seem to notice her hesitance. “Oh, one thing. Would you mind too much meeting us at Dexter’s? I won’t be able to leave Mateo alone to take you home. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll meet you there. The one in Jackson, right? Seven?”
“Yes. We’ll be waiting.”
Jo tapped End and released a sigh. Melvin looked up from his drinking fountain as if to inquire what was wrong. She stroked his silky fur and wiped a drip of water from his chin. “This isn’t what I signed up for, Melvin. You know?”
He replied with a squeaky yip that made him sound more like a dog than a cat.
But the truth was she hadn’t “signed up” for anything. As much as she liked Luke, they hadn’t made any commitments to each other, hadn’t even really declared their feelings for each other. They were in that awkward phase between friendship and love—possible love—and she had no right to dictate how he chose to live his life or the decisions he made regarding Mateo. If she didn’t want to date a man with a kid—because that’s what this seemed to amount to—then it was time to break off the relationship.
But I like him, Lord. So much.
Enough to wait until Luke was free? She should be thankful there wasn’t an ex-wife or even a beloved late wife to contend with. But at least with an ex-wife, Luke wouldn’t be wholly responsible for Mateo. They’d have a break from him and time for just each other once in a while.
She wound another hank of hair into the flatiron and by the time she her hair was styled, she’d decided that no matter what, tonight was the night she’d talk to Luke about the “Mateo problem.” It wasn’t fair to Luke—or Mateo—for her to let them believe that she was on board with this. Better to break it off now than let herself fall in love with Luke when she would only be setting herself up for heartbreak.
She was twenty-six. Almost twenty-seven. No, it wasn’t ancient, but most of her friends were married. Most with children. In fact, Ginger was the only friend she could think of from high school or college who was still single. And that was by choice. As much as Jo hated making marriage sound like a business arrangement, could she afford to wait for the perfect man in the perfect set of circumstances?
What if she ended things with Luke and there was no one else? Still, she wasn’t desperate enough to compromise on something this important. Not yet anyway.
CHAPTER 22
LUKE PULLED THE DOOR TO Mateo’s room closed and went across the hall to the bathroom. He flipped on the light over the sink and ran a hand through his hair. He made sure he didn’t have something stuck in his teeth, then swished some mouthwash and spat in the sink.
He turned off the light and started to leave, then glanced out the window that overlooked the patio where Joanna sat waiting. He felt a little guilty “spying” on her like this, but he had to admit he liked the looks of her curled up on the wicker chaise lounge. Waiting for him.
It had taken longer than he intended to get Mateo settled in bed—and he still wasn’t sure the crazy kid was asleep yet. But at long last he was in bed with strict instructions not to get out unless there was fire or a zombie apocalypse.
The meal at Dexter’s had gone okay. At least nobody had spilled anything on anybody. But it was a mixed blessing that Mateo had warmed up to Joanna, because now the kid apparently felt comfortable enough around her to hog the conversation and generally make a pest of himself. Luke sensed Joanna had been a little annoyed. And he didn’t really blame her. Preteens took “pesky” to a new level. But her coolness toward Mateo made him defensive for the boy. His boy.
Still, he liked Joanna enough that he’d made up his mind to talk to her about Mateo. It might be the nail in the coffin, but it was only fair she know where things stood with Mateo. And he needed to know whether or not she could accept that Mateo was a part of his life. Here to stay. Well, at least for the foreseeable future.
Luke continued down the hallway, eager to have Joanna to himself, yet dreading the conversation he knew they needed to have.
He’d been thinking a lot lately about his commitment to Mateo. Once Maria had asked him to take the boy in upon her death, Luke had never wavered in his commitment to give Mateo a safe home. But lately, it seemed like God might be calling him to make that commitment deeper.
He and Mateo had called each other “brother” almost from the beginning. Since neither of them had a brother by birth, it seemed natural to “adopt” each other as brothers. But as Mateo grew older, Luke suspected he would need more than a big brother. Perhaps they’d been calling each other “brother” too long to make the adjustment to father and son. And Luke was barely old enough to actually be Mateo’s father, but he wanted to provide the security and sense of belonging that Maria would have provided.
He’d been reading and researching, and he was beginning to wonder if legally adopting Mateo was not only the right thing to do, but something God might be asking him to commit to.
But it was the next question that sobered him most. What if God were also asking him to give up the hope of marriage?
Because Joanna was as kind and sweet as they came, and if she was adverse toward the idea of Mateo being part of a relationship with him, then he didn’t know any woman who would be open to it. Not that any other woman mattered. Already, he had a strong sense that Joanna Chandler was everything he wanted. And more.
It seemed a strange thought, given they’d only known each other for a few weeks. But every time he was with her, the feeling grew stronger: she was everything he’d ever desired in a woman.
Except for the small detail of her feelings toward Mateo. But Mateo had become part of Luke’s life as naturally and surely as if he were his own flesh and blood. And if raising Mateo for the next six years meant holding off on having his own family—or giving up the idea of ever having a family at all—that was a sacrifice he would make. His heart simply gave him no choice.
He went to check on Mateo once more before heading for the patio. The boy stirred, but soon his even breathing resumed, and Luke gave a sigh of relief.
Downstairs, he opened the sliding French doors and poked his head out. “Do you need a refill?” He’d sent Jo out with a Diet Coke twenty minutes ago.
“No thanks. I’m good.” She put down the cell phone she’d been looking at and turned her full attention to him.
“Did you think I’d forgotten you were out here? Sorry, but I think he’s down for the count. Are you ready for ice cream?”
She gave a little groan and patted her stomach. “I’m still stuffed from dinner. But you go ahead.”
“No, I’ll wait. Sorry that took so long.” He grinned, pulling the sliding door shut behind him. The sky was a dusky navy, with only a faint glow outlining the tree branches.
“I can’t imagine a prettier place to kill time.” She waited for him to settle across from her in a cushioned lawn
chair. “You never told me you were a master gardener. This is absolutely beautiful, Luke. And it smells divine!” She swept her gaze around the patio and the woods beyond as if she were seeing it for the first time.
The strings of twinkle lights he’d woven through the pergola made the masses of white annuals planted in flower beds glow, and he’d lit lanterns at each corner of the patio to illumine the colorful pots. A small fountain opposite where they were seated splashed musically and a sweet scent wafted on the night air.
“That’s the sweet peas you’re smelling, I think.” He stretched to pluck a pink bloom from the flower bed and handed it to her. “I planted them for Mateo. They were Maria’s favorite.”
He immediately regretted mentioning Maria. Mateo’s mother had only been in the garden once, a few years ago when she’d picked up Mateo from Luke’s house. It was before she’d gotten sick. She’d followed him through the house to the backyard where he and Mateo had been playing catch. Their conversation had definitely bordered on flirtation that night, though they’d never acknowledged it.
But Joanna seemed not to notice his mention of Maria. She rubbed the petals of the flower between her fingers, then lifted them to her nose. “Mmm … That’s it. That’s what I was smelling. It’s lovely.”
“You make me glad I decided against a fire. You wouldn’t have been able to smell the sweet peas for the smoke.”
“I love the smell of a fire, too, but I prefer flowers any day. Besides, it’s plenty warm.” She stretched her arms overhead and resettled into the chaise. “It’s gorgeous out here, Luke!”
“Well, I can’t really take any credit for all this. I did plant the annuals myself, but the flower beds were already here when I bought the house six years ago. And I just bought planters that the nursery put together. They’re a little pricey, but they look good nine months out of the year—well, as long as I remember to water them anyway—and I like having an outdoor space to hang out in.”
“I can see why. You make me want to start our landscaping at the cottage. Unfortunately, getting the cabins livable—rentable—has been the priority right now. Maybe next spring. I’ll have to pick your brain then about what to plant. Sweet peas for sure.”
Chasing Dreams Page 15
