My heart drops as though it’s in free-fall mode.
No, no, no!
I drop into the chair next to him, a mess of memories wallpapering my mind, every single one of them starring Gemma — the heat of her body pressed against mine while watching her favorite horror movies, the way her eyes sparkled every time I’d make her favorite dessert, her long, toned legs working the ball down the soccer field, and that blinding white smile when she’d score a goal.
My chest feels tight, like it’s being stretched like a rubber band and about to snap. I’d hoped…prayed…that the bullet only just grazed her, that it managed to avoid everything important.
I guess God doesn’t answer the prayers of killers, even if they do go to church every Sunday.
I fight with everything in me to hold my shit together and not pound the fuck out of Gio right now. He had to kill Marco, right? He couldn’t have just knocked him around and walked away? For fucking once?
I squeeze my eyes shut.
But as furious as I am at Gio for making that dumbass move, I know I can’t blame him.
It was my job to keep a short leash on him.
It was my job to keep Marco out of his way.
It doesn’t matter that it was Freddie who turned Gio into an unhinged attention whore.
It only matters that I couldn’t stop him from pulling that trigger and that kill shot ricocheted like a stray bullet not knowing what to hit next.
It was my job.
And I lost my focus.
I’m the reason why Freddie is dead and why Gemma may…
Fuck, the lump in my throat is slowly and torturously suffocating me.
She can’t.
I clap a hand on Gio’s shoulder because what the hell else can I do right now?
“Did you see the guy who did it?” he asks, his voice thick.
“No,” I admit, raking a hand through my hair. “I ran over as soon as the shots were fired, just like everyone else who was supposed to be keeping an eye on things. We all missed it.”
Gio nods, toying with the edge of his shirt. “Tonight was supposed to be a good night. A happy one for Gem and my family,” he mutters, his knee bouncing up and down like mad.
“I know, and—”
He turns his cold gaze toward me. “But you fucked it up,” he growls. “You said it yourself. You missed it…all of it. You didn’t get the fucker who just tore apart my family. My father thinks…thought…you were so goddamn special, that you would always take care of everything.” He rises from the chair, meeting me face to face. “But tonight you couldn’t. You didn’t.” His chest heaves, eyes narrowed to slits. “Why is that, Tommy? Huh? You never miss shit. How the fuck did this get past you?”
I try to keep the expletives from flying out of my mouth because he’s right.
I missed it all.
And the reason why is on a gurney in surgery, fighting for her life.
I got lost, and if she dies, I may never be found.
He grabs the sides of my jacket and shoves me against a wall. “You fucking did this! You destroyed us!”
I shove my hands against Gio’s chest and push him backward, sending him flying back into the brick exterior of the hospital. At least there isn’t anyone else out here right now and we can privately beat the shit out of each other. “You’re always pointing a finger,” I say through clenched teeth. “Always the one to get away with acting like a total fucking lunatic, but do you ever think about the shit you do? Ever?”
Gio grunts, lunging for me, but I sidestep him and he crashes into the tall glass revolving door. “You know I’d do anything for my family! To protect them!”
“You don’t know shit about protecting anyone!” I shout, ducking out of the path of his beefy fist before it cracks against my jaw. “You think about yourself, period! Bitching about how you can never get ahead, how your father won’t give you the good jobs, how he trusts other guys over you.”
“Fuck you!” he screams, flinging his fist at the side of my face. This time, I’m too slow to get out of the line of fire and it explodes against my nose. The sharp, excruciating pain shoots up to my brain. I stumble backward from the force but never fall. No fucking way do I ever go down at Gio’s hand.
“I deserve to be the head of this family! Me, goddammit!” Gio creeps closer, his fists clenched tight. “You’re nobody! And your family has nothing! They’re dying and that’s why you came sniffing out my father. He took pity on you and gave you a job so you wouldn’t be as pathetic as your brothers, scrounging around for fucking scraps because they can’t run shit without your father! They needed to get in bed with the Russians for backing, for fuck’s sake!”
A loud roar rumbles deep inside of me and it erupts as I barrel into him, pushing him down a darkened hallway off of the waiting room, swinging my fist into his chest over and over until my muscles tense from the force.
Then I keep going until he moans and begs for mercy.
Fuck that!
I punch and pound and pummel with every sliver of anger and rage that courses through me — for Gemma, for Freddie, for my father, for my family. He has no fucking right to make a single judgment right now after what he did!
Fucking A right, but then again, he doesn’t actually know what he did, does he?
“My family didn’t marry into the Severinov family because they needed muscle!” I shout. “You don’t know shit about my family, so don’t pretend you do!” I stop punching for a second, panting. “Come to think about it, you don’t know much about your family, either. I know more than you ever will, and it’s because you’re a fucking idiot who can’t keep his mouth shut. Nobody trusts you, Gio!” I taunt as his eyes flash with fury from his spot on the ground. He ignores the blood drizzling from his mouth and from his nose. It’s like he’s impervious to the pain because the insecurities fester, overpowering every other emotion. Well, that and the fact that he’s blitzed out of his mind from the overabundance of booze and blow. I’ve just torn off the bandage and exposed a very infected wound, the one he’s been nursing for years and years. He’s always on a quest to battle those feelings of inadequacy, to finally defeat the demons.
But now he’ll never have the chance.
His father won’t ever give him what he’s been searching for, what he needs to become whole.
Because he’s gone.
Gio won’t ever have his approval.
In that one small way, we’re the same.
I could never get that from my father, either.
I was in good company, though. My brothers were in the same boat as me.
We were fated to be mediocre in his eyes.
I preyed on that when I met Gio. And yeah, maybe I was trying to get from Freddie what I couldn’t get from my own father before he died.
Because Gio is such a fuck-up, I finally got what I’d been craving for so long.
In the end, I didn’t deserve it because if I did, Freddie would still be alive and Gemma…
My chest tightens, and I stagger away from Gio, my fists clenched.
I’d find a way to make sure Gemma ended up in my arms, safe and protected, fuck the consequences.
But the events of tonight prove that I can’t.
Maybe that’s the real reason I’m beating the shit out of Gio.
I’m beating the shit out of a representation of myself.
Freddie never once doubted me until tonight. He never questioned anything I’d say, any recommendation I’d make.
A heaviness in my chest reminds me of a time not long in the past…the day I’d heard my father was gunned down in broad daylight with my sister Gianna at his side.
I’ll never make things right…
Gio struggles to his feet, breathing heavy and holding a hand to his chest. He lumbers toward me, his eyes dark, his mouth twisting into a sneer. “You’re just jealous. You’re desperate for fucking power, for respect. You used my father to get it, but now what will you do, Tommy? Now that you killed him!�
��
“You’re insane!” I shout, wiping the blood from my nose and getting out of his very determined path to knock me on my ass. “It’s your fault Freddie is dead, Gio!” I rasp. “Your fucking fault! You killed him and you almost killed Gemma!”
I catch him off-guard mid-leap with that. He collapses against me and we both crash onto the pavement, fists flying and legs flailing. Our arms twist and tangle, rolling around the ground until we’re spent, breathless, and snarling at one another.
I kick Gio off of me one final time, jumping to my feet, crouched low in case he wants to come back for more.
But he doesn’t. He takes a few steps toward me, his chest heaving, his lip swelling as the seconds tick by.
I take a quick look around. How the fuck hasn’t security shown up to kick our asses outta here? Is it just that slow a night? Now that the cops are gone, everyone can take an espresso break?
“Don’t bother, Tommy,” Gio grunts. “There’s no way out for you now. No escape.” He slowly walks toward me, a murderous glare fired in my direction. “You’ve got some fucking nerve blaming tonight on me. If it wasn’t for me, where the hell would you be, huh? Running food orders with your brother Antonio? Slicing fucking prosciutto? Bottling goddamn olive oil?”
I grit my teeth. “You’ve got some pair of balls, you asshole!” My family’s specialty foods business was my mother’s pride and joy before she died. It was the one thing that kept me close to her on the worst days, and the one thing she created and watched flourish before she died.
The corners of his lips curl into a nasty smile. “Oh, is that hard for you to hear? Does it upset you because you lost someone you love?” His eyes narrow to slits. “Well, now you fucking know how I feel!”
He grabs a potted plant from a nearby corner and hurls it at me. I duck out of the way and it crashes against a window. Doesn’t shatter it, though. Hmm. Lots of fury and such little ability to channel it.
He is fucking pathetic!
In a blink, he pulls a blade out of his jacket pocket and holds it up in front of his face, the steep tip glimmering in the moonlight. “You wanna tell me again how all of this is my fault, dick?”
I swallow hard, collapsing against a metal pole. “You’re a worthless piece of shit. You’re exactly what your father was trying to protect himself against.”
“Ahh!” He runs at me, the blade pointed right at my face. I dip low just as he crashes into the metal, flying backward with the knife slicing at the air.
“You goddamn bastard! You were supposed to be my friend!” He thunders, piercing the still night air with his fury. “I brought you into my family! I never thought you’d be the one to shut me the hell out!” He jerks his hand around, stabbing nothing but the faceless demons surrounding him. His face reddens, the vein in his forehead pumping like crazy, looking like it’s about to explode.
Like it always does when he’s about to kill someone who’s wronged him.
And, unlucky for me, my gun is still stuffed under the driver’s seat in my car.
Blood rushes between my ears as he inches toward me, a maniacal grin on his face. I’ve seen that look plenty of times before, too.
Fileting people gives him a sick thrill.
I never thought I’d ever be the reason that look would appear on his crazed face.
He shakes out his arms and neck, bouncing on his toes like he’s about to steal a soccer ball from me and take off down the field with it.
Wishful fucking thinking.
He charges at me again, the knife held high over his head as if he’s going to puncture my eye with it.
This time, I drive my leg right into his groin as he’s about to pounce, and he collapses to the pavement, groaning and rolling around on the concrete.
“Fucking worthless,” I hiss, spitting at him as he wails. “I was the only one who had your back. The only one! And now, you’ve got no one. How’s it feel, Gio?” I say, leaning down close to his ear, fisting his hair and yanking his head back so he can see my face and the torment he’s caused. “How does it feel to lose everything you ever wanted in one fucking second? Because that’s exactly how I feel right now!”
I clasp my hands together and press them against my head, shifting in the waiting room chair. Each breath I suck in may be one more than Gemma ever gets to take. It’s been two hours since Gio picked himself off the ground and took off in his car.
Where he went, I have no fucking clue.
Or care, for that matter.
I squeeze my eyes shut, my mouth forming the same words over and over again.
Please save her.
Please let her live.
Please, please, please…
I guess I don’t have much of a right to ask God for anything when I don’t exactly fit the mold of an upstanding citizen, but Gemma needs all the prayers she can get.
I just hope someone answers them.
I fist the sides of my hair, replaying that scene in the coat closet. I had a chance…my chance…to tell her how I really feel, that I’ve been in love with her since the first time I saw her.
And that I’ve fallen harder and harder every day since then.
I could have admitted the truth to her in the coat closet.
But I let responsibility and expectation get in the way, as usual. I let her go because I knew she could never be part of my world, that mine was too closely entwined with her own. Even if I had been under some crazy delusion that I’d actually be able to live a normal life, tonight’s reality shattered the hell out of it.
The memory of the one time I actually told her the truth about how I feel pops between my ears like bullets. I remember it all — the phone call, the tears, the sheer and utter torment. I knew before I even spoke the words that it was a stupid and dangerous move, but I couldn’t help myself.
I didn’t think she heard it, thanks to all the drugs flooding her veins.
I was very fucking wrong.
I needed to say the words out loud, to hear myself admit the truth before the nagging voice inside of my head reminded me of all the reasons why I needed to stay away from Gemma in the first place, why I’d lied about my feelings every other time she’d press, and why I pushed her away in the coat closet tonight.
Freddie.
And now?
He’s gone.
Ironically, Gemma is clinging to life right now.
Is fate a fucking whore bitch or what?
I scrub a hand down the front of my face and collapse against the back of the chair, letting my eyes drift closed.
She sure as hell is, in more ways than one.
Chapter Five
Tommaso
I clench my teeth, my fingers tangled in the long blonde hair of…fuck.
The girl whose head bobs up and down between my legs.
What the hell is her name again?
Calli.
That’s it. Not that I really give a fuck.
She’s not Gemma.
Still, it’d be nice to actually use the right name for once.
Her hands knead my balls as she takes my cock deep into the back of her throat, her silicone-injected lips locked tight around it. I thrust into her mouth as she teases the slit with her tongue and sucks me off like she’s slurping a fucking Popsicle in the middle of summer.
Oh Christ…
Cami. That’s her name. Cami!
She runs her free hand up and down my shaft, precum pooling at the head. She tugs and pulls and squeezes, and just as I’m about to blow, my ringer blares from the nightstand.
And doesn’t stop.
“Fuck,” I groan, pulling away after the twentieth ring. “I need to get this.”
Cami…I’m ninety-nine percent sure…backs away, her lips swollen and curled up at the corners as she crawls onto the bed, straddling me as I stab the Accept button on my phone without bothering to look at the screen.
Nine out of ten times when I get phone calls, it’s news that some bad shit’s about to happen or t
he bad shit already happened and now I have to clean it up.
I don’t hold my breath for anything else.
“Yeah?” I growl.
“Tommy?” A tearful voice lets out a choked sob in my ear and I sit straight up in my bed.
“Gemma? What happened?” My chest tightens, and I slap away Cami’s hand when it slides around my waist.
“I’m on my way to the emergency room at Santa Catarina Hospital,” she whimpers. “I blew out my knee at the game today. It’s really bad, Tommy. I’m so scared.” And then the hysterics start and I can’t make much else out. Her words are caught between sobs, and making sense of any of it is near-impossible.
All I know is I need to get to her.
“Gem, I’m leaving now, okay?” I jump out of the bed and yank on my boxers and my jeans. I grab a t-shirt and pull it over my head, never breaking the connection with her. “Do you need me to call anyone? Do your parents know?”
“I didn’t tell them yet. I called you first. I just want you, Tommy. Please come soon.”
Her wails splinter my heart, and all I want to do is hold her tight and promise her that her knee will be fine, that her dreams of playing professional soccer won’t be shattered. It’s what she’s worked her whole life for. It can’t be over.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” I mumble, sliding my feet into my sneakers and grabbing my keys. I click off the phone, my eyes meeting Cami’s. She looks like she wants to bite off my cock right now, and if it was still anywhere near her mouth, I’d be in big trouble right now. “Sorry, Cami. I’ve gotta go,” I say with a shrug. “You can let yourself out when you’re ready.”
“I thought we were going to get dinner,” she says, her mouth twisted into a pout. “And who the fuck is Gemma? Some other bitch you’re screwing?”
I cross the room and lean over Cami, my jaw clenched. “No. You’re the ‘some other bitch’. She’s everything.”
“So you’re a cheating scumbag, then?” Cami slides her legs over the side of my bed and pulls her shirt over her huge tits. “Figures. I should have known better than to come here with you!”
Taken: A Dark Italian Mafia Romance (Men of Mayhem Book 3) Page 5
