“But I only met you a couple of hours ago,” I rasp, my throat tight, my hand still gripping the doorknob.
“That’s right, Alessandra,” he says, with emphasis on my fake name. “You did. But you had some pretty deep questions that have kept me thinking ever since you left my restaurant. Questions that need to be answered.” He looks past me. “Can I come in?”
My eyes are so wide, I’m pretty sure they’re about ready to pop out of my skull. “S-sure,” I stutter and inch backward to open the door fully. He walks inside, checking the place out with a flick of his eyes. If he notes anything about it, his expression doesn’t give a single thing away.
I hug my fluffy robe around me and swallow a gasp. Jesus! I didn’t even realize I wasn’t dressed when I answered the door. A nervous chuckle escapes my lips. “I, uh, I didn’t expect company tonight.”
He stands inside the apartment, making no move to sit. He just stares at me, his deep-set gaze studying me like I’m a recipe that he’s intent to perfect. “Good,” he says softly.
“I guess I don’t need to ask how you found me,” I say, my toes curling in my fuzzy slippers.
He nods, closing the space between us. “I realized we had unfinished business, and I don’t like loose ends.”
“If you’re worried about opening night, I assure you that I’ll—”
He places a finger on my lips. It smells of cinnamon and sugar, and damn, I want to suck on it so badly. “I’m worried about a lot of things. Opening night isn’t one of them. What concerns me more is the fact that I didn’t answer your question about the girl from my past. Il gioiello. And it deserves a response.”
“I shouldn’t have pried like that,” I whisper, sweat beads forming on the back of my neck where the wig grazes the skin. “It wasn’t any of my business.”
“Wasn’t it?”
My mouth drops open, but I can’t even squeak out a word. My brain is trying really hard to catch up with what’s transpiring between us, refusing to acknowledge the words Tommy speaks and the meaning behind them.
The words are still caught in my throat, tangled in a big knot that chokes me more and more with each second that ticks by.
“I made some pretty big mistakes in the past,” he continues, since I didn’t answer his now-rhetorical question. “I made choices. Bad ones. I ignored warnings. I deceived people close to me. And I let go of the best thing that ever happened to me as a result.”
I let out a few short, sharp pants as if my lungs are being crushed and unable to take in a deep breath. The growing lump in my throat makes it equally hard to gulp down oxygen.
“Not once, not twice, but three times,” he murmurs, his lips so close to mine that I can feel his hot breath flutter against my cheek.
“Th-three?” I manage to squeak out, swallowing hard.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice thick. “Tonight at the restaurant.” He reaches out and twirls his finger around a strand of my hair, my real hair because I’d done a shit job of covering it before letting him in here. “By the way, you’re better as a brunette.”
“Was it the bowl bounce move that tipped you off?” I whisper, my voice cracking as he slides the wig off my head, letting it fall to the floor. I never thought I’d get to see that smile again…the one he reserved for me so long ago, the one that reaches his eyes and lights up his whole face.
He places his hands on my heated cheeks. “Gem, I knew it was you when I heard that first cookie moan. Nobody moans like you do.”
I giggle, despite the tears stinging my eyes for the second time that night. I point to the empty box on the floor. “And there was a lot of moaning here tonight. Just saying.”
“I’d always wondered if I’d hear those moans again, although if I got the chance, I didn’t want them to be over cookies.” He winks at me. “Just saying.”
Heat floods my body at his innuendo, coiling deep in my core. I’ve just entered a very dangerous place, one where I toe the line between love and hate because I just don’t know where I can play safely. Words and actions are all fine and good, but what about the intentions behind them? What about those and how genuine are they?
And we can’t forget about the cartel scum who is holding my family captive with a slew of weapons that would make for very torturous deaths.
I used to think I had it all, now I realize it’s impossible.
But that knowledge still doesn’t stop my pulse from racing or my heart from thundering or my knees from wobbling.
“Why did you come, Tommy?” I ask.
“I could ask you the same thing. Why tonight? After two years?”
His deliciously spicy cologne wafts under my nose, attempting to draw me closer, but I use every ounce of restraint to back away from him, from what I am desperate to do now that he’s really here in front of me. “I asked you first.”
His heated gaze never falters. “I told you. To answer your question.”
“But you didn’t,” I remind him. “You said a lot of things, vague things which mean nothing to me. The bottom line is that you left me. You left us, when we needed you most. And ever since then…” My voice trails off as my throat tightens. A stinging sensation in my nose indicates that I’m about to lose my shit yet again, but I swallow a deep breath and clench my fists. “I mean, look around! It hasn’t exactly been easy, and it’s all because of you,” I hiss. Whether or not I believe that accusation is kind of irrelevant right now, but I say it because I am teetering over the edge of the love side, and I need to set my mind straight before I topple head-first into that pit again.
“I shouldn’t have left like that.” His shoulders sag and he sweeps a hand through his signature sexed-up hair. “I let you believe things that weren’t true because it was easier than telling you what really happened. How I really felt.”
“I think you did a pretty good job of telling me how you really felt when we were in the coat closet,” I seethe, the all-too-familiar rage simmering beneath my skin.
“You and me,” he mumbles. “It was always an impossibility, for so many reasons. And I fought it for a long time. But every time I let down my guard, bad shit happened. I was hired to do a job, and you were my biggest obstacle. Not Gio, not your father. Do you know why?” he asks.
“No,” I say, my fists still clenched as if I need them to deflect the next thing he says.
“Because my feelings for you clouded everything else in my life. You were the distraction I knew I couldn’t afford, but you were the best part of going to work every day. I was hired to protect your father, to keep him out of harm’s way, to keep Gio out of trouble. And you made that so damn hard for me, Gem.” He inches toward me, his gravelly voice is low, husky, and rumbles through my insides.
“So why, then? Why did you go?”
“Because I’d already put so much at risk. I failed your family and I was about to fail my own because I lost focus and let the enemy slide past me.” He lets out a sigh. “I wasn’t working with Marco, Gem. I’d have never betrayed your father like that. But I did go to work for Freddie under false pretenses. I knew the cartel he was dodging was the same one who was targeting my family. So I went inside to get information that would keep my family safe.” He gently fists my hair, drawing my face up toward his. “But you need to believe that it wasn’t all about my own agenda. I respected your father, and I protected him as promised. Marco DeVito is the one who betrayed him, not me. Gio told you I was working with Marco, but it wasn’t true. I was watching him, for the sakes of my family and yours. Your father knew his time was short, he knew that Marco was a traitorous bastard, but he refused to leave the night of your party. He said nothing was more important than your happiness. I tried to get him out of there, I swear. And I’d have been right there to protect him if I hadn’t gone out to get Marco’s phone after Gio shot him.”
“He said he did it because he knew Marco was working against Papa,” I muse.
“Well, killing him left your father wide open for an attack. Witho
ut Marco, I had no way to figure out where they’d be coming from, when they’d come, and who we were even fighting for certain. We suspected it was the Colombian cartel, but Marco was the only one who knew that for sure. And after your father told me he was staying at the party, I ran to get Marco’s phone. My plan was to intercept the attack, but I was too late.” He shakes his head. “I couldn’t stop it,” he whispers. “And when I got back inside and the shots were fired, and you were hit…” His voice drops even lower, his pinched expression making my gut twist. “I thought I’d lost everything, Gem.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” I whisper, absently bringing a hand to his face. He reaches for it, giving it a hard squeeze.
“Because I had responsibilities to my own family, and I knew it would be easier on you to believe I betrayed you when I left. I hated myself for it, for letting you believe Gio’s bullshit story, but it was what I had to do. If I told you the truth about what happened, about how I felt…”
“Felt?” I manage to utter the word because I need to know the whole truth. All of it. I can’t go on wondering for a second longer. “As in, past tense?”
A sad smile spreads across his face. “I fell in love with you after that first cookie moan, Gem. And I’ve loved you every day since then. You heard what I said in the hospital after your knee injury. It was true. Every word. And I’m a fucking asshole for denying it, for denying you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. The best, most complicated thing in my life.”
I giggle-sniffle, a single tear streaming down the side of my face. He dips his head, his soft lips grazing the streak it left behind.
“I hate myself for making you cry and for letting you believe that I didn’t love you. It was the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made, and trust me, I’ve made plenty.”
“What happened when you left?” I ask. “Where did you go?”
“I went to Monaco, to help my family and my in-laws. The Colombians had targeted us, too, and they wanted blood.” He smiles. “Well, blood and money, of course.”
“Did anyone get hurt?”
He shakes his head. “My brother-in-law Alek took out the kingpin, Sofia Rojas, after she’d attacked my sister Gianna. It was close, but we won. She was the one who ordered the hit on your dad, but we got her.” He cups my chin. “Gem, I tried to find you when I got back here. I looked everywhere, but you’d vanished into thin air. No trace. I heard about Gio, that he’d been in prison. But nothing about you or your mom. It ate at me every day that I couldn’t find you to tell you the truth. So when you showed up tonight, I knew I couldn’t miss another chance. I didn’t think I’d get lucky enough to get a third one, and I wasn’t about to piss it away.”
He places both hands on my shoulders, staring deep into my eyes. “I mean that. I’m not wasting another second being without you. Although I still want an answer to my question. Why now, Gem?”
His heavy, hungry stare mesmerizes me, making me so woozy with pent-up lust, I can barely process my frenzied thoughts.
I avert my eyes. “I, ah, I’d heard about the new restaurant, and I don’t know, I just needed to see you, to see how you were. I guess I needed some closure, and talking to you made me feel…I don’t know, comforted. Safe.” I twirl a strand of hair around my finger, still avoiding his gaze. “It’s been a really rough couple of years, Tommy. Mama had a bad accident right after Gio was sentenced to prison. We were hit and she took the impact. I’d been driving and we were both so upset. The light changed and I…I didn’t stop in time. It was my fault.” I swallow hard, choking back the sob rising in my chest.
“Gemma, I’m so sorry,” he says in a soft voice. “But it was an accident. You can’t beat yourself up over it. Shit happens.”
“Seems like there’s been a lot of bad shit that’s happened since you left,” I say in a quivering voice.
He’s quiet for a second, his expression clouding. “How is she now?”
“She’s fine, mentally. But she’s paralyzed on one side and in a wheelchair, living with my aunt, Tia Alfani, in Marsala. She’d just gotten a new house, so it worked well for all of us.” I swipe a stray tear away with my hand. “That’s where I lived until I came back for school. Off the grid. Away from everyone and out of the media’s grip after everything happened. We left right away after Papa’s funeral.”
“So that’s why I couldn’t find you,” he muses. “I tried, but you’d left. The house was deserted the day I went to see you. I wanted to make things right, Gem. To set the record straight. I should have tried harder, though. I wasted too much time.” He grips my hands, staring into my eyes. “But I promise you things are going to get better. I swear with everything in me that you’ll be taken care of forever. I will never walk away from you again.” He stops and takes a deep breath. “As long as you don’t want me to.”
“I wanted to tell you everything tonight when I saw you, but I…I just lost my nerve.” The lie escapes my trembling lips, hanging in the air between us. A quiet sob erupts from my chest and I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my head in his shirt. God, I’d longed to hear those words for so long, and they make me feel almost as amazing as I’d dreamed they would.
Almost.
Because he made a choice of his family over mine two years ago.
He made the hard decision to walk away.
He had responsibilities and people to protect.
He realized he couldn’t have it all.
And I’ve come to realize the same thing.
The hard choices are the ones that define us.
Am I going to protect my own or betray them to follow my heart?
One flash of his dark eyes — the heated, decadent pools I’ve found myself happily drowning in countless times in the past — and the answer becomes clear.
But the realization?
Gut-wrenching.
Chapter Fifteen
Tommaso
Her arms tighten around my waist, her hands fisting the back of my shirt as the tears continue to fall. I squeeze her tight, breathing in the sweet coconutty scent of her hair.
Christ, how did I ever let her go?
But even as I ask myself the question, I’m already all too familiar with the complicated answer.
Choices.
Responsibilities.
Consequences.
My life. It’s a tangled mess of all three.
Plus, the ever-present death threat.
Can’t forget about that.
Her body melts into me, her shoulders shaking as the quiet sobs emerge from somewhere down deep.
My chest tightens, knowing that she’s cried plenty just like this over me.
Because of me.
I never intend to let that happen again. As long as there is air in my lungs, she’ll never shed another tear because of me.
Consequences be damned.
I stroke the back of her head, my eyes darting around the small apartment. This place is a complete shit hole, and I want to know everything I’ve missed over the past two years. How the hell could they have plunged so deep into such a fucking pit when Freddie was sitting on millions?
What the hell happened to all of that money?
I need to know how this happened, but more than that, I need Gemma to know she won’t ever need to worry about money ever again.
Two years ago, I’d made a commitment to take care of her and her family.
I failed.
Epically.
And now I finally have a chance to make up for all of it, every tragic moment they’ve experienced since Freddie died.
I thought I’d lost her forever.
Now that I’ve found her, she’ll be mine for just as long.
If she’ll have me.
That is the question that still remains.
“I hated you for two years,” she finally whispers, pulling away from me. “I hated you for playing with my emotions, for never loving me back, for betraying us, and for walking away without a gl
ance back.” She sniffles, walking toward the old couch and sinking onto it. “I watched you, Tommy. I saw you with movie actresses, with models, with expensive cars, and standing in front of your fancy restaurants. I watched you live the life and love the fucking success you had. Meanwhile, we lost everything — Papa, money, Gio, my mother’s health. School was my only way out of this hell hole of an existence.” She covers her face with her hands and takes a deep breath. “Gio made a lot of enemies through his gambling. The family business crumbled because nobody trusted him and was willing to work with him after Papa died. He did freelance stuff because he was such a loose cannon and barely got work. He stole from us to pay his gambling debts because he went into such a fucking downward spiral, and now we have nothing. I can’t even finish my semester because I’m past due and have nothing in my bank account.” Her red-rimmed eyes stare up at me. “I was trying to make a better life for us, and even that has become damn impossible.”
I cross the room and kneel down in front of her, my head falling onto her knee. “Gemma, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
She shrugs. “Whatever doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger, right?”
“You don’t have to do this on your own anymore. I can help you. Just give this a chance. Give us a chance.” I squeeze my hands over hers, bringing them to my lips. “Can you do that? I want this, Gem, and I won’t walk away unless you make me. Do you understand?” I reach around her head, my fingers tangling in her hair as I draw her close. “You’re gonna have to make me leave. That’s the only way you can get rid of me this time. Do you want me to go?” I murmur against her mouth, placing soft kisses around the outline of her lips. “Because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. Nowhere.”
She tilts her head back, pulling me tight against her as her lips part. Our tongues tangle together, coiling with a heated frenzy I’ve never experienced. The second we connect, I feel a fire ignite deep in my gut, blasting through my insides. She lights me up in a way that is completely foreign to me, infusing me with a powerful energy that courses through me, putting every nerve ending on alert.
Taken: A Dark Italian Mafia Romance (Men of Mayhem Book 3) Page 16
