I sniff, trying hard to match his smile. “Yeah, that’s right.”
He cups my chin. “So, what’s the problem? Why the tears? You’re worried about Gio.” Tommy’s brows knit together as he peers at me. “Was that him on the phone just now? Is he okay? Just tell me where to find him, Gem. Let me help you, okay? Please.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t Gio on the phone. It w-was my mother.”
“Did something happen? Talk to me, babe. Why are you crying?” He puts the tray on the table and wraps his arms around me as I bawl into his rumpled shirt.
“I just miss the way things used to b-be,” I manage to whimper before a huge sob quakes my entire body. “Why did everything have to go bad? We didn’t deserve any of it!”
“I know, babe,” he murmurs, stroking the back of my head. “You got dealt a bad hand and I feel like shit for not being there for you guys.”
“Sometimes… sometimes I feel like we got stuck paying for Papa’s sins.” I pull away, wiping away the tears dotting my eyelashes. “Is that why all of this has happened? When will the debt be erased, Tommy? Because we’ve already lost so much.”
As painful as it is to hear those words come out of my mouth, it feels so good to finally speak them out loud. They’ve torn me apart for years, every time something bad happened to us, which was pretty often. Papa did a lot of unspeakable things to a lot of people when he was alive. Some deserved it, and I’m sure some didn’t. When he died, we spiraled into a hellish existence, and the plunge continues with every passing day.
When will it finally be over?
Or will it?
Will I keep getting sucked in further because of other people’s mistakes?
Case in point, Juan Salazar.
“Mama tries to be positive. She tries to be strong, and I don’t want to crumble in front of her. How can I tell her about school, how I might not be able to finish? And about Gio? I can’t put those kinds of burdens on her and make her feel even more powerless than she already does!”
“I told you, Gem—”
“I know,” I whisper, my hand grazing his arm. “I know you did. And I appreciate it. But these are my crosses to bear. Not yours. Not anyone’s. I need to figure out how to manage my own life. I just…” I swallow hard. “I keep getting derailed. And I really want to get back on track. I have to. I just want to stuff the past in a little box and bury it so deep underground that it never, ever, haunts me again. I just want to be happy, really and truly happy. Do you know I haven’t felt happy for two years?”
“That’s on me,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I let you down and I’m sorry.” He grabs my hands. “But I want to make up for it, all of it. I want you to have exactly what you want and what you need, Gemma.” He brings his lips to mine and grazes them gently. “Il gioiello,” he whispers with a wide smile. “I will make sure of it. But I also think I have the perfect temporary remedy for you.”
I giggle-cough. “Oh, you do? Hmm, I know how your mind works. You think you can just orgasm me to death?”
“I can, yeah. But I’m not going to. Yet. I’ve got another idea.” Tommy pulls me to my feet, grinning. “But don’t worry. The orgasming thing is coming. Hard.” He winks. “But later. In the meantime, let’s eat this food and then get dressed. We’ve got somewhere to be right now.”
The heaviness in my chest is ever-present, despite his dancing eyes and his mischievous smirk.
And it’s all because I’m a fucking liar.
I’m in the middle of a plot focused on Tommy’s complete and very public demise, a plot meant to ruin his life, and in an ironic twist, he’s the one single light in mine.
A light that cannot flicker out if I have anything to say about it.
I finally have a tiny glimpse at the happiness that’s evaded me for the past two years.
But how am I supposed to stop the destruction I know is coming?
How the hell can I save us all?
Half an hour later, Tommy and I are dressed and ready to face the day.
Well, at least he is.
I’m still panicked about the dreaded phone call I have yet to receive, but it’s his big day…in more ways than one, and I have to figure out how to keep it from blowing up.
Good God, I hope that’s not me being unintentionally literal.
I slip on my sneakers, grab my wallet, phone, and keys and stuff them all into my jacket pockets. I really have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. Back in the day, I’d have never carried a single item in my hands because they’d all be stuffed into some ridiculously over-priced handbag that I wore like it was a trophy of some kind.
Money and status.
I’m painfully reminded again of how much of a smoke screen it is, how it just masks the bullshit behind it all.
And besides, I had to sell that stuff off anyway, so pocket it is.
I pull my apartment door closed and stick the key in the lock to twist it when I hear another door open close by, and Tommy’s deep voice, smooth as silk, reverberates in the corridor.
I turn to see him smiling at my neighbor Agatha. And she’s just as captivated by his dimples as every other woman on Earth seems to be when they look at him.
I can’t blame her.
I’m right there with her.
Agatha looks at me with a sparkle in her eyes. “Gemma, this handsome young man was very intent on finding chocolate chips for your pancakes this morning. He obviously knows your weakness.”
It’s a nice touch that she limits it to just one.
I smile and give her a big hug. “How are you doing today, Agatha?”
She focuses her wide grin on Tommy. “Well, I’m already good with this view alone!” She chuckles and gives my arm a squeeze. “I like him,” she says. “We had a nice talk this morning and I told him he’d better be careful with my little gem, that she’s a very precious one who needs to be treated like a princess.”
My cheeks flush with heat and I let out a nervous giggle. “You’re always looking out for me,” I say to her with a grateful smile.
“Yeah, I told her she didn’t need to worry, that I’m not about to mess up my chance this time.” He snickers and snakes an arm around my waist. “And I promise I’ll replace those chips, Agatha. Okay? Tonight.” His eyes flicker back at me, holding a promise that I don’t yet know if he can fulfill. A shiver slides down my spine.
Fuck, I have to figure out a way to make it so.
“I’m holding you to that!” Agatha says in a sing-song voice. She gives me a quick hug, whispering loudly into my ear so that Tommy can hear. “Oh, he’s a keeper, sweetie. Hang on to him.”
“I will,” I reply saying a silent prayer that I’m not lying to my sweet friend.
A few minutes later after a very salacious and creaky elevator ride to the bottom floor of the building left my pulse rocketing out of control, we arrive in the lobby, which is a gross overstatement of what the space actually looks like.
It basically takes us a total of five steps to go from the elevator to the front door. I walk outside to see Tommy’s hot little sports car parked right in front and look at him with what I’m sure is an incredulous look.
“You just parked that here?”
He shrugs. “Why not? It’s just a car.”
“It’s more than just a car, Tommy. It’s an identity. Someone could have seen you pull up and go into the building.” My voice rises as panic bubbles in my chest. “I mean, they could have been watching you.”
“Who? The food blog haters?” He smirks and pulls open my door, letting me slide into the luxurious leather bucket seat before closing the door and running around to the driver’s side.
“No, other people,” I murmur, tugging at the ends of my still-damp hair. I didn’t get a chance to dry it completely before we left the apartment. “Like, I don’t know, that model you were with last night. Maybe she was stalking you.” It’s the best I could come up with, short of blurting out the truth about why he nee
ds to be more careful. And to be honest, I really don’t know the deal with him and the stick figure chick he showed up with at the restaurant.
I probably should have asked about that before sleeping with him.
Three times.
My bad.
He lets out a sigh. “I should have explained about that last night.”
“I should have asked,” I mutter, my focus on something else entirely as he presses his foot on the gas and speeds away from my dilapidated building.
“We dated for a little while. It was never serious,” he says, maneuvering the steering wheel to slide in front of a slow-moving car. “She was…” He pauses, pursing his lips. “I don’t know, a distraction, I guess. Just like the other ones,” he says absently, grabbing my hand and placing it on top of his as he shifts gears.
“Distractions?” I ask, forgetting for a split second who and what we are trying to escape…the who and what unbeknownst to Tommy. “From what?”
“From you, Gem. I needed to forget you. When I lost you, when you disappeared, I just…” He shrugs, down shifting at a red light. “I went down a path. Not a good one. I did a lot of things, Gem. Bad things because I was angry and needed an outlet. I really felt like I’d lost everything and hated myself for letting everything crumble. So I distracted myself with girls like her, with my cooking, with…” He lets out a deep sigh. “…other shit. Work shit. I made a lot of mistakes, dangerous ones, and it was only a matter of time before they caught up to me,” he mutters, more under his breath than to me. He jerks the steering wheel to the left and I cling to the sides of the seat as he speeds up to pass another car. “Bottom line, Gemma? I wanna make things right. I don’t plan to waste this chance with you, understand? I can fix the mistakes I’ve made, but I can’t lose you again.” He squeezes my hand, and I part my lips, the admission festering on the tip of my tongue.
A blaring sound makes me gasp, and Tommy stabs a button on the dashboard, barking out a sharp greeting.
It’s his phone, not yours, Gemma! Get it together!
A shaky breath deflates my shoulders as a deep male voice fills the car. “What the fuck, Tommy? We’re all here, getting your place together for tonight, and you’re…what? Balls deep in some bitch?”
Tommy snorts, and I swallow a laugh. If only whoever on the phone knew how very accurate that assessment was about an hour ago.
“Leave me alone, Ant. I’ll be there in a few minutes. I’m in the car now.”
“Uh-huh.” There’s a slight pause and then, “Your psycho swizzle stick model showed up here a little while ago looking for you. I think she was still drunk from last night, to be honest. Said she called you a hundred times. Kept talking about your blonde food blogger and how you must have been fucking her.”
“I shut off my ringer,” he grunts, swinging his car around a sharp corner.
“Yeah? Why, was she right?” Ant chuckles. “You fucking dog!”
“Just keep cleaning. I’ll see you soon.” He ends the call and snickers. “I’m sorry. He’s not really the most tactful guy on the planet.”
“Is your whole family really there?” I ask, my hand shooting up to my stringy hair. “I hardly look presentable. I figured we were going to be alone!”
He pulls in front of Il Gioiello and turns off the ignition before turning to stare at my panicked expression. “You’re more gorgeous right now than you’ve ever been. How do you not see that?”
Hmmm, maybe it’s because the darkness that’s consumed me for so long put a murky tint on everything in my vision, including my own reflection now that I’ve succumbed to it?
I shrug, forcing a tiny smile. “You’re not the only one who’s made bad choices. Kind of messes with what you see, you know?”
The smile fades from his face. “Yeah,” he croaks. “I do.” He reaches around the back of my head and brings me toward him, crushing his lips against mine. I happily float away into a sea of utter bliss until the kiss is broken. Can’t we just keep doing that? Do we really have to face our demons right now?
But it’s like he said before, only a matter of time before our choices catch up to us.
Why should it be any different for me?
“I want more of that later,” he says. “I’m just giving you a heads-up.”
“I’ll be more than happy to oblige,” I say in a shaky voice.
He gets out of the car and trots around the passenger side to let me out. I lace my fingers with his and he gives them a squeeze. “It’s gonna be fine, I promise.”
I repeat those words to myself over and over until we get inside the restaurant.
And good God, there was no preparation for how not fine everything was going to be, despite his promise.
Chapter Seventeen
Tommaso
“Surprise!”
My entire family — brothers, sister, in-laws, niece, nephews — screams at the top of their lungs as we enter the restaurant. Gemma freezes on the spot, but I drag her forward to meet everyone.
This day started out fucking amazing, and it’s only gotten better.
The opening is gonna be epic.
My sister Gianna rushes toward me, flinging her arms around me. “Congrats, T. I’m so proud of you! Mama would love this place,” she adds in a whisper.
I squeeze her tight. “Thanks. I really hope she would.”
Gianna flashes a bright smile at Gemma and then another at me. “And this is…?”
“Gemma Cassarella,” Vince says, walking toward us from the back of the crowd, a tight smile on his face.
Gianna looks between us, a confused expression on her face. “Wait, Cassarella? As in—?”
“As in Freddie,” Vince says, walking toward us from his spot in the back of the crowd. His eyes narrow at me before settling on Gemma’s. “As in the Rojas Cartel’s unfortunate target.” His words are laced with disdain, his glare rooting Gemma to the spot.
I grit my teeth, sneaking a look at Gemma’s face. All of the color has drained from her cheeks, but there’s still fire in her eyes.
That’s my girl.
Fucking Vince.
Always a boss.
And always a goddamn ass.
I glare at my brother as he approaches, my fists balled at my sides, ready to strike. But my brother-in-law Alek senses exactly what I’m about to do and steps in front of Vince. Because Alek is almost seven feet tall and a wall of muscle, Vince has no choice but to stop dead in his tracks.
Alek sticks his hand out, and Gemma stares at it for a second before shaking it. “You must need your head examined if you’re hanging out with this guy, but I won’t hold that against you.”
Gianna giggles and swats at her husband. She puts an arm around Gemma’s shoulders and leads her toward the main dining room and the celebration. “Come on, everyone! We don’t have a lot of time to party! We need to get everything ready for tonight! The staff will be here in a few hours.”
Despite my anger, I smile as I catch a glimpse of Ava, Aleksandr, and Joseph, my niece and nephews, dancing around with cups of orange juice. Tiny strands of lights hang over the party table and there’s a cake in the middle of it.
How dare they get a fucking cake for me? Of all things to surprise me with, for fuck’s sake!
Cake is my thing, dammit!
I quirk an eyebrow at Gianna who’s standing next to it and she blows me a kiss as she leads Gemma toward the party table. The color has returned to her cheeks, and Gianna whispers something that makes her smile. A relieved breath loosens my chest and I turn back to my brother.
“That was a real dick move, Vince,” I hiss. “Did you really need to do that?”
His face twists into a grimace, and he shoves me and Alek into the coat closet, shutting the door behind him. “I fucking told you just the other day that Gio is out of the clink and that you need to watch your back. Is this a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer, Tommy? Or something else? Because we have enough bullshit to deal with right now
with the fucking Guerra Cartel. Juan is coming, or have you forgotten?”
I push against him, rage coursing through me. “Goddammit, Vince! You think I don’t know what the hell is happening? I asked for it, okay? Me! And I’m gonna handle it!”
“How are you going to do that?” he seethes. “You think you can take on the cartel single-handedly? You think you can reason with those motherfuckers? And Gio is just another thorn on the dick that Juan is gonna ass-ram you with! Picking up with Gemma isn’t going to make him easier to deal with. And how do you even know that she isn’t working with Gio — or Juan — to take you down?”
I sigh, raking a hand through my hair. “Look, she showed up here last night at the event. I didn’t know it was her, she made up some excuse about being a writer and doing a story. She didn’t tell me who she was, I just knew. And because I didn’t understand why she came, I went after her.”
“And fucked her, right?” Vince says with an exasperated sigh.
“Look, she’s had a really bad time since her dad was popped. Gio lost all their money, got himself locked up. Her mother’s got medical shit to deal with and she’s been living with her sister, Tia Alfani, in Marsala since everything went down. Everything’s gone to hell. Gio isn’t a threat. He got out and went straight back to his gambling. He’s probably getting his ass beaten by loan sharks as we speak because he can’t pay his debts.”
“So why’d she come?” Vince says in a terse voice. “Why, after all this time?”
“Look, don’t be such a dick. She’s all alone, okay? Her life is shit and she’s living in fucking hell. She just needed someone to talk to.”
“And you believe that shit?” Vince says through clenched teeth. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Alek raises a hand to Vince. “Relax, Vince. You’re gonna shit out a diamond if you don’t calm the fuck down.” He looks down at me because I’m about three heads shorter than him. “You believe what she told you?” he asks. “Because the Guerra Cartel—”
Taken: A Dark Italian Mafia Romance (Men of Mayhem Book 3) Page 18
